Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: punished (45460)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When A WS Leaves For Their OP
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

me three checking in.

Thank you DS and MH and mods for putting this in.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here too.

My H left me for the OW, who then dumped him a few weeks later. Then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile, then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile, then he said he wanted me back, then he said he wanted to "think" for awhile...

It seems the "thinking" part is centered around her. Things were getting better for awhile and then I found he was calling her again. He says they're "friends" and I told him no way, you're just having an EA now.


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too. I thought we were trying to R when OW showed up on our doorstep on our 18th anni. And he "had" to help her. But he did send me flowers...

I got a phone call later that week telling me he was moving. They are still together even though they were "just friends"...yeah, that's why I found them naked in bed and he was smoking a cig...

tech, I went to work on my 19th and was D less than a month later. Visit your cousin or do something normal (like work). It keeps the thoughts away.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

:::Nouveau raising her hand:::

Reposting a link to a great article called: "When a Man Leaves a Woman". It talks about the WS who leaves and then villifies the BS and rewrites the entire marital history to justify the affair.

http://www.starlitewebdesign.com/leaves.html


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surprisingly enough I could give a shit about OW. As long as she has no contact with my kids and she never will as long as I am drawing a breath I don't care if he is with her or not. I said to my friend once about how could someone sleep in sheets that another woman bought, eat off dishes another woman picked out, dry yourself off on towels that touched someone else and she told me "this girl is fucking your husband do you think she gives a shit about your dishes". Let me tell you that slapped me back down to earth. He wants to be with her let him. I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me and only me not someone who thinks that being with me is a chore.


divorced!

Posts: 2723 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
tkd1
♀ Member
Member # 6661
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me.


"We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
But we shoulda drank it down while it was still sweet;
It all goes bad eventually."

Posts: 2905 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: SE Ga
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first H married his last OW that I found out about during our M. (I'm quite sure she is not the last OW either, but she was the last one during our M).
I should clarify a bit; he didn't necessarily "leave" me for her. I threw him out and filed for a divorce almost immediately after finding out his final round of cheating. He married her though so I still relate to this topic.

Posts: 5764 | Registered: Apr 2006
tnt60
Member
Member # 12481
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea my STBX left me for his OW. Did I mention that it was the 2nd time that he had left me in a 10 month period to be with someone else. He's been having an EA with this OP for about 2 months and already he's calling her his Life Partner.

My friends and therapist keep telling me that its not me, its him. Did anyone else besides me have trouble believing that? It also kills me that he's telling his family a very different story about what really happened between us. I don't even think that they know about his "Life Partner". Seriously divorce papers having even been filed and already he considers himself to be M to someone else.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Oct 2006
NoTurningBack
♀ Member
Member # 11984
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I belong here too. My now XH left me to move in with the OW on D-Day. He has moved out twice but keeps going back. My kids also have not met her and don't ever want to.

It is truly distressing to me they lies they tell to other people. He has told everyone a different story. And none of what he is telling is true.


Me BS (50)
Him XH (48)
T 24 years
M 23-1/2 years
2 Wonderful Sons (22 & 19)
D-Day 9/2/06
Filed for D 9/7/06
Divorce final 10/23/06

Posts: 189 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Arkansas
eeyore56
♀ Member
Member # 11576
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tnt60,
I was just thinking about that today. I know it is not supposed to be about me. I did nothing wrong. I just can't understand what is wrong with me that he felt he had to leave me for someone else. What is so great about her? She cheats, she lies, she can't be trusted and yet he thought she was better than I was? Some days (like today) I just wonder if he didn't see anything special in me to stay, why would someone else?

I didn't kick him out, he wanted out. How do I get over that?


I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes now. (my bumpersticker)

Posts: 3222 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Sweet home Chicago
BJBrez
Member
Member # 3632
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My EX married the OW on April Fool's weekend in Vegas (prophetic, possibly )

He never told my 19 year old-left that for the 23 year old to do. I found out via the rumor mill at work. As my youngest said "Dad dropped the ball again and I do not think I am going to pick it up this time"

Neither son spends much time with Dad and NO time with OW. I am grateful that they were older when we separated and divorced so they could call the shots and no visitation plan had to be developed. Though, contrary to what many think-it is no easier on older/adult children.


Posts: 1660 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Illinois
tnt60
Member
Member # 12481
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eeyore65
I'm told that we want it to be about us so that we can have some sort of control over the situation. See if its about us we can change: dress differently, change our hairstyle, be more fun, ect..BUT because its not about us we can't control the situation, we have no say in our WS walking out on us.

