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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omigod, thank you for this. I am currently 8mths pregnant with second. 1st is only 22mo. I just learned of the suspected emotional/sexual affair. It doesn't really matter which it was, she was not welcomed into our marriage. He left last month to work on things between us. Said we needed counseling...blah, blah, blah. Today he tells me counseling is too late, we're too far gone. I made him say the words to me, I want a divorce. What was I thinking? Now I may be served papers while in delivery. I keep teetering back and forth, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are just friends. But I know, I feel otherwise. Too many lies and other discrepancies. I still don't want this. But I can't forgive/forget. How could he do this to me? Our daughter? Our unborn son? We've had problems, I was part of those, I admit it. But I would never bring someone else into OUR f-ing marriage. I hate admitting this, but I'm not excited yet about this baby. I am so scared that I won't be a good mom to him. It's not his fault, but I'm afraid. How terrible am I? I'm going to love him, I already do. But, how the hell do I do this alone with two babies now? I know what I have to do for me and my kids, but I just don't feel strong enough right now. I feel weak. For a lack of better terms, I feel cheated. I've actually resorted to practically begging him for a second chance. Go figure. I want to scream. But all that comes is more tears.


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation! Has he actually admitted about having an affair or is he still in denial? Either way the situation sucks. Just know that there are lot of people on here that can help and feel free to PM me anytime you like.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 14th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 30,
Like you, I am about 8 months pregnant (32 weeks) and married (separated actually) to a man who denies everything. I also feel like the baby is somehow tainted- and HATE feeling that way. I am terrified that I won't be a good mom; that I won't give her a soul because mine has been torn out.
Then I remember that I can't let his actions dictate how I feel about myself and especially this baby. She is flesh of my flesh- of course I will give her my spirit!
I am terrified of how things will play out with custody, though- i HATE the thought of another woman being around my child.
Anyway, I am so sorry you are going through this too. It seems to be an epidemic and it's just wrong! I guess it's up to us to teach our children better for the next generation. Give them the morals these creeps lack.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
brsmith
♀ Member
Member # 14619
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH started the affair two weeks before our second daughter was born. It lasted until I found out (April 15) when she was about three weeks old.

I've been on such a rollercoaster of emotions, but I've never really broken down. I haven't cried, haven't screamed, nothing. I'm really worried that one day soon I'm just going to crack. Am I still in shock?


Me (BS): 28
Him (WS): 29
Children: 2 young daughters
OW: Coworker
Married: August 2003
DD: 4/15/07

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Northwest
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not strong enough for this. I can't do this. I can't stop crying. I meet with a counselor and a lawyer today. I don't want this. When he came by last week he said he still loved me, wanted to work things out. He cried. We talked. Laid in my bed, put his head on my baby belly....talked. That's all I've been wanting for two years and he finally did. I've done nothing but think since that day. He was right, I pretty much had already fell out of love with him long ago. All I've done is complain, bitch, and nag him. I've begged for talks, outings, intimacy....NOTHING. Now, he talks, I realize my part and come to the conclusion that I do still love this man and want to work things out. ONE F-ing week later, he's done, he wants out. WHAT CHANGED?? I'm not fully convinced the A was sexual. I do believe that that heifer and her kids got the attention I was starving for. She got phone calls and conversations that should have been mine. I DON'T know what to do. I don't want a divorce. I do love him. I DON'T WANT THIS!! I know it's not all my fault, but now I see which part I had. One month to go for baby #2 and I'm alone. Where the hell is Dr. Phil when you need him? Someone hug me.


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((30sucks)))
(((brsmith)))
30- you CAN do this. If I can, then you can too. Sob & rage until your nose bleeds, but then get up and keep going! As so many people have told me- this isn't about US, as much as it feels like nothing else matters at the moment. This is about that baby you carry- God gave it to you and God will carry you through this. Have you ever heard that "footprints" thing? I have to remind myself of this all the time- God will carry you through this. You are a special, wonderful woman and you have all you need within you- even if present circumstances have hidden that fact from you for the moment. Love yourself, sweetheart. Love yourself the way you wish he'd love you. Keep your head up, and go and read the thing about 180- you need some healing space, in my humble opinion.

brsmith,
you mean you've never cried? WOW! I can't help myself - all these hormones and stuff. I don't know if you're in shock or just too busy with the new baby and everything to take some time for your feelings to register. How are you getting through this?


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone haven't checked in for a bit.

Welcome to the new members sorry to find you in this thread but glad you found us.

I am doing a little better we actually picked names now. I have about 7 weeks to go hoping things will get better either before or after the birth. I haven't done anything yet though no crib up, baby clothes still need to be gone through ect ect.

Sending hugs to all the members in this thread think we could all use it.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your response to my post. I was just posting there cause I wasn't sure if my post was going to be overlooked here. Like I said, this pregnancy has been diffiult and what I did after d-day was foolish but deep down in my heart I can't belive my husband has any STD's especially after numerous testing but when I start feeling weird I can't help but freak. 17 years, I was also 5 months pregnant when I found out.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had an idea that might help some of us that are having a hard time with the pregnancy. Maybe if we share our due dates keep track of where everyone is so we can congratulate those giving birth. Might help lift spirits a bit.

