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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks girls!

Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks girls.... I told H we needed to have a long heart to heart tonight... will keep you posted :)

TGI-almost-F!


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((whathappened)))

I think this is a terrfic idea.

I am going to quit talking about making time for me, and just do it. Regardless of time.
maybe some endorphins will lighten up my anger.

Making time for yourself can be tough but it is so rewarding. It can give you a very much needed break and well deserved rest from thinking too much.

What kind of things did you used to do that you haven't for a while?


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

best wishes for your heart to heart tonight wh2me... I'll be thinking of you.

Since we are going on this trip, I'm trying to make things extra special... tonight is our "Friday night"... a day early and we are going to have a nice dinner... his favorite of steaks on the grill.. I have all the house work done, ironing & etc so all we have to do in the morning is take the fur pets to the kennel & pack & leave....

I want it to be extra-special... and hopefully healing will begin...

[This message edited by dbjl at 5:23 PM, March 5th (Thursday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wh2m, anytime. that's what is so great about this site. we have each other to lean on.

i'm going to start taking care of me again, too. i am going to start by taking a daily walk. when h is home, he can come with and it will be time for us to spend together.

db, i am excited for you about your trip!


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dbjl, have a terrific time.

My H is home tonight for 6 days off.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Funny  Posted: 8:52 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohpulease: Thanks. It's a girlie place we are going to... lots of gift shops, antiques. The town is having a Spring Festival with wine & beer tasting and music.

Music & dancing is what brought us together & we still love it... plus wine & beer...


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we just had an amazing dinner. (mr. its returned from a four day trip, so i cooked a pork loin...)

he is going to clean the kitchen, then go for a walk with me in the dark.

op, yay for h's days off! my h will be home til monday.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well. Nothing really to report. We were both exhausted last night so other than me ranting a bit about the situation, not much heart-to-hearting happened.

I did say

why do I have to spell it out
and he said, I don't, and insisted that he was eating dinner.

I said... I don't care if you were dining with the Pope, right now you should be hyper-sensitive to my needs and putting me first.

Especially in an overnight situation. He said, you're right.

I know too, I'm PMSing and it didn't help the situation.

Question to the group: I don't know how to explain, but I will try. I know technically now because of the ONS, that I hold the power, but because of my strong personality, I'm hyper-sensitive to it and I am always tip-toeing around making sure I'm not abusing it. Do you find yourselves doing that? Should I be?

But seriously, if I have to spell out something so basic again, I may run screaming mad down the street and opt to pack it all in.


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone have a great weekend!

DBJL - do some dancing for me!!!

its - have a great weekend with H home!

OP - enjoy your H's time off... hope you do something special.

I haven't done much for me in ages... maybe I will schedule a facial... this A is taking a toll on my skin - my face looks like a teenage acne war zone (I'm being a little overly dramatic, but I feel that way sometimes!)


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wh2m,

yes, i'm the same way--very strong personality, somewhat controlling even.

this has broken me, though, and i find my personality not as strong anymore.

i don't worry about abusing my power. i don't abuse it, but i sure enjoy using it!

((((wh2m))))


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Iwillrecover
♀ Member
Member # 22329
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm worried that maybe I abuse it. Not intentionally but because I am still angry and I know he doesn't want to lose me so I don't get scared of pushing him away but I think I am killing the relationship.

Posts: 235 | Registered: Jan 2009
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with ITS. I'm also a pretty strong-willed person... or was, but my H is so much smarter & successful than me that I had pretty much held back (ms?)

I think he was pretty shocked when I laid down the rules to him. And I told him that if he ever does this again, he will destroy me, but he will never know it because I will be ruthless.

So, now we are really more on an even keel and it's working.

Hope you all have a good one. I'll drink a good margarita, some good wine & beer at the tasting & I'll dance my legs off!


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have one for me, db!


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I admit... I'm very strong-willed and controlling is inheirited for sure, which is why I tread carefully around the power. I agree with Iwillrecover... I may be harming the relationship because I am so angry and I keep pushing him away...

this has broken me, though, and i find my personality not as strong anymore.

I find this is true for me. I've lost my umph... I used to be a go-getter, high achiever and now I'm just flattened - hopefully temporarily. It has to be temp - because I want to be a role model for my steps and my daughter.

Couple things... when this happened and I (we) went to our pastor, he said that in his 20 years in almost all of the affairs that the woman had a strong personality.... like the man does it to say you don't control me... I don't know.

And sometimes I'm just pissed off that I let myself be in a situation (finanically mostly) that I am almost so co-dependent (again fin.) that I can't bolt. In my life prior to being married... infidelity in all my relationships was a dealbreaker... and guess what? they all cheated... shite, maybe I attract the cheaters????

Actually what sealed the marriage deal with WH and I, was that he said he had been cheated on and COULD NEVER... I guess that allowed him to not have good boundaries in place and well... hello, here we are.

[This message edited by whathappenedtome at 3:58 PM, March 6th (Friday)]


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question to the group: I don't know how to explain, but I will try. I know technically now because of the ONS, that I hold the power,

I've never seen it as having any power. It's like having a control.

Even though we think we have it all the power or control really means we have none at all.

Right from the beginning I wanted my H to use his own power and control to R, to fix himself and to help me heal.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uggghhhhh...

i don't know how to do this anymore...

he has no freaking idea what he has done to me...

how close to the edge i really am...

i just want to go hide somewhere where no one can find me....


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its, i'm having that day today too. i keep seeing it in my head.

i'm sorry ((((((((((((((its)))))))))))))


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OP - for me it's definitely more of a power thing... I'm always a bit controlling, mostly because that's my personality, and I handle most of the major stuff.....

and you're right, because of what they've done - none of us BS's really have anything but control and power over ourselves, but I'm finding that hard and I too just want to crawl into a hole, sleep for at least a week.


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((wh2m))))))))))

thanks


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
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