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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
endlessconfusion
♀ New Member
Member # 37662
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine insists he has never cheated because (he claims he never physically met any of them)(i'll never really know he if did). I found him on so so so many sites..ihookup, okcupid, badoo, xxxdating, zoosk, plentyoffish, the best had to be faithfuldating.com HA! can you imagine faithfuldating he forgot to be faithful in his marriage so he figured he'd give faithfuldating a shot. The convos were extremely sexual. there were naked pics of hiself posted. He must have connected with a few because the internet led to telephone calls. It just went on and on and on.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: newyork
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First OW was online but he went to uni with her

Main OW was online, went to uni and then in 'real life'

Attempted 3rd OW online

F*** I hate Facebook!!!!!!!!!


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
galaxyhunter
♀ New Member
Member # 36939
Helpless  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe he loves her. The affair lasted 18 months and I started reading the emails and chat conversations they shared over the weekend.

She knows more about my WS secrets and fears than I do. He has shared things with her he's never shared with me.

I know *it's the fog* but it's more than the fog. Even now when he's home at night I can tell he's thinking about her. He's not mentally home with me. He's somewhere else, where ever she is, is where he wants to be.

We have achieved NC, but I don't think it matters. I don't think his heart is mine anymore.

I think he is staying to do *the right thing* but not for love.

I deserve love.


BS-Me-31
WS-Him-31
D-day 4-2012
R-not even close


Posts: 22 | Registered: Sep 2012
coffeeandredbull
♀ New Member
Member # 37671
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm pretty sure I belong in this group, but my situation is not as cut and dried as others.

My exH had MANY online EAs. I'm not clear if the PAs started online or not.

My WH has "only" been looking at escort websites. Local escorts, btw. I've only seen the internet history so far, but I found 13 individual websites and 2 sites where they all advertise. His computer is only a few months old and I wish the old one hadn't died or I'd be all over that.

WH is refusing to say another beyond his story that he felt his libido was low so he was hoping to jump start it FOR ME by looking at pictures of other women. Makes total sense to me.

FWIW, I have no issue with him looking at porn. If our sex life is healthy and he wants his own "alone" time, I'm fine with that. I have an issue with him putting porn in place of our relationship and looking at local escorts as well.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Dec 2012
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, January 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughters dad dabbled in online cheating (dating sites, craigslist, etc...) before switching to physical cheating.

My current boyfriend of almost two years exclusively cheated online via dating websites (eharmony specifically, maybe some others but I'm unsure) and craigslist. In some ways, I almost prefer a physical affair. At least my ex fiancÚ was throwing our relationship and blatantly disregarding my feelings for actual sex. My current boyfriend lied, snuck around, and disrespected me for what? Masturbation to some fat chicks and fake boobs from old women that he forgot the next morning and never spoke to again. Nice!

He said that he thought of it like interactive porn. I looked through his emails, and he had been doing it for years and years before we ever met. He clearly did it for an ego boost- nothing boosts your ego like sending someone pictures of your dick and having them ooh and aah over how much they want it, right? I think he saw it as harmless, at least the first time. Then the second time, resorted to bad habits when we were in a rough spot and he needed a self esteem boost.

It's sad, really. This is a really sucky club to be a part of.

I know it was years ago, but those of you WS who posted here and answered questions- thank you! It's helpful to hear your perspectives.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2013
WaywardIdiot
♀ New Member
Member # 38231
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't realize this was for BSs only. My bad.

[This message edited by WaywardIdiot at 2:22 PM, January 25th (Friday)]


Me: WW, 26
Him: BH, 32
DDay: 1/17/13

"It's hard to hold the hand of anyone/ who is reaching for the sky just to surrender"

"Oh the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone."


Posts: 21 | Registered: Jan 2013
heartbrokennlost
♀ Member
Member # 37500
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I'd post here, hoping to get this thread active again. I know there are a lot of us dealing with this type of cheating.

My WS as far as I know had done all his cheating online via dating sites and craiglist ads. I have no proof of physical contact, he keeps denying it. I'm not sure whether to believe him or not. I've begged for the truth, over and over again. Everything I have found on my own, he has only admitted to after being backed into a corner. He has lied to my face into my eyes so many times.

As I said in the Just Found Out Forum, this type of cheating has it's own agony. Everytime I see him on his smartphone or computer, I get sick to my stomach. He says he's stopped, but won't be transparent enough for me, which tells me otherwise that he has stopped.

