Return to Forum List

Return to I Can Relate

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > I Can Relate

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

When A WS Leaves For Their OP

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48

mezmer posted 2/10/2014 12:27 PM

My WS moved the stupid ass in with him after about two months of having what was mostly an online affair with a couple playing house visits thrown in. It lasted about a week after he shacked up with the sleaze. He found out he didn't even actually like the piece of crap and packed her junk in a moving van and sent her to stay with her adult children. She moved the thing forward as quickly as she possibly could. As soon as he got her out, he realized he'd made a big mistake. We are now reconciling. He's a changed person. I'm not glad it happened. It was devastating. But he's better now than he ever was before.

Me: BW 46, M: 21 yrs.
Him: 48

KellyP64 posted 2/14/2014 19:35 PM

My ex married the OW. The OW actually tries to parent my kids. Insult to injury. First she wreaks my home and than tries to act like my kids are hers. Her parents actually sent a card to my son signed step grandpa and grandma. Really???? Are you proud your daughter became a whore?

MarriedForLife posted 2/17/2014 09:02 AM

My husband left almost 2 years ago and moved in with the OW.

He's been fence-sitting the entire time. He's the one who filed for divorce. During that time he almost came home a few times. Divorce was final late last spring.

I think he married the OW--and on the sly (our child told me). His family told me they didn't know anything about it. I might add that they still consider me a part of the family and do not approve of what he's doing.

I don't think he went into it with both feet so to speak. Yes, I WILL take him back when they break up. I married for life. You may think I'm crazy, but there ARE people out there who remarried their X after an interim marriage and their marriage is now a lot stronger.

My husband is someone who's always had to learn things the hard way. Sometimes you have to let them go so they can make their mistakes, crash and burn--and figure it out.

***Please do not plug sites without Staff approval***

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:50 AM, February 17th (Monday)]

allatsea posted 3/28/2014 04:47 AM

Married,

I respect your choices and decisions and if you choose to have him back then that's entirely fine. But I do hope he doesn't KNOW that you would? Don't be his plan B.

AAS

velveteer posted 3/28/2014 05:10 AM

Dunno if this helps anyone here, but my XW left for OM. That was 2.5 years ago.

They didn't move in together, but stumbled along getting in and about my kids and his until this Xmas when it finally went bust. They split - predictably.

I know that here we hear a lot of stories of WS that left for OP and are still together - well, that doesn't always happen.

Sadmumma posted 3/28/2014 06:06 AM

I kicked WH out and landed on OW. They are not living together (she had to leave her husband too...how cute

But I'm pretty sure they will be living together soon...he's currently living on various friends couches.

WH did say that he's only with her because I kicked him out. I'm sure she'd love to read that message

katiesmom posted 4/3/2014 10:52 AM

My WS is has been married to OW for three years. They married a couple of months after our divorce was final. Incidentally, they celebrated their third anniversary a couple of days ago on April Fool's Day. Yeah, they got married on April Fool's Day. Gotta love that the fools chose April Fool's day for their blessed event.

They have been in Disney World with my daughter and the whore's son since Saturday celebrating their wedded bliss and won't return until Sunday.

Even though its been three years, it still stings. It stings for so many reasons, but the main reason is knowing that whore is spending time with my daughter. I have heard from my daughter that they fight pretty often now. Seems that rainbow happy land isn't as happy as it was in the beginning. That secretly makes me happy. We'll see how long this realtionship based on lies lasts. Maybe forever, maybe not. But if it does last, they have to live with what they did for the rest of their lives. I don't think I could live a worry-free life if I had destroyed two families, messed up my kids and hurt another person that much.

WinterBranch posted 4/7/2014 19:17 PM

My WH left me the night I found out about OW...he was very angry, very abusive, and he felt protective of her, not me. He was out of town, drove 3 hours to wake me up at midnight with "get the eff out of bed...NOW" to explain how good a person she was for allowing him to reserve a room at a hotel in her name for the discount. There was no discount on the invoice that popped up, in his left-open e-mail (this is how I first found out about her). The next day, I looked on his computer and found the myriad of "love you forever" e-mails, texts, phone messages...

