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Agnostic/Atheist Support Group

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islandgrl posted 1/3/2009 23:53 PM

Both of us grew up in very religious families, and were "altar-persons - the whole bit) but by the time we got to university - knew we were atheists. We got married during university- in a church - mainly to please our parents(who also were paying for it).
well for a long time now H has been complaining about how his wedding day was the most horrible day of his life! (because of the religion). It got even more- so when they legalized same-sex marriage around here, and he started saying he wanted a divorce because of that. which we never did because it costs money-
The thing is right now - 23 years later,...Anytime theres a tv show or movie advertised with weddings or brides he had some comment like "Dont do it - marriage is a sham!" or would make nasty comments about ours...
Well- now that he had an A, d-day not even a month ago, the other night some tv show got him going again and he was drunk - and he says "I want a divorce - I dont want to ask a 3rd time" Like huuh? I ignored him and went up to the upstairs bathroom to cry a bit thinking it was about the A ...but then figured - well its just the religious thing and not really me (I think) because he still continues to say he loves me. I went back downstairs & he had totally forgotten about it already.
I dont know if theres any point to what I just wrote - haha- I'm still so confused about my life right now...but maybe just wondering if any one else out there have had problems with the definitions of "marriage" while being atheist.

Birdwatch: In another thread someone posted some writings from this site, I've signed up for the emailed daily inspirations & the horoscope and I find it may be helpful in finding a meaning for life & centering on yourself first. (some stuff is a bit "out there" for me but most of it is interesting)

thetruthwins posted 1/4/2009 00:35 AM

Agnostic Jihad = "I don't know and neither do you!"

Used2FeelSpecial posted 1/6/2009 12:50 PM

I have no belief in God, I am a man of science. I have no beef with people who are religious as long as it doesn't negatively affect others.

Anyway, WW has always had a belief in SOMETHING and, since I discovered the A and working at R, she has been going to a Unitarian chapel. We were having a talk, a while ago now, about this and I said that any tiny amount of belief in a possibility of any higher power was snuffed out for good when I discovered the A. She said she has more faith now, because I am still here. Brilliant, I do all the hard work, deal with all the pain, stay in the face of agony, and the magic man in the sky gets all the credit!

rain7 posted 1/22/2009 23:57 PM

Birdwatch, your posts have struck me. I hate to see someone who seems to feel so hopeless about life. I'm agnostic, don't believe in the bible, all that stuff, but I still believe that things happen for a reason, and that there definitely IS cause and effect. We don't always see it, and right now surely you aren't, but I have to believe that shit eventually comes around, and certain wrongs are righted. Oh man, I just realized that I sound like a preaching christian!!! So sorry for that, but I just hate to see someone feel like you do now. It still pays to be a good person, your check may just be a little late in coming, that's all!

birdwatch posted 1/23/2009 07:51 AM


Thank you for your response, and more importantly, for caring.

I do not wish to sound like a downer, but I simply do not believe in cause and effort, and just dessert, any more. You see children dying of AIDS. You see children being sexually and physically assulted by relatives. You see people like Dana Reeeves, whose husband became physically disabled. She stood by his side and looked after him for a decade, loyally and selflessly. He passed away. Then, she herself was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away, leaving behind children whom she will never see grown up.

If one believes in God, at least one believes these poor souls have all gone to heaven, or that they will re-incarnate as kings and queens in their next lives. But since I believe once you die, you go up in flames and your existence is erased, I am utterly lost.

I am not alone in suffering. Many others are also suffering from infidelity, abuse and sickness. It cannot be that all of us who are suffering are bad people who deserve our fate?

While I do not believe I will ever find an "answer", I do believe that I have to look within myself to find peace and strength.

Once again, rain7, I want you to know how much I appreciate your kindness and caring. I hope you are well and you have found peace.


