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User Topic: Agnostic/Atheist Support Group
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Member # 22010
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, January 3rd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Both of us grew up in very religious families, and were "altar-persons - the whole bit) but by the time we got to university - knew we were atheists. We got married during university- in a church - mainly to please our parents(who also were paying for it).
well for a long time now H has been complaining about how his wedding day was the most horrible day of his life! (because of the religion). It got even more- so when they legalized same-sex marriage around here, and he started saying he wanted a divorce because of that. which we never did because it costs money-
The thing is right now - 23 years later,...Anytime theres a tv show or movie advertised with weddings or brides he had some comment like "Dont do it - marriage is a sham!" or would make nasty comments about ours...
Well- now that he had an A, d-day not even a month ago, the other night some tv show got him going again and he was drunk - and he says "I want a divorce - I dont want to ask a 3rd time" Like huuh? I ignored him and went up to the upstairs bathroom to cry a bit thinking it was about the A ...but then figured - well its just the religious thing and not really me (I think) because he still continues to say he loves me. I went back downstairs & he had totally forgotten about it already.
I dont know if theres any point to what I just wrote - haha- I'm still so confused about my life right now...but maybe just wondering if any one else out there have had problems with the definitions of "marriage" while being atheist.

Birdwatch: In another thread someone posted some writings from this site, I've signed up for the emailed daily inspirations & the horoscope and I find it may be helpful in finding a meaning for life & centering on yourself first. (some stuff is a bit "out there" for me but most of it is interesting)

Me: BS (47)Him: WS (47) Together: 28 years Kids: 3 boys
suspected Aug 08, C Day: Dec.6,2008 OW - skanky co-worker "just friends"
Broken NC: many times(last attempt Aug 7,2010-no reply from OW)
getting there....

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 21722
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, January 4th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agnostic Jihad = "I don't know and neither do you!"

Me BS age 40
Him WH age 41
Son age 5
ONS on 10/31, DDay 11/1 but problems with prior deceit, porn addiction, general compulsiveness. I wouldn't let him come home on DDay.
Update: He's in IC! Yay! Moved home 11/26, things are going great. Whew!

Posts: 656 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: the here and now
♂ Member
Member # 21459
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, January 6th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no belief in God, I am a man of science. I have no beef with people who are religious as long as it doesn't negatively affect others.

Anyway, WW has always had a belief in SOMETHING and, since I discovered the A and working at R, she has been going to a Unitarian chapel. We were having a talk, a while ago now, about this and I said that any tiny amount of belief in a possibility of any higher power was snuffed out for good when I discovered the A. She said she has more faith now, because I am still here. Brilliant, I do all the hard work, deal with all the pain, stay in the face of agony, and the magic man in the sky gets all the credit!

Walking 26 miles through the night in April for children's cancer,
D-Day 15th Oct 2008
EA and PA early to mid 2006
2 DS born 24/11/2006 and 18/08/2009.
WS:33 (BrokenBaggage)
Slowly working on

Posts: 375 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 20336
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Birdwatch, your posts have struck me. I hate to see someone who seems to feel so hopeless about life. I'm agnostic, don't believe in the bible, all that stuff, but I still believe that things happen for a reason, and that there definitely IS cause and effect. We don't always see it, and right now surely you aren't, but I have to believe that shit eventually comes around, and certain wrongs are righted. Oh man, I just realized that I sound like a preaching christian!!! So sorry for that, but I just hate to see someone feel like you do now. It still pays to be a good person, your check may just be a little late in coming, that's all!

BS: Me, 42.
WS: Him, 42.
Married 18 years on 11/03/08!
Together 20.
Two DDs: 17 and 13.
ONS 07/16/08.
D-Day: 07/18/08.
In R.

Posts: 390 | Registered: Jul 2008
♀ Member
Member # 19978
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thank you for your response, and more importantly, for caring.

I do not wish to sound like a downer, but I simply do not believe in cause and effort, and just dessert, any more. You see children dying of AIDS. You see children being sexually and physically assulted by relatives. You see people like Dana Reeeves, whose husband became physically disabled. She stood by his side and looked after him for a decade, loyally and selflessly. He passed away. Then, she herself was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away, leaving behind children whom she will never see grown up.

If one believes in God, at least one believes these poor souls have all gone to heaven, or that they will re-incarnate as kings and queens in their next lives. But since I believe once you die, you go up in flames and your existence is erased, I am utterly lost.

