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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, March 11th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((whathappenned))))

Okay. You did it. Now let your anger at yourself go.

Remember, NC is for both the BS and WS.

As difficult as it is sometimes to not give the OW any headspace, just remember you are giving her energy that should be spent on your own healing.

Next time you get the urge, please pm me instead. You can pretend you're writing her in a vent. I won't be offended.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, March 11th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs all))) Thanks for the support.

ohpulease... you are a blessing....

what happened... me too.. pm me... pretend I'm the OW. I'm so sorry that you had such a rough day.

We have a new grandson & we went to see him. He is 26 hrs old. It's a 3 hour drive... we left at 1 & came back tonight. He's precious.

[This message edited by dbjl at 10:06 PM, March 11th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dbjl, congrats on the grandbaby

wh2m, hope you're having a better day.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning!

Thank you both v. much- great idea on the PM's - will definitely do that. You are SO SO right about the wasted energy. I find myself logging in constantly to see if she responded and I should be focusing on ME!

DBJL - congratulations on the new grandbaby....

It's almost Friday - I can't wait... I haven't been sleeping all week and am exhausted... have a date with Ambien tomorrow night for a sound dreamless night (hope, hope).


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good morning everyone!

hope you have a great day!

i have a date with ambien myself tonight... with the trip, i didn't get much sleep, so night before last i took one and had a great night's sleep. last night i didn't take one--and didn't sleep so well.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a family date night tonight. Hubby is leaving tomorrow for work again so we're taking the gang out for dinner.

We've got a 17 year old DD and a 19 year old DS, so it kind of feels like all adults.

One thing that I've really noticed over the last year, is the huge improvement in H's relationship with the kids. It's still very much father/child, but I can see how they are becoming great friends again too. I think that part was certainly lacking pre ONS. It makes my heart feel so good to see him putting in the time and effort with them and having so much value in the time he gets with them.

It's been tough with him working away, but in so many ways, it's taught us all to value time.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have seen a huge improvement in my h's relationship with our kids, too, especially ds. also, he is much more into family time and actually tries to plan things for us to do--he's never done that!

btw, i shared si with mc today and he thought it sounded great! he's going to check it out. i can't wait to hear what he says after actually looking at it.

(((((hugs to all))))


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great your MC is supportive of SI. I firmly believe in the more resources to heal, the better!


wh2m, I hope you have a great sleep tonight. I used to have really intrusive thoughts about the OW as well. I've never seen her and that used to bother me but now I'm happy I don't know what she looks like.

I don't have any nasty or funky names for her either. If I do have to call her anything, I have given her the name of 'Fluff'. Kind of like the pocket lint, dryer fuzz or the annoying little fluffs that float around the house or in the air. She is fluff in my mind. Has no real significance or meaning with me or in our M any longer.

Yup, Fluff.

Please feel free to use the name if it helps.

[This message edited by ohpuhlease at 4:31 PM, March 12th (Thursday)]


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i've never seen ow, either.

but i call her "flyho"


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I LOVE flyho! fitting!

Fluff sounds too nice for the OW in my situation. I think of that marshmellow stuff -

Unfortunately I have seen pictures of her. I like to call her international ho...as I believe that both of them (while deceived by H and co-worker) were looking for a free hotel stay vs. the hostel they SUPPOSEDLY missed their curfew for. And in all of her 'party' pictures she definitely looks like a ho. Not necessarily a husband stealing ho, but a trampy, I will sleep with anything kind of ho.

hope everyone has a great night.


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hehe

both h and mc got a good laugh out of "flyho"


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I not only saw OW, but also met her. She's a goofball.

The C said that women call all the shots with sex. They are the ones who can stop it, but also are the ones who bring it on. If she says yes, rarely can the man deny her. In her case, she was married, H was single at time. ... but dating me... She had already told him once that it was all she could do to keep from tearing his clothes off him & then she told him what she would do in very specific, uncensored words. He was shocked. Yet, he continued his "friendship" with her until his h---on was uncontrollable.... by that time he was supposedly in love with me.....

She is very unattractive and is nothing but a goofball....

Sorry... not supposed to vent here, right????

I'm spiraling downwards today


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((dbjl)))))

i'm not sure i agree with your c.

a man CAN say no.

[This message edited by itspjw at 8:16 PM, March 12th (Thursday)]


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the priest said it was just an impulsive move. Well hello!!!!

Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duh


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The C said that women call all the shots with sex. They are the ones who can stop it, but also are the ones who bring it on. If she says yes, rarely can the man deny her.

Seriously? Your C said this? Really? I think many of the BHs on SI would disagree with that.

the priest said it was just an impulsive move.

I can be an impulsive person too but I've never impulsively felt the need to jump someone for a ONS. I prefer to keep my impulses for a bit of chocolate or maybe that really cute pair of shoes that I really don't need. But impulsively have sex with someone else. Sheesh.

One of the dumbest things our first MC ever said was, 'Do you not feel special anymore?' I damn near flew across the room at him and wanted to say, 'No shit Sherlock. If I castrated you just how special would you feel?' Needless to say we never went back to see him.

[This message edited by ohpuhlease at 6:52 AM, March 13th (Friday)]


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said that the woman can stop it and she can start it, too. And if she's willing, it's very likely that he will go for it.

This woman was always telling him that he was so much kinder than her husband, he listened to her, he treated her with respect. And I'm sure he did! That's the way he is!

She was having problems in her marriage & was hanging out with a single guy & crying on his shoulder. His ego was shot after a 25 year marriage went away. This woman throwing herself at him.... had to be a boost...

It's killing me today. I am really cratering.

Going to your neck of the woods today, its...

In this lovely weather. My sister has to go there, isn't feeling well and so I'm going with her to keep her safe. Hate to leave the house... so very blue.

No one knows about any of this...

[This message edited by dbjl at 10:03 AM, March 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((db))))

have you thought about looking for a new c?

yes, women can start it and end it.

but so can men!

sending you a pm


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about not going back to this c. He & I go way back. I quit smoking by his hypnosis. Due to some other problems, I just kept going to him.

When I found out that my H had affairs when he was married to his ex, I confided in C. This blew me away because he kept it from me and he wasn't honest about his experience. To me, that violated a trust issue, too.

The IC helped me work through that. But... then I found out about this & when I told him that H couldn't remember.. he said that he could help him remember with hypnosis....

Next visit, he said he wouldn't do it... basically that I needed to just get over not knowing the answers to my questions.

And now, he says... yes... H needs to put me first, and yes... H needs to learn how to be more assertive... and yes husband has issues being a nonconfrontationalist.... (is that a word??? is now)

But that I have issues that I had H on a pedestal... I said yes... I did, but is that wrong? Is it wrong to expect the person you love to be honest... ? He was everything I wanted... ! C says get over it... He's a man. You don't need to know the answers to those questions.... oh but you're both doing so much better, come back in 3 weeks instead of 2....

[This message edited by dbjl at 10:29 AM, March 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sounds like he might be a good ic but maybe not such a good mc.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
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