He left me for her (a 2-month affair) that very night, and now they are not together and he lives at my stepdaughter's. I dunno what happened, but he made his choice. That was Feb. 20, and after all the verbal abuse, physical threatening, and all the bills I've since found out he's run up under my credit, I won't take him back. I wish they were together. I think they deserve each other.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/8/2014 02:43 AM

My XWH moved in with OW a 1&1/2 years ago. They just moved last weekend into a BIG 4 bedroom home.

But I just found out from a friend's mom that she was talking to OW and XWH the other day at the grocery store. XH put his arm around OW and she shrugged her shoulders so his hand would be away from her and then she moved away from him so he couldn't touch her.

LOL I loved hearing this because that's what I alway did because he is an infuriating dumbass sort of porn infested guy! At the beginning he told me he was leaving me because I wouldn't let him put his arm around me or hold hands with me in public!!!!! LMAO!!!

Additionally, they both told my friend's mom they got this huge house so my children could move in with them! LOL I spoke to my children seriously and they both said they absolutely do NOT want to move in with their Dad!!!

All is NOT perfect in rainbow land.

Abbondad posted 4/19/2014 06:28 AM

she detached emotionally from our marriage without ever telling me how she was feeling.

Just reading through this thread after awakening from a dream in which XWW had broken up with AP but did not want to R. Not sure why this was particularly upsetting.

Anyway, the above quote gets to me. It makes me angry: if she had detached (and this is how my ex explained it to me at one point), then why the hell did she not say something--anything--to me?

It is like the ship you are on is sinking. And on this ship are people who love you and whom you profess to love. If you are feeling like you are going to jump off that ship, why not alert the others? Are their lives not worth it? Are they not as important as you?

(Just realized I answered my own question: no, they aren't.)

AND to make it worse, during the time of her affair and in at least a year preceding it, she professed that she was never so happy, how wonderful I was as a husband and father, etc. So there were not only no signs, but signs to the contrary.

It's just very upsetting: if she had just tried--if she had simply said "I am detaching; it's an emergency"--I would have done anything. It was our family, our lives, our future.

I suppose I know all the answers by now, but sometimes I just can't wrap my head around it. (I know, don't even try.)

Our family's future was decided unilaterally; I had no say in it.

Just a vent.

allatsea posted 5/1/2014 08:17 AM

I feel the exact same way Abb.
Your post could have been written by me

Whilst it feels like this to us and justified by them to us, the reality was that their affair was a result of opportunity and selfish desire.

I know your situation and I know that your wife, and mine too, weren't unhappy.

suckstobeme posted 5/1/2014 12:35 PM

Okay, maybe this will help someone else out there reeling from the fact that their WS is now with the OP.

It's been more than 3 years for me. I can tell you with 100% honesty that when my exwh left, I was devastated and I really believed that the slunt was a better, younger, more fun version of me. I believed that she must have been awesome for him to leave me and our kids for her. She was/is his secretary so I believed they must have had this bond that he and I no longer had. I blamed myself for everything and had constant thoughts of "if only I had done or said" ...

For a little while after he left, he had this swagger about him. I was barely making it through the days and he was out and about with the slunt without a care in the world. We work in the same tight-knit community so I was hearing about how they would walk around, even near my building, holding hands like a couple of teenagers. They would go to bars on week nights and appear to be having a grand old time while I was taking care of two very young kids, driving to two different schools/day cares, working full-time, grocery shopping, cleaning, and just trying to survive emotionally. The slunt also has a very big mouth and I was told she wrote a blog all about her and her new boyfriend, who just happened to still be my husband. They went on an exotic vacation, he bought her stuff and, like a stab in the heart, he also bought stuff for her children. He was spending more time with her kids than with his own.

If you haven't already puked from this story, hang on. It does turn around.

That swagger lasted a few months. I then hit him with the divorce papers and it seemed to go downhill from there.

They still work together and, from what I've been told, are not respected or liked much in that office at all anymore. He was always the "nice guy" and that reputation has been blown to bits. The slunt is not a nice person - just looking at her blog is enough to confirm that - so people's opinion of my exwh went waaaaay down the tubes when they figured out what he did and with whom.

From what I can gather, she still works in an office filled with hatred for her so that she can keep a close eye on my exwh. He has a lot of opportunity to cheat if you don't know exactly where he's supposed to be during any given day or evening. It's easy for him to lie about it and who knows that better than her - his accomplice for God knows how long.

