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Agnostic/Atheist Support Group

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heartbroken_kk posted 10/9/2010 01:48 AM

Just stopping in here to offer some support. My parents were Catholic, but quit the church before I hit puberty. Still lots of guilt in my household though. My personal beliefs are aligned with humanism rather than deism.

A resource for those of you who may have been directed to a 12-step program for sex-addiction, porn-addiction, sexually compulsive behavior, or co-dependency:

www.recoverynation.com

This site is very different from a 12 step program and has no religious or spiritual elements other than others who post there are share how that guides them personally. The lessons are completely secular.

I'm working on the partners workshop and find it very helpful so far.

Good luck to you all!

[This message edited by heartbroken_kk at 1:29 PM, October 9th (Saturday)]

7yrsbetrayed posted 10/9/2010 23:44 PM

Nice to see this back on the front page again.

jph79 posted 8/29/2011 13:51 PM

I am a BH with a WW who cheated with an OW. I am an agnostic and the only non-Christian in the whole sorry mess. Like many others in this forum I am aware of the platitudes people offer under such circumstances.

It has to be said that, putting the pain to one side for a moment, it is an interesting situation to be the one who has maintained a high moral standard whilst those who believe in God's almighty rule have fallen short. Personally I believe that I have the strength to get through this (one way or another) with human support. I am sure my WW is appealing to God for forgiveness and guidance at the moment. I hope it works for her.

StillGoing posted 9/2/2011 06:53 AM

Can be lonely, too.

I don't think personal failures in regards to morality really reflect the legitimacy of the system represented by those peoples. It mainly becomes an issue, imo, when you're surrounded by people telling you that you're wrong, and they can't keep to their own standards.

Since us atheists are a tiny (albeit rather vocal) minority, we tend to end up in that position more often than not. Can be tough not to get bitter about it for that reason.

You can definitely get through this. Just keep doin' the best you know how, right? Good luck.

jph79 posted 9/3/2011 03:18 AM

My WW said to me during disclosure that it was better for me because I am not "going to hell and don't believe in it." I pointed out that one of the benefits of Christianity is that you can be forgiven for sins, so she won't be going to hell either so long as she is sorry and believes in Jesus. Of course, since I don't believe in Jesus according to Christian orthodoxy I am hell-bound, whatever I do. I don't think my WW believes this particular aspect, but it is quite hard to know what she thinks about anything these days.

This situation has not rocked my non-faith, so it is gratifying that I am not just an agnosto-atheist when things are going well. :-)

PanicAttack53 posted 4/3/2012 20:32 PM

Wow, this thread has died huh? Oh well, never let it be said that I didn't weigh in with my two cents when it comes to my favorite subject.

I'll probably go against the norm here, but then again maybe not because I've found most non believers to be more tolerant of differing opinions.

I am an agnostic but even saying that, I'm not fanatical about it. While I certainly do not believe my ancestors rode dinosaurs, or that a single deity created the universe in seven days, I also can not bring myself to believe millions of particles floating aimlessly in space managed to congeal and compress, culminating in a very large explosion which then created the universe. That is unless someone can finally explain to me where the hell the freaking particles came from to begin with.

To me, both arguments are equally absurd. So for me, I'll just leave it this way. Most humans currently only use 10% of our brains capability. Yeah yeah, I know the Einstein argument but I believe he wasn't human anyway and actually from the planet Zolton or some such place. (I'm kidding here folks). The bottom line is that we humans really don't know shit from Shinola when it comes to how the hell we got here let alone how the universe was created. Both arguments are just unproven theories and of absolutely no use to me, other than for lively conversation over cocktails. JMO

So what the heck does this have to do with infidelity you ask? NOTHING, and that's exactly the point. Since I don't believe in any of this shit, I don't want it mucking up my thought processes with regard to how I solve problems.

Infidelity is a major problem, at least for me right now & no pie in the sky theories about pearly gates or big bangs will help me solve it thank you.

So I respectfully ask all believers and non believers alike to apply your mumbo jumbo to your own problems if you believe it helps, but allow me to solve mine in my own simple 10% brain capacity way.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 8:39 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]

DrivingPast posted 4/4/2012 10:47 AM

Didnt even know this topic was here. Hey y'all *waves*

I loved this line:

This situation has not rocked my non-faith, so it is gratifying that I am not just an agnosto-atheist when things are going well. :-)

tee hee

Hey panic, I actually think pretty similarly.... both seem equally impossible. Nice to find another weirdo who thinks like me!

LosferWords posted 4/4/2012 12:45 PM

Agnostic here. This is my first time seeing this thread, too. Just dropping in to say hi!

wantmyfamilyback posted 4/6/2012 15:58 PM

First time posting in this thread.

My WH and I were both raised LDS, but have been atheist since we got together. We have always talked crap on organized religion and said it was for weak people who need someone else to tell them what is right and wrong.

