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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, May 27th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi gang.
I'm in a very ugly and angry stage.
I hate everything that comes out of his mouth.
I'm pissed off all of the time.
I can't stand the way I'm treating him.
I read (past tense) on here so much of spouses who actually TRY to make it work, who talk about stuff, who go out of their comfort zone to save their marriage and apparently he just won't.
So I'm done. Why try? I know what the disappointment is. I know how it feels already.
I have higher standards. It's just who I am. Do I have to change who I am to accommodate him and what HE did?
I have tried to be more open to what he 'can' give vs. Ďwantsí to give. He just isn't making the effort and I just don't have it in me to try for him anymore.
Sorry, I'm rambling.
DBJL I'm glad you came back here. We missed you. I kind of went underground for a bit cuz I was too depressed to hear how great everyone was doing. But Iím back. I know my limits and I need my SI friends to get me through this.
its... I'm happy you and mr. its are in a better place.
All pray for me. I'm going to turn to a new chapter. June seems like a great place to start. There are

Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WH!)))

I'm so sorry of what you are going through right now!

I have been in the exact same place the last 3 weeks! To give H credit, he has still done everything right... except remember...

But I hated everything about him & what he did.

Are you still in MC? IC?

Your post ended abruptly. What's going on?

YES, YES.. prayers extended for you.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((wh2m))))

((((dbjl))))

while r is going good for us, i'm dealing with a lot with my niece right now.

i'll pray for you. will you pray for me? i find my self on the edge of the pit and am trying not to fall in.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A much better day today.

A point made in front of the MC is that FWH never brings up our problem.

I hate it. It's like he thinks there's nothing wrong. And if I don't bring it up, maybe the problem is gone!

How can he act like nothing is wrong???? I want to know that he is thinking about this! I wake up everyday with FOW on my mind. I go to sleep every night with them on my mind. If I mentioned it every time I think of it, he'd never have a moment's piece.

I know I obsess. Makes me mad that I do, but I think if he would just indicate that he actually thinks about it on his own, it would help me know that he's worried about it & would give me some relief!

Finally last night, he brings it up and he tells me that he's been working on the time line (this is something he's working on about his relationship with her so that maybe it will jog his memory)...

And we actually sat & quietly talked about it for about an hour. He swears that everything as he remembers is out in the open.

There have been too many lies and too many secrets about too many insignificant things. It was destroying us apart from the ONS.

TMI, I know. And I'm sorry.

Sorry I exploded on ya'll. (gosh did I just give myself away???... not from the land of pain afterall????)

But I posted, was in great pain & absolutely no one responded. Since I was in such pain, that caused even more.... And I lashed out.

(((to you all)))

Yes... wh & its I'll be praying.

edited for clarity & typos

[This message edited by dbjl at 4:30 PM, May 28th (Thursday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH never brings up our problem.
I hate it. It's like he thinks there's nothing wrong. And if I don't bring it up, maybe the problem is gone!

DB Ė this has become my life. In fact, these are the two sentences I live with daily. And I HATE it.

He is in IC as I type. I have stopped. I emailed our MC after a billing glitch (that he resolved and no more $$ out of pocket) but it brought us to the point of WH never does the work after MC so why bother. I left it in his hands. If its important heíll schedule us back and promise to do the work in our marriageÖ well it has been three weeks and we donít have an appointment scheduled Ė so there you go. He (we) had some scheduling conflicts and he hasnít been to IC in a while either. I exploded on him tonight about communicating and asked him to pack up and get outÖ I had texted him earlier to maybe move into part of the house that we are building.. I need some space, and I need him to not be in my space. Iím just tired of it all. He will say something after I loose it (all the right things that Iíve been saying FOREVER) and finally last night.. I said. You are too little too late. I donít want to hear it.

I donít know where it will all end or how it will all look next week, but Iím just done with the nothing. I may have said on here before or to some of you that I think he thinks that by building me the house of my dreams that he is absolving what he did and proving his love for meÖ is that supposed to be ok? Am I supposed to accept that is all he is able to give (thatís what I meant in my rambling post last night).

My whole world revolves around passive aggressive people and I can not stand it. My boss is so pathetically PA that it makes me ill now. I keep notes so that when the shit hits the fan, I can be prepared with what REALLY happened vs. what he chose not to deal with at the time it happened. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Sorry I am in such a bad place. I do need help Ė Iíve noticed Iím starting to take my frustrations out on my 2 year old (not physically!)Ö but I want to have a higher tolerance and patience level and Iíve noticed I donít have it left in me and I hate myself for that.



Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS - you gals and guys are ALWAYS in my prayers.

xoxox


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wh))) I am wondering how IC went for you H.

Let me know how things are going. I spent time in prayer during the night for you & Its.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks, db. mr. its and i are still doing well.

my niece is home and doing better, but still struggling some.

i am still struggling some, too, but getting better.

i hope you all are well.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a wonderful weekend. Truly. He left this morning for a business trip. I am going out of town overnight to see my new grandniece & a good friend while I'm in that area.

I hope your weekend was good too.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 3rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we had a good weekend, and good first part of the week.

right now i am waiting for my niece (i.e. adopted daughter) to get home.

mr. its left this morning to go work.

but i'm hanging in there...