He just doesn't get it. I have been more understanding than anyone I know. He just admitted that no other woman would put up with the shit he has pulled. At this point, I just want the full truth, no matter how painful, this tt is killing me. I'm reliving day one over and over.

I just got him to admit he's a sex addict, but I'm not sure if he did that just to humor me or not and if he actually believes it. He refuses treatment, says he's not doing stuff anymore, that he can control it. I told him that's white knuckling and it's only a matter of time before he relapses. He says the thing that changed him is the birth of our son last May, he broke down in tears saying he never knew he could love him so much. Ok, great, but what about me, wasn't his love for me enough? I get it, and I told him that he loves his addiction more than me and his son because he's not doing whatever it takes to be transparent and to get help. I'm so frustrated!


Me-44
FWS-41
Son-18mnths
Son-18yrs
Son-22yrs
Son-18
Son-22
Son-17
Son-21

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: heartbrokennlost
PointMan
♂ Member
Member # 38577
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW was going to AdultFriendFinder.com to find someone for a discreet sexual relationship. Well she found what she was looking for very easily. How many realtionships has websites like this ruined? I have been wondering what can be done to get these sites shut down.


DDay: 1/16/13
ME: 49
WW: 43
2 boys: 9 and 13
Trying to R.
Married 15 years.
"keeping the faith"

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: NE
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most of WH's cheating was online. He tried to do it in RL (hired a prostitute) but he claims he backed out. Who knows what's true.
But the OW was in his life online for over 5 years. He was hoping it would also move to RL.


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 456 | Registered: Mar 2013
littlehopeleft
♀ New Member
Member # 38697
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the list of club members. I freaking despise craigslist and email and yahoo and every dating site out there, plus the apps that make it so easy. I have found them all. I don't think there is a dating site out there that my husband has not been on sadly.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
heartbrokennlost
♀ Member
Member # 37500
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I was thinking the same thing. These sites should be shut down. Not realistic though. I was also thinking they need to do a news story on these websites and how they bombard you with temptation. I know ultimately its up to the man but its still sickening I've seen all the apps to that make it even easier for them to cheat, hiding calls and text messages. Also apps to hide apps. Then there's text messaging apps that let them privately text without going on the phone bill. When is it ever going to stop. I wish I lived in a different time like the 1950's. I know things went on then but not like this!


Me-44
FWS-41
Son-18mnths
Son-18yrs
Son-22yrs
Son-18
Son-22
Son-17
Son-21

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: heartbrokennlost
Stace0421
♀ New Member
Member # 37256
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its happening again. not sure if he goes through "spurts" of doing it & not or if hes never stopped (i get tired of checking so i dont always do it). This time is fb & texting. No proof its been physical but hell anything is possible after all this..We had a great night togetherlast night & he actually asked if im sure i love him & whether id ever cheated lololll. I guess my question is what do i do now? 180 while i sort it all out in my head? What about obligations i have for family stuff (im picking up his son fri to stay w us forvsp break

Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Frustrated  Posted: 10:39 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm relatively new to this site & have some questions it looks like could get answered here. I've been reading the posts about the spyware that some are using but can't figure out the abbreviations. What is EQ/EQ2? My WH erased the brower history on DD so can't get info there. What are some other ways to try to find out what the cheaters have done online? In my case, texting was done through a gmail account which he alson deleted on DD. Looks like there is a lot of experience out there & I would appreciate any suggestions to help me on my truth finding mission. I'm not real computer savvy but can get around ok if it's spelled out for me! Thanks in advance!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
GrossedOut
♀ New Member
Member # 36937
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had a sit-down with Dick and he won't give up any information. He's incensed that I'm "making assumptions" but if he won't acknowledge anything, won't answer questions, and just calls me a bitch, all I can do is roll with the info I find online. (His postings on www.cruisingforsex.com, www.justusboys.com, Craigslist personals, fetish sites, etc.)

He actually just said to me that he didn't want to talk about it and that he "shouldn't have to pull the scab off." Yeah, because he's SUCH a victim!

He also said this:

"Unless Tab A goes into Slot B, it isn't screwing around."

What a prince, huh?


D-Day: September 5, 2012
Me: BW - 44
Him: WH - 44
Children: all girls -- 9th grade, 10th grade, 12th grade
History: Together 21 years, married 19 years
Status: I'm wavering on divorce. Dick is committed to counseling.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Florida
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was on AFF. Exchanged sex videos and pics with dozens of local women. I can't go in public - the store, traffic, even work - without looking at every woman and wondering if my husband watched her personal porn. I feel humiliated and isolated because I can't even tell anyone - I would never embarrass my kids like that. How do I stop seeing every other woman that way?


