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User Topic: Sexual Difficulties While In A Relationship
HurtinMan
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Member # 15695
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strider,

Wow... my FWW said almost the exact same thing yours did, along the lines of "I felt that every flirting or kissing would lead to sex if I engaged in it... and that created a lot of pressure and thus a turn off" she described it as the more I would want to be close with her, the more she felt the need to push me away, like a smothering feeling. It all comes down to space - I am trying to be more reserved and give her some time alone even if we're in the same house etc. I think that helps.

we had a heart to heart about it awhile back and have a few times since - I think she is getting it that every time I flirt with her I am not trying to initiate sex but it takes trial and error.

for example, during a conversation she said "i enjoy showers with you, hell I wouldnt care if we did that every day but I feel like every time we do, it leads to sex..." and I said "I enjoy them too, and its not all about sex, its just sort of being with you and bonding, etc" So I made it a point the next time or so to not initiate anything and that went well. HOWEVER, one time I got in there and didnt initiate anything but she was irked even though it was only like the second time in a month I had done that - my response was, "okay... when is it not ok, and how do I know the difference?" that is sort of a quandary with a lot of our interaction - she is not as forthcoming with when she is OK or not OK with things. She couldnt explain really about the shower thing so I dont do that anymore unless invited or we talk about it beforehand. Besides, for her I think that's a "private" moment of the day and in theory its fun when I join in but not unless its more Planned or whatever.

I feel like a lot of things between FWW and I are like that above example, we have to sort of retry getting to know each other's wants.

I can see why she feels pressure, so I've really tried to back off and let her initiate things more, even as hard as it is to do because I feel like she's a once a month gal right now and I'm still on the track of once a week. Still, as long as we keep telling each other how we feel and the dialogue goes places, I am content with where we are.

She also, (and other FWWs may feel this way) feels that things are "touch and go" sometimes with us and that sort of kills the luster, so to speak, which I can understand - it is my instinct to seek it more when we are like that and hers is to be more guarded. Hopefully as we both become more re-secure in our relationship we'll get back to that same page one day


Weepy -

I can identify - there are a few positions that I know FWW and OM mainly did due to office restrictions, (ie: on a desk bent over or on edge of desk) and I REALLY dont want to go there with FWW, not right now anyway. Seeing the "view" i imagine he would have seen is sort of a trigger for me too, so I'm trying to "reclaim" things so that I know no matter what we're doing, the last time(s) she did that was with me... maybe that would help you somewhat?? To desensitize the trigger by facing it? I dont know, I know its is easier said than done.

As for why you have to take the reins... I personally will do anything to prevent a trigger, including taking the reins, I only hope that will subside with time.


DDay - 8/2007 BrokenNC -11/07
BH with 2 kids
Committed to R

Posts: 1615 | Registered: Aug 2007
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy -

Two things come to mind.

One - control issues. For some reason, do you need to feel in control during sex? Hence having to be on top?

Two - Your comment about whose doing who...does it make you feel like just another whore he's banging when he's doing you?

If that's the case, I'd say it's pretty simple that you want, as his wife, to be a little more special than that, right? So for some reason, when you reverse the whose doing who dynamic, you no longer feel like just another one of his whores.

The general goal I would say is for you to not feel like that when he's on top, or otherwise doing you, right?


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtinMan -

I took that route for 4-5 months too. And at the end and still no sex...I just told her in MC'ing that I was sick of it.

Even the MC'r said it was a bit harsh...and recommended that we go home and just try it. Not make a big deal about it, just do it.

I really do believe now that the basic solution to solving problems of sexless marriage is for both partners to just make a commitment to each other to do it. Doesn't have to be a big production everytime, but just do it, and the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

I read in one of Harley's books something to this effect:

If a spouse has a sexual need, then the other spouse needs to make themselves available to meet the need. That doesn't mean twice a day, and thrice on sundays. But it does mean have sex enough to meet the need of the higher drive spouse.

Just do it in a way that the lower drive spouse is more comfortable with. I.e. as far as the actual act goes, keep the things you do limited to what the lower drive person is okay with.

Now, of course, none of this means anything if you're not taking care of each other outside the bedroom, too, but I think for us here, that kind of goes without saying.

