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When A WS Leaves For Their OP

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Sleepingbeauty posted 7/1/2014 06:30 AM

I've spent the morning reading this forum and boy does it hit home.

He's a changed person
This is so true, it is like an alien took over his body. Thank God I don't like the new person he has become. The worse part is he thinks he is os much better now.

she detached emotionally without ever telling me.

My STBXH did the same thing. One minute we are building our dream house and the next he is gone. He says he has a future with her. I hope so and I hope it s miserable.

For those who have reconciled your spouses after something like this- I think your amazing and I hope it goes well for you. I had hope I the beginning but have since lost hope for that fr us.
He is in MLC mode and I m part of his old life.

I lve wth very mixed feeling and hope they will come together in a positive way soon. I dread the first of everything to come. Birthday, holidays, and all the other things that make a persons life. I am trying to look at it as a challenge and enjoy at least some part of each day I have and hopefully I'll enjoy more and mre of each day.

LeftBehind08 posted 7/2/2014 21:02 PM

Sleepingbeauty -- it will get better. Take care of yourself. Just know that people here will listen. Will care.

As for your first of everything -- It is a bit dreadful - but only at first. From my personal experience, I started re-doing EVERYTHING in a way to make it MINE. He was not going to have the control to make it awful and I was the only one who could make it wonderful again.

So I did.

shygirl07 posted 7/9/2014 14:40 PM

In my case , it was a WW Boyfriend.. who left me for his WW ex girlfriend who had previously left him .. I spent 7 years with him and he up and did it ...granted we had our rough patches but geez never thought he would do that..

they got pregnant literaly 6 months after.. I think she moved in a week or two after we broke up .. but he had been seeing her or planning it before we broke up.. I never got the full story nor do I care... its just crazy.... but at the same time I needed it to happen.. maybe hes changed but he was a jerk and thank goodness im away from that ...

shygirl07 posted 7/9/2014 14:56 PM

my WWEX turned into a completly different person as well.. I had no clue who this person was.. they acted like I was nothing and garbage on their foot and this person who had previously hurt them badly was now god.. so much in a sense that they had a kid with them.... the last words we shared were him speaking to me like a child and telling me to accpet that they were happy and in love and that shes a smoker and lazy like him and hes the happiest hes ever been...

to say I was stunned is probably an understatement. I didnt matter nor did my feelings but him bragging and gloating about his insta-love mattered..... I sent her one message after and told her everything, being careful to not fully bad mouth him. I kept it facts only. Like sweetie this is who you are with. Ive hurt he has been unhappy and other stuff but i really try to not care as much as i can.....

they say u see someones true colors when things END... so true!

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/17/2014 20:02 PM

Why do they feel they have to tell us about their new love and how happy they are now?

My stbxh is out in public with it and he is trying to get our son to meet it. So far the son refuse s.

luv2swim posted 7/19/2014 03:50 AM

In the FWIW department, I want to assure whose WS left for their OPs that time really can, and does heal. For us, the bomb drop was in 2006. There was much drama and confusion until I figured out that he was with OW (2007 before I figured out what was really going on). Divorce in 2009. Then ex dragged me back to court a year later over nothing the court or my lawyer could make sense of (wtf?). Ex married the OP in 2011. They are still married, but all is not unicorns and rainbows from what our children relate. I honestly hope they will stay together, simple because one of my nightmares is that my ex will show up at my door, fog-free, and begging forgiveness.

It is not that I can NOT forgive him. It is that I no longer care so much. I hope that he finds all he is seeking in HIS life. But I am not willing to be his doormat, on his journey to that happiness (does this make sense?).

We have children who find their father "different". They tell me he has few friends. They say that OW is "passive aggressive" and that their father is "strange".

After 24 years of marriage and now, 4 years divorced I can say there is space. Space to look upon this human and simply wish that he find whatever it is he is seeking. And, I know this is his journey. I am not willing to be his excuse, blame target, or ... mate. He WAS a fabulous husband and father, until he was not. I used to blame OW. Now, I believe this is HIS journey. She is just one of his tools. Maybe they will stay together. Maybe not. Meanwhile, I have my own life to life. FULLY... and, I believe because my beloved X husband is married to OW, I am greatly spared the tangles of a mixed up mate.

I kind of want to send her roses! And I suppose this sentiment is not so popular here. But in time, perhaps for many of you it will be!

