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Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crossbow, I am so sorry ((((Support)))) Do you know *when* this happened? I mean, was the timing DURING the other stuff? Not that it helps, but maybe when she said she was done, she WAS done...just kept this "detail" out of sight. Not that it's a detail, but I wonder if that's what she was thinking...
I hope you're OK, I really do. I can't believe this is happening to you!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 5th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm gonna have to read all the posts yet, but just wanted to join this group I guess. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and I have a 14 month old son. WH moved in with another girl when he left me to think about what he wants as far as our marriage. He's not happy... now he's dating OW and still doesn't know what he wants to do as far as our relationship.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 3970 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 5th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it was a little "detail" from her A time that she kept from me until I found out on my own. It kills me that I had to get the truth from OW because wife kept lying!

She had gone NC (without a letter) with OW as well as sending NC letter to OM. OW kept pushing it, though, seemed convinced they had "something special" together so wife finally wrote her a NC email and sent it in front of me yesterday.

Amusing that she didn't tell OM about OW. She did mention OM to OW, though - who still thought they had something "special" - lol, FWW had a husband and an OM, and she felt "special?"

My wife is now being treated for bipolar disorder. Her As happened during her first full-blown manic episode.

Hoping we'll pull through yet. She's sought treatment & is religious about taking her medications....


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
mz_deelyte
♀ New Member
Member # 15644
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello... I'm new here and 7 months pregnant by bf of 7 years. Very sad because a girl came to our door yesterday claiming to be 5 months preg by boyfriend. I'm not working now due to high risk pregnancy. He admits to cheating but states there is no way child could be his. So depressed. My lil guy will be here in 2 months and i've gone from being happy to being depressed. i'm so confused, should i forgive boyfriend. wait and see? i cant stick around and find out later that this child is his. i would be completly crushed and obliterated....

anyone out there?


Smiling faces tell lies....

Posts: 33 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NC
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Crossbow)))
Un-fucking-believable. I am so sorry! At least she's taking the meds and gone NC and it's verifiable. It seems you've been hit with new disturbing info every time you turn around; are you OK? Hang in there! It *still* sounds like she's willing to make it work (if you still want that). Are you sure that there's no MORE in the closet? I hope you and your boys are doing well!

(((MZ)))
Yes, I'm here. I read your post in JFO too- I am so so sorry you had that traumatic experience! Why did she show up? To blow up his spot? To upset you? Do you *know* why? No matter what, it's excruciating! I'm so sorry you have found yourself here, hurtin so much. But I do know that making decisions and small stands for yourself each day will lessen the pain. I promise you the pain will start to subside. Now...has he stopped all contact? Is he willing to work on this? Is this what you want to do?
Are you clear about what you need from him to progress in this relationship? Have you thought about your boundaries, or "must-haves"? Where are you in this whole process?
I just hope that you are OK. I know how overwhelming the pain and sorrow can be. Like some very good friends told me (and I *didn't* want to hear)- it's NOT about you anymore- it's about that baby. What is best for HIM? Is it staying there? Can the relationship be stable and secure? Will you be a happy and giving mother if you stay? No judgments, no 2x4's, just asking some questions you may or may not have been mulling over. But they are important. I hope you have the loving support of your son's father.
Let me know you're OK.
-NoC


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, August 10th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((mz_deelyte)) I know how you feel in the sense that I was cheated on when I was 5 months pregnant (second pregnancy). My only advice is to have your bf make that OW have a dna test. Other than that, try to find something else to focus on. I know this is easier said than done. Right now, I'm trying to R with my H but there's a lot of tension between us. I can't really help you but I can give you support. You can PM me if you want to talk.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, August 11th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I will hate July for the rest of my life - 3 D-Days in one freakin month. That's just too much, you know?

Things have been better for us recently, although I'm having a rough time tonight (which means that it's a rough night for her too). And we have an overnight houseguest.

Nights are often a trigger for me, since so much of her tacky cyber-affair took place at night, with me sitting in the same damn room. So sometimes we'll have a pretty good day, and once it's night time, I start to trigger again.

After all, the most recent D-Day was July 25, I've been through the wringer over and over again.