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: A state of overwhelmed
sparklingwater
♀ Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazing how many similarities I see in other peoples stories to my own.

Ex-partner was on Craigslist, go dogging and multiple other sites advertising for sex and watching sex cams as well as chatting to people. Claims he never physically met anyone, but it was his "online personality". It was lovely to discover the ads he had put out there with the accompanying pictures of his penis He confessed he has a long history of this behavior.

We had been living together for a few years, and we're not married, although he had hinted at it. Thank goodness we're not married as it would have made it harder to kick his arse out of my house. I'm not willing to spend the rest of my life checking up on him. We have now separated and i've encouraged him to get some help for both his sex and alcohol addictions.


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
AllOfTheLights
♀ New Member
Member # 39182
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate :(

FWBF shared multiple inboxes with an ex and made plans to visit her.

It ended with me finding these inboxes-go off at her then blocking her then giving him an ultimatum. This was April last year and everything was going good until recently. I was triggered when he got a smart phone and I freaked.

I hate FB!


Me: BS-33
Him: FWBF-32
Together since October 2011.
D-Day: 12th April 2012.
Miscarriage: 9th September 2013.
Still together, no longer trying for a baby. WTF am I doing with my life?!


Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2013
sladkaya
♀ New Member
Member # 39232
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am happy to see that i am not alone in the world!

I am so very sick and tired of porn. Thank you BeyondBreaking-
This is a really sucky club to be a part of
.

Couple of my big feelings/thots i am dealing with right now is: HE DOESN'T THINK HIS PORN CRAP IS WRONG...or so he says. At least he doesn't want to admit it is wrong. Then why does he hide it? Only cuz he knows I don't approve? He says that he wouldn't care if i watched porn SO... thots and feelings number 2=

Sometimes I hurt so badly, get so angry, feel so slighted that I wish I had the guts to do exactly as my guy does!!!! I wish I had the guts to hurt him like he has hurt me and still does! He says he would never "do" a real person so no harm done but it still hurts and disgusts me!

Again, I read all of your posts and I am relieved to know that I am not the only one that views online sex as wrong, wrong, wrong. He has told me time and again that it means and is nothing. So then I start thinking that I am just being paranoid and too judgemental and touchy.

I am torn on the spying and monitoring of online activity. I am tempted to monitor, I do watch some of history BUT...I know that I am just torturing myself and making myself more miserable by doing so. Why do I have to prove to myself what I already know? I just make myself more angry, sad, nervous, uptight, depressed, frustrated etc....

Anyway...just some current thots and feelings...



Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: california
circleoflife
♀ New Member
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me on this one. SO went to shagaholic "for fun" he says. however, I reviewed his profile and he was looking for someone in "our town"--so how is that just for fun? he was emailing some woman at lengths discussing our sex life. He said so he can "please" me more. He said he thought I wasn't happy with our sex life. Never in 16 years did that ever come out of my mouth. More of his lies! Then after D-day he actually went and met her. He said they met at public place so they could discuss things to buy for me. How f-ing thoughtful of them!!!

[This message edited by circleoflife at 4:57 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]


Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
motwobb1
♀ New Member
Member # 38903
Helpless  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was new to this site in the spring and just found this post. Unfortunately this is where I belong most. Back in 2010 I found out H was on online dating site. At the time I was pregnant with our first child. He swore he was done and would never hurt me again. Ever since I randomly check his e-mails/facebook etc for anything. And the brick hits. I found out he was online chatting while he was away for 16 weeks in another state on a ton of different dating sites. I have gone and tried to find out more on the sites but haven't been too lucky.I confronted him and my world will never be the same. For three weeks we were talking and trying to figure stuff out. During those weeks I found this site and I am SOOOO thankful for that. One of the members advised that I put a keylogger program on his computer. HE WAS STILL F'ING DOING IT! My heart shattered and I was completely loss. He has given me his computer and swears he is done with the sites. We are trying to R but I don't know if I can do it. We have 2 young children (2.5 and 7 months) and I can't bare to shatter their worlds too.

I guess my question for everyone here is have you ever gained the trust back? Were you able to R? How do you compete with all the people out there that have no problem putting themselves out on the internet for anyone to use? I'm still lost and not sure what to do...


Posts: 22 | Registered: Apr 2013
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