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User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
Heartbroken2013
♀ Member
Member # 39722
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,
Ive just joined this site as i have found out my husband had an online affair with another woman. I found out last November and am STILL trying to come to terms with what has happened.
If i start at the very begining of our relationship, it maybe easier to understand. We met online 13 years ago, been married for 7 years and as far as i was aware, we were happy.

He was born with a condition called Bladder Extrophy, it has left him unable to have penatrative sex with anyone. He is able to ejaculate so we have our own way of touching each other etc. I am the only woman he has trusted with his body and he had never had a girlfriend for longer than 4 weeks due to the fact he would have had to tell them about his condition.

We got married and had 4 cycles of IVF treatment as we longed for a child - i became pregnant but sadly at 8 weeks i lost our baby. We then went donw the route of adoption, and were in the process of being matched with a child when i found out about his online affair.

I call it an affair because thats what everyone on here calls it. My husband used to go onto a chat room, and have cybersex with different women. He had a secret yahoo account and used to email women from that, when i found out, he deleated everything off these accounts bit i found sent messages that he had forgotten to delete. There was nothing weird about the messages, the usual hiya, great chatting to u last night, do u have a yahoo account i can add u to, here is mine etc .. there was one woman in particular who he added to his yahoo chat (there was only this one woman on his friends list) and she used to go on her webcam and touch herself while he watched! I KNOW that he didnt go on his webcam, 1: it wasnt working and 2: he would NEVER show his body to someone else. I beleive that he didnt show himself to her. He did send her a picture of himself (a normal one) and he showed me the one he used. Again i beleive him. But this is beside the point. The fact of the matter is, he did this with this woman, who was also married. He would log on to talk to her, and the chat would get flirty, and she would eventually strip naked and touch herself! When i found out he came up with the usual excuses, i dont know what its like to be with another woman - im stressed at work, bla bla ... but the one that really got to me was ... that he wanted to know what it was like to be able to have penatrative sex with someone!!! he said that with the cybersex, he could be who he wanted to be, he could do what he wanted to do. he felt he couldnt do those things with me because in reality he physically couldnt. I DO understand that need ... BUT i still feel betrayed, i feel hurt, im still devastated 6 mths on.

He was remorsful, he was sorry, he was devastated at the way i reacted. He begged me to forgive him, told me that i was the only one who understood him (almost made me feel that he is only with me cos i accepted him for who he is) he said he didnt think he was having an affair, because there was no physical touch etc. We went to marriage guidence and she told him 'YOU HAD AN AFFAIR' it shocked him, and me too if im honest. he also used a different name in the chat room, and lied about his age. Said he was single and 20 yrs younger etc ... created a whole new life! like he was a different person. During this time (about 6mths) i had noticed his usage on the internet, but it never entered my head that he could that to me.

I dont even know why i am here today. I still find it difficult to come to terms with. Im jealous that he went to a chat room to get what i have always wanted to give him.

Since then, we have talked and talked about everything, about our fantasies, about what we want, what we like (i guess i used to say just touch and no penatration was ok, when really it wasnt, i had needs too but i shut down for fear of hurting his feelings)

Anyway, the thing is, i cant stop looking for this woman online and on facebook etc. I know her real name and her user name on the chat room they used, but there are so many same names on facebook, that i really wouldnt know where to start. i know she lived across the water from us, so no way of meeting up, and that ties up with the times he was online etc. But i still cant stop myself, 6 mths on i type her name into google and look for her! When will it end, does this ever get better ...


