First. Much hugs to you.
Second, please stop beating yourself up. A person who does this multiple times to someone else KNOWING their history with trust breached is the one with the issues. He should be wondering what is wrong with HIM. Yes, you should go to counseling and get your issues worked on.
Just try to focus on you (easier said than done I know), and what makes YOU happy.
OW#1- while we were dating. He had sex with her several times, sometimes with a condom other times not. We didn't live together, we were in separate states (both military at the time). I called early one Saturday morning, heard a girls voice and freaked. He told me she was just picking up some bags- ya his.
OW#2- 4 months into our marriage. I was at NTC (deployment training in CA). Discovered our cell phone bill (we had family plan) was $200 more than normal. Found all these calls to another number. Called, she said she was a friend. Later she called and told me more. He denied anything physical. I believed him. This occured right after I tested positive for herpes-haha silly me.
OW#3- He was TDY in Germany. I was deployed in Iraq. It was a ONS.
OW#4- Woman who worked on the same base as him. He persued her and had an A while I was deployed (keep in mind I was only deployed 4 months before appendix ruptured and sent back to states).
OW#5- Yet another girl he worked with. She was also married, he BH is deployed. They did it right under my nose. Many hurtful details on that one. Caught him due to a FB message he sent. He owned up to it right away. Admitted to the others later.
The first one occured while we were dating. The next 3 within the first year of our marriage. This last one started in May (night before Mother's Day) and ended at the end of June. He is truly remorseful (I think). We are going to MC and both doing IC. I feel stupid to stay with someone who has been with 5 other women since we've been together. I've held on to the guilt of herpes, mainly because I tested positive first. Not sure who gave it to who, but I was faithful to him for over a year before I found out. Anyone who knows about how many make me feel so stupid for staying with him- even on here in other forums. Perhaps this thread will understand.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou
The abbreviated version of my story is as follows...husband of couple we saw socially constantly confided in me about his numerous affairs with married women. Claimed they all were attracted because of his exceptional staying power and abnormally large endowment. Both long and thick. He told me he had a pelationship with a prostitute while in the military who taught him all the "tricks" of how to please a woman.
When he started paying exceptional attention to my wife I (foolishly) thought that neither of them would actually cheat on me and it was only innocent flirting! Damn, was I naive!
This turned into a 2 year LTA.
She broke it off with him when her boss started paying attention to her. NEW UPDATE: She recently told me after she broke it off with OM#1 he came to our house while I was working. She let him in and he grabbed her arms, walking her backward into our living room fucked her standing up against the wall! She called it a virtual rape! I believe it was concensual. (Did he have an erection when he walked in? Were you naked? There was no torn off clothes. Were you internally injured as he was so large and you not lubricated? Many questions make her virtual rape story suspect.) Anyway I think iot was his "parting shot" just to demonstrate that he still "owned" her. She claims affair with boss (who was only conquest oriented) was only one, whoops, two (she can't remember) sexual encounters. After this boss went looking for other conquests.
3rd. was a young man 8 years her junior (20) that used to chat her up in the restaurant she hostessed in. She claims this was only EA and I jumped in before it got physical. (?)
4th. is questionable. She swears I'm crazy but 6 years after my confronting her I felt, during sex, what I can only describe as a string in her vagina. This happened on two occasions. When I mentioned this to her she passed it off with,"I don't know what you're talking about." Within the last couple of years I learned that sometimes it's possible to feel the string of an IUD during sex. So, there may be a 4th I can't prove.
In retrospect I believe there may have been some "parking lot romances" when she used to go clubbing with her single (and very promiscuous) friend. I recall one instance when i was home taking care of the kids and went to bed before she got in. I was awakened by her as she was trying to mount me for sex. She was almost dripping lubrication. (Or, whatever)
We live together. She has done nothing to help me heal. Nor has she shown interest in knowing WHAT it is that I need. All is under the rug and I'm slowly dying.
You still together?
[This message edited by cuckhold at 2:58 PM, September 9th (Friday)]
I thought "I don't remember" was standard fare for this shit. If I had a dollar for every "I don't remember", I could pay a lawyer & D her.
Funny how she remembers the kids' socials, all her cousins'/nieces'/nephews' bdays, what we fought about in 1997 but somehow has no recollection of numerous phone calls or 300 texts, nor what happened w/OMM.
Anyone who knows about how many make me feel so stupid for staying with him- even on here in other forums. Perhaps this thread will understand.
I understand too. My SAWH has had at least 7 PAs with women I know,(two were so called friends, the rest acquaintances ), several ONS and had a porn addiction. I am less than 2 months out from D-Day. I haven't got up the nerve to tell anyone else about it as I am frightened of what their reaction will be especially as I am still with him and trying to save our marriage. I'm sure everyone will think I'm crazy.
The trouble is my SAWH is extremely remorseful and ashamed. He swears he will do anything to stay with me. He is seeing an IC. I believe he is sincere right now,I'm just scared he won't be able to change his behaviour long term. I still love him but I can't deal with any more lies or cheating.
[This message edited by understandingwhy at 10:27 AM, September 17th (Saturday)]
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
been together 13 years.
Dday: 2 many 2 count
Needing the support to go through with the divorce that I need to have
WH confessed 17 days ago to an A lasting several months a few years ago. Also to "kissing and groping" another woman and I know he has indulged in very sexually explicit chat with strangers sometimes on webcam. He tried to get me involved as a way of "spicing things up" but I didn't enjoy it and said so. He continued without me. He says he never hid it from me, but he set internet history to clear on exit, changed his passwords regularly and never actually told me that he did. He also spent a rather large amount of time browsing porn sites, had profiles on dating sites and spent ages browsing yahoo chat looking for women to talk to. He also sent very private pictures of me to total strangers. I'm only just realising now, with reading the stories on SI, that some people would class an awful lot of this as infidelity. And extreme betrayal of trust.
To say I was blindsided on Dday is an understatement. We are high school sweethearts who no one would have thought this could happen to. I am that fool of a wife who trusted her traveling husband. I will never be the same, and I will never love him like I did preDday -- he hurt me worse than anyone else in my life. I have been struggling the last few weeks....and quite frankly, I just don't know what to do anymore.
My old, strong self has vanished- replaced is this person I barely recognized. I am pathetic, weak and unsure where I fit in- in this world. I think I am depressed- but yet I am functioning in my day to day life.
Ontop of everything, we found a year ago that my 14 daughter has A rare genetic form of chronic kidney disease and needs a kidney transplant-- blindsided again! My husband is now being screened as a potential donor. My once safe little world has been shattered beyond belief!
How did this become my life? Why did this all have to happen to us? We were once a happy go lucky family - now this?
Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever....not wake up. But then who would take care of my sick little girl? I am a nurse who stopped working five years ago ....I am prepared to care for her- I once could revive a patient in cardiac arrest...but now- I can't even revive myself- my heart is broken!
I am just so sad today....
[This message edited by Dance4Me at 7:35 AM, October 13th (Thursday)]
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis
My FWH never was looking for more that a one time deal, so only two were repeats...the first AFF contact he fucked twice and never contacted her again, and one of the prostitutes performed so well he was a repeat customer.
If any of the AFF women wanted to "see" him again, he would ignore them. He said he wanted nothing to do with them once he fucked them.
Sometimes when I think of the # of women he fucked, I wonder why I stayed with him. It embarrasses me.