ETA - You're wife sounds like she has a "you should just know" attitude. Hence why she won't communicate to you when some things are okay and some are not.

That's a trait of passive-aggressive behavior. It's up to her to communicate her thoughts, wants, etc. It's not your job to be a mindreader.

My WW is extremely P-A'ive (FOO issues there), and she doesn't even realize it. Since I've recognized it, I've done all sorts of reading and learned better how to not play the P-A'ive game and it's been a big help for me.

[This message edited by Strider75 at 8:31 AM, October 18th (Thursday)]


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
HurtinMan
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Member # 15695
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strider...

ETA - You're wife sounds like she has a "you should just know" attitude. Hence why she won't communicate to you when some things are okay and some are not.

You TOTALLY hit the nail on the head there. She takes that approach with not just sex, but everything - I should know what she wants done around the house, I should know she needs space, and so forth - she tells me what she wants in a blue moon and then expects me to remember/follow that forever as if that is written in stone when that's not the case.

I never really thought of her as being passive aggressive, just hard to get information out of but that does make sense.

Any recommended reading? I would love to know better how to break that game or habit...

I have also in passing thought before that her PA was the ultimate passive-aggressive behavior and she's even said before "maybe it was a sign to help us get better" or soemthing along those lines.

I would appreciate any insight or reading you have from your experience with the passive-aggressive game. I have a feeling I do it to some level too simply because that's the language she knows.


PS - what is ETA and FOO?

[This message edited by HurtinMan at 8:42 AM, October 18th (Thursday)]


DDay - 8/2007 BrokenNC -11/07
BH with 2 kids
Committed to R

Posts: 1615 | Registered: Aug 2007
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One - control issues. For some reason, do you need to feel in control during sex? Hence having to be on top?

Two - Your comment about whose doing who...does it make you feel like just another whore he's banging when he's doing you?

If that's the case, I'd say it's pretty simple that you want, as his wife, to be a little more special than that, right? So for some reason, when you reverse the whose doing who dynamic, you no longer feel like just another one of his whores.

Yep. Both. And it's really weird because I know my H LIKES me on top, always has, and I'm sure that dynamic didn't change with the whores and his GF. He's a "taker" in bed and in life.

Yeah, the last time he said something like that to me, I told him BJs cost extra. (It's a line he gave me when I asked if he'd ever had one from the ho's). A non-answer if I ever heard one. He got pissed.

I want to be special. He thinks I know I am because he's with me and not with her or anyone else now. He's not a romantic despite me asking for a little mood setting.

Weird guys, pre-A, H's drive was always lower than mine, so when he flirted with me or joined me in the shower, I knew it meant he wanted sex. And I was fine with it because I could never have enough.

Yet it's HIM that now feels pressured for sex. That he thinks every time I join him in the shower or get extra affectionate, I want sex. So I've been reduced to just grabbing the "package" or being verbally direct with him which changes the whole dynamic of it for me. I hate it.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Strider75
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Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurtinman -

RE: Passive Aggressive Behavior

I started w/ google. Basically, everyone uses passive aggressive behavior, to some degree or another. It's when it is a habitual thing and is taken to the nth degree that it becomes a problem.

Some mental health professionals actually consider it to be a mental disorder when someone is really P-A'ive. Other's don't think it is a mental disorder, but instead call it a behavioral disorder because a person actively chooses to act that way.

Anyway, there's all sorts of good starter material on the web that can be found via google...both in describing symptoms and root causes, and for how to we can deal w/ P-A'ive people more effectively.

There's also books available, and there's always finding a counselor that is good at dealing w/ P-A'ive problems. Just be warned, many counselors are trained to be non-confrontational...and that just plays into a P-A'ive hands. You have to find a counselor that understands P-A'ives and that you have to be much more direct w/ them to effect any change.

ETA = editted to add (i.e. i editted my post to add that part after i hit post the first time)

FOO = Family of Origin. Now that I know what P-A'ive behavior is, and how to spot it, I've been able to see that WW got her P-A'ive training growing up. She has a very domineering mother and a very passive father. FIL, WW, and her brother, they all deal w/ MIL P-A'ly.