[This message edited by birdwatch at 7:53 AM, January 23rd (Friday)]

Ingrid posted 1/23/2009 10:36 AM


[This message edited by drowninginsorrow at 1:08 PM, February 24th (Tuesday)]

HUFI-PUFI posted 9/10/2009 13:21 PM

This is my first post in this topic. I consider myself to be a humanitarian agnostic. For my purposes, that means that I believe that mankind possesses God like attributes and that we can achieve Godlike consciousness in our lives (perhaps). But I'm not anti-religious and gladly allow all others to have whatever spiritual support they crave. Wicca, Christian, Moslem, Hindu or whatever.

Strangely enough, I also sometime envy those who can tap into something, some message of faith and hope and draw strength from that.

As an agnostic, I must be my own source of inspiration and there are times when the amount of despair and anguish are too great for me to bear with a smile. So, since I believe in the existence of God, regardless of my ability to prove it, I readily will take any support I can get. From God, from friends, from anyone.

Perhaps, SI serves the functions of a confessional to us agnostics?

mourningtheloss posted 9/10/2009 13:45 PM

Hollow Inside, My WH's MOW is an active mormon. Supposedly very family values, yet she worked on my WH for 8 months reeling him in like a big fish with all her talk of her problems in her marriage and her manipulations, telling him of another man in their guild she was interested in (trying to spot jealousy on his part to see if his mind was going where she wanted it to go). THIS from someone who goes to church every Sunday and is very active in the church community.

drowninginsorrow posted 9/11/2009 09:22 AM

This thread was started so that like minded people could support each other.
It should not to be used to debate or bash other beliefs

Sereneaspiration posted 9/13/2009 07:47 AM

Yay! A special place for heathens!!!

Actually, it's my FWH's support during a very trying time of leaving the Christian faith after 33 years that gives me hope for a successful reconciliation and marriage. He stuck with me when I went into full-fledged 6 day creationist, bible literalist, fundamentalist Christian mode. Ironically, he never cheated on me when I axed television, holidays, music CD's, movies, and had my nose in the Bible 24/7. He saw and helped me through not just the loss of faith but the aftermath when our huge church family axed me and my family out of their lives completely. Ironically, it was a year and a half after his 3yr. pA began.

We live in right-wing fundy hell country and actually, my non-belief is a positive right now because I'm able to focus on human nature rather than judging and condemning...even though it hurts and I'm in a lot of emotional pain. Going through what I did as a Christian to now atheist inadvertently gave me strength I never knew existed and it's really showing now.

He nor our children believe anymore either. Every time one of my non-fundy but Christian friends offers advice is along the lines of finding a religious counselor,book or movie. I swear my best friend forgot I told her I no longer believe because she recommended my H and I watch "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron.

[This message edited by Sereneaspiration at 7:48 AM, September 13th (Sunday)]

SurvivingInCA posted 9/14/2009 19:47 PM

I am so glad that this forum exists. I was raised Catholic but always had a hard time buying off on the “guy in the sky pulling all the strings” idea. That said, every time I say I that don’t believe in god there is still a part of me that worries I am going to be struck down with a lightning bolt. So, I guess that puts me in the agnostic camp.

In trying to survive the aftermath of an affair that resulted in an OC after suffering through male-factor infertility for almost 2 years. Given the circumstances it is sometimes hard to think that there is NOT some twisted master plan behind the total annihilation of my previously happy life. The probability of the OW getting pregnant in 5 random rendezvous with my H and his defective sperms is probably on par with winning super lotto twice in a lifetime—and yet, it happened. I don’t believe in god, but it is hard to believe that I am not getting punished for something—or maybe there is a god and he is sticking it to me because I don’t believe.

It cannot separate the “miracle” of the OC from the ongoing and profound disappointment of our infertility. Knowing that to have children I will have to embark on the costly, traumatic and precarious experience of IVF, on top of this costly, traumatic and precarious post-affair life, I feel like the odds are stacked against me. We are NC with the OC – there are many difficult emotional and moral aspects of this but I have virtually censored myself from discussing any of them on this board or elsewhere because of the black and white judgment I have received from others regarding my H’s mistake and our choice for NC.

I wish that I believed in god, because if I did I wouldn’t have to figure out for myself how life and its coincidences could be so profoundly unfair. If I believed in god, I would have someplace safe to stash some hope. If I believed in god, maybe I would feel like there was some purpose behind my pain—like there was some big payout in the end that would make it all worth it.