They live together in a house that pales in comparison to the one that we bought. His car is broken down and old. She lost her license at one point last year and he had to drive her EVERYWHERE. Her kids are there more than ours. My kids tell me that he has to drive her kids to school some mornings. He does the grocery shopping. He does his own laundry. And, the worst part is that when my kids are there, she separates herself from them. If all kids are there, she will pretend. If it's just mine, she loses herself and leaves him to fend for them during the entire visit. Lots of signs point to them having money issues now that he's the main breadwinner there.

Just yesterday, a friend of a friend texted me out of the blue - I hadn't heard from her since last summer - telling me that she saw him near her work. She told me that he looks like a stray dog who has been swimming in an alcohol bottle for months now. He's a professional and his clothes were even a little dirty. She told me that she sees him all the time and that hasn't looked good since we split.

I saw him the other night for the first time in a long time. I take my glasses off so I don't have a clear view of him, but I knew what I was seeing. As my mother put it, he looked like "an old drunk". He looks at least 10 years older than he is. His hair and beard are all white. He looks disheveled and bad, like he needs a good scrub down and a hot meal.

None of this makes me really happy. In the beginning, it would have. Now, all this time later, it makes me pity him, a lot. It makes me sad for my kids that their father has a lot more demons that we ever knew about and that he's letting them out more and more.

He was a nice man at one time and a man who I never thought was capable of the cruelty that he inflicted. He got cocky and he made some choices that he knew in his heart were wrong, but he wasn't tough enough to stand up and make things right.

I don't know if this is the thing we call karma or not. But, I can tell you that this new life of his did not turn out like he thought. That swagger is long gone and a tired, broken, sad man has emerged from the rubble.

Whether you want to believe it or not, and whether there are people on these boards who will tell us that we are just hanging on and shouldn't worry about what our exes do or say, I'm here to tell you that when they run and they leave us to clean up the mess, they create more problems than we will ever know. There is a saying that I think is very true for those who leave, especially those who leave without ever talking about it or coming clean (like mine), "you can run as much as you want, but wherever you go, there you are."

They can't escape my friends. Maybe you'll never get to hear their thoughts or see their pain, but trust me, when all the lights are out and the whole world is sleeping, there they are. Alone to remember and, even if just for a minute, to think about all the hurt they've caused.

Unicorns don't exist. They all find that out eventually.

allatsea posted 5/2/2014 01:59 AM

I wish I had a story like that

All I can see from my limited perspective is my ex and her POS living with my children two thirds of the time. They have a baby due in 4 weeks time and they are playing happy families. My children even report that they go out for lunch with mummy and POS's parents while POS is at work.

While I tell myself that the shade of green grass must be paler than she thought, they are still together, pregnant and POS professes to be 'over the moon'.

All I can do is be the best person and Dad I can be. I've lost weight, do exercise, have a great social life, walk with pride and seem to have a following of ladies wanting to spend time with me.

But I'm still in a place where I need to see her life crumble


knockeddown posted 5/3/2014 21:16 PM

suckstobeme.

Wow, what a powerful story of how things could potentially turn out. I am a Christian and I believe that all forms of sin take life away from a person. I believe that adultery is one of those sins that--alone--may not cause the person to ruin his or her life; however, it may be indicative of other ongoing patterns of sins that lead to a diminished sense of self and well-being.

That's why it has been important for me in this recovery process to stay away from anything that makes me feel guilty. I am having to build my sense of self and self-worth from the ground up since my WW shattered it into pieces.

As far as I'm concerned, she can stay with him. Read my story on my profile if you have the time and you'll see why.

allatsea posted 5/23/2014 06:40 AM

Many of the post-JFO threads on this site are for the people who are 'lucky' enough to be reconciling with their WS.

I lurk on the betrayed men thread but it's mostly about the poor guys who are trying to deal with the pain of knowing their wife has been a 'cumdumpster', to coin a recent term. But they are somehow navigating their own version of hell but still with FWS.

Obviously the D/S forum covers those who have reached the point that divorce is the only option and may, or may not have, gone through the trauma of false R and remorseless WS's.

