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User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
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Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, April 5th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just discovered the skank's blog. Same as in the emails, there are references to me. (No names used, but clearly info she got from my WH)

I told my WH there was never any reason to mention me but, since he did, now I have to live with his slut's "sharing" it via her slimy blog.

In a perverse way, it actually helps as he's seeing that her actions are hurting me even more. For the first time, HE called her a whore.

It also confirmed how the A ended with a text and that he was telling the truth about not seeing her in months.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 944 | Registered: Mar 2012
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Member # 34814
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I *might* belong to this club. WH has had many inappropriate sexual encounters with women online. His most recent one (from the 9/21/11 D-Day) manifested into them meeting and having a PA. It didn't happen again because I busted him.

Me (BW)- 32
WH- 33
Married 13 years, have 3 children together.

D-Day 9/21/11

Posts: 64 | Registered: Feb 2012
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Member # 34814
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and if you look at my profile, you'll see that he's contacted other women since then...

Me (BW)- 32
WH- 33
Married 13 years, have 3 children together.

D-Day 9/21/11

Posts: 64 | Registered: Feb 2012
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Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, April 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry heavyhearted. (((HUGS)))

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 944 | Registered: Mar 2012
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Member # 35259
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunatley I'm definitely a member of this club.
My FWH's infidelity was online...never did anything physically that I found out about. He was on, AFF, and a few other websites though.

He was chatting with real women in our area, sending e-mails, initiating the e-mails you name it....all the while ignoring me sexually. I kid you not, we literally only had sex 3 times in 2 years....and it wasn't because I wasn't trying. He turned ME down all the time.

This is so close to my story. Most of my husband's infidelity was online and via the phone (texting, sexting, online chats, tons and tons of porn, etc.) with the exception of strip clubs. We also had sex infrequently and he would turn ME down. When I found out how much he was doing porn online and watching on DVDs on our couch it made me sick! How can you turn down a real, live woman who wants you for that crap?!!

Posts: 242 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Virginia
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Member # 35216
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, April 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, originally all I knew about was the A with a live person the met on FB (we met her as a couple at a party, she friended him - GRR)...they started chatting in April, then started seeing each other in Sept, etc...

But, in the last few weeks, I found old CC records where he was a member to two different singles dating sites, and did a bunch of that live web cam porn stuff (he really likes porn - we both do actually)...

I have never been on those sites so I didn't know what they were about...he would pay 3 or 4 times a month $50 a time on the singles was most months, so I figured he didn't find anyone in particular, why pay if you could chat for free...but I don't know...

I asked him about it, he said that was a long time ago (like 2006 to 2010), and all he did was talk...'it was JUST talk' - ugh...I'm still sorting out my feelings about that one, he didn't tell me any details.

I did ask him to bring me to the webcam site though...again...I'm focusing mostly on the A with the live woman right now, but maybe if you all know what he could be paying for on those singles sites, I'd love to know....I mean I thought you'd have a monthly subscription...what would you pay for when you go on? Maybe I should join to find out...

Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R

Posts: 400 | Registered: Apr 2012
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Member # 35124
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, April 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He contacted his old gf through fb & so it began.

He has porn addictions & probably SA, diagnosed as bipolar several years ago but refused the diagnosis & treatment - it's everyone else that's sick.

He & the ow have given up their families and are planning on being together.

I never knew my life could be crazy by association.

Me: 46 BS
Him: 43 WS
Married 16 years, together 18
3 kids, 12, 9, 7
Not really a surprise, why does it still hurt?

Posts: 113 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: USA
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Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, April 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((still hurt)))
Things you could be paying for on online sites...webcams, videos, access to escorts profiles for pictures/videos & to contact them. Sent you a PM.

Me-BS 51
M 30 yrs
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.

Posts: 577 | Registered: Oct 2011
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Member # 34954
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some humour for you all that still has me laughing!! What ridiculous things has your partner said to people online?

My H trawled dating sites for far longer than I ever realised. Well when it all came out I read through the messages he had exchanged. The funniest parts were:

Him writing to a girl about how much he loved yoga because it was in her profile.

(He has never and probably will never go anywhere near a yoga studio)

And the best one: trying to woo girls by telling them he loved giving head!!