Me 45
WH 45
4 kids aged 3 - 25 (2 x adopted in 2013)
Together 15 years
Married 8 years
WH had online cybersex with various sluts!
DD = Nov 23rd 12
In 'R' and getting to a place we never been before

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: UK
LadyE
♀ New Member
Member # 28516
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would really like to understand the "thrill" of or motivation behind playing on the internet, either in chat rooms or e-mails. My WH finally admitted to occasional contact over several years via e-mail with a woman he once worked with on some projects overseas. I found a very flirtatious message asking her to travel to meet him and providing his work number. I've been grilling him about it because it just does not seem plausible that he had no expectation or intention of actually meeting her. He says he chose her because she is far away and thus "safe." He is having difficulty explaining why he would get caught up in this game but finally admitted that it began as a group of people following the international career and exploits of this one woman. Others fell away but he continued the game even though he did not get much of a response. He claims that he was never really attracted to the person, never felt our relationship lacked anything, he just got caught up in the game. The tone of the messages are amorous but not sexual and admittedly fake. I don't really understand why this would be fun and I also don't understand why I am so heartbroken.

Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Washington, DC
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my husband has been wrapped in this too as well as with a real OW that he used to date before me. I keep going back and forth with self doubt. Is this really an affair? I have my moments when i believe my doubts. I guess mainly because he doesn't see it as wrong. I told him"you had an affair" "Oh no I didn't it was only talking!!! Initially he refused to believe it was. now he just looks blankly at me but doesn't deny. He just says, well it was wrong. Ok friends, remind me I am not crazy...it was an affair right? he had at least 50 emails that were fake, multiple online personalities, he went to chat rooms. One of his favorites is Paltalk...ever hear of that one? He has multiple identities on there alone. He was on messenger chat with women like "lover lover" and "sexy gurl" all the time. he did webcams...I still don't know if he ever showed anyone his privates. There was one message I saw once that said, "I showed you mine now show me yours". I saw last night that in March of this year he signed up for an online dating site. I have found naked pictures and suggestive pics of other women in his emails....

i guess there is this one woman that really bothers me. her real name is R****. I always wanted to name one of my girls R****. Since I was little I had a neighbor named that and I loved it. I always asked to name my dds this and he always laughed and said it sounded "sexy". We never named any of them this we picked names he liked. Anyway, he has known R**** for the whole marriage of 16 years but I gather has only recently in the last year started calling her. there were 169 text messages to R**** last billing cycle. Thats not normal right? Thats an affair right? I don't think he ever shared any sexual pictures with her but what he shared was intimacy. He tells her stuff he can't say to me I guess. A month ago he was chatting with her and said to her "I should have married you". I found out and he said ohhh it was just a joke! Then one time last month I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction and almost stopped breathing. I was sick. We had sex the night before. But that night, he chatted with R**** and he told he he was so deprived and hadn't has sex in DAYS and was so horny. In this same conversation he said, "my wife doesn't understand me. She only semi-understands his problems...unlike you R****...you understand me and get me". According to him he has talked to her husband and they are "friends" too. I want to write thng an intimate momente husband but apparently according to him the husband is "OK" with their relationship and everything is fine...because its not an "affair".

Another time, my husband and I were planning an intimate moment in the spring. But he went to the bathroom and his phone rang. I saw it and there was a text and he had written previously to this number in another state "hey hot stuff". This was at 3am. Again he said it was a joke. Why would you text another woman "hey hot stuff" at 3 am? Thats NOT a joke.

Then on Valentine's Day, he promised me he would make it up to me--no more other women. He went out to get me chocolates but left his previous chat up with SexyGurl13. I flipped out and cried., I refused to eat his chocolates I gave all of them to kids. He insists he did nothing wrong. But to me talking to sexygurl113 on Valentine's day is wrong enough.

Sorry for the ramble...I have more stories but I will stop. i am so hurt but i keep wavering...was it really an affair???? Certainly he lied and hide things...thats reason enough to be upset.


Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2013
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i know this is stupid and wrong of me but what sites did they go to? I keep hearing FAA what is that one? The one my husband was on a lot as I mentioned was paltalk and general yahoo chat. I guess I want to look him up there and see his profiles. he used the same email for most of his so it would be under that.

but i know I shouldn't look anyway...You see its the looking things up that is destroying me. I have WASTED so many hours when I could have been cleaning or playing with the kids just trying to crack his passwords or look up his history etc. Its taken over my life.


Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2013
betternow76
♀ New Member
Member # 40025
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartbroken2013 -

Its been 5 years and we have worked through all it and have come out better and stronger. But over the last 5 years I have cyberstalked that woman like no one business. Its our morbid curiosity of wondering what was so special about her that he would lie and sneak every single day. I will tell you that everyone once in a while I still look her up to make sure she still a thousand miles away. For me its a defense mechanism that I have to remember the events so that I don't let my guard down again. I a still working on that but its a process.


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013
betternow76
♀ New Member
Member # 40025
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its true most people do not understand that its an affair. My husband met her in a chat room on an AOL slot machine game. She was really flirty and seemed really familiar with my husband.

My gut said something was up. I asked him to stop talking to her and to try to put himself in my shoes. If there was a guy talking and flirting with me, it would go over like a ton of brinks.

I thought he stopped but nope, used his work email that I didn't have access to. He created accounts on Microsoft chat and yahoo. This was in March of 2008 and after DDay (September 2008)and looking at the phone records that was in March when they started texting and then talking. He even was in contact with her on our 10 year anniversary trip. REALLY?!

He talked to her every morning on his way to work. They chatted all day. Called her on his way home. They were in constant contact. IMing and texting at night, while were watching our son play soccer. Once I had a sore back and went to get a massage...the phone records showed that I had not been out of the house for 5 minutes and he called her.

It was hard because I felt like he cheated and he kept saying it was just talk. Their conversation were never about sex just everyday things. She confirmed this.
She was 1,000 a way so no meeting up.

It was like I had to argue my case that it was an affair. I felt like it was huge and all consuming one moment and then the next beat myself up for over-reacting over just talking.

I think I started to heal when he FINALLY used the word affair and when the marriage counselor called it an emotional affair. He would tell me that she meant nothing to him and he was never talking to her again. Which she confirmed. But then I had a hard time with the amount of time and effort it took to hide this from me...and she meant nothing? I mean how low on the totem pole do I have to be that he knows its wrong - thus hiding it. And swears that he never trusted what she said or had thoughts that she could be a 400lbs woman (who sent pic of a skinny chick).

It was a catch 22, like whew he doesn't have feeling for but then why hurt me like this for someone you feel nothing for.

FYI - I got up the nerve to IM her last year. I had to know that their stories matched up or I knew I would never get past this.

But its a hard thing to come to grips with. I felt like she was able to reach him anytime anywhere and I couldn't stop it.

I obsessed over this woman. I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep. I had panic attacks daily. Also, a really good piece of advise I got from a counselor was when my mind would play out scenarios. She told me to look at the clock and say ok...I am going to allow myself to think whatever horrible hurtful thing I wanted for 5 minutes and then nothing for the rest of the hour. It helped because I was able to decrease the time and start to feel that I could control my thoughts.

I was lucky, my husband became an open book. He changed and although it took what seemed like forever to call it an affair, he knew how much he had hurt me and was truly remorseful and knew that it would take a long time to build my trust again.

I feel that now I am able to put it behind me. I feel that I am able to trust him with my heart again. He makes every effort to make me and my feelings a top priority. I am glad that I stuck it out. It was HELL and felt like I was losing my mind at times but I survived.


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013
betternow76
♀ New Member
Member # 40025
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to add that I found this site because of the Huffington Post article. I have been obsessed with this site for days. Its so reassuring to know that others have felt and thought and did things the same way I did. I wish I had found this site years ago...maybe I would have healed faster. I hope that my story is encouraging and lets people know that the crazy thoughts do go away. You are able to get over the hurt.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ionlytalkedtoher..do you mean AFF? That is adult friend finder.

Welcome to all of our new members!


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6664 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I think this is where I belong. My WH and I have a unique situation (see profile).

Let me just add Craig's List to the list. My WH started with looking at porn and then 'just chatting.' I now know for a fact that it escalated into RL encounters. I'm not sure how common that is. I really wish I had recognized how damaging the 'only talking' was before it got worse.


Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Stace0421
♀ New Member
Member # 37256
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think he's going to stop. It goes in phases - he does it every few months or so(more likely to do it if we're arguing, etc). Obviously he isn't happy with our relationship or he wouldn't need to do this. If I confront him (I've confronted twice in the past), I have to be prepared to leave. He's becoming more bold - there was a friend request he accepted on fb from someone with which he had no mutual friends so I snooped and I was right..I don't know who she is, if she's from a website, etc. but he's started flirty/sexual private messages with her (we are both barely ever on fb so there are minimal pictures of us together, no relationship status, etc). But it's becoming more real because, regardless of where she is from, he's letting her into his "real life" now - she knows his last name. There are pics of his son. I should ruin his game by posting a bunch of pics of us together and lovey messages (totally out of character for me lol). I want to laugh but it's not funny..It makes me feel empty. She is unattractive. Everyone he ever talks to who I've seen a picture of is ugly, or old, and not a "prize" - maybe somehow it would make more sense if it were some hot model. I don't know what my point is here. I just have to make a decision. Live with this or leave, because I really don't think he's going to stop :( I am the last person anyone would think is a "doormat" - I have a strong personality, outgoing, opinionated, a little bossy, confident (on the outside)...No one would ever believe I would put up with this kind of shit. But I feel like a doormat..

Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
Stace0421
♀ New Member
Member # 37256
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure anyone reads these, but unfortunately it's my only way of venting..He's out of town on a fishing trip with his cousin and has still found time for a couple of message exchanges with her on fb (even though the only time he's bothered to contact me was when I sent him a text and he answered..And was very abrupt ending our exchange, like he didn't care to talk to me.)So he finds time/wants to contact her, even if it's only a couple of times, but he doesn't care to contact me to say hi, goodnight, see how I'm doing, whatever. He's now given her his # and told her he's free all day monday (he has a planned day off). This is the worst feeling in the world. Why isn't it that easy to "just leave"? It would take some planning anyway, I'm not in the position to leave in a day's notice. He comes home later today and I don't know what to do. He doesn't give a shit about me anyway...

Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
sparklezombie
♀ Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has been super involved in online cheating for years. It then evolved to using the internet to find real life partners. It's so hard to keep track because you can easily create new anon email accounts, new sites come up all the time, etc. WH hasn't had a single affair with one person online, but a series of ONS with multiple women. He won't own up to it all and it's making me ready to walk out the door.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obviously he isn't happy with our relationship or he wouldn't need to do this.

Stace, I don't think this is true. He isn't happy with something within himself and that is why he does this. It has nothing to do with you. Do not let him put any blame on you.

The article at http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/internet.asp has been very helpful for me to start understanding the addictive nature of these online affairs. It's a fantasyland and your WH sounds like he's deep in the fog of his fantasy.

Since you said it's going to take some time to make arrangements to leave, go ahead and start your preparations. You can change your mind at any point, but at least you'll give yourself the option to leave if you want. But take as much time deciding what you want to do as you want.

((hugs))


Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Landoes
♂ Member
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in this group. My WGF used Skype, was doing it 5ft away from me, would lock herself in the bathroom to Skype. All of this went on as soon as we moved in together. I found out 1.5 years later.
May I add she's pregnant? Lovely mom!

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2013
Heartbroken2013
♀ Member
Member # 39722
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I was just going over this thread and picked up a few things, the adult friend finder for one. I thought I wud go an have a look at what it was all about, and I typed in my husbands user name and the password he had been caught with before, and altho it didn't log me in, it asked me to 'activate my account' so I clicked on 'is this the right email address' and said if I had entered the email address wrong, to click next link ... which I did and it gave me an email address I have never heard of before! A completely different one to which my husband had used before ... and said, current email ... change email. So I changed it to my email address and it came up and said ... congratulations u have now created an account!!! Problem is I cant activate it as there is no email from them to click on link yet. Does this mean I have myself created an account in my email address, but who's email address was this other one that came up. My heart is aching praying its not another one that my husband made up ... please help!!!


