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When A WS Leaves For Their OP

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click4it posted 4/6/2007 13:10 PM

me three checking in.

Thank you DS and MH and mods for putting this in.

mkr543 posted 4/6/2007 13:27 PM

I'm here too.

My H left me for the OW, who then dumped him a few weeks later. Then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile, then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile, then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile...

It seems the "thinking" part is centered around her. Things were getting better for awhile and then I found he was calling her again. He says they're "friends" and I told him no way, you're just having an EA now.

Dreamboat posted 4/6/2007 13:37 PM

Me too. I thought we were trying to R when OW showed up on our doorstep on our 18th anni. And he "had" to help her. But he did send me flowers...

I got a phone call later that week telling me he was moving. They are still together even though they were "just friends"...yeah, that's why I found them naked in bed and he was smoking a cig...

tech, I went to work on my 19th and was D less than a month later. Visit your cousin or do something normal (like work). It keeps the thoughts away.

Nouveau posted 4/6/2007 15:21 PM

:::Nouveau raising her hand:::

Reposting a link to a great article called: "When a Man Leaves a Woman". It talks about the WS who leaves and then villifies the BS and rewrites the entire marital history to justify the affair.

gardenparty posted 4/6/2007 18:29 PM

Surprisingly enough I could give a shit about OW. As long as she has no contact with my kids and she never will as long as I am drawing a breath I don't care if he is with her or not. I said to my friend once about how could someone sleep in sheets that another woman bought, eat off dishes another woman picked out, dry yourself off on towels that touched someone else and she told me "this girl is fucking your husband do you think she gives a shit about your dishes". Let me tell you that slapped me back down to earth. He wants to be with her let him. I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me and only me not someone who thinks that being with me is a chore.

tkd1 posted 4/7/2007 14:35 PM


Bobbi_sue posted 4/7/2007 15:04 PM

My first H married his last OW that I found out about during our M. (I'm quite sure she is not the last OW either, but she was the last one during our M).
I should clarify a bit; he didn't necessarily "leave" me for her. I threw him out and filed for a divorce almost immediately after finding out his final round of cheating. He married her though so I still relate to this topic.

tnt60 posted 4/7/2007 16:25 PM

Yea my STBX left me for his OW. Did I mention that it was the 2nd time that he had left me in a 10 month period to be with someone else. He's been having an EA with this OP for about 2 months and already he's calling her his Life Partner.

My friends and therapist keep telling me that its not me, its him. Did anyone else besides me have trouble believing that? It also kills me that he's telling his family a very different story about what really happened between us. I don't even think that they know about his "Life Partner". Seriously divorce papers having even been filed and already he considers himself to be M to someone else.

NoTurningBack posted 4/7/2007 18:05 PM

I belong here too. My now XH left me to move in with the OW on D-Day. He has moved out twice but keeps going back. My kids also have not met her and don't ever want to.

It is truly distressing to me they lies they tell to other people. He has told everyone a different story. And none of what he is telling is true.

eeyore56 posted 4/7/2007 18:46 PM

I was just thinking about that today. I know it is not supposed to be about me. I did nothing wrong. I just can't understand what is wrong with me that he felt he had to leave me for someone else. What is so great about her? She cheats, she lies, she can't be trusted and yet he thought she was better than I was? Some days (like today) I just wonder if he didn't see anything special in me to stay, why would someone else?

I didn't kick him out, he wanted out. How do I get over that?

BJBrez posted 4/7/2007 21:14 PM

My EX married the OW on April Fool's weekend in Vegas (prophetic, possibly )

He never told my 19 year old-left that for the 23 year old to do. I found out via the rumor mill at work. As my youngest said "Dad dropped the ball again and I do not think I am going to pick it up this time"

Neither son spends much time with Dad and NO time with OW. I am grateful that they were older when we separated and divorced so they could call the shots and no visitation plan had to be developed. Though, contrary to what many think-it is no easier on older/adult children.

tnt60 posted 4/7/2007 21:33 PM

I'm told that we want it to be about us so that we can have some sort of control over the situation. See if its about us we can change: dress differently, change our hairstyle, be more fun, ect..BUT because its not about us we can't control the situation, we have no say in our WS walking out on us.