For example, MIL will want people to do somethings...and it's usually given in very "DO THIS...RA RA RA" terms in excruciating detail...all three of them will just say "okay..." then when MIL has her back turned, they do what they want to do. Basically, they tell her what she wants to hear, then do their own thing, rather than actually stand up to her (like i do when i'm there...the woman wanted me to wear a kilt for the wedding and is still pissed that i had the audacity to outright say "no" ).

P-A'ives usually have a lot of pent up anger and frustration. And yes, my WW's A was definitely a P-A'ive way of lashing out instead of sitting down w/ me for an adult conversation.

There are hordes of things that lead to P-A'ive behavior. In my WW's case, it is that she experiences paralyzing fear of conflict, and fear of her own anger.

I think understanding anger is also helpful for dealing w/ P-A'ives. Anger is more than just when you start screaming and cussing at people. Right now I'm reading a book called "Anger Is A Choice" by Tim Lehaye (not sure of spelling...he's one of the guys that also wrote the Left Behind series). After that I'm going to get a book on P-A'ive behavior...I've got one picked out...but I don't have the title handy.

So, in summary - see what you can find online about P-A'ives first. and try some reading. maybe try seeing if your FWW will try some IC for it. I personally have not approached my WW w/ the idea of specifically getting IC for her P-A'iveness yet. Most of the time, if you point it out to a P-A'ive they'll just deny it. It usually takes a fair bit of work to get someone to realize it on their own. If your FWW is in IC, you might want to schedule a private visit w/ her IC to talk about this. the IC might have missed it...it's real easy for couselors to do.

I don't envy you. My sitch is getting better by leaps and bounds, but when i first made the change in my behavior to stop playing the P-A'ive game, WW had a rough time adjusting. It's just her whole way of dealing w/ most things in life seemed to not apply to me anymore, and she didn't know what to do. She's getting better about not being so P-A'ive w/ me now simply because P-A'iveness didn't work on me anymore and she had to learn to be more direct our relationship. It was very distressing for her, and for me too. but you have to be strong and keep it up once you start.

good luck.

[This message edited by Strider75 at 9:25 AM, October 18th (Thursday)]


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
Strider75
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Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy -

Maybe you need WH to do something during the act while he's on top basically to try to help you feel that you are special and "above" the whores.

Obviously, this gets kind of TMI to talk about...so I won't go into details...but maybe a conversation w/ him, with the understanding that sex is not follow so there's no pressure.

Tell him you want him to be ontop sometimes...but it triggers you and you need his help to fight the trigger. Discuss what he can do/say during the act to help you w/ feeling special. or maybe even before the act...like sometime for him to set out flower petals, candles, etc. at a time when you don't it's coming...make a big production for you.

but like every other marital problem, it has to start w/ communication. and while i'm sure you've talked about it with him, i dunno if you ever tried to discuss solutions w/ him in a specific, concise fashion.

hope that helps.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, my name is Weepy and I live with the King of PA behavior. "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man" by Scott Wetzler. I carry the damn thing around with me 24/7. I know it says Male in the title, but it's basically about P/A where it comes from and how to deal with it.

However, if you have any sort of co-dependent relationship going with the FW, it's going to be hard enacting the behaviors YOU need to change in order to get to the P/A.

My H's mother was the dominant and she did the exact same thing "Live our life this way, do this, don't do that" H thumbed his nose at that and did exactly whatever she said he shouldn't do.

I can ask him to do things until I'm blue in the face, but if he feels pressured or "controlled" which they all do, then I can count on it NOT getting done.

During the a period, I'd ask him to pick up the kids from day care... he'd "forget". If we had to be somewhere at a certain time, he'd find some "logical" excuse not to get there on time.

I have asked. I have given him "Romeo's Guide to Romance". It's written in a very "male" perspective and in short humerous paragraphs... he hasn't cracked the book. I've told him it's the pre and after sex that makes it different for us... that the act is the same with me, them, her, anyone, it's just the same mechanically, it's the environment and attitude that makes it special, unique. Unfortunately it will never be sacred (as I thought) again.