Me 45
WH 45
4 kids aged 3 - 25 (2 x adopted in 2013)
Together 15 years
Married 8 years
WH had online cybersex with various sluts!
DD = Nov 23rd 12
In 'R' and getting to a place we never been before

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: UK
BrowneyesTurnBlu
♀ Member
Member # 25218
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH used the internet/texting to start his affairs. He actually started watching "girls exercising on tv" before we had the internet or porn channels. I eventually caught him watching porn online. At that time, I also happen to notice that he was chatting with a girl in another country. He was using ICQ at the time (about 14 years ago). Supposedly she sent a pic of herself in a bikini. I told him that I wanted him to stop chatting with her because it made me feel upset. He did stop. I also told him "how do you know that who you are talking to is actually that girl. It could be some huge guy sending a pic of someone else". He agreed. Seven years ago I happened to look at his phone (which he used to lend me when I would go out) and noticed a phone number that I did not recognize that he dialled on a day when he was supposed to be going "golfing for work". I checked 411.ca to see who it was and all is showed was an initial and last name. When I confronted him the next night about it, he lied and said someone else must have used his phone, then said that "she" is just a "friend". Well that "friend" and he met up and kissed and almost had sex. Different things than what I do with my friends He met her through an online dating site (POF...Plenty of Fish). I don't know if he was on any other sites at that time. A few years ago he opened another Facebook account and "friended" a bunch of girls that he went to school with...one being the "love of his life (as I like to put it not him). I caught him one night because I was trying to get frisky and noticed the new account with no picture, etc. I searched his name and low and behold found him with all these friends that I knew their name. I saw his fake email account and tried to log into POF (had about 5 or so contacts and I asked them and none had met up with him only chatted through POF a couple of times...I changed his status to that of married and looking for someone to fuck to warn other women) and sure enough he was on there again. I checked his email and he also had profiles on MySpace (had about 5 friends on there and all confirmed they had not met only messaged each other a couple of times) and Date a Cougar (no activity). Since then, he hasn't been on any websites setting up profiles. In May of this year, the Saturday girl in the office we both work at during the week got into a car accident and since he was on call that weekend (he is a manager) he came in to cover. Since then, the girl (for lack of a better word...skank is more what I am thinking though) found out her husband didn't have a job, wasn't paying car payments or insurance, or mortgage payments either (or at least this is what she told people). She left her husband. My WH (playing Knight in Shining Armour) emailed her to make sure she was "ok". Well things quickly escalated into texting sexually explicit things to one another. He also told her personal stuff. Another manager at the office who pays the cell phone bill brought it to his (and my) attention that the cell provider stated that there was 1200 texts to the same # (which she sent to us in an email) over the course of days. When I checked the cell phone record later it was 1200 sent and 1200 received (this in one month). I did use a program to retrieve the deleted messages but only really got one day's worth (225 messages sent and received).

So yes, I can relate to many people on here. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am so torn between wanting to leave him (what I told him before this affair that I would do if he ever did it again) and wanting to stay. I see the person he can be and how great our marriage could be if he didn't do these things. I told him that he needs to fix him before we can fix us. He is also on this site and is trying (what scares me is for how long is he going to try).


Me (BW) 42
Him (WH)46
DDay #1 - 9/9/06 - internet and met 4 times - no sex but kissing and touching
DDay #2 - 7/24/09 - chatted online with a couple of girls for about 1-2 weeks
DDay #3 - 7/26/13 - found out he was sexting and met up with someone