But I have a soft spot for the BS's who simply never even had the option. We were thrown away and discarded as soon as the affair was uncovered. Whether we can pigeon hole it as an exit affair or the reaction of a total and utterly deluded WS, I feel utterly thrown under the bus.

I never even got the chance to confront my attackers. Some might say we were spared. I see it differently. I feel my wife and my in-laws died over night. Then, to compound matters, I have to deal with the betrayal, nasty POS, blamsehifting, losing the children and all the other devastation and abuse that is aimed at us in an attempt to minimise their cognitive dissonance.

My ex simply walked out of the door and never looked back. No visible signs of fence sitting. I can't even pretend I was in with a chance.


[This message edited by allatsea at 6:43 AM, May 23rd (Friday)]

happyman64 posted 5/26/2014 19:56 PM

Allatsea

Of course you had no chance.

Your wife is a classic WAW.

Worse she is narcissistic.

Worse than that she is flat out crazy.

Stop waiting for the karma bus to hit her.

Keep being the best Dad you can be.

Keep being the man you have shown us to be. Strong getting stronger.

Go live a great life. One that she would of envied.

And every time you think of her. Smile. Then say to yourself ""F Her!""

Then smile again.

Because one day your boys are going to ask her why she screwed you over. Maybe not in those words but it will happen.

Then they will ask you.

And then they will be adults and you can tell them as much or as little as you want.

Because by then you probably will no longer care because she did you the biggest favor by taking her craziness with her.

HM

butterfly1384 posted 6/17/2014 15:48 PM

Mine married his less than a month after our divorce was final and is expecting a baby with her in September

LeftBehind08 posted 6/19/2014 23:52 PM

But I have a soft spot for the BS's who simply never even had the option. We were thrown away and discarded as soon as the affair was uncovered. Whether we can pigeon hole it as an exit affair or the reaction of a total and utterly deluded WS, I feel utterly thrown under the bus.

I never even got the chance to confront my attackers. Some might say we were spared. I see it differently. I feel my wife and my in-laws died over night. Then, to compound matters, I have to deal with the betrayal, nasty POS, blame shifting, losing the children and all the other devastation and abuse that is aimed at us in an attempt to minimise their cognitive dissonance.

My ex simply walked out of the door and never looked back. No visible signs of fence sitting. I can't even pretend I was in with a chance.

Just change the wife to husband and you pinned it

I wish they get a taste of their own someday. It won't happen, but I can wish.

For those of us who were so blatantly discarded - will we ever heal? 6 years out and I still cannot fully give my heart to someone else in fear.

[This message edited by LeftBehind08 at 11:52 PM, June 19th (Thursday)]

allatsea posted 6/23/2014 08:50 AM

Buttefly,

It sucks. And then some
And then they say "why can't you be happy for me?" Clueless

(((Butterfly)))

Kajem posted 6/29/2014 14:45 PM

For those of us who were so blatantly discarded - will we ever heal? 6 years out and I still cannot fully give my heart to someone else in fear.

I did, he was a BH, in his marriage. He ended us, to be with her.

Will I get past it? Yes.

Will I ever give my heart fully again? I don't know. I do know I'll never give it away as naively as I twice did. My heart needs to be earned/won piece by piece. Just as my trust does.

Taking steps to be the best I can be... Praying everything else falls into place.

Hugs,
K


Sleepingbeauty posted 7/1/2014 06:30 AM

I've spent the morning reading this forum and boy does it hit home.

He's a changed person
This is so true, it is like an alien took over his body. Thank God I don't like the new person he has become. The worse part is he thinks he is os much better now.

she detached emotionally without ever telling me.

My STBXH did the same thing. One minute we are building our dream house and the next he is gone. He says he has a future with her. I hope so and I hope it s miserable.

For those who have reconciled your spouses after something like this- I think your amazing and I hope it goes well for you. I had hope I the beginning but have since lost hope for that fr us.
He is in MLC mode and I m part of his old life.

I lve wth very mixed feeling and hope they will come together in a positive way soon. I dread the first of everything to come. Birthday, holidays, and all the other things that make a persons life. I am trying to look at it as a challenge and enjoy at least some part of each day I have and hopefully I'll enjoy more and mre of each day.

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48

Return to Forum List

Return to I Can Relate

© 2002-2016 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.