You know that I waited 4 months for him to make a move... (read back in this thread if you forget). I am not willing to wait to have my "needs" fulfilled that long ever again. He managed to do it far more often when it was "wrong" than when it was right, effort was put forth, planning and organizing. Why he can't or won't do it for me, I don't know.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
DragonflyJ
♀ Member
Member # 14571
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I'm struggling with is the entire time FWH( my gut still tells me he is WH ) was with OW we had a wonderful, loving,passionette sexual relationship. Now? He can't. We still sleep together in same bed, he holds me, but that's it. I just don't understand where his head is at anymore.He'll be playful in the morning, tapping me on the tush, coming up behind me when he gets out of the shower. Cute stuff. But, come bedtime, not even a long kiss. This just sucks!!! Sorry folks, having a really bad day. I still don't know if he's in contact wth OW. He is the only man I have ever had an emotional connection with during intimacy. Why is it that I miss it( him) so much? Was he that good of an actor for 3years that I'm was just too stupid to think it was real between us?


BW 40
FWH 41
2 beautiful boys who are my greatest gifts

R one day at a time.

"Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down." Bon Jovi


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
Strider75
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Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy -

You've told him what you need. He has failed to act on it.

One of the things I've learned about dealing w/ P-A'ive WW is that I can't just focus on feelings and emotions. I have to be behavior focused to get anywhere. That right there throws out 90% of conventional wisdom handed out in couples counseling and relationship advice.

It was when I started denying my actions of love and affection to WW that I really started to see a change. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. Hurt them and they will correct their behavior. It's a cruel way to think about it, but it's about the only thing I've figured out that works.

That doesn't mean be actively cruel. I just did things like stopped doing the dishes, laundry, etc...stopped helping out around the house as much. The only thing I'm as active w/ is spending time w/ our son. And I do that for him, and him alone, and not for WW, not to give her a break or anything.

I stopped asking how she was doing, stopped taking an interest in whether she was feeling good or not...of course I still care but it's totally up to her to tell me now. if she doesn't, even when i can tell there might be something wrong...i ignore it and go about my business.

now that it's up to her to come to me...and she's getting used to it...things are coming along nicely i'm happy to say. but it was certainly rough getting to this point.

so...maybe this is an idea for you...take him when you want him physically, and then go read a book when you're done. he'll eventually start to want something more...and that's when you tell him, fine he can set it up. until then, even though you want more too, go all out in the other direction.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strider - That kind of behavior is also met with anger and withdrawal on his part.

He "knows" I'm angry at him. If I don't go up to bed with him at night... then I'm pissed at him. If I don't initiate conversation... then I'm pissed at him. If I work late or go shopping then I'm avoiding him, which means... yes, I must be pissed at him.

When he "senses" that, he backs off. He's so used to being inside himself, alone, not needing anyone, that he can stay there a long, long time. Longer than I can stand it. I get lonely.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He "knows" I'm angry at him. If I don't go up to bed with him at night... then I'm pissed at him. If I don't initiate conversation... then I'm pissed at him. If I work late or go shopping then I'm avoiding him, which means... yes, I must be pissed at him.

When he "senses" that, he backs off. He's so used to being inside himself, alone, not needing anyone, that he can stay there a long, long time. Longer than I can stand it. I get lonely.

i understand your dilema. i really do.

but you are assuming responsibility for his emotions and feelings. it's a vicious cycle that won't end as long as things keep going the way they are. something has to shake things up to change the situation, and a P-A'ive person will never initiate such a shake up.

Is there a chance you could go find yourself an IC that is good at dealing w/ P-A'ive behavior? Someone that could help you break this pattern?


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for chiming in on this Strider.

Yeah, my IC is well-trained in dealing with P/A types.

I just found that for all those years -- half my marriage ok -- it was "easier" to stuff my feelings, my wants, my needs and cater to his. It's an ingrained habit to "feel out" H before making a move.

I'm a work in progress. See, I have to learn to deal with the consquences of speaking for myself, taking a stand. It can be unpleasant to say the least. One of the unpleasant side effects is he uses sex as weapon. He withheld it from me during his As and made it my fault. If you heard some of the excuses he used... well, I find it hard to stomach them now.