Posts: 53 | Registered: Aug 2009
Devastaded
♀ New Member
Member # 40454
Sad  Posted: 5:45 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, this is were I belong... May I just say THANK YOU to all of you for showing me that an online affair may be as devastating as a real life one? THANK YOU for showing me that it's normal to feel miserable...It freaks me out when my friends tell me "oh but there was no real contact, they never met... It was like playing The Sims" REALLY????
I think some of our stories are very similar... I know the pain is different in each of our hearts. I completely relate to all of the situations I've read in here. But they have opened my eyes to something I am terrified of, and that is the possibility of my husband being unable to ever stop his online cheating. Something that really scares the hell out of me is that my husband's behaviour seemed to get worse over the years. We've been together for 7 years, but married for only 2. At first, it started with him constantly messaging some of his friends or girls from work I din't know. It really meant nothing, but it bothered me that he needed to be texting other girls all day long, even if it was just to ask "how is your day going? what did you have for lunch?" We had several fights for situations like this over the years, I told him I considered this was disrespectful and he always promised he wouldn't do it again... And of course, he did. Up to this point I refering to completely innocent conversations. What really pissed me off was that my husband needed to be texting these girls instead of talking to me. Situations escalated to more suggestive conversations, female friends on Facebook that he was extremely sweet with... More problems, we fought about it every 2 or 3 months. He kept on asking for forgiveness, making promises... Lying.
Just found out about two months ago that my husband was having an emotional affair with a married woman on Skout for over a month. We separated for 3 weeks because of this. I almost went crazy when I found the chats... I felt that, for a sec, my heart really stopped beating. My husband came back asking for forgiveness (again) but I don't know why, this time it seemed different. He said it didn't mean anything and that he really never felt all the things that he told her.He asked about going to counseling, gave me all of his user names and passwords, deactivated many of his social media accounts... But that was not enough for me. I had access to everything, and I started looking for more... I couldn't stop. 4 days ago I found more... I found the sex chats with other women, the pictures... I also found out that he had given his phone number to some of these women. I found out that while we were separated he went back to Skout and look for the other woman again.This time they even Skyped and she sent him voice messages.If I had known about this for sure he wouldn't back in my house right now. I am truly lost now... I feel that right now the only thing that's missing is for my husband to have a real life affair, as he already did everything else. Can somebody out there who has had this experience please provide guidance? Does cyber cheating usually lead to real life cheating? And, most important... Can you stop cyber cheating? I do not know if maybe I'm in denial, blinfolded or simply just plain stupid enough to believe that, this time around, he really wants to change... Maybe because this time he could really see that I've had enough and that I will ask for divorce if he doesn't stop. I love him, and I really want to try to save my marriage... But there's no trust, only doubt. It scares me to death that maybe he won't be able to stop...

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Costa Rica
movingbackwards
♀ Member
Member # 40612
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My pain echoes all of yours. However it has been encouraging to read your stories. WH, when confronted, admitted to porn. Would not admit to posting craigslist ads... even though I had personally read them. Kills me how stupid they can be in these situations. Eventually realized how much I knew and admitted to the craigslist ads but adamantly denies meeting up with anyone. Just today I found at least six or seven other websites he was a member of. How convenient that these were not mentioned. I have yet to confront him, but I just feel deep down that the cyber world leads to real world eventually.


You can crawl back home, say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted!

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
DCP21
♀ New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still digging. I've found several sites my WH has been on, but I'd like the names of any that anyone knows of, so that I can check and see if he's on those too. So far I have AFF, XMeeting, XDating, Saucy Singles, and Social Sex.


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Pants did this too and then proceeded to try to call the women "associates" as they joined him on social networks...he also left me on there and his M status until he was caught, which I'm still not in full understanding of, except that he simply no longer cared an Eff about me and our 20 years.

His line was to tell them he was a widower, though would not tell me what I died of, which I found interesting. When he finally landed an OW, he claims, "it/you doesn't/don't come up". I don't tend to believe this, because she had too much info. about me.

Porn was a big part of things that Happy Pants hid from me from the start, when we were still kids and began making decisions that would control our fate. According to counselors, he had the mother/Madonna complex about me so they think he couldn't relate me to what he saw on the sites, but when he got stressed, it was his vice.

It is believed by his own words that OW will allow an "open relationship", which I've been counseled is a way to try to "keep him" for her.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


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