My H was willing to take a chance on losing me and his family for someone that he didn't care about.
There are so many comparisons made redarding a WS's A. Even if the OP was better looking than the BS. An unattractive OW (such as in my case) hurts too. He didn't even have any standards. He would've done anyone and anything that was willing.
Prostitutes are often thought of as less significant as well. I consider each hooker that H was with as an OW and even though it was a "business transaction" he had many ONS. IMHO.
Infidelity in any way, shape, or form SUCKS big time.
An A is an A regardless of whether it was one night or 20, emotional or physical.
It is betrayal. Plain and simple.
It hurts, but it is nice to read and have support from others who have been through the same thing.
Just curious: How many here have seen, or want to know, what the ONS looked like?
I have a good idea of what one of the hookers looks like. She has a website -- complete with photos. (Her face is fuzzy in the photos -- but you can tell hair color, body shape, etc).
If I wanted, I could email another of the hookers, pretend to be interested in her services and she'd email photos. She promises to email photos if you email and ask.
Thus, if your WH is willing to share the hooker's name (if he knows it... ) maybe she has a website?
Ahh...modern technology, ain't it grand??
I know. She works with him and her picture is on the website. I also met her pre-infidelity, but didn't register. I thought she was just another colleague.
I'm a bit SHOCKED that he didn't "choose" one of the 20 yr olds, or one of the blonds with long hair, or......
At least what he chose is something that I can "compete" with - vs. a 20 yr. old blond with long hair and a dancers body.
My eyes are blue, though, her's I assume are brown, and she's South American (therefore darker skinned than I). Other than that - I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have seen her at a work function since in Feb 07 (ONS was July 2005) and really she does not threaten me. I do wonder how women spread their legs so easily for guys they work with ... and how they hold their heads up afterwards.
My H still works there - there was no attraction beforehand, repulsion only since and as long as she is at the conferences I know he has a constant reminder of his past behaviour and it will not happen again. He has lost the privelege of drinking at work functions, a major factor in his behaviour with the ONS.....
Has anyone here read "Not just friends"? Is it useful in the case of ONSs also?
He said he felt so guilty after, and never bothered with her again.
He says men and women are "different" in the way they feel about sex. I told him it doesn't matter--betrayal is betrayal.
But, that's just me...
You just gotta BELIEVE
Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug...
OW has visited his office to say goodbye. She is not sad he is leaving, no feelings there,but sad that the co has changed in the last couple of years
Me? I am not threatened by her visit to H, I am excited we get to leave this behind us.
Till this point NC has been in place. No emotions involved, just a discussion that the co is not the same.
For me - I have my pom poms on - yippee - next stage in our lives......
[This message edited by babyblueeyes at 4:10 PM, January 8th (Tuesday)]
This happened 1 year (1998) after we got married and I came to know of it in 2002. I was wrecked.
Strangely both say that "it was a mistake" and I should move on. It took me some time but I moved on only to be dragged right back as I discovered a month back (dec 2007)my H has been having phone sex and other sexual conversation with another women for more than a year (Oct 2006 to Dec 2007).
In addition to his ONS, my H also had an LTA for over 7 years and cheated on me while we were engaged. If I hadn't found out about them all at once, I don't know that I would still be here.
Is your H willing to get counseling to deal with his compulsions?
But I don't ever want you to think that because you "let him get away" with the earlier betrayal, that you're somehow responsible for this happening. This is all his choice.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
[This message edited by firstandthird at 1:08 PM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
Ny WHs ONS turned into 2 ONSs, then a third, then the second one was probably more like a PA - yadda yadda yadda
He says that is all there is - I say BS. I think there are people who will have ONE ONS when they are really stupid drunk, confess to their partner, and forever be faithful...
But when you find out that your WH made "the same" mistake, over and over, until they got caught - hell, I think it may be worse that a LTA - because they'll just have sex with anyone who is willing and able.
My WH might be telling me the truth, or he might have screwed every woman he was every friendly with at the bar when I was at home with the kids...I may never know, and that is sooooo crazy making.
Waiting for the other shoe to fall on a constant basis.
HUGS TO YOU
It is really tough to wonder who the heck they really are.
I suspected...but couldn't prove...I knew but didn't know what...My husband wasn't drunk at a bar, He is a recovering alcoholic, comes home everynight, goes to work everyday...he doesnt surf porn (anymore..read my profile)
I have know idea how many prostitutes he has hired because it was all while he was working! He does commercial heating and air so he is all over town, I don't know where he is working from one hour to the next ussually. BUT, he spend our money our time our health on WHAT? He won't talk about specifics, he knows I don't believe it was just once (he was arrested a few weeks ago for solicitation) We are going to MC. But, I can't sleep, I wonder how many? how much? What did he request? My hear is soooo broken...I feel like things will be okay...then my imagination takes over and I can't function.
I start a new job tomorrow and I'm terrified of it. But at the same time I HAVE to get out of this house...I spend the whole day thinking about it.
I have to stop I'm crying too hard