My due date is Aug 12 via C-section so I expect delivery around the 4th. We don't know what the sex is they won't tell here due to cultural issues.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
brsmith
♀ Member
Member # 14619
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NoControl -- I'm really not sure how I'm dealing with everything. It helps that my FWH has been incredible, but I'm really terrified that I'm going to just crack. It doesn't seem normal -- it certainly doesn't feel normal. I think a good breakdown would do me good, but I can't seem to muster up the emotion.

Maybe that's it -- I'm just numb? I don't have any other explanation.


Me (BS): 28
Him (WS): 29
Children: 2 young daughters
OW: Coworker
Married: August 2003
DD: 4/15/07

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Northwest
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's an bit more of how I can't handle this. I saw the IC today and the attorney. Went as I expected. I told him about it, some. Told him that I learned some things since our last talk and wanted the chance to share with him. Not saying it would or wouldn't change his mind, he said fine, tomorrow afternoon. Well, ok then. Perhaps it would help me to explain my side, I thought. I told him again that the delivery is going to be scary for me, because if I need a hug, kiss, whatever, I can't ask for one. He said sure you can, I'll do what you need that day. Now, wait for it this gets better. I told him that that wouldn't help much seeing as how last time he stayed with me and went home with me, this time I'm in it alone. He then said that to help me out, I could pump milk into bottles (I breastfed first) and he'll take the baby for 3-4 days to care for him. Wait for it..... He then claims that he'll take better care of this one for unknown reasoning. He never changed a diaper for our daughter, no baths, no bedtime, you get the picture. But this one will be different he assures me. NOW, is where it gets good. He then offered
to help you out, if you want, or even not want but just to make things easier on you, I'd be willing to take one of the babies.
Ok there it is. WHAT THE F**K!!!!! Who is this man? We obviously are not right for each other and don't know jack about one another. For him to think that that was a nice gesture to suggest to me is BS. Take one of my babies??? Do you think he's on crack? Gotta be, right?? I may not want this divorce, but how can I be with a man that would say that. Am I blowing this out of proportion (I have that tendency)?


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30
I really don't think you are blowing it out of proportion. Offering to take one of your babies? Its like ok let me take one of your kidneys or other vital organs! Have you talked to him since then and asked him what the hell he was thinking when he said that?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
lostandbroken
♀ New Member
Member # 14405
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, June 17th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have just found this area. What a great idea. I am due in july and found out about the ifidelity because I tested positve for Chlamydia. We are in R but I am having a really hard time lately. I haven't been on this site for a few weeks (hadn't really needed support)and thought I was doing really great, but a few days ago it just hit me again. Like so many others I feel like the joy that I'm entitled to has been ripped out of me. I am still resentful about what happened and that I am deprived of happiness now, when I should be so excited. Now I'm just depressed. I can't shake the feeling that he is lying to me, even though I don't hae any proof. The A is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. When I should be thinking about my baby. How dare he put this on me. I know every affair is hard to deal with, but how are you supposed to get through it when you are on such and emotional roller coaster? And what I am terrified about is- Am I always going to think about his betrayal whenever I look at my baby?

I'm due July 20th, It's going to be my second boy and I am having a c-section (or so planned...) Haven't decided on a name yet...


D-Day- 4-23-07
Me: Betrayed Girlfriend
Him: Cheating Boyfriend
unmarried, but together 6 years
1 child, 1 on the way

Trying to get through things...


Posts: 28 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: New Jersey
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, June 17th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D2D - no we haven't spoken really about that. He said later that day for me just to forget about it. He still saw it as him being nice.

Our continuous issue is money. Wednesday, he was going to take care of everything; no need for welfare he said; I'll have a check to you by Friday,he said. Friday, no check...it'll be there tomorrow; he also said that he'll do what he needs to to help me get welfare; he did drop off some cash though. When I asked him about it, he said that I'm not satisfied with anything. That's not it, I believe that if you say something, you should have some follow through. He's never had it before, why would I expect it now. He's quit me just like everything else in his life.

He's taking our daughter today for father's day. Please help me get through this. It's like the beginning of the visitations now.


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
wifetoj77
♀ Member
Member # 10781
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, June 17th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30 sucks, your better off without an asshole like that! Here. let me chop off my arm for you, ugh!

I was 5 months pg with #5 when I had found out about my FWH's EA. Hurt like hell. I lost it. The day after her birth, it ALL came flooding back. She is supposed to be out last baby and I get to look back on all that! Before I found out he didn't even want our daughter (and a few of the other kids). Although we are reconciled, I feel like he owes me and that I deserve another chance to have a happy pregnancy. I want more children and he doesn't but I feel that he should suck it up and give me what I want. Wrong line of thinking I know. Has anyone ever felt like that??


Me- BS- 32
Him- WH- 35
M- 15 years
Dday Easter Morning April 16, 2006
6 kids
Back to square one

Posts: 1203 | Registered: May 2006 | From: NE USA
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, June 17th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostandbroken
I just realized we have the same due date! I to am expecting a boy (my first child). I can't wait.