Even though there is no god, I am learning to recognize that there are forces in the world that are beyond my control—and I am learning to find peace in that. When it comes to the things I want in life – a faithful husband, a happy marriage, children, there are simply no guarantees. I only have myself and this moment—I know I have only one life to live and I need to find away to live it again.

Ash84 posted 9/14/2009 20:29 PM

Yay! I wish I would have found this thread sooner! I'm an atheist and often feel out of place on here with everyone talking about their god.

Unlike you, survivinginCA, I'm glad I don't believe in God, I can not imagine living my life by rules set forth by an all powerful entity that allows the world to go to such shit. It's like landlord who doesn't keep up his properties.

Anyways, I'm so glad I've found this thread and that is was resurrected.

TLhurting posted 9/14/2009 20:40 PM

I just joined, but am so glad to see this thread. While it's nice to know my mom is praying for me, that isn't going to help. Only I can do that.

[This message edited by TLhurting at 8:42 PM, September 14th (Monday)]

forced2moveon posted 9/14/2009 21:14 PM

I too am glad this thread exists!

I was raised Mormon and have now been Agnostic for a few years. I have relatives who are praying for me. I'm sure after my death, hopefully at a ripe old age, my mormon relatives may try to do a baptism for the dead on me! If thats what makes THEM happy than I'm all for it, but don't believe it in myself.

Anyway, glad to see that there are other people on SI who have the same belief as myself!

beach posted 9/15/2009 15:53 PM

I like dailyom site, too.

my back ground, my root is Zen buhddism and was baptized to Lutheran for the sake of our kids and Christianity was still foreign and didn't feel being welcomed by the other congregations. So...when the kids got comfirmed, I stopped going to church. I feel very familiar and content with Zen.

Silla posted 9/16/2009 21:51 PM

This is very interestin thread. Good to know I am not alone.

I grew up in a Christian family household. Growing up, my family took us to church on holidays and special occasions only. Throughout my life, I didn't develop any attachment or strong belief to any religion. In most cases, during difficulty times, I have relied on myself in solving my problems.

I am in SAnon now, but I am having difficulties with the Higher Power belief. I just can’t relate to it because I never believed in any higher power before. Some times I feel my recovery is slow because I am not passing the problems I have difficulty with to a higher power, sometimes I just wish I was religious person.

Recoveringwife posted 10/7/2009 11:51 AM

[This message edited by Recoveringwife at 6:15 PM, August 24th (Tuesday)]

Sad in AZ posted 10/7/2009 12:37 PM

Recoveringwife: I'd be interested to hear what they are doing/saying to you.

SurvivingInCA posted 10/7/2009 19:57 PM

My fellow atheists and agnostics...

Wondering if any of you are wearing your rings? And if any of you have "reclaimed" them?

FWH and I are committed to R and although I don't think we are at the point where we would renew our vows, I have been thinking about wearing my rings again as a symbol of my commitment to R. That said it feels like something needs to be *done* to them -- like they need to be purified in some way.

Obviously, since I don't believe in blessings and rituals this presents a problem... so wondering what others have done to reclaim these symbols.

SurvivingInCA posted 10/8/2009 16:13 PM

Shamelessly bumping myself in case any atheists are on right now...

mourningtheloss posted 10/8/2009 16:23 PM

SurvivingInCA, Pair of Agnostic/Atheists here. I took my ring off soon after DDay, WH didn't even notice. Many weeks went by and I sort of showed him mine was gone. He took his off then. I felt bad that he did...but then it made sense. I thought of all people HE should not be wearing that ring. He touched HER with that ring so now I HATE that ring. It means nothing now. But..what to do with the rings? We are not at place where we should renew our vows and if we were would we have the rings melted and redesigned? Or should we just throw them away and get new ones? I'm thinking of throwing them away. They are meaningless now. MY ring is fine, I didn't cheat, but his is contaminated.

I have also considered tattooing rings on our fingers some day but if he cheated again after that I would have to cut off his finger. Oh well...

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