I am not alone in suffering. Many others are also suffering from infidelity, abuse and sickness. It cannot be that all of us who are suffering are bad people who deserve our fate?

While I do not believe I will ever find an "answer", I do believe that I have to look within myself to find peace and strength.

Once again, rain7, I want you to know how much I appreciate your kindness and caring. I hope you are well and you have found peace.


[This message edited by birdwatch at 7:53 AM, January 23rd (Friday)]

* Known WS since 2001. Me: 37.
* D Day 1 - Mar 2008: Discovered cyber/phone sex, dating sites etc
* D Day 2 - May 2008: Discovered more "stuff". WS admitted to one A - my gut says > half a dozen.
* R'ing. IC & MC. WS is sex addict.

Posts: 377 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Toronto, Canada
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Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


[This message edited by drowninginsorrow at 1:08 PM, February 24th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
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Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 10th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post in this topic. I consider myself to be a humanitarian agnostic. For my purposes, that means that I believe that mankind possesses God like attributes and that we can achieve Godlike consciousness in our lives (perhaps). But I'm not anti-religious and gladly allow all others to have whatever spiritual support they crave. Wicca, Christian, Moslem, Hindu or whatever.

Strangely enough, I also sometime envy those who can tap into something, some message of faith and hope and draw strength from that.

As an agnostic, I must be my own source of inspiration and there are times when the amount of despair and anguish are too great for me to bear with a smile. So, since I believe in the existence of God, regardless of my ability to prove it, I readily will take any support I can get. From God, from friends, from anyone.

Perhaps, SI serves the functions of a confessional to us agnostics?

Don’t listen to your head, it’s easily confused. Don’t listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3298 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
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Member # 24917
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, September 10th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hollow Inside, My WH's MOW is an active mormon. Supposedly very family values, yet she worked on my WH for 8 months reeling him in like a big fish with all her talk of her problems in her marriage and her manipulations, telling him of another man in their guild she was interested in (trying to spot jealousy on his part to see if his mind was going where she wanted it to go). THIS from someone who goes to church every Sunday and is very active in the church community.

BS: Me, 52
WS: Him 51 - 7mo EA/ 2mo PA
27 years Married
DS 24, DD 15
DD#1: 04/28/09 Found email from OW and demanded NC and was promised
DD#2 05/15/09 - False R, C never stopped
"Lose a Cheater, Gain a LIFE"

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ca
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Member # 4545
Red  Posted: 9:22 AM, September 11th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread was started so that like minded people could support each other.
It should not to be used to debate or bash other beliefs

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
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Member # 25296
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, September 13th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! A special place for heathens!!!

Actually, it's my FWH's support during a very trying time of leaving the Christian faith after 33 years that gives me hope for a successful reconciliation and marriage. He stuck with me when I went into full-fledged 6 day creationist, bible literalist, fundamentalist Christian mode. Ironically, he never cheated on me when I axed television, holidays, music CD's, movies, and had my nose in the Bible 24/7. He saw and helped me through not just the loss of faith but the aftermath when our huge church family axed me and my family out of their lives completely. Ironically, it was a year and a half after his 3yr. pA began.

We live in right-wing fundy hell country and actually, my non-belief is a positive right now because I'm able to focus on human nature rather than judging and condemning...even though it hurts and I'm in a lot of emotional pain. Going through what I did as a Christian to now atheist inadvertently gave me strength I never knew existed and it's really showing now.

He nor our children believe anymore either. Every time one of my non-fundy but Christian friends offers advice is along the lines of finding a religious counselor,book or movie. I swear my best friend forgot I told her I no longer believe because she recommended my H and I watch "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron.

[This message edited by Sereneaspiration at 7:48 AM, September 13th (Sunday)]

Me (BW)-42 yo,EWH - 42yo,DD - 14
DS - 18yo
Married 3/15/92
Ddays: 12/26/1995, October 2008 (EA and sexually explicit emails),4/10/2009 (ONS A), 8/31/2009 (5 year A w/coworker), 10/5/2009 WH broke NC
C Separation

Posts: 263 | Registered: Aug 2009
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Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad that this forum exists. I was raised Catholic but always had a hard time buying off on the “guy in the sky pulling all the strings” idea. That said, every time I say I that don’t believe in god there is still a part of me that worries I am going to be struck down with a lightning bolt. So, I guess that puts me in the agnostic camp.