[This message edited by luv2swim at 5:45 PM, May 17th (Sunday)]

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/19/2014 06:18 AM

I wanted to send her roses with his wedding ring but decided to pawn it instead.

LeftBehind08 posted 7/21/2014 14:00 PM

wanted to send her roses with his wedding ring but decided to pawn it instead.

Yea, don't waste a single cent on them - go buy yourself those beautiful roses!!

Kajem posted 7/21/2014 16:36 PM

I wanted to send her a thank you - I did everything BUT send it.

She wouldn't have appreciated it. 😊

LeftBehind08 posted 7/22/2014 14:27 PM

I wanted to send a big bad Karma present directly to their doorstep every day for years. Sadly, I haven't seen one delivery

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/24/2014 10:15 AM

I got to see them in action in public for the first time ever. It was really strange. At first I was slightly pissed, not even truly pissed. I had to sit and wonder at my reaction or lack of reaction.

They put on quite a show he was groping her and they were practically having sex on the dance floor. I don't know how much was for my benefit but I didn't have the reaction I believe my STBXH was hoping for. I believe he wanted me to make a hell of a scene and cause all kinds of trouble. I did nothing not even when I came face to face to him.

MY IC says I have detached. Probably a good thing. My GF however was a different story. I had to stop her. from going after him.
She kept telling me his AP wasn't all that. I already knew that but my GF was amazed at how truly all that the AP isn't.

He looked pathetic trying to keep up with his young thing and I could think was what an old fool he is.

Numb2014 posted 7/24/2014 10:39 AM

Third time I've been left for the OP. Its ok. Third times a charm. I know my worth, and she can have him, because guaranteed, he will leave her for OP as well.

From what I have heard, she acts like her shit doesn't stink. She has a huge head, and just overall isn't a nice person to those around her...she thinks she's better than everyone, which is funny, because the last 14 years I spent with xh, he was never like that and despised people like that. Plus, due to her culture, I have heard that her culture of women take NO SHIT from men, and if this is the case (she was raised in her country), then he is in for one hell of a ride! He thought *I* was bad??

I know that the best revenge to is be happy and live a fulfilling life. I try to remain as NC as possible. I am not looking forward to the day that I have to pick my dd up from "their" house.

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/31/2014 06:49 AM

Number 2014- Hugs and strength hen that day arrives.

I have to email my stbxh about him shitting on GS. He has made no effort to be in any tye of contact with them. It is one thing to shit on me but to shit on to little boys who have done nothing wrong. I think his AP is into the party life and he is into her so nothing else matters.

I try not to say bad things about him and even told them they will probably get meet grandpas gf someday. What else are you supposed to ay when he not only leaves you but everyone else to?

Lola2kids posted 7/31/2014 11:41 AM

I thought it was bad when he moved out and was just 5 minutes away and saw his kids only once a week, if that. That's truly detatching from the kids.

He finally did what I knew he would do all along.
OW lives in Switzerland. She divorced her husband in 2013 and the happy cheating couple became engaged about a month later.

Almost 1 year to the day of the engagement he moved from Canada to Switzerland. Yes, he moved to another continent to be with the OW.
How can I NOT take that as a slap in the face to me and to my kids?

How does some broken down skank rate him leaving his (admittedly adopted) country and his kids, his job, his property, his car. Everything.
To be with her?

It must be love.

So why did he tell his ex-wife that he regrets spending so much on the engagement ring?
Why does he complain to his kids in emails about how long he has to comute to get to his new job?
So why does he tell me that he is looking for a room to rent near his work so that he doesn't have to spend so much time commuting?

Doesn't sound like it's all that he thought it would be.
I only hope that they stay together so that he doesn't come back with his tail between his legs.
He will never be sorry and he will never try to get me back. He devalued me to such a degree that I am nothing. I'm just the schmuck that takes care of his kids.

It still hurts.
At least I can breathe knowing he is an ocean away.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 11:45 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]

Futurefear posted 8/5/2014 22:54 PM

He will never be sorry and he will never try to get me back. He devalued me to such a degree that I am nothing. I'm just the schmuck that takes care of his kids.