I believe the hardest part about my WS leaving me, for me anyway, is the rejection. The rejection has given me an distorted view of myself. I feel ugly, boring, and stupid. My friends and family have actually started to question my sanity. I'm not trying to sound vain but wherever I go, I have men flirting with me but this does nothing for my ego because of the rejection of my WS. We need to start thinking more objectively and not so subjectively about ourselves. I know easier said than done.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Oct 2006
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.
WH claims his demand for divorce has NOTHING to do with OW. In fact his rewritten history of marriage (and everything else) has him separating from me before he met her. There is a problem with his timeline: like an 6 week difference proven via phone records (not that it matters). Wh is off the deep end for this women. Out of his mind. Naturally, it is ALL MY FAULT!

Gads, for months I thought it must be me. He is so kind, so nice, so whatever. The NPD being, squished into someone in a very responsible job, charming (really charming), good looking (very), etc. etc.

Oh... and his choice of OP... ICK! Skank de la skank! Only thing missing is an exchange of money!


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
Hollow Inside
♀ Member
Member # 13123
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in here, too.

STBX left me a few weeks ago to live with OW, and I agree that the rejection is the hardest part to deal with. I'll never understand how anyone can just throw their spouse away for a "newer" one.

Oh... and his choice of OP... ICK! Skank de la skank! Only thing missing is an exchange of money!

LOL! Mine too - this chick is total trash - and it's the one thing that makes me feel better about this whole thing!


~~Divorcing~~
"Let the games begin...!!"

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Illinois
Hurtinbad
♂ Member
Member # 7332
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex left to live with OP as well. It has been a little over a year. They are not married though. Just living together.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Texas
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tnt,

"I'm told that we want it to be about us so that we can have some sort of control over the situation."

I personally think that is pschobabble. I personally think that we feel it is about us because they M us then chose someone else. My thinking was "There must be something wrong with me for him to choose HER!!"

Well, the reality is that there is something wrong with them. They justify having an A. There are many ways that they justify it -- "You were not a good wife", "I haven't loved you for years", blah blah blah.

In my case, X (I beleive) had the A to boost his own self esteem. There is nothing more I could have done to boost it. I supported him in EVERYTHING he ever did. That was good enough for at least 10 years. But at some point my love and devostion to him was not enough. He needed even more --- he neede someone else to prop him up and hero worship him.

I hope this helps. It is very hard to get over the thoughts that it is about me, because he rejected ME! I can hear it over and over, but only slowly do I begin to believe.

((hugs))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking in here too!!

He's with her. I don't really care anymore. They deserve each other and I am so much better off. He's not my problem anymore!!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8033 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHappy2BMe
♀ Member
Member # 13653
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wh left for work, I found him and ow having sex that night at his workplace...he hasn't been home since. He told his family that night that they were going to LOOOOOVE ow...she was so awesome I actually wonder if he set himself up to get caught. He couldn't leave on his own (no spine, weak jackass) and he didn't want to be home. He's taking the skank de la skank (I like that ) home to meet his folks next week. wh is actually using some family members who have committed adultery and gone on to marry the op as role models ~ how f'd up is that??

I was struggling with rejection for awhile but my thinking right now is that the two of them are made for each other. If they stay together then they are off the street unable to harm other families.

I just don't ever want to run into them together...not really sure how that would make me feel.


*Recovering* *Healing* *Divorcing*

"I did the best I could with what I knew...And when I knew better, I did better!" ~ Maya Angelou
In other words...I know what you've been up to all this time now get the hell out of here!!


Posts: 293 | Registered: Feb 2007
MoeGreen63
♂ Member
Member # 6832
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I know...

The joke's on him.


Posts: 14112 | Registered: Apr 2005
crazytimes
♀ Member
Member # 9431
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, April 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in here as well. STBX had been having an A with OW#2 for about a month I think b4 he stopped coming home at all & I found out about a month after that that he'd moved in with OW.
As far as I know he is still with her.
When the finances go thru of me buying out his interest in the house we bought together I don 't know what he's going to do. Seems a bit quick for them to be buying property together. Anyway, WOTEVER!! NBot my problem!!


"Not all men are bastards, some of them are dead"
"Living well is the best revenge!"
"Better to have loved & lost than be stuck with the loser forever!"

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: New Zealand
Topic Posts: 838
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.