In trying to survive the aftermath of an affair that resulted in an OC after suffering through male-factor infertility for almost 2 years. Given the circumstances it is sometimes hard to think that there is NOT some twisted master plan behind the total annihilation of my previously happy life. The probability of the OW getting pregnant in 5 random rendezvous with my H and his defective sperms is probably on par with winning super lotto twice in a lifetime—and yet, it happened. I don’t believe in god, but it is hard to believe that I am not getting punished for something—or maybe there is a god and he is sticking it to me because I don’t believe.

It cannot separate the “miracle” of the OC from the ongoing and profound disappointment of our infertility. Knowing that to have children I will have to embark on the costly, traumatic and precarious experience of IVF, on top of this costly, traumatic and precarious post-affair life, I feel like the odds are stacked against me. We are NC with the OC – there are many difficult emotional and moral aspects of this but I have virtually censored myself from discussing any of them on this board or elsewhere because of the black and white judgment I have received from others regarding my H’s mistake and our choice for NC.

I wish that I believed in god, because if I did I wouldn’t have to figure out for myself how life and its coincidences could be so profoundly unfair. If I believed in god, I would have someplace safe to stash some hope. If I believed in god, maybe I would feel like there was some purpose behind my pain—like there was some big payout in the end that would make it all worth it.

Even though there is no god, I am learning to recognize that there are forces in the world that are beyond my control—and I am learning to find peace in that. When it comes to the things I want in life – a faithful husband, a happy marriage, children, there are simply no guarantees. I only have myself and this moment—I know I have only one life to live and I need to find away to live it again.

BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
♀ Member
Member # 24761
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! I wish I would have found this thread sooner! I'm an atheist and often feel out of place on here with everyone talking about their god.

Unlike you, survivinginCA, I'm glad I don't believe in God, I can not imagine living my life by rules set forth by an all powerful entity that allows the world to go to such shit. It's like landlord who doesn't keep up his properties.

Anyways, I'm so glad I've found this thread and that is was resurrected.

Posts: 304 | Registered: Jul 2009
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Member # 25156
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just joined, but am so glad to see this thread. While it's nice to know my mom is praying for me, that isn't going to help. Only I can do that.

[This message edited by TLhurting at 8:42 PM, September 14th (Monday)]

Posts: 360 | Registered: Aug 2009
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Member # 12014
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too am glad this thread exists!

I was raised Mormon and have now been Agnostic for a few years. I have relatives who are praying for me. I'm sure after my death, hopefully at a ripe old age, my mormon relatives may try to do a baptism for the dead on me! If thats what makes THEM happy than I'm all for it, but don't believe it in myself.

Anyway, glad to see that there are other people on SI who have the same belief as myself!

Posts: 941 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Southern California
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Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like dailyom site, too.

my back ground, my root is Zen buhddism and was baptized to Lutheran for the sake of our kids and Christianity was still foreign and didn't feel being welcomed by the other congregations. So...when the kids got comfirmed, I stopped going to church. I feel very familiar and content with Zen.

If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
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Member # 23443
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, September 16th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is very interestin thread. Good to know I am not alone.

I grew up in a Christian family household. Growing up, my family took us to church on holidays and special occasions only. Throughout my life, I didn't develop any attachment or strong belief to any religion. In most cases, during difficulty times, I have relied on myself in solving my problems.

I am in SAnon now, but I am having difficulties with the Higher Power belief. I just can’t relate to it because I never believed in any higher power before. Some times I feel my recovery is slow because I am not passing the problems I have difficulty with to a higher power, sometimes I just wish I was religious person.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Mar 2009
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Member # 21054
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Recoveringwife at 6:15 PM, August 24th (Tuesday)]

BW: (me)38
2 kids
dday Feb 2008

Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2008
Sad in AZ
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Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Recoveringwife: I'd be interested to hear what they are doing/saying to you.

May your 2015 be more FUCK YEAH! than fuck this

Posts: 22244 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
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Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fellow atheists and agnostics...

Wondering if any of you are wearing your rings? And if any of you have "reclaimed" them?

FWH and I are committed to R and although I don't think we are at the point where we would renew our vows, I have been thinking about wearing my rings again as a symbol of my commitment to R. That said it feels like something needs to be *done* to them -- like they need to be purified in some way.

Obviously, since I don't believe in blessings and rituals this presents a problem... so wondering what others have done to reclaim these symbols.

BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 8th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shamelessly bumping myself in case any atheists are on right now...

BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
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