Unfortunately what it all boils down to is if he's consistently not meeting my needs, despite being very clear about what I want, then the balls in my court to leave or stay -- knowing the situation is not going to change. The question is... why would I do that?

So, we'll go to MC next week and I'll say everythings moving forward except our sex life. And guarantee myself another month of getting nothing.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hollywood_mjl
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Member # 16664
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any other BS just want your WH's to just attack you with some good hard sex? I'm tired of this boring crap. I want to feel wanted. I felt like we had good sex before the A, but now it is just this crappy, slow, "are you in the mood," sex.


Eh, he had an Affair, I left him...and I'm happy...life goes on.

Posts: 1234 | Registered: Oct 2007
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hollywood -- that's the issue we're discussing... the fact that we, the spouse, don't get the passion, the desire, the intoxication of the A sex.

And yeah, I feel like I and my H both are "careful", safe, boring. But I'm afraid to change it up because I have no clue what will "trigger" him since he never parted with any details. I feel boxed in.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I'm afraid to change it up because I have no clue what will "trigger" him since he never parted with any details. I feel boxed in.

Weepy - you're making yourself responsible for his emotions by doing this. he's a big boy whether he admits it or not. it's his job to look out for what triggers him and communicate him, and not leave you guessing.

hi hollywood - have you told your WH that you'd like him to do that? or tried initiating it yourself? it could be just a problem of communication. if you have told him, and he's still not doing it...that's a different problem.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
hollywood_mjl
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Member # 16664
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strider75,
I kind of wish that he would just want to have great sex (with me). I don't want to ask, because then it will seem forced.


Eh, he had an Affair, I left him...and I'm happy...life goes on.

Posts: 1234 | Registered: Oct 2007
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hollywood - i understand...but at the same time you have something you want from him but have not expressed. you see, us guys, BH and WH alike, we're kind of clueless sometimes. i'm sure you're dropping what you think are subtle hints...he's not getting them.

my advice is for you to bring it up with him and tell him that the ho-hum sex life is wearing on you and you want to work w/ him to make it a great sex life.

then talk about what a great sex life is for you. and don't be shy...don't be afraid to tell him various things you want him to do, things you want to do, etc.

and don't be surprised if it turns out that his idea of a great sex life turns out to be different from yours. it's just like any other issue, you have to work together to solve it and meet in the middle in a way that is acceptable to you both.

and give it time to develop. you'll probably have to both get in the habit of telling each other to make adjustments...in the middle of things as they are happening. it's okay to do that. it will take practice...and that sort of practice could be pretty fun ya' know?

you can look at it as being forced, or you can look at it as expressing a want/need and your spouse making adjustments to meet your want/need.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Strider75 at 2:59 PM, October 19th (Friday)]


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So how do you have this conversation when you're so damn frustrated sexually you're livid?

I made a move Weds on him -- he said he needed a shower -- it's now SATURDAY and he hasn't taken a shower... what does that tell you?

It tells me that sex with me is not a priority for him. He's avoiding me P/A style and it's not because he's "getting" it somewhere else, it's something other than that. And he'll claim he's NOT avoiding me.

He was home ALL day Thursday and Friday and couldn't find 10 minutes to shower????

Now we're heading out and I have to put on a happy face for our son and we're meeting his GF and I just want to clobber him.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, October 21st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here again Sunday night -- tonight's excuse... his stomach is upset.

So how do I feel tonight?

Hurt - rejection hurts and reminds me of the past rejections while he was in A

Frustrated - I want to have sex with my husband and he won't

Jealous - He never waited. HE and SHE had a great sex life while I did without. She got more sex from him in 1 year than I've had in the last 10.

Discouraged - Its alwasy going to be like this. He's never going to want me like that. Like he did them.

Defeated - He wins. He gets to control MY sex life. I lose.

Angry - We're screwed up because of his actions. He won't be direct, yet expects me to be. He knew I wanted sex Tuesday night but he wanted to shower first. 3 days he waited to shower and then still nothing. And he tried to blame me for not being in bed when he woke up. I was SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. And weekdays, well, somebody has to work in this family.

Ugly, Old, Useless, Unattractive, Undesireable.

Thanks so much Mr. Weepy.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
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