CIS - I know exactly how you feel. That feeling of being disposable is the worst. If we would have at least had some input in all of this; if this wasn't the most selfish, unilateral decision; if they didn't decide by themselves and pretty much in secret to end our lives together, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It would still be painful to end a M regardless, but this the worst way to do it.
My wife left me for her old HS BF. However, I had no idea that it was anything other than her leaving a marriage that she thought was bad and didn't want to fix.
Short time line . . .
End of Jan 2010 found a note on my bed and closet empty. Basically got the "I need to take care of me" speech.
First of March 2010 she filed.
First of May 2010 divorce was final.
End of May 2010 she moved back home to Florida.
Mid July last year I was dating, and she found out and THAT is when she told me she had not just divorced me but was running to a fantasy life with old HS BF.
Shockingly The fantasy disappeared give a bit of time and that was when she finally emerged from her fog and decided maybe we should talk.
It was an incredibly selfish and unilateral decision . . . made in the midst of a pretty major midlife crisis . . . and it was stupid.
Fortunately for her/us . . . I love her . . . and we worked through it . . . and we got remarried last August on our 23rd anniversary.
I still hate feeling disposable. I still hate that she could be that selfish. But, I still love her and she's working awfully hard to fix the broken parts in her that led to the massively painful shitstorm she through us into.
I kinda hold out a little hope in the back of my broken heart that this too may happen for me. Just a smidgen.
Best of luck.
Glad to hear she defogged and is doing the work. I wish u the best of luck at reforging a new/different relationship with her, that it is stronger than before, and that you both get to a much better place.
Moved my stats to my Profile; click there for my story.
I am a Phoenix; I may be in the ashes stage at the moment, but I am now actively working on my Rebirth. =)
PS: I edit posts for typos & clarity
Back in '08 when I just found out about D-bag and C-words affair, I was looking for some sort of support online. (Before I found SI). I went to divorce360 and posted my story. In that story, I was asked about my greatest fear. I stated that I was afraid of C-word (I used her full name) having contact with my innocent daughter.
I checked my email and my X posted that I need to remove my blog because I used C-words name and it is just plain wrong.
I have to laugh because it has been up for 3 years and when her name is googled my blog comes up as the third website. Needless to say, I have removed her full name in my story and refer to her as the OW. They can come after me with a lawsuit, but I didn't write anything false. I was just expressing a fear. Let me know what you think...........
I do not know what legal grounds they'd use to go after you. I may be wrong, but I think slander only applies if you are wrongfully besmirching someone's good name with lies or hearsay...I don't know if they can complain because your blog revealed that you were upset at the possibility of the OW interacting with your daughter and/or the affair.
That said, frivolous lawsuits eat up money just like legitimate ones, so I still stand by removing the full name.
[This message edited by CanISurvive at 6:58 AM, August 2nd (Tuesday)]
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Mine he said he left her, we were living apart cause of his job and I was sick.
So we buy a home near where he works, and move, and then he deserts me.
He is with her been over a year now. I feel like an idiot, he did all this when I was in cancer treatment.
My life with him seems like it didn't happen.
I don't know what to do, I love him.
[This message edited by crickett at 1:11 AM, September 23rd (Friday)]
Know you're not the only one in a bad place tonight. My son and I returned home after an amazing high school football and he needed to call his dad to say goodnight. He tried STBX house phone and nope no answer. Then called his cell, he answered right away. Bet I can guess why he didn't answer house phone, he's at his whores place.
I just can't handle the fact that he is still involved with this person. My IC said it's too soon and going to take awhile for me to do so. That's just wonderful. Meanwhile I am sitting wide awake knowing that he sleeping soundly with her in her bed. Going to be a long night.
I wish this post was frequented more as I could really use some help with how to deal with this.
I try to stay up and read until I get really sleepy about 4am. That is what I do now, and I watch old frasier re runs that helps.
I really don't think it's a good idea to have her around in the mornings and then not at not and what happens on weekends and blah blah?
Y'all can 'do' this now, you might even be okay with it for a few months, but it's confusing (for kids mostly), PAINFUL and just effed up really.
XH lived with us for 4 months after d-day until he got his own place and it was probably hardest on me - I can't imagine the coming and going.
She doesn't get to be mom in the morning and someone else's GF at night. Jacked up!!!
Life is good (enough) for my kids and I. We are making it, but had to move to a 2 bedroom apt...it's OK. We are blessed, he is NOT allowed back -EVER!
ETA he left US on Father's day this year (2011).
[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 3:03 PM, December 23rd (Friday)]