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Newest Member: Cryingforhelp (43146)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, May 25th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, May 25th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Mods your guys are great.

I was 5 months preganant with number 4 when I found out about H's last EA I lost it. I am still struggling with being pregnant this baby feels very tainted and it's hard for me to enjoy it at all. Hoping it will get better as time goes on or it's born I really don't know at this point.

I am very glad we all have a place now it seems like this is a common time for a A to happen as bad as that is.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Sad  Posted: 2:33 PM, May 26th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I'm practically in the same boat as you. I'm 7 months pregnant with twins. This is my second pregnancy. I already have a 15 month old. I found out my husband cheated on me 2 months ago. I completely understand what you're going through as it is very hard for me to enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy as well. My babies also feel tainted. My husband admitted he cheated on me the very same day. he just couldn;t stand the guilt. We went through 4 weeks of marital counseling but being able to trust him again is hard. Divorce was the first thing that ran through my mind that day but since he admitted his sin I chose to give him a second chance. I still find myself worried. I've been worried about STD's since that time and I went ahead and got tested. All the results came back negative but sometimes I ask myself if they missed something you know what I mean? I'm just hoping and praying that reguardless of what I've been going through that this babies will be born healthy. How have you been dealing with this so far?


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 26th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat too. I am currently 32 weeks along and became pregnant a month after dday. My fiance has been very remorseful and has shown a lot of excitement to be a father of my child. The OW is pregnant with possibly his child (a long story).


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, May 27th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am pregnant too....and we're pretty darn sure it happened the first weekend after D-Day when we both agreed to R. We're excited of course, but my excitement is very tempered by sour memories. I'm hoping as we get closer to bringing this wonderful blessing into the world I will not let what WH did to me impact my joy.

I did find out that my due date is 8 dates after OW's birthday. Not too thrilled about that...OW on the other hand is chomping at the bit to see me give birth early, because it would be "hilarious".


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
emany
Member
Member # 10953
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, May 28th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm pregnant too. This is our second and he is definitely an oops-- a much loved oops, but still...
Dday for me was May 2006, and we got pregnant in October 2006 even though I was on the pill and have a medical condition that makes it incredibly difficult to conceive on my own. Anyway, it has only been in the last month or two that I've been excited about the baby. Before that everything felt like a burden and I was constantly thinking about how much better things would be if we weren't having another one right now.

I'm having a hard time right now because I've just been put on bedrest until I hit fullterm or til the baby comes. I have less than 6 weeks until my c-section. I'm having a hard time because right about now in my last pregnancy is when my H got involved with the OW. I'm triggering like crazy over here.


Me (BS) 25
FWH 27
expecting baby #2
R is going well.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jun 2006
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, May 29th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 7 months pregnant when I found out about my fiances affair. My daughter is four and a half months old now. Things are getting much better.

It was tough for those last two months of the pregnancy, and her first couple of months after being born. At first I had no interest in her. That wasn't helped much by her spending the first week in a special care baby unit so I didn't get much bonding time in the early days. When I looked at her I sometimes (much as I am ashamed to say it now) wished I didn't have her so I could be free to make up my mind about whether to stay with my fiance or not without having to worry about her. It was a very difficult time so I feel a lot of pain for all of you going through this.

I just last week had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, so the last few days I've been on a downer from those pregnancy hormones decreasing again. It stirred up a lot of painful thoughts about the affair, because OW had an abortion. Me having to have the embryo removed was like an abortion, even though I had no choice in the matter. It made me think about OW, the fact that she had her abortion almost exactly the same time last year.

I'm still feeling a bit low due to the current downwards turn on the rollercoaster, but I'm glad to say that I love my little girl more than ever. And hard as it it still sometimes, I'm very glad that she contributed in my decision to stay with my fiance, because I really believe he is a changed man.


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's kinda like I can't even navigate this roller coaster thing while pregnant. It's hard enough when you have your faculties so to speak when you add in feeling like crap constantly and trying to hold down the emotions it seems very impossible.

Glad to see some of you found this group though makes it a bit easier not to be alone in this.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
JJ82
♀ Member
Member # 13849
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I'm really glad this was started. Thanks, Mods.

I am about nine weeks pregnant. This baby is very much a surprise 'oops', but we are excited about this new chapter in our lives. This is our first child, so it is entirely new and different to us.

Currently my hormones are magnifing the rollercoaster. I feel very vulnerable a lot of the time. Again, I'm really glad this was started ... now I have someone to share these feelings with.


Me - FBW 26
Him - FWH 26 (EA)
DD born 12/27/2007
Married since 5/31/03
Dday 3/1/07
Reconciled.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Mar 2007
limi
♀ Member
Member # 6126
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad to know that I'm not alone in this! But I'm very sorry that you all are in the same situation. My H's A was almost 3 yrs ago when I was pregnant w/my 1st. I didn't discover the A until D was about 4 weeks old, and A had been going on for about 3 mos. I am pregnant now (24 weeks) and triggering like crazy. H still works w/OW Although, I know that there is no contact, I just hate that she might "hear through the grapevine" any info about me/us.....


ME: BS 39
HIM: WH 39
Dday 9/11/04
3 MO PA/EA
5 yrs later...another D day
Filed for D 12/09
D final 5/10

Posts: 90 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Chicago Area
searching for me
♀ New Member
Member # 14810
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was four months prego when H started A. (On our son's first birthday) And it lasted about four -six weeks. For me it was easier to deal with the A while I was prego. (after the first month post DDay that is -- I lost 20 lbs that I didn't need to lose) Something inside of me got very protective of the baby. Something in my head finally snapped and said you have to buck up for your baby.

