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Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
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kdny
♀ Member
Member # 760 |  Posted: 7:34 PM, January 30th (Saturday), 2010 |     |
Welcome Tee T,
You'll find kindred spirits in this thread but if you need immediate support post your story in the Just Found Out forum. That forum moves a little faster than this thread. 
Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound
Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head | holland
♀ New Member
Member # 28089 | | Posted: 4:28 PM, March 30th (Tuesday), 2010 | |
I just found out that my husband began an affair 2months after I discovered my pregnancy. It has been going on for 8 months and only stopped because he got caught. Our daughter is 2 months old.
He completely compartmentalized. He was loving, supportive and doting during the pregnancy and the last two months of our daughter's life.
I can't help but feel that all of that doting was guilt-driven. He is a provider and continues to be, but I am spiteful because I want a partner.
I think he had NC, and he's not committed to MC yet. I feel so completely betrayed that I can't imagine raising our child together. He left us BOTH to be with another woman, and I just want to protect our baby. While he isn't a perfect father, he is trying really hard. I can't let myself leave her alone with him, however. Maybe its because his priorities are screwed up and I can't trust him, but maybe it's my way of punishing him for walking away from us.
How do I allow him to be a father when we aren't sure if we are going to R or D?
Posts: 47 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan | MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451 | | Posted: 3:57 PM, April 4th (Sunday), 2010 | |
holland-that is a tough question. i do think you should do the 180-and maybe let him parent when he is in the house. cheating on you=NOT a good parent. don't get suckered into the idea that YOU don't matter jsut bc he dots on the kids.
to me, the worst thing you can do-besides kill her-is to cheat on your child's mother. period. he did cheat on you-and on your child. period.
180!!!
BW-Me, 38
SA WH: 39
DD: ONS, SA dx 8/25/09
3 children 3& under. May the force be with me.
Posts: 653 | Registered: Sep 2009 | Heartbroken1993
♀ Member
Member # 27887 | | Posted: 2:19 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010 | |
Hi everyone! Just wanted to come on here since my situation has on yet another direction.
I am 4.5 months out from d-day and I just found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant.
Hubby and I are doing very well with r'ing but I have to say that I am really really scared of him leaving...he has been good about reasuring me that he won't but the fear is so real I can't shake it sometimes.
Read my profile for my tidbits
Any advice is welcomed
WS-Him 35 (2 PA's)IamsosorryHB1993 (IASS)
BS-Me 35
Married 10yrs, together 19yrs. HS Sweethearts & Onlies
DD 3.5yrs
DS 1.5yrs
Getting Better
Posts: 1187 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: OH | GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127 | | Posted: 12:50 PM, April 25th (Sunday), 2010 | |
Hugs to you all dealing with A's during pg. I can't imagine! ((hugs))
I don't know if I qualify as a 'new parent' as my twins are 17 months old, but I thought I'd post. He moved out when they were 14 months old. But he recently told me that his EA last summer, when the babies were 8-9 months old, probably would've went PA had he had the opportunity.
Oh yea, we tried for them for four years - and I've felt like a single parent since they were born. 
Being a single parent sucks.
Hugs everyone!
Me - Now 35 y/o
WXH: Now 44 y/o lives 9 hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 4 yr old B/G twins. 80% or more custody since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11
Posts: 1617 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest | holland
♀ New Member
Member # 28089 | | Posted: 10:22 AM, May 5th (Wednesday), 2010 | |
Anybody out there separated from the WH? We are struggling because I can't 180 when he is still coming over to our house for visitation three times a week. If I do, he thinks I'm playing games. If I don't we end up in angry/tearful conversations.
Our little one is three months old now and he chose to move out when I told him that he would have to stop bar-going (this is where he met the OW). He this is totally unreasonable, and I don't know how to explain that he NEEDS to be here in order to make this family work. He thinks if the baby and I have fallen asleep then he should be able to go out drinking and I think that is BS. Can't get through to him, though, since he thinks I'm just spitefully punishing him.
He's a new dad, so he hasn't had a chance to really bond with our baby and see why a family is the greatest gift ever.