(His first language isn't English. Despite the pain I couldn't help but crack up at this one, I can't imagine a woman is much interested in hearing how good the guy is at giving BJs! haha)

me-BS 28
him-fWS 38
Together: 8 years Married: 4 years
D Day 1: June 2007 First A
D Day 2: July 2011 LTA of 2 years
In R and it seems to be working

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
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Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, May 24th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG Nightfall!! That is too funny!!

Speaking of funny stuff, there's an uproar on Adult Friend Finder. If you don't already know, anything/everything the idiot members post is farmed out to multiple sites.

What's causing this outrage is the newest site "Fuck a Slut."

How DARE they post the profiles/blogs of these fine, upstanding people on such a site!!

I think we need to start a petition.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 944 | Registered: Mar 2012
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Member # 35735
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 4th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK Im definitely in the club. My wife commenced Personal Training at a gym, individual classes and boot camp classes with this PT and eventually started smsing each other regularly.

I had issues with this guy and she knew it. Eventually i asked her to stop the PT lessons but she maintained the boot camp classes and excircised in the gym regularly. I was told that because this was her thing that i wasn't to train when she trained because she felt watched which made her feel uneasy. I accepted that.

Being small breasted she asked me if she could get an enlargement. It didn't bother me but i could see it bothered her so she did. My mistake. a few months later I went to the city to participate in a football game for a week and 2 weeks after i got back found that she had been texting this guy a hundred times in the past month. She sent him texts from the hospital bed when she was getting her boobs done. I drove her 2 hours to the hospital and picked her up the next day.

I approached her, she denied it, i showed her the proof, she drove off. I contacted this jerk and told him never to text her again which he agreed and then over the next few days i found that there had been hundreds (700) texts from her phone to him. I packed her bags gave her some cash and sent her away.

Reading the phone account i found there were 20 photos sent to him while i was away between 8pm and 12pm. I couldn't believe it. She wasn't sending nude pics was she? yep sure was and he was sending back. It started by showing him her new 'puppies' and escalated. I hit the roof and drove to her temp place looking for answers.

after a few months i asked her to come home and we would sort it out together. Then I found on the account there were MMS, thats video. She wouldn't discuss it but the proof was there. nude pics and vids. What were the vids of? It just got worse. She was using toys in the videos and sending them. disgusting. I found this out a year later.

We are still together but I'm struggling to deal with this. Im the one that apparently needs the counselling because I'm so angry all the time and every time i bring up the subject i am yelled down. Its her defence mechanism. Married 19.5 years 3 kids 2 dogs together for 26 years. Its my whole life and now i just feel completely lost for the first time in my life. What do i do.

She has stopped contact with this guy from d day, he was more concerned about losing his job than her and that cut her I'm sure. He is 18 years younger than me and 12 years younger than my wife. He is separated with a 12 yo and visiting rights. I went after this **** and took him outside the gym. I thought i was going to kill him but we talked and he answered my questions. I haven't finished with him yet because at the time i didn't know about the pics and vids. He sent the same amount, flogging himself. Lovely isn't it.

Its so unlike her but she did it, not once but three nights in a row. I did some forensic on her phone and retrieved some deleted msgs but couldn't get the pics or vids. This DDay was just after Fathers Day 2010. Im still so pissed and need to decide on whether to stay for the sake of the family or go. Every time i go to the bathroom i see her taking photos of herself in the mirror and i know what happened in the bedroom and others rooms. She text him from the car from her work from the lounge, from my daughters dance classes. Nowhere was sacred. I need to move out of this place regardless. or the phone rings i wonder who it is. She is limited where she can go and needs to tell me where and when she will be home. She feels obliged to tell me. I don't always ask. I have called her all the names that fit and she wonders why. Ive taken her on a few hols since bought gifts and had regular sex which has improved since before the affair but its not the same. Its sex now not love. I don't know why but i just need to know all the details of what they did, but when i get the details i wished i never knew.

I m so f****n confused. Im 49 she is 44 he is 32 now. Thanks for listening, Im sorry I'm in your club now i didn't really want to join. Do you tell her she can't have an iPhone now and treat her like one of the kids? its disgusting behaviour and makes me feel sick

[This message edited by feelingempty at 8:33 AM, June 4th (Monday)]

Posts: 25 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Member # 35733
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, June 11th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just another joining in. I am so sorry to all of you.

What's interesting for me is that during our "talk" following my confrontation with him he admitted making the profile and viewing OWs profiles and paying to be a member. But then he says "Be mad at me for what I did, not for what I didn't do" meaning, he hasn't confessed to a PA, so although he admits what he's done is wrong, it is somehow less of a betrayal than a PA. I call BS!