After the baby was born she was diagnosed with spinal menigitis. The doctors suspected that she got it from the herpes virus (from my H's A) and so she had to go on a week long treatment of IV drugs extra testing etc. That was hard. It turned out that she didn't have the herpes virus but when I think about all of the extra needle sticks and testing that she had to go through I just want to throttle my H. (One of the test required her to be sedated and when she came off of the sedation she had siezures -- docs wouldn't have ran the test had there been no history of A) I digress.

Now she is almost six months old and doing great no long term complications but now I am hitting the worst part of my recovery. We are in R, but I feel like I am FINALLY losing it. I knew that it would come -- but the last few weeks have been the worst.

Can anyone relate?

[This message edited by searching for me at 9:34 PM, May 31st (Thursday)]


Me BS -30
Him WH - 29
D-Day July 6th 2006
2 kids- 2yrs & 5 months
Married 6 years together 12

Posts: 15 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Midwest
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone doing? It's very quiet in this thread. I'm hoping that's because nobody is feeling too bad right now??

[This message edited by Jenny82 at 7:13 AM, June 3rd (Sunday)]


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
faithnhope
♀ Member
Member # 13209
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a little different story. I am FWW, PA lasted 2 weeks, EA about 2 months. I have recomitted myself to this M and R. I found out I was pregnant in March (I am 16 weeks). BH/WH keeps saying it isn't his, but I am 100% sure. I found out on Easter that he as having an EA with his XW, pictures and masturbating. He is now having EA, PA? with OW. WH wants a prenatal paternity test, but I told him I am not going to risk a miscarriage for something I am 100% positive about, heck I'm not even sure he was thinking of me when we conceived! I am more than willing to give him the proof after the baby is born. It is so hard being separated from him now (he left yesterday) and thinking that I will probably feel the baby move this month and he would be here


FWW/BW: 28
BH/WH: 30
M: 6 years
Kids: 2 his, 1 ours, 1 on the way
------------
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all that you do and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jan 2007
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

faithnhope,

I can't imagine how tough it must be for you not having him around at this time. I totally agree about you not doing a paternity test until the baby is born.

Are you taking care of yourself? Have you got friends and family around to support you?


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry double post

[This message edited by Jenny82 at 8:56 AM, June 4th (Monday)]


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Faith)))

Sorry you are faced with going it alone I do agree to wait until after.

I am doing a bit better lately can actually talk about names without having a panic attack. The group is new I am sure it will pick up a bit I am just so happy the mods put this here for us.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
faithnhope
♀ Member
Member # 13209
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am trying so hard to eat and sleep. I lost 4 pounds at my last appointment, but the doc said she wasn't too worried about it. I am drink 2-3 ensures a day, but I know I need to eat solids more. My WH has told me several times that I need to eat better and take better care of myself...does he not realize that he is the reason I'm not eating well. I am trying to move on, trying to focus on me, my daughter, and the baby. Thanks for the support on the paternity test. I think this thread will come in handy for all of us...thanks mods


FWW/BW: 28
BH/WH: 30
M: 6 years
Kids: 2 his, 1 ours, 1 on the way
------------
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all that you do and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jan 2007
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

faithnhope,

try to eat little and often if you can. Easier said than done I know.

My daughter has been waking up much more at night lately. I hate that because in the middle of the night I can't help but think about the A and I can feel the resentment building up. By the morning I'm like a volcano waiting to erupt sometimes, and I have to spend half of the day trying to feel normal.


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
ms521
♀ Member
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 11th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm due any day with baby #2, and I'm afraid of the emotional/hormonal roller-coaster ride that's going to follow this new arrival. After my dday#1 last fall, I remember feeling so angry that WH had been screwing someone else the WHOLE time we were trying to conceive a baby... but I took a little comfort in the idea that at least I wasn't pregnant. We decided to R, enjoyed lots of make-up sex, and finally got pregnant in October. I almost viewed it as a fresh start! I thought things were going well, although I battled my own neurotic, paranoid ideas that he was still continuing things with this OW (a coworker of his), but I always managed to tell myself I was just being crazy.

Dday#2 was a couple weekends ago, and full disclosure has revealed that the A never stopped (well, maybe it stopped for a week or two), but they wasted no time picking it back up.

WH is much more remorseful this time around, he insists that the A was dying out anyway, plus OW is moving to another group at the end of this month, etc etc.

I have absolutely ZERO regrets about this pregnancy. I fully understood that there was a risk of him continuing the A, and I made the conscious decision to go ahead and continue our efforts to get pregnant because *I* wanted another baby. I have no problem raising two kids on my own if it comes to that down the road.

That said, what scares me the most about this baby right now is looking back on his/her conception/pregnancy as the WORST year of my life. My mom is always saying stuff to me on my birthday about Oh... I remember being so excited in the weeks leading up to your birth, etc etc. Am I going to look at this baby 30-some-odd years from now and remember going through this hell? Or worse... am I going to look at my newborn, sleeping peacefully in a crib by this time next week, and feel a post-partum hormonal surge of sadness because the whole year of our "trying" plus my entire pregnancy is somehow tainted?

When our son was born, I remember feeling like it was OUR baby, OUR celebration, OUR story of life together, etc. Now I feel like this is MY baby... WH is somehow still here, and he had a role in it, but I'm feeling really detached emotionally from him at the moment.

[This message edited by ms521 at 2:24 PM, June 11th (Monday)]


Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)


Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
roses are red
♀ Member
Member # 14925
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband had a affair when I was 8 months pregnant and told me when our baby was 5 weeks old. It is sickening her did this to me and to our child. We are working at it and it is going well so far.


Me 37 Faithful
FWH 39
Married for 11 years, 3 kids
Confessed 4-4-07 to ONS
Reconciled.

Having a new bambino in June 2009!


Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: USA
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