I'm 90% sure that I want a divorce. I think it's best for my little girl to see a happy health mommy who would rather live alone than compromise herself for a selfish and immature man. I feel guilty for being the one to make that call, though. How will I tell her someday that it was for the best?
Posts: 47 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan | twicedestroyed
♀ Member
Member # 28197 | | Posted: 2:05 PM, May 5th (Wednesday), 2010 | |
Guess its time for me to post here as well since today is one of those days where I am just so sad and hurt and angry about the timing of WHs A.
Flirting with a M co-worker started when I was about 6 months pregnant. At 7 months pregnant she joined the gym where he worked out and would go the same time he did, so they worked out together. By 8 months, they discussed their flirting and decided that they were indeed attracted to each other (this was on my son's 2nd BIRTHDAY...WH was late to his party because he was having this discussion with her) About a week later they were "taking it to the next level" and kissing.
Just a few days after that at almost 36 weeks, I went into labor. He insisted on going to work so he could talk to her the whole way there only to turn around and come home to take me to the hospital...that night we found out that our baby had died from a cord accident over the weekend. She was the first person he called only 30 mins after I delivered our little girl. He left me in the hospital the next morning to go print pictures of her and spent the whole time on the phone with her. He asked her to come to my daughter's memorial to support him and she did.
He was out of work for the next 2 weeks, but that didn't stop him from seeing her at the gym during the kids' naptime or taking the kids to the gym's daycare in the evenings to see her (leaving me home alone, grieving)
After being back on the job for only 4 days, he took a vacation day to travel almost 2 hours to a hotel to have sex with her. About a week later I found out about the A and when I confronted him he said he was leaving me and going to still date her...this was 27 days after my baby died! I can no longer even think about my sweet angel without thinking about his betrayal. All my memories of her are tainted with memories of his A. Apparently WH didn't think I loved him. I wasn't showing him enough attention during my pregnancy...did I mention that I was doing an internship for my master's degree at that time as well (which I finished and got during all this) Oh, and I was also dealing with some health issues from the pregnancy too.
Fast forward exactly one year and here we are today...with a new baby. Seems in all the confusion of post partum ovulation and HB, I got pregnant again just 3 months after delivering Elise.
What a wild ride it's been...I hate rollercoasters!
Me-BS 35
Him-(F)WS 38
DDay 5/09 with TT all month after 7 years of marriage
3 month EA/PA with MOW (co-worker) while I was pregnant and during/after her birth/death
Living children, 4...currently 16 (mine/his step daughter), 8, 6, 3 (product of HB)
Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: East Coast | stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894 | | Posted: 10:00 AM, May 10th (Monday), 2010 | |
twicedestroyed - i don't know how you do it. some of the things i read, i can't believe people survive this stuff. reading the story about him and your lost little darling just made me sick for you.
holland - my DD is just over 14 months. the OC is about 9 mos. the 180 is hard, i feel so mean when he comes over, but the more i wait to see if he's really ever going to get it, the more removed and reserved i get. it's like instead of fighting for me as he thinks he's losing me, he looks like he's deciding "there's only so much i can do, poor me."
he's a good dad, and i hope he stays that way. he has the potential to flake pretty hard if he gives up. now he's probably got another DD who may never be so darling to him if he can help it. he doesn't even like OW.
these last couple of weeks and mother's day have been hard. i couldn't help but think he was going to sweep me away with some "mother of my child" gesture or speech... he used to be so good at that stuff...and when he didn't, i kept thinking cynically, "well i guess that's not really so special for you is it?"
his A during my 8th month of pregnancy and the resulting OC has been too much for me. i can't believe how much of motherhood is tainted (right now) by the trail of broken dreams he's laid. i know the rewards will far outweigh what he's taken from me, but right now, there's just so much loss and sadness, for me, for her. if i didn't have DD1, i can tell you my reaction to all of this would be VERY different. i've got some self-destructive tendancies - some fun, some not, all put away for the sake of my perfect toddler.
it's still all so shocking everyday. i already miss my in-laws, going to their house up north in the summer, and his friends. so many damn things. we were the "perfect couple." yep.
http://actionfiguretrish.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Posts: 3915 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast | Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564 |  Posted: 10:30 PM, May 20th (Thursday), 2010 | |
I am currently 22 weeks pregnant. I found out about my WS 2nd A when I was 18 weeks pregnant. The sad thing for me is I was unsure about not being on birth control because I knew he was not doing everything he said he would after the 1st A. I got pregnant after he ended it with the OW #2 and started IC and meds for his depression.