What do other WS's say about this. Do they think it is less of a betrayal because "it wasn't physical"?

What do you guys and gals think.

Welcome to the desert....of the real ~ Morphius

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Member # 35728
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, June 18th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just posted an epically long post in JFO about my beginning on this journey that none of us wanted or expected to ever be on.

Short version, after months of VERY suspicious new behavior on the computer by WH (hiding screens, bailing out of programs when I walk by, typing endlessly), on Saturday I finally got the first piece of hard evidence of his online activity. He is “chatting” with online paid Internet Sex Sluts (my term, I abbreviated to ISS, thought PISS was just too weird). These are sex chat forums and the ISSs are from another country (based on their email addresses).

I forced an admission out of him several months ago and he very reluctantly gave up the minimum amount of TT (with a huge heaping of minimalizing) - of course it was all very innocent – he was just chatting, he never went “private” so there was nothing sexual about it, they think he is a wonderful man, he talks to them about their families (and gives them EVERY stinking detail about ours!) and on and on. He said he wouldn’t be upset if I were engaged in this type of behavior. Yeah, right.

So now I have to go into super detective mode somehow. I want to see the chats, I want to know how much money has been spent on his “visits,” how long has it really been going on. I need to hear how deeply emotionally invested he is with his “friends.”

I have been married to this man for over 30 years and he is suddenly a stranger that has the scary ability to lie to my face. This man who has always abhorred cheaters, is behaving in a way that has devastated me to the core. He closes his eyes and thinks of ISS-2 when he is sad, he misses his favorite ISS and he tells her how disappointed he is in me that I didn’t give him a special enough Father’s Day. This from just the two emails I quickly saw. Oh my God, I can only imagine how much worse it is going to be if I can find more.

On top of this, I found and app on his phone to locate hotels – that has a mode to search in private. Of course, he doesn’t know how the app got on his phone.

I will be honest and admit that until I know all the facts, it’s easy for me to almost think this isn’t really happening. I have never joined a forum before, never posted on the internet. It took me hours to come up with a username for this site. After I posted my story this afternoon, my hands shook worse than when I found the two emails. It made it real, it made it so that I have to continue forward, it made it so that I will have to make decisions about what I find.

It is real. My H is a WH. I have been a loyal, trusting, caring, giving wife and mother for over 30 years. I am a BS.

Oh my God! What am I going to do?

BW (me) – WH (him) mid-50s Married 33 yrs

DD 6/2012 –WH has been paying $$$ for online video sex chats and calls his favorite “my girlfriend.”

"Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith" Margaret Shepard

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My stbx first admitted that they were affairs after I pointed it out to him that if he couldn't do it in front of me then it was cheating. I found out about his cyber whores because of how he was treating me like crap, what I didn't know was that it took place 4 years prior. I was trying to figure out why he was being so nasty to me when I looked at one of his many email accounts and there in the sent folder were his messages to 3 online whores and pictures that he sent to them. I opened the pics and threw up. I discovered my husband was bisexual, a crossdresser and was telling one whore how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. He was doing all this while I was away traveling for work and then being the loving husband when I was home on weekends.

I always wondered why he turned me down for sex, never wanted sex and never approached me for sex. I guess when you are jacking off so often there is nothing left for the wife.

When I left him he changed his mind about them being affairs since he never got physical. But he also refused to look at the evidence I found of him on numerous websites searching for men and women in our area who were into cross dressing. One of the most horrible things to see is the man you love and trust with all your heart, your husband, dressed in your night gown, underwear and nylons. Some of the messages I read on the websites were so gross that I honestly don't know how I could stand to read them. They are burned into my mind.

I believe that an cyber cheating needs to be considered cheating by the courts because it is still a betrayal of the marriage vows "forsaking all others". I do not think you have to screw someone else to be cheating. Showing your body to someone other than your spouse or a doctor is cheating.

We are fighting in court to prove that he was physical with someone during our marriage as I never cheated but have an incurable STD and got it in the past 4 years. It could only have come from him. His atty is trying to say since his whores are not in this country then it wasn't an affair. That just pisses me off because you do not tell another woman you love her and want to be with her if you are not cheating on your wife. Would any spouse say that to someone in front of the other spouse? NO. Cyber cheating is still CHEATING. The pain is the same, the betrayal is the same and the devastation of the marriage is the same.

DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
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Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely agree! I have been struggling with not letting MYSELF do the minimizing. But the email I saw today forces me to admit, my WH is actively engaged in an AFFAIR!

The way he wrote to her, the words he used, I have to accept that he believes himself to love her. Even if he didn't, even if he was just "fond" of her or they were best-buds, he let her into his life in a way that only I, as his wife, belong.

I don't know if anyone else has encountered this. I started a thread in JFO, "WH admits he has problems with fantasy vs. reality." WH actually told ISS-1 that he thinks of her as a real person in his real life. WH is completely delusional. He has created this total alternate reality with her online. I just don't know how much of the "real" time WH is actual in alternate reality with her. Did WH go on vacation with me, or pretend it was her? Did WH buy Christmas presents for me, or was he pretending they were for her. And the real kicker we all deal with - who is WH making love to in this reality?

What do I do with that?

I am installing a key logger that I hope that weird website/porn gateway won't be able to detect. I'm afraid it has some kind of built in detection that will spot the KL. I don't want WH to confront me - I want my facts and evidence, ducks in a row, etc. before I turn HIS world upside down.

BW (me) – WH (him) mid-50s Married 33 yrs

DD 6/2012 –WH has been paying $$$ for online video sex chats and calls his favorite “my girlfriend.”

"Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith" Margaret Shepard

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only a partial member of this club.

WW began with cyber sex and continued it during her 3 year LTA. This was mostly because OM was a snow bird traveling from WI to FLA. Their only meetings in that time were when he would go back and forth in May or September. Lucky me I guess.

Here's the funny (or not so) part. I distinctly remember WW telling me on d-day that "It was mostly just cyber sex!" Like that was OK in her warped mind and that CS isn't cheating at all, just harmless fun between two idiots!!

BTW, just a side note, but why are there so many cheaters from the state of WI? Must be the shitty weather or something.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 9:02 PM, June 20th (Wednesday)]

Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
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Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I'm also a member of this club. Lucky me! My question is, can a WS have an online affair that involves emails, instant messages & phone calls that last for 4 years with at least one particular skank not mean anything at all to them?

That is what my WH is trying to get me to believe. He says it was all total fantasy but I just think that if you carry on for that long with the same person that there has to be feelings for that person.

He was also communicating with others at this time but this one I'm the most pissed about. I found you out, be a man and own up to the whole truth.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well i'm a member of this club too. Maybe i should move in. My F doesnt know how to use a computer very well but stil managed to find chat rooms on his phone. Once in the room he got different womens numbers and texted them off a different phone that he went out and brought. Spent hundreds of dollars texting and pxting them pictures of his private parts to these women when he could have just done that to me. Last D-Day was 13 months ago but i'm still struggling with it. Finding the phone and all these pictures from other women. When confronted i was told he was lonely, depressed. Wanted a friend and felt he had to send those pictures so they would keep texting him. He never met up with any of them (Thats what he's said) I know its not the same as a PA but it still hurts the same doesnt it?

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: New Zealand
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Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Yes, it hurts. I told my H once that I think I'd prefer he had a ONS with someone and never talk to them again and never let them think he cared than the online stuff where the OW was able to delude herself that she was important to him. Hugs to you!

excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 862 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do they delude themselves into believing that what they are doing is just "a game"? How can these not be affairs when you are showing the goods to another man/woman or both? How do they justify not having sex with their spouse but they can jack off 4 times a day to an online whore? Do they really believe that these skanks love them? You are paying them asshat so of course they say sweet loving things to you. Hell I would say sweet loving things to you too if you were taking care of my emotional and sexual needs. I can count on two hands the number of times we had sex in 14 years of marriage.

I got so sick of dressing up in sexy outfits or even just a towel only to be turned down. I wanted to have sex with my husband weekly and I was lucky to get it once every few years. I just do not understand how they can profess love for something they have to pay to watch them masterbate. How can they justify it and say it wasn't an affair?

I know that if I did the same things as stbx he would dump in a New York second. There would be no chance of reconciliation like I offered him. There would be no forgivness or understanding, I would be a whore and he would dump me. Why then is it ok for them to cheat on us and expect us to "get over it"? It just ticks me off how they minimize this crap and try to make you think you are crazy. I hate what this has done to me.

DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
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