Some of our friends are born agains and have repeatedly asked my H when they are going to get them to church. He would always respond vehemently with a NEVER! Born agains never falter though and one friend asked him again and WH responded, I'm not into the whole God thing, but maybe I'll come and hang out just to see you guys.

Considering our R has not been progressing and is now derailed (WH is going through mood swings and depression again and re initiated contact with OW), I decided to ask said friend if he would ask WH to go to the next church activity. I don't think he knows about the A and I just told him WH is going through a hard time. It's my last resort at trying to save our marriage. I have no desire to become Christian or even religious for that matter, but I am desperate and I now think my WH is one of those weak people that need support to choose what is right.

Have I finally lost it?

Notmetoo2011 posted 4/6/2012 16:44 PM

Hi all, I didn't know this thread existed either.

My WH was raised in a very religious baptist family. I was brought up Anglican but just did the Christmas and Easter church thing growing up. I became more religious in my 20's and went to church regularly for about 10 years. WH and I then started really thinking about the whole religion thing, read alot of books, and decided the whole thing was a load of hogwash.

wantmyfamillyback
I don't think you've lost it, you're just looking for anything that will help the situation you're in. Since DDay I've had a few days when I almost think, "maybe there is a God and this is his way of punishing me for not believing", then I remember that WH was acting out while I did still believe. (Also, any God that allows the miseries and atrocities that go on in this world is no God I'm interested in worshipping.)

I think in some ways it would be nice to have faith in a deity or some higher power as it obviously can be a comfort to those who have it, I just don't believe there is one and that's that!

StillGoing posted 4/6/2012 17:05 PM

Most humans currently only use 10% of our brains capability.

This is a very durable myth. The human brain, pound for pound, consumes more energy than any other construct in the human body (approx 20%) and all components are always active, even during sleep cycles.

Considering our R has not been progressing and is now derailed (WH is going through mood swings and depression again and re initiated contact with OW), I decided to ask said friend if he would ask WH to go to the next church activity. I don't think he knows about the A and I just told him WH is going through a hard time. It's my last resort at trying to save our marriage. I have no desire to become Christian or even religious for that matter, but I am desperate and I now think my WH is one of those weak people that need support to choose what is right.

Have I finally lost it?

While I certainly believe there are weak willed people who prefer to cleave to comforting ignorance that use religion as that prop, it's by no means monopolized by religion. Given the opportunity I'd annihilate political parties long before organized religion, but kind of beside the point I suppose.

If you want to support your H in this then you aren't losing anything, you're trying to be supportive. It's not a bad thing to do that if he's trying to find some kind of moral guide. It might stick permanently or it might just be a stepping stone on the way to his own moral reassessment, which is something he absolutely should be doing in the wake of betraying you.

That doesn't mean you should compromise your own ideals, just find a common ground in honesty and support. Assuming he is meeting your needs for R and trying to make the marriage work. If he's just looking to grab a selfish piece of instant gratification then by all means back off, imo.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 5:06 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

wantmyfamilyback posted 4/6/2012 17:20 PM

(((notmetoo)))

I think in some ways it would be nice to have faith in a deity or some higher power as it obviously can be a comfort to those who have it, I just don't believe there is one and that's that!

I agree. I don't believe in one either. Maybe I am just hoping for some good influence in my WH's life. Our MC said he needs to find joy in his obligations (aka our children). I know that most churches have a high focus on the family and maybe he needs help establishing that focus.

(((stillgoing)))

If he's just looking to grab a selfish piece of instant gratification then by all means back off, imo.

I wish I knew if this were the case. I can't figure WH out. He wavers back and forth on a daily basis.

itsovernow posted 5/21/2012 08:38 AM

Raised with a Christian mom who went through hell in her marriage to my dad who molested my sister for 7 years.
I've been in a marriage of turmoil for 18 years. I throw up a couple prayers and hope that He hears me, but there is NO way that a loving God would make this happen to me, make this happen to my sister, I resent being told that bad things are part of God's plan. Its a total cop out for people that don't have real answers.
Oh and I went to my pastors wife for help with this. She said its more then she can help me with. Weve been going there for almost 10 years, not even one phone call!! I'm sick and feeling mighty angry and agnostic at the very least!
To the church I go to: Practice what you preach!!! You lend a hand to the community, well lend it to me and my family of 7 that are on the verge of falling apart. I feel very devasted right now.
There are no answers outside of myself are there?

StillGoing posted 5/21/2012 09:01 AM

There are no answers outside of myself are there?

If you mean in the sense there is some divine benevolence guiding an ineffable plan to fruition and all this pain and misery has a rooted purpose somewhere in the idea of Good, then I don't believe so.