Seems like all the horrible details are probably out now. FWW is so much more relaxed than she has since before her As started.

I have told her that I am perfectly willing to be supportive and helpful with her bipolar. The way I put it was, "I can give you In Sickness And In Health if you can give me Forsaking All Others." I can't do infidelity again. That's the worst pain I have felt in my 42 years of life.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, August 11th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Crossbow)) My FWH's A's started with cybersex so I can completely relate. When I had my twins, my MIL was staying with us until yesterday (one month) and it was hard for me to hide how I was feeling inside. Our families have no idea about the A and we were able to keep it from my MIL. There were times I was tempted to tell her because she's like a second mother to me but my H stopped me because I was reacting on the heat of the moment. This month will be rough because H is fighting a sex addiction and I've been witholding sex from him since dday2. He in turn is witholding affection from me because in spite of my reason to withold sex, he feels rejected and he's afraid he'll backslide if we have any kind of intimacy outside of sex. I feel miserable because now I can't stand to be around him most of the time. I've even asked him to only come to sleep for the next month.

[This message edited by momofthree2007 at 12:41 AM, August 11th (Saturday)]


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 15th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crossbow... I too hate July. Now that August is here, I hope it gets better!

one day at a time... I've lost 12 pounds during this pregnancy due to the stress of my marriage.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 3970 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
roses are red
♀ Member
Member # 14925
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

does anyone here feel like sobbing when they are nursing the baby......i'm guessing it's the hormones, but it's not fun.


Me 37 Faithful
FWH 39
Married for 11 years, 3 kids
Confessed 4-4-07 to ONS
Reconciled.

Having a new bambino in June 2009!


Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: USA
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roses,

Hormones and sheer misery, I think. Sometimes I cry while I'm holding our 3 week old son and he's asleep on my chest.

FWW is being wonderful, really wonderful. I am just in an emotional abyss. I saw a psychologist this morning and our MC an hour later, as all are worried about my mental health (I have been feeling suicidal). Have an appt with a psychiatrist on Monday.

Somedays my little boys are the only thing that keep me going, literally.

Again, FWW has been nothing but supportive, loving, transparent, remorseful, everything. She's working on her issues, taking her meds religiously, etc. I just can't stop thinking that she doesn't really love me, that she wants R because of the kids and because she feels guilty for causing me so much hellish pain. It just seems to me that if you love someone, truly love them, you would never put them through this kind of misery.

Rambling tonight, and sorry about that. Baby asleep on my chest, which is the only thing that ever makes me feel anything like "good" sometimes.

Hope everyone else is doing okay tonight.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
A woman lied to
Member
Member # 13020
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My c-section is scheduled for 8-22.

I found out I was pregnant just 2 days after dday. I bounced back and forth between abortion or keeping the baby for the 1st month I knew I was pregnant even thoguh I've been prolife my whole life.

Anyway, I've posted here before, but I just wanted to update you all who helped me a few months ago. I no longer have any resentments against the baby - I was feeling negative things about having the baby after a dday, but things have improved A LOT between WH and I. I know that this birth of our 2nd child will be different than our 1st (b/c of the A) but somehow I am getting thru.

I really hope that after I give birth, I won't become depressed.

I just wanted to ask thsoe of you who have given birth, were you more emotional b/c of the dday and A???


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 40
1st OW: High school f-buddy, 39
2nd OW: Married, coworker, 46
3 year old son
dday: 12-18-06
found out I was pregnant 12-20-06
Baby Girl born on 8/07
Went thru false R, MC
2nd A started around 10/07
Divorce filed

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: nebraska
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I was just emotional because of the drastic changes in hormones. That and my dday happened last september. For the first week and a half I was so scared that I would be one of those women with PPD. But it turns out that I was just tired and not used to being a first time mom. Its been getting better. Although today I feel very frustrated and pissed off. I don't know why because my H has taken care of the baby all day today.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
young_mommy
♀ Member
Member # 15137
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I belong here. First time my WSO cheated was last December when I was pregnant with our daughter. Now she's 7 months old and he has left me for someone else. I have never felt so alone, and my daughter is the only thing keeping me sane.

