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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Multiple Affairs
markswife
♀ Member
Member # 6719
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, June 11th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. This time I actually read the posts in this section. I really thought I was the only person who stayed married to my husband through all his multiple affairs. It's been so difficult and so embarrassing. I've gotten to the point that when breaches of trust occur, I don't even call anyone anymore. I've been on this site since 2005, but stopped posting for awhile because I received a reply that I already know what he's going to do, so I should either end it or bare it. I actually did feel that way. I've always felt something was wrong with me for staying, and I'm beginning to work on some of those things. This is my second time to be married to a player, and I really want out now.


Wondering what is wrong with me. Why don't I leave?

Posts: 353 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Allen, Texas
trish
♀ New Member
Member # 32456
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to leave, even when you know its right and you're ready. It's still hard and no one can tell you when. Your timetable is your own. Just make sure you protect yourself physically, emotionally and financially in the meantime. One day you will have all the information you need to decide to act.


Me: BW-54 Him: WH-56 SA/NPD
2 grown sons
Married 30 yrs
Dday #1 Mar/98, kids were tweens, reconciled
Dday #2 Nov/08, separated, he moved in with latest skank/OW.
LT/ST/ONS affairs over 28 yrs.
Ready to be past the humiliation and grief.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2011
uncertainty29
♀ New Member
Member # 31408
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@markswife.

First. Much hugs to you.

Second, please stop beating yourself up. A person who does this multiple times to someone else KNOWING their history with trust breached is the one with the issues. He should be wondering what is wrong with HIM. Yes, you should go to counseling and get your issues worked on.

Just try to focus on you (easier said than done I know), and what makes YOU happy.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Mar 2011
katieboo
♀ Member
Member # 33039
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, just found this thread. Guess I really didn't think that there would be one. You can read my profile, or I can make it easier.

OW#1- while we were dating. He had sex with her several times, sometimes with a condom other times not. We didn't live together, we were in separate states (both military at the time). I called early one Saturday morning, heard a girls voice and freaked. He told me she was just picking up some bags- ya his.

OW#2- 4 months into our marriage. I was at NTC (deployment training in CA). Discovered our cell phone bill (we had family plan) was $200 more than normal. Found all these calls to another number. Called, she said she was a friend. Later she called and told me more. He denied anything physical. I believed him. This occured right after I tested positive for herpes-haha silly me.

OW#3- He was TDY in Germany. I was deployed in Iraq. It was a ONS.

OW#4- Woman who worked on the same base as him. He persued her and had an A while I was deployed (keep in mind I was only deployed 4 months before appendix ruptured and sent back to states).

OW#5- Yet another girl he worked with. She was also married, he BH is deployed. They did it right under my nose. Many hurtful details on that one. Caught him due to a FB message he sent. He owned up to it right away. Admitted to the others later.

The first one occured while we were dating. The next 3 within the first year of our marriage. This last one started in May (night before Mother's Day) and ended at the end of June. He is truly remorseful (I think). We are going to MC and both doing IC. I feel stupid to stay with someone who has been with 5 other women since we've been together. I've held on to the guilt of herpes, mainly because I tested positive first. Not sure who gave it to who, but I was faithful to him for over a year before I found out. Anyone who knows about how many make me feel so stupid for staying with him- even on here in other forums. Perhaps this thread will understand.


Me BS 30
WH 32
Married 4 years
D-Day #1 June 30, 2011
D-Day #2 Aug 13, 2011
Child: 1 daughter, 2 years old

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou


Posts: 493 | Registered: Aug 2011
cuckhold
♂ Member
Member # 25015
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BEWARE : GRAPHIC The ratio of women to men in this forum IS interesting. Does it say something about women having to be being more emotionally involved before with the AP and then being "true" to him? Or... is it because most of us are reluctant to admit our FWWs actually sought out multiple partners. Maybe because we're afraid to admit we feel we were'nt good enough or "big" enough or our technique wasn't adequate. I don't know. Maybe men are just more apt to desire to spred their "seed" around.

The abbreviated version of my story is as follows...husband of couple we saw socially constantly confided in me about his numerous affairs with married women. Claimed they all were attracted because of his exceptional staying power and abnormally large endowment. Both long and thick. He told me he had a pelationship with a prostitute while in the military who taught him all the "tricks" of how to please a woman.