30
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I wish for all of us on this board to just have the ability to forget what has been going on. It would be so much easier to just focus on having our babies. I guess I am kind of lucky. My fiance is literally thrilled to become a father. He is getting scared though because the time is coming lol. When he is at work (he works nights), he constantly checks up on me to see if I am ok. I think he's worried that one night he will go into work and I'll go into labor!


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

brsmith- you amaze me in that you haven't lost it. I hope that you never do, but if it happens, we'll be here. I am so happy that he is being supportive and I hope that continues as well.
I don't have a support system. My parents try, but they can't understand what i feel or why i can't get over it. They've been happily married for 37 years, and don't know what this pain is like.
I've been separated for a little over a month now and the pain in still unbearable. Like lostandbroken, I wake up every morning to the nightmare of life and go to sleep with him on my mind, frozen with pain and fear of the future. I don't know how he could do this to me, to us. He doesn't even call to check on me or the baby.
I finally instituted a 180 a week ago, and am now moving to NC because it just doesn't matter to him and I need to save myself, but I wonder how. I vascillate between periods where I think I can do this, and periods of time like (((30sucks)))- where it's just overwhelming and I just want to die. If it wasn't for the baby, I probably would have already. So so hard to go on. I already know I'll never love again- I can't like I did him. I could never even look at another man since I met him- he was my everything. And I was obviously his nothing. Just a piece of trash to be thrown away when he was done.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Jenny82
♀ Member
Member # 13064
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't checked this thread for a while. Just want to say hi to all those that joined although I'm sorry that you have to be here.

Affairs are hard enough without being forced into having the joy that you should feel with a pregnancy/baby being tainted by all this. It makes me so sad to see all of you that have been robbed of so much by the thoughtless actions of your husbands.


Posts: 1846 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: England
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something positive has happened in my life since all this. My husband is clear of any STD's. He got tested for HIV yesterday and the results were negative. It's safe to say that because 3 months is conclusive with today's testing, and the one who have to test through 6 months are very rare cases. Anyway, I can more easily focus on this pregnancy but I understand how you all feel, especially you, wifetoj77. I was thinking of having this pregnancy be my last, since they're twins and I already have 16 month old. I'm not looking forward to the postpartum period after looking back at the events up to that time. First, I found out about this pregnancy at a time when I wasn't ready to have another child, and once I accepted it and tried to be happy about it, my husband dropped the bombshell and it's been a nightmare ever since. Now I'm considering having another child in about 5 years, at my husband's request, just so I won't remember my last pregnancy this way.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
hurtinTX
♀ Member
Member # 2185
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry ladies, for all of you going through this right now.

I'm an old member of this group. I just wanted to share a brief look at my story and what did happen to me after the pregnant and betrayed part of my life.

I did have D-day while I was pregnant with my son. Hit like a ton of bricks and hurt so bad. I lost weight, felt disconnected to my child, and completely cheated out of my pregnancy and being happy and all that goes with it. Why couldn't my husband just CHERISH me while I was carrying his child. Why throw me away and treat me like dirt?

My husband decided to leave a few weeks after d-day. He did a fake R. He just filed for divorce and left me alone in the house at 7 months. I had been alone anyways while he was out with his As but this time he had taken all his clothes out of the closet and up and left for good. I hurt so much and didn't care about myself. My baby was probably the only reason that I kept going. I kept saying it wasn't fair to him if I gave up too.

I ended up having my son alone. Being technically married but alone in the hospital was so surreal. Having a newborn by myself was so hard. I kept telling myself, it isn't suppossed to be like this. I could never wrap my head around why my XH chose a married older woman over us. Nothing I did... deserved what he did to me.. to our child.

So I hit the anger stage and it took about a year to divorce. My son was 8months old at that time when my marriage ended. My XH sent in child support but we got nothing else, no extras, no gifts, no nothing.

To make a long story short. I did meet someone wonderful. He's been a wonderful dad to my son and now we have a daughter together. I did get that dream pregnancy. My XH still doesn't get it. I am amazed how far I have come. We didn't miss my XH because he had never been around anyways. You can't miss what you never had!

Anyways, I'm sort of glad that things happened this way. I'm much more happier now than I was with my XH. It was a blessing in disguise. Now, looking back.. I wish I would have left the moment I found out I was pregnant. I would have left HIS A$$!!

Remember, everything happens for a reason. You might not see the big picture now but later on you might. In the end, if my XH was stupid enough to file for divorce and lose us and to treat my son and I so badly and to pick the OW over us .. then that was my sign that I couldn't go back to that nor raise my child with him. It was just too much.

I made it, and so can you! Love your babies!


Me BW:24 (me 5 mos Pregnant)
WXH:24 D-day July 20th 2003
OW#1 33, MOW#2 43
WH filed for divorce Sept 2003
Had DS Oct 2003
Divorce Aug 30, 2004
Met SO. DD born Jan 5, 2007 w/SO!
DS born May 28, 2008 w/SO!
Married SO Nov 5, 2008!!! HAPPY!

Posts: 1927 | Registered: Sep 2003 | From: Texas
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