Being angry at a god that you feel doesn't care is normal, but ultimately as an atheist it's no more possible to be angry at that than it is to be angry at the easter bunny. If you are angry at your church, and the people in it for failing you, and i your pastor isn't helping you with the answers you're looking for you may want to look into another church group. A lot of people abandon their faith when a crisis hits and they discover that what they believe does not coincide with that their faith believes, but it's always a good idea to investigate all the avenues that make you feel comfortable.

If you're to the point you just don't believe and don't want to find another member of your faith that you can trust or feel comfortable discussing things with, I'd suggest trying to find a local UU congregation. They tend to accept just about everyone so long as the attitude includes Tolerant and Be Excellent To Each Other kind of stuff. There's also the advantage of a similar community framework to what you may be used to.

It's hard to find answers to anything on your own. Hope you feel better soon.

itsovernow posted 5/22/2012 12:17 PM

Pastor represents God, pastor doesn't care therefore God doesn't care.

I think thats how it works anyway.

StillGoing posted 5/22/2012 13:19 PM

Pastor represents God, pastor doesn't care therefore God doesn't care.

I think thats how it works anyway.

Well, maybe he has more reasonable representatives you could talk to.

Me, I used to be Roman Catholic, now I'm an American. You know, you grow.

Abbondad posted 2/16/2013 20:11 PM

Wow! I have been on this site for three months and was not aware that this forum existed. Very cool. Third generation atheist here. Never have believed, never will. I remember growing up around others (all of whom were religious) and thinking, Wow, this is weird. Why in the world would they believe in god? I was not yet astute enough to really think it through; it just struck me as odd that other kids derided belief in Santa Claus yet never made the obvious connection with god.

Then when I was a young teenager, and realized that not only kids but ACTUAL ADULTS believed in these fairy tales, it really stunned me. I went through an anti-religious phase for some years--part of the whole rebellious teenager thing.

But now that I am an adult and have spent a great deal of time studying (as a layperson) psychology, anthropology, evolution, and philosophy, I find myself more intrigued than anything else that the majority of otherwise intelligent, logical adult humans nevertheless have this gigantic blind spot when it comes to belief in a supernatural being--or any type of "higher power."

It seems to be hard wired into us as a species. Plus of course if you are indoctrinated into these irrational beliefs from a young age, it is extremely difficult to,shake them as you grow up. Maybe if I'd been raised religious I would be right now.

How this relates to my wife's infidelity I don't know ;-) I do know that if I believed in god, I would have a BIG problem with Him for knowing she would do,this to me and not preventing it. Benevolent indeed!,

CircularPolarizd posted 2/17/2013 13:01 PM

Atheist here, this thread is great. I am the product of an all catholic school upbringing until college, and I never looked back.

I would agree that at times it would be easier to have blind faith, especially during the dark days. WW has begun to explore religoun as part of getting over her guilt. I'm fully supportive of her find her own way to cope with her feelings.

forced2moveon posted 2/17/2013 14:58 PM

Agnostic here! I was raised with mormonism shoved down my throat. I went to church twice on Sunday, every morning before school and twice on Wednesday. Even as a child the mormon teaching seemed very off! Baptism for the dead, having eternal marriages, having children in heaven and sending them to earthly homes!? Sounded more like a crazy drug written fairytale. I than went to a "christian" church and saw more hatered, judging than I'd ever seen! Again the teaching seemed like a fairytale for people who couldn't deal with the fact that there's an end.

I'm now agnostic leaning towards becoming an atheists.

Itstoohard posted 2/17/2013 16:37 PM

So glad to find this. Raised Catholic and always watching my mother basically doing what she wanted..affairs,birth control,miss mass-guess she knew she could go to confession and be forgiven.
Like my FWH (chose to cheat)I CHOOSE to live my life as a good person..no reward from any god.
I do feel organized religion does seem to help some people..people in prisons, AA. Seems some people need a reason to be a good person.


StillGoing posted 2/22/2013 15:59 PM

I think this is a great thread but I also think it's a bad idea to use it as a religion bashing venue.

It's hard to be an atheist dealing with this shit if for no other reason there's the lack of a built in, definitive support group. Even if you're not a body who goes to church there's still that idea that out there is some consciousness that understands your fucked up place in the universe and accepts you anyway.

I dunno about you but that is really fucking appealing. Following dday I wavered at the church doors a few times. I just wanted someone to tell me it would be okay. I didn't, cuz I didn't believe and it felt hypocritical, but I DID envy folks who can believe that stuff, for a little while at least.

Generally though I find a Terry Pratchett book to be a great substitute for supernatural connections during the bleak and brutal period of a purely secular personal crisis. It also has the added benefit of making you lol. I mean, Death is pretty fucking inspiring as people go in those books and if the fictional representation of the anthropomorphic personification of Death leaves you feeling like he's a swell guy despite the scythe and robes then it's hard not to think that shit's gonna be okay soon enough.

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