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
whathappenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 21695
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi gang,

I've found that I can't even log on to lurk lately. I think its because I feel like I have failed myself.

My head says its over. That cheating has always and will always be a deal-breaker for me.... but some bottom part of my broken heart has not let go. I have asked him repeatedly to leave.

He left Friday with our 2 year old screaming crying saying don't go daddy (please know that we did not involved her) he was just walking towards the door and she freaked. She always senses things with us. Anyway, he had errands to do (half an hour north) he was gone for awhile and called later and was parked somewhere talking to me on the phone. I finally said I was going to bed. He must have come home when I was sleeping and he slept on the couch.

The next day he watched our daughter while I was at my shop. He of course was wonderful - brought me lunch, took her to the park, brought me a soda, had happy hour ready for me when I got home... etc.

I went to church and he came with (he usually doesn't want to), then he worked on the house and I went to bed. I'm not sure when he came in, I was out out and he moved the enormous pile of laundry I specifically left on his side of the bed and slept in our bed (and hasn't left since).

I just don't know what I want and I guess I can't have expectations of him if I don't know myself... which leads me back to being angry at myself.

sigh

how is everyone else doing?


Posts: 289 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Way UpNorth, California
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((to all)))

I having a pretty rough day myself.

I have a friend who went through a lot with her stbxh.

I've been thinking about this statement she made for months. Was fortunate to get to see her this week & she said it again:


"Unfortunately, all we wanted was to love our man & be loved by him. We didn't ask for this trouble and we aren't the ones who caused the problem.

However, in the long run, we are the ones who have to fix the problem. We have decide whether or not to stay, forgive & move on.

He might feel bad for what he did.But ultimately, we are the only ones who can heal us. We have to most of the work toward healing.

Yes, he can take steps to help try to close it. But it really is totally up to us to forgive or not."

She really is right, you know.
My FWH did exactly what I asked. It wasn't easy for him to do it and he procrastinated (being a non-confrontationalist...I know that's not a word, but you know what I mean) for a good amount of time. BUT! He DID DO it!

And, it helped me for a few weeks. He made the comment to our MC that he wondered if it would be enough.

Well, he was right. Because it was only enough for a few weeks. Now I want more.

And I keep thinking that if he TRULY loves me, he would just do what it takes to get me these answers. And I am making the deduction that since he isn't, his love is not strong enough.

So, I'm the one again who's praying, crying, turning myself inside out wanting him to do what he should do... but .... how many times should I tell him????


FOW showed up on the friend's list on facebook of a friend from my church. I've been lurking, obsessed with her & now... there she is....


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In all fairness, I haven't been nice to him and he did insist the MC hypnotize him, etc.
So, I guess he's doing some work... but not the emotional heart-wrenching work that I"m doing.

Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
1Marley
♀ Member
Member # 22281
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, June 16th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone,

It's been a long time, and I feel the need to apologize and explain.

A little over a month ago I found out I was pregnant. Very exciting news, totally took us away from the ONS and recovery, and more on building a future. It was wonderful, until things started going wrong.

Long story short, I miscarried last week.

I feel like the last few weeks have been so focused on my health and bringing a baby into the world... now that it's not anymore the ONS and all that SHIT I (we) have been through in the past year have resurfaced in a big way.

My husband is out of town at the moment. I am in trigger city right now, and it sucks. I'm obsessing over what she looked like (though he says he doesn't even remember, he was so drunk). And I'm completely obsessed about what it was like, and if I truly made him realize how much he destroyed me.

Does it ever get better? Or is it a constant roller coaster forever? I realize my hormones are not helping right now. I'm just so sad.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Jan 2009
dbjl
♀ Member
Member # 22878
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, June 17th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((1Marley)))) I am so sorry for your pain.

There hasn't been much posting to ONS. I'm not doing very well.

I'm so sorry. I want to help you. I'm really hurting & just am in no condition to help you.

I will say a prayer for you & keep you in my thoughts.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: The land of pain
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 17th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((1Marley))))

i am so sorry for you, too. i will pray for you and yours.

i've been going through a lot myself, a little bit ons related, but more not, and have been pretty much sticking to f&g and some off topic lately.

hopefully we can all get some peace again.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Devestatedx5
♀ Member
Member # 16557
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh (((1Marley))), I'm so sorry for your loss.


FBS-me (49)
FWH(57) ONS 8.19.07
Dday: 9.19.07
Married +26 years
RE-MARRIED 4.28.11
----------
Proverbs 31:10-31
Sometimes people are SO open-minded that that their brains fall out.

Posts: 2598 | Registered: Oct 2007
1Marley
♀ Member
Member # 22281
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not much to say tonight other than THANK YOU for the support and I'm thinking of you all tonight (especially you, dbjl).

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jan 2009
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why can't it just go away and stay away?

he was drunk and stupid one freaking night and made the worst decision possible.

it didn't even come to a conclusion. he came to his senses and sent her away.

he chose me. i know this. he wasn't looking for that to happen. i know this. he was drunk and lonely and depressed and stupid. i know this.

how do i let it go?


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry, everyone, for the vent.

i'm better now.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
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