When he started paying exceptional attention to my wife I (foolishly) thought that neither of them would actually cheat on me and it was only innocent flirting! Damn, was I naive!

This turned into a 2 year LTA.

She broke it off with him when her boss started paying attention to her. NEW UPDATE: She recently told me after she broke it off with OM#1 he came to our house while I was working. She let him in and he grabbed her arms, walking her backward into our living room fucked her standing up against the wall! She called it a virtual rape! I believe it was concensual. (Did he have an erection when he walked in? Were you naked? There was no torn off clothes. Were you internally injured as he was so large and you not lubricated? Many questions make her virtual rape story suspect.) Anyway I think iot was his "parting shot" just to demonstrate that he still "owned" her. She claims affair with boss (who was only conquest oriented) was only one, whoops, two (she can't remember) sexual encounters. After this boss went looking for other conquests.

3rd. was a young man 8 years her junior (20) that used to chat her up in the restaurant she hostessed in. She claims this was only EA and I jumped in before it got physical. (?)

4th. is questionable. She swears I'm crazy but 6 years after my confronting her I felt, during sex, what I can only describe as a string in her vagina. This happened on two occasions. When I mentioned this to her she passed it off with,"I don't know what you're talking about." Within the last couple of years I learned that sometimes it's possible to feel the string of an IUD during sex. So, there may be a 4th I can't prove.

In retrospect I believe there may have been some "parking lot romances" when she used to go clubbing with her single (and very promiscuous) friend. I recall one instance when i was home taking care of the kids and went to bed before she got in. I was awakened by her as she was trying to mount me for sex. She was almost dripping lubrication. (Or, whatever)

We live together. She has done nothing to help me heal. Nor has she shown interest in knowing WHAT it is that I need. All is under the rug and I'm slowly dying.


Posts: 716 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: michigan
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No man wants to admit his W is a whore, cuckhold, but yeah I guess I'm a member of this club. One OM & one OMM found here in the six months that I could track her phone calls, so for the previous 7 yrs, there's prolly 14 others I don't know about.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
cuckhold
♂ Member
Member # 25015
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64, I couldn't bear the thought of being replaced 'cause I wasn't "MAN" enough. That, and my kids are the reason i stayed. 1st MC we went to prior to my actually knowing she was fucking around advised her never to tell me as I wouldn't be able to handle it and would leave her. That has set the tone for our entire married existence. All I ever got besides a few trickles of info was, I don't know or I can't remember!

You still together?

[This message edited by cuckhold at 2:58 PM, September 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 716 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: michigan
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still have a house to live in & get to see my kids, so yeah, I'm still legally entwined.

I thought "I don't remember" was standard fare for this shit. If I had a dollar for every "I don't remember", I could pay a lawyer & D her.

Funny how she remembers the kids' socials, all her cousins'/nieces'/nephews' bdays, what we fought about in 1997 but somehow has no recollection of numerous phone calls or 300 texts, nor what happened w/OMM.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
NOTINKANSAS
♀ Member
Member # 31199
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, September 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone who knows about how many make me feel so stupid for staying with him- even on here in other forums. Perhaps this thread will understand.

(((katieboo)))
I understand.


I'm 33
He's 31
Recovering from SA
4 kids
D-Day 01-06-11 (Husband confessed sex 2x in 2009 with "trashy" girl from the ghetto)
D-Day 2 May 7, 2011 (confessed the rest of the betrayals)

Posts: 234 | Registered: Feb 2011
Notmetoo2011
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, September 14th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Katieboo

I understand too. My SAWH has had at least 7 PAs with women I know,(two were so called friends, the rest acquaintances ), several ONS and had a porn addiction. I am less than 2 months out from D-Day. I haven't got up the nerve to tell anyone else about it as I am frightened of what their reaction will be especially as I am still with him and trying to save our marriage. I'm sure everyone will think I'm crazy.

The trouble is my SAWH is extremely remorseful and ashamed. He swears he will do anything to stay with me. He is seeing an IC. I believe he is sincere right now,I'm just scared he won't be able to change his behaviour long term. I still love him but I can't deal with any more lies or cheating.