I found out because OW #2 decided to email me details of the affair 
She proceeded to write me and got angry when I called her out for being an angry bitter women whose life is not going well(she broke up with her boyfriend the day before). I ended up in the hospital that day due to overwhelming stress. My OB is still really concerned because of the stress. But by the grace of God baby is healthy. Ultrasound showed he are having another boy last friday 
I am in IC to help with the stress and am pretty lucky that my WS is doing everything to help keep my stress down. I am not worried that he is seeing her she lives over an hour away and was fired from their place of employment a couple of weeks after the ended the A due to drug use. He is always here even though I am completely hormonal and dealing with this.
Still ticks me off that she thought she loved him. He had sex with her on his 30 min lunch break and they had to drive to a park so no one knew. It only happened a few times he says 2 she says a few so I am saying 3. He always came home to me I needed the car to get to work and he was always home on time.
Emotions are less now because I know I need to be relaxed for baby.
He is a blessing even though I fought it all the way. I am naming him after my uncle and closest cous.in that have passed in the last 2 years
Me-BS(31)
Him-WS(35)
Married-11 years together 12
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 2
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 735 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan | stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894 | | Posted: 9:10 AM, May 22nd (Saturday), 2010 | |
Hearthache again - wow. what a fun twist on what is already a sickening rollercoaster.
take care like you are. you sound good. try not to worry about a thing, you have plenty of time for that. be totally selfish, as tender as you can to yourself and let him help you as much as he will... unless he doesn't, in which case, you can tell him where to go. you can make decisions whenever you want, down the road when/if you are ready. if he can handle your emotions, stick by you for the next, let's say, year while your hormones freak out and settle down... i'd think that would grow back some faith that would be useful if you try to truly R and deal with this later. of course, you'd also be justified in taking advantage of his support and then booting him as far as you'd like.
do you have some other family support or anything? as always, my advice is meant more as encouragement and hugs than anything. i mean, i'm here asking questions too. but there are so many people here for you. let us know how you are doing from time to time if you can :)
http://actionfiguretrish.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Posts: 3915 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast | twicedestroyed
♀ Member
Member # 28197 | | Posted: 11:41 AM, May 22nd (Saturday), 2010 | |
I've told WH on several occasions that he is lucky I got pregnant and our newest baby is here and I "NEED" his help with the kids or I would have kicked his sorry butt out last fall. I still haven't ruled out the possibility of getting myself and my kids in a stable place where I don't need his help so much and then kicking him out
Me-BS 35
Him-(F)WS 38
DDay 5/09 with TT all month after 7 years of marriage
3 month EA/PA with MOW (co-worker) while I was pregnant and during/after her birth/death
Living children, 4...currently 16 (mine/his step daughter), 8, 6, 3 (product of HB)
Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: East Coast | Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564 | | Posted: 12:03 AM, May 23rd (Sunday), 2010 | |
stretch 13 I have not told my family of the second afair. My mother is a man hater due to the crap they have put her through and I don't want to deal with her also telling me what to do.
I have alot of support from my church family though so many have offered to help already. I feel lucky to have them supporting me either way I choose. They say it is all up to me. They have even told my husband you do what ever it takes to make sure baby and i are ok. This is your mess and you have to deal with it.
So I have plenty of support, I also have a couple of really close friends from church that have been through this both on the R side and D side of this.