I believe the hardest part about my WS leaving me, for me anyway, is the rejection. The rejection has given me an distorted view of myself. I feel ugly, boring, and stupid. My friends and family have actually started to question my sanity. I'm not trying to sound vain but wherever I go, I have men flirting with me but this does nothing for my ego because of the rejection of my WS. We need to start thinking more objectively and not so subjectively about ourselves. I know easier said than done.

luv2swim posted 4/8/2007 03:02 AM

Me too.
WH claims his demand for divorce has NOTHING to do with OW. In fact his rewritten history of marriage (and everything else) has him separating from me before he met her. There is a problem with his timeline: like an 6 week difference proven via phone records (not that it matters). Wh is off the deep end for this women. Out of his mind. Naturally, it is ALL MY FAULT!

Gads, for months I thought it must be me. He is so kind, so nice, so whatever. The NPD being, squished into someone in a very responsible job, charming (really charming), good looking (very), etc. etc.

Oh... and his choice of OP... ICK! Skank de la skank! Only thing missing is an exchange of money!

Hollow Inside posted 4/8/2007 19:32 PM

Count me in here, too.

STBX left me a few weeks ago to live with OW, and I agree that the rejection is the hardest part to deal with. I'll never understand how anyone can just throw their spouse away for a "newer" one.

Oh... and his choice of OP... ICK! Skank de la skank! Only thing missing is an exchange of money!

LOL! Mine too - this chick is total trash - and it's the one thing that makes me feel better about this whole thing!

Hurtinbad posted 4/8/2007 19:49 PM

My ex left to live with OP as well. It has been a little over a year. They are not married though. Just living together.

Dreamboat posted 4/8/2007 19:54 PM


"I'm told that we want it to be about us so that we can have some sort of control over the situation."

I personally think that is pschobabble. I personally think that we feel it is about us because they M us then chose someone else. My thinking was "There must be something wrong with me for him to choose HER!!"

Well, the reality is that there is something wrong with them. They justify having an A. There are many ways that they justify it -- "You were not a good wife", "I haven't loved you for years", blah blah blah.

In my case, X (I beleive) had the A to boost his own self esteem. There is nothing more I could have done to boost it. I supported him in EVERYTHING he ever did. That was good enough for at least 10 years. But at some point my love and devostion to him was not enough. He needed even more --- he neede someone else to prop him up and hero worship him.

I hope this helps. It is very hard to get over the thoughts that it is about me, because he rejected ME! I can hear it over and over, but only slowly do I begin to believe.


sadtoo posted 4/8/2007 21:19 PM

Checking in here too!!

He's with her. I don't really care anymore. They deserve each other and I am so much better off. He's not my problem anymore!!!

SoHappy2BMe posted 4/8/2007 21:36 PM

wh left for work, I found him and ow having sex that night at his workplace...he hasn't been home since. He told his family that night that they were going to LOOOOOVE ow...she was so awesome I actually wonder if he set himself up to get caught. He couldn't leave on his own (no spine, weak jackass) and he didn't want to be home. He's taking the skank de la skank (I like that ) home to meet his folks next week. wh is actually using some family members who have committed adultery and gone on to marry the op as role models ~ how f'd up is that??

I was struggling with rejection for awhile but my thinking right now is that the two of them are made for each other. If they stay together then they are off the street unable to harm other families.

I just don't ever want to run into them together...not really sure how that would make me feel.

MoeGreen63 posted 4/8/2007 21:42 PM

What I know...

The joke's on him.

crazytimes posted 4/9/2007 00:04 AM

Count me in here as well. STBX had been having an A with OW#2 for about a month I think b4 he stopped coming home at all & I found out about a month after that that he'd moved in with OW.
As far as I know he is still with her.
When the finances go thru of me buying out his interest in the house we bought together I don 't know what he's going to do. Seems a bit quick for them to be buying property together. Anyway, WOTEVER!! NBot my problem!!

tnt60 posted 4/9/2007 09:15 AM

Right now I feel like I can't fully move on until my X has suffered some sort of mental breakdown. We have only been S for about 5 weeks, so I hoping this feeling is natural and it would go away over time. The funny thing is I don't love or miss my X. I just want him to be in some kind of agony. I want him to realize the mistake he made for giving up his marriage for some relationship that he had only been in for about 2 months. My therapist did tell me that more than likely that will happened but he could have just been telling me anything to help me move on. Please tell me that you guys have had similar thoughts.

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