Me-BW 47
SAWH 48
Married 25 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS,

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011
katieboo
♀ Member
Member # 33039
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, September 16th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NotMeToo- I know how you feel. Any relative or friend that I have told either stopped talking to me once they found out about the A(at first I thought it was just once) or stopped talking to me after they found out it was multiple As. I have only told 3 relatives (2 sisters, 1 aunt) and 3 friends. Funny thing is that my aunt and 1 sister are FWS so I thought they would understand. Apparently both of them had already checked out of their marriages (they both got divorced) and so it's only ok then. I just feel completely and totally alone. I feel like a complete fool for staying with him. And it's hard when people throw it in your face that he's done it multiple times. I know this!


Me BS 30
WH 32
Married 4 years
D-Day #1 June 30, 2011
D-Day #2 Aug 13, 2011
Child: 1 daughter, 2 years old

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou


Posts: 493 | Registered: Aug 2011
understandingwhy
♂ Member
Member # 33279
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 17th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Though she has been in the medical field her whole life my wife didn't become a nurse until later. It was then 9 years ago she had her first affair. I suppose being in that "circle of HOT nurses" and hearing the stories she brought home was disturbing to say the least. She had an affair with a nurse tech..for a year( approx 8 visits to the local hotel/she said) I had him fired and we got thru that. Forgave her, went to couseling together, etc. This past year she had an affair with a patient. I know this because she told me..She said "I was his nurse and he was my patient and we exchanged numbers and had a 3 month affair. This time I had her suspended for "nurse-to-patient" protocol while the hospital and the state investigated. It was then I was compelled to divorce her after 27 years. The boys had gone thru both(both grown). I know that adultery is an ACT for divorce but I always believed forgiveness was above that..but after the second time..it was enough.
Always wondered; perhaps, how many more.....And thru all this we just had our first grandbaby.

[This message edited by understandingwhy at 10:27 AM, September 17th (Saturday)]


Myself: BS (52)
Her: Does it matter? (2 affairs)
D-Day: Valentines week 2011
Married over 27 years.
Finalizing

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."


Posts: 189 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Ohio
whyreally
Member
Member # 33292
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 21st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadly... I can join this club... My WH denies denies denies all but one affair... that one the OW contacted me when she found out he was married and gave me all the information I needed.. she was young but very nice... she felt so bad for me and she had NO idea he was married or had kids. She ended contact with him as soon as she found out... the others even when I had the proof... he still denies... "when she wrote we were lovers not fighters she did not technically mean lovers." really? what did she mean then.... grr... this stinks :(


ME 30
WH 31
5 young kid

been together 13 years.
Dday: 2 many 2 count
Needing the support to go through with the divorce that I need to have


Posts: 157 | Registered: Sep 2011
navewife
♀ New Member
Member # 33496
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, guess I will join here too. My husband is a sex addict. Started out with porn,chatting, then caming with women then men, then txtng OW meeting her for lunch, going to hotel with her, then him trolling craigslist for oral encounters with men. The count he gave me on the men was 5(he thinks) dday cam a month after the birth of our son. He did act out with a man in my nineth month of pregnancy. He is very remorseful, doing IC *,5 MC, and I belive is in true recovery. I'm just not sure if I can recover from this. The only people that know are his family and my bff. I don't want my fam to know as I feel they won't be supportive in reconciliation. I feel so ashmed and alone. I have so many problems with being intament with him now, the feelings and discust won't go away, its been almost two years, and I know this takes time, but lately have quesioned how much time I want to invest and if I really want to risk him having a relappse and giving me a disease:( I'm so sad. Thanks for letting me vent,


Always speak your mind....even if your voice shakes!!

Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2011
Sorceress
♀ Member
Member # 33420
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if I belong here.