^^^that spoke to me! He has told me that I am nothing yet he still loves me and is glad that I am the mother of his children. I think he means nanny :(

He also is with a much younger woman who he works with. She is 11 yrs younger, lives with her parents and is proud of my STBXH! Her parents allow him to stay at their house! My 2 oldest kids were just at their grandmothers for 4 days and he was home for 2 hours to see his son. Period.
He is still in the house, I am trying NC except for kids and finances but does it ever stop hurting? She is getting the romantic weekends away and vacations and attention that was mine...

Ravenwingz posted 10/13/2014 10:35 AM

He has told me that I am nothing yet he still loves me and is glad that I am the mother of his children. I think he means nanny :(

My STBXH says the same exact thing to me. He doesn't love me, but he "values" me as the mother of his children.

She is getting the romantic weekends away and vacations and attention that was mine...

This really made me feel badly, because just the other night I could not sleep because I was thinking about all of the things OW gets (and has gotten) that I don't. STBXH was sleeping with her, taking her out, buying her things during the most important parts of my life over the last couple years: Our anniversary, mother's day, valentines day, christmas, my birthday...

STBXH just recently was given a promotion at work that increases his income substantially. He'll be traveling a lot, earning the free airline miles and hotel points that our friends in that profession use on their family vacations and second honeymoons. We just bought a brand new car, a car I wanted but won't be able to keep because I won't be able to make payments on my own. We just moved into a new house that I love but I can't keep that either (not that I want to live here, I have no family or support network in the state so I'm taking the kids to move in with my parents) We were just beginning to have all of the things we'd been hoping for and working toward, we were finally able to be comfortable financially.

In short, I've always made the most of what little we had. He finally had all of the things he thought would make his life great, and then he throws it all away.

Now all of the family vacations are "romantic" vacations for him and his whore. Now she gets to drive my car and sleep in my bed and cook in my perfect kitchen (if she even cooks, I think she might get most of her calories from vodka)
She's also began adding my "friends" on facebook. I guess if they were really my friends they wouldn't be associating with her like that, but whatever. I assume it's only a matter of time before she starts wanting to play with my kids and play mommy. I just keep thinking "Get your own life, bitch!"

LeftBehind08 posted 10/27/2014 20:22 PM

I just keep thinking "Get your own life, bitch!"

I hear ya!! I felt like I was the "first wife" who did all the hard work and now that the rewards start coming in, I have been seriously replaced.

All I can do is send you hugs as I am sitting right next to you in that boat...

Wiserallthetime posted 10/27/2014 21:35 PM

STBXWH's MOW seriously wanted to replace me - and started doing so before STBXWH even filed.... She had sex with him, made business decisions with him about our company, practically lived with him when they traveled out of town together, and, apparently, even shared finances together - something she didn't even do with her actual husband!! (She is my former BFF, or I thought she I know details about her life, too - things I wish now I didn't know....) It explains now why they were treating me as though I were the other woman instead of her.... to them, I practically was, since they were married every which way except that problem of legality... You know, that they both were still married to other people... THAT pesky problem....

BUT..... I reassure myself in one thing: she can NEVER actually replace me. She would have to have actual morals and integrity and honesty and class to do that - and she has none of that.

goingtothrive posted 11/3/2014 22:16 PM

Our son would not speak to his father for over a year and didn't want to meet the OW, but then he changed his mind and spent his first weekend with them at her house last weekend. The first day, I thought I would die. Of all the things he did to me - the cheating, lying and abuse piled on me on the way out - but taking my son from me for any amount of time - I will never forgive! Never.

whatnow63 posted 11/4/2014 06:50 AM

I hear ya!! I felt like I was the "first wife" who did all the hard work and now that the rewards start coming in, I have been seriously replaced.


BetterMindset posted 11/4/2014 08:26 AM

The WW made me eat this for the last two years. Like many here, you feel replaced, and that you built them to where they are today. Taken time and lots of reading and reflection, but I don't want to be the spouse of the person they have individually become. What we think that they became before the A was because of the marriage. Every weekend since I moved out and had the kids, the WW has spent with the OP at his house. The kids are starting to notice and see what is going on, they are even feeling neglected now. I hope the WW gets what she wants, even though I know that it is a relationship with a 45 year old single man who has never lived with a woman and dealt with kids, and lots of pressure from the STBMIL who loves that her son now has a woman. God help all of them. I'm not on that crazy train anymore and feeling absolutely free.

[This message edited by BetterMindset at 8:26 AM, November 4th (Tuesday)]

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