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jun 2007
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((young_mommy)))

I'm so sorry. you're not alone. After dday1 I felt suicidal and even more so on dday2 and my daughter and my unborn babies (now 5 wks) were what kept me alive. It's gotten better since then and I can promise you that things will get better even though now it doesn't feel like it.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
A woman lied to
Member
Member # 13020
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((young_mommy)))

I'm sorry that you're here, but I'm glad you found us. This group has helped me thru many dark times.


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 40
1st OW: High school f-buddy, 39
2nd OW: Married, coworker, 46
3 year old son
dday: 12-18-06
found out I was pregnant 12-20-06
Baby Girl born on 8/07
Went thru false R, MC
2nd A started around 10/07
Divorce filed

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: nebraska
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Young Mommy, I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Sometimes the kids are the only way to get through this hell.

Saw psych today & am on new meds. I'm hoping they'll help more. Things have been "good" between FWW & me, although I'm struggling so much every day.

Hope you and your little ones are all doing well - the baby is now 4 weeks old, has grown 3 inches longer but hasn't gained a full pound yet, lol. He's not quite up to the birth weight of our 1st baby.

And his big brother (22 months) adores him - kisses the baby all the time, always "reminds" us not to forget the baby when we go anywhere, etc. Sweet little boys.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
mtstar72
♂ Member
Member # 15585
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to pitch into this thread. I think this is the first time I've been beyond JFO or General.

My wife had her first A (that I know of) when our baby was about 6 months old. She had a ONS with a guy who was co-house sitting her parent's while they were on a cruise. I had to stay home so I could work, if I had been there with her .... anyway that's a train of thought I dare not pursue.

I thought we were in real R after she confessed to the first A but then it turns out she started another A only 4 months later. This 2nd A went on semi-regularly for 3 solid months before I busted her (first clue being excessive text messages). She lied to me every step of the way on the 2nd on- gaslight all the way. For a full week I thought it was only EA not PA. Then I learned the truth and things have been absolutely motherfucking crazy since then.

We've been separated for what, 3 days now? She is staying with her family. With an agreed two weeks to go before she makes any attempt to come home. I don't know at this point if she will come home or even if I want her to.

So we are splitting time with our now 14-month old girl as best as we can. It's incredibly hard.

The thing that blows my mind is the prospect of being a single parent. For a couple of weeks, sure I can deal, but PERMANENTLY!? It's just so overwhelming if I think about that too much.

I love my little girl beyond all belief.


ME 35
HER 24
1 Girl, 18 months

2nd OM was my former best friend and Best Man.

Divorcing.


Posts: 456 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: California
Aprilsbunch
New Member
Member # 15887
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I just joined this site yesterday. I guess this is a good place for my first post.
I am 4 months pregnant with our second child together, our son is 11 months old( I have 5 of my own). My SO cheated on me when our son was 2 months old with someone he hooked up with online. I thought that he had learned and had changed. Fast foward to now, a couple of weeks ago I found text messages on his phone from a women ( all sexual in nature). So now I am pregnant and unclear on what path I am taking with our relationship. I honestly wish I wasn't pregnant. I no longer have any desire to have his child again. I know that probably sounds horrible but it is how I feel right now. I feel no excitement or joy from being pregnant just dread. I have major decisions to make and just don't have the frame of mind that I need to do it.


Me 40
Him 42
kids: 5 mine, 11 month old together, currently pregnant
DD #1 11-06
DD #2 08-07
unsure of next step

Posts: 17 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mtstar, I told FWW that I was taking custody of the boys, because while she was in her A she was a totally unfit parent.

We didn't have the little baby then, but older son was only 20 months old, and she wouldn't have anything to do with him - he was too much of an interruption to her busy online life!

I have told her I will have FULL custody of our boys - she treated older son like an inconvenience IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS - how incredibly stupid was that?!?!? - while we were visiting them for a week. She was too busy sex-texting POS OM to be bothered with her little boy.

I'd be willing to be a single dad to a toddler & a newborn if I had to. It would be WAY better for them than being with HER.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
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