WH confessed 17 days ago to an A lasting several months a few years ago. Also to "kissing and groping" another woman and I know he has indulged in very sexually explicit chat with strangers sometimes on webcam. He tried to get me involved as a way of "spicing things up" but I didn't enjoy it and said so. He continued without me. He says he never hid it from me, but he set internet history to clear on exit, changed his passwords regularly and never actually told me that he did. He also spent a rather large amount of time browsing porn sites, had profiles on dating sites and spent ages browsing yahoo chat looking for women to talk to. He also sent very private pictures of me to total strangers. I'm only just realising now, with reading the stories on SI, that some people would class an awful lot of this as infidelity. And extreme betrayal of trust.


me- BSo 30, happily in new relationship
him-ex wso 40, child sex offender
DD-6 DS-4
I look for the good and admirable in every soul. The people that seem to be neither are terrifying.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: UK
insecure
♀ New Member
Member # 26851
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been married 29 years this year, not that I am in the mood to celebrate that fact. I really don't think there is a marriage to celebrate. Anyway, I too believe that my WH has been having affairs for years. Found letters and notes in the past. However with modern technology I have irrefutable proof of the last two. Still coping with the fallout from those. Also when talking with a friend who has known us all those years he says he told him many times that if he didn't change his behavior he was going to lose a good woman. I will never be able to trust him again, and I can't seem to get out of the bad mood I'm in. I think about the last two constantly. Things will just pop into my head, and then I realize it was another lie he told me. I'm just trying to move forward one day at a time. We talk about the situation occasionally, but currently things are unresolved as far as I'm concerned. I have a feeling he thinks all is well.


“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
― Henry Rollins

Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2009
Dance4Me
♀ Member
Member # 26284
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post in I Can Relate section. I haven't fully wrapped my brain around the fact that my H has had multiple A's....going back seven years prior to Dday. He had one definite EA (maybe 2), a series of inappropriate young female work buddies (no sex, no emotional attachments), and one definite two time sex act with his OW/PA. So I guess you could say that he has had multiple affairs.

To say I was blindsided on Dday is an understatement. We are high school sweethearts who no one would have thought this could happen to. I am that fool of a wife who trusted her traveling husband. I will never be the same, and I will never love him like I did preDday -- he hurt me worse than anyone else in my life. I have been struggling the last few weeks....and quite frankly, I just don't know what to do anymore.

My old, strong self has vanished- replaced is this person I barely recognized. I am pathetic, weak and unsure where I fit in- in this world. I think I am depressed- but yet I am functioning in my day to day life.

Ontop of everything, we found a year ago that my 14 daughter has A rare genetic form of chronic kidney disease and needs a kidney transplant-- blindsided again! My husband is now being screened as a potential donor. My once safe little world has been shattered beyond belief!

How did this become my life? Why did this all have to happen to us? We were once a happy go lucky family - now this?

Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever....not wake up. But then who would take care of my sick little girl? I am a nurse who stopped working five years ago ....I am prepared to care for her- I once could revive a patient in cardiac arrest...but now- I can't even revive myself- my heart is broken!

I am just so sad today....

[This message edited by Dance4Me at 7:35 AM, October 13th (Thursday)]


On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Nov 2009
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, October 21st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((dance4me)))


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Notmetoo2011
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, October 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edie
My WH has been involved with 10 OW. He is a probable SA. We are trying to R. I see that you are in R. I'm just wondering how you got past the extent of your H's betrayal. I am struggling with dealing with the number of affairs my WH had. My head is all over the place. On the one hand I want to R but on the other I wonder if I am shortchanging myself by staying with him. I can't help but think 99% of people wouldn't consider giving him a second chance. Just hoping you can give me some insight on how you got through this.
Thanks.


Me-BW 47
SAWH 48
Married 25 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS,

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011
kitticat
♀ Member
Member # 23060
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, October 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even tho' I have been on this site for a while, just came across this thread. In reading back a few pages, I am guessing that I am in the upper limits as far as # of sex partners a WS has had?

My FWH never was looking for more that a one time deal, so only two were repeats...the first AFF contact he fucked twice and never contacted her again, and one of the prostitutes performed so well he was a repeat customer.

If any of the AFF women wanted to "see" him again, he would ignore them. He said he wanted nothing to do with them once he fucked them.

Sometimes when I think of the # of women he fucked, I wonder why I stayed with him. It embarrasses me.


Me - BS 61
Him - FWS 60
M 28 yrs, together 30 yrs.
2 adult offspring
D-Day: 8-2-07, TT for 6 weeks
15 random sexual encounters over 4 years.
R

Posts: 891 | Registered: Feb 2009
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