Me-BS(31)
Him-WS(35)
Married-11 years together 12
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 2
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 735 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan | stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894 | | Posted: 1:17 PM, May 25th (Tuesday), 2010 | |
heartache again - thanks for checking back in. i'm really glad to hear you have so much support. i know it saved me from some kind of darkness i can only now imagine. i'm glad the pressure is on him too :)
twicedestroyed - certainly no one would blame you for "using him up" and then taking back your life. God knows he's tried to use up your grace and forgiveness quite a few times. you and me - we can just hug our little ones for now, eh?
http://actionfiguretrish.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Posts: 3915 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast | Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564 | | Posted: 8:10 PM, May 28th (Friday), 2010 | |
Just keeping everyone updated. Baby is doing good. Talked about my stress with doctor and was told to take it easy, I will try. My blood presure was good and I get another ultrasound because my son is stuborn and did not move to show off his spin. So I get to see him again in 3 more weeks
Me-BS(31)
Him-WS(35)
Married-11 years together 12
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 2
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 735 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan | stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894 | | Posted: 11:16 AM, June 2nd (Wednesday), 2010 | |
YAY! great baby news :) thank you for sharing!
http://actionfiguretrish.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Posts: 3915 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast | Here.I.am
♀ Member
Member # 29772 | | Posted: 4:00 PM, October 7th (Thursday), 2010 | |
20 weeks pregnant with our first, DDay happened 10 days ago. Found out WH has been cheating with prositutes for the past year or two the last one was just a few days before DDay. There was also a PA with a woman he worked with 4 years ago during the first 6 months of our relationship. He has kept in touch with her all this time. I found naked pics of her on our computer that's how I found out. He says they were only physical 4 years ago and it wasn't an EA but why does he still talk to her? He got a std test done today we find out the results in a few days. I fear for my baby's health not just because of that but because of all the stress I'm under, I can't sleep I force myself to eat. I want to leave but I don't really have anywhere to go we just moved to a new state recently and I don't have any close friends or family. I don't want to raise this baby myself but I don't think I can handle being with him. He is trying so hard to work this out but I don't know who this man is. I think I just needed to vent, thanks
Posts: 113 | Registered: Oct 2010 | Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564 | | Posted: 11:19 PM, October 29th (Friday), 2010 | |
Letting everyone know, baby is now 5 weeks old. I have no clue how I got through the pregancy and the outcome was so good. On top of the tremendous stress, I ended up having gestational diabetes and high blood preasure. At the end of my pregnancy I was being monitored atleast 2 times a week. I was lucky to make it to 39 weeks. He was born 8 lbs 15 oz. Which is my 2nd biggest baby. My first was 10 lbs 11 oz. I had some major post partum bleeding and some other issues, but I am recovering good.
Baby Ray has a touch of colic at night between 9 pm -1 am. He is crying right now, I have learned to deal with it by myself because my H works nights.
I started antidepressant right after birth because of the stress. IC is going good and MC is alright still on the fence as to what to do. H has done everything right and is trying to figure out in IC as to why he would has the issues that led to the A.
Here.I.am take it one day at a time. Try not to think that far into the future it will consume you. When I started to think about what I was going to do long term I would be miserable for days. I learned to live moment to moment, it is what got me through my pregnancy. I hope you have a worry free pregnancy and a healy baby at the end of it.
Me-BS(31)
Him-WS(35)
Married-11 years together 12
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 2
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 735 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan | nikki327
♀ New Member
Member # 30436 | | Posted: 1:57 PM, January 2nd (Sunday), 2011 | |
Twicedestroyed- I have never read a post so close to mine. I gave birth alone with just nurses while he was txtn his ow. Lucky my DD even though being without a heartbeat for 15 minutes was revived And survived. The ptsd after was made worse with no support.
BS-28
WH-28
Married 8 Yrs
3 kids 7,4 and 1 all girls
DD 1/18/2010
In R since late August
Anger is my enemy *
*turn your wounds into wisdom*
Posts: 15 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: alabama | mc2010
♀ Member
Member # 29939 | | Posted: 5:24 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011 | |
I found out my SO had been cheating on me for the last two years on oct 24, 2010. We have an 8 month old together. When I first caught him he said he didn't cheated on me while I was pregnant, only before and after...Over the next few days it came out that he made out with an ex girlfriend from high school during the ninth month and also was sexting/looking for sex partners on craigslist. All of this deeply saddens me because having a baby is supposed to be a joyous time, but looking back all I feel is hurt and sad I absolutely hate what he did to us!!!
Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Washington | momtobdestroyed
♀ Member
Member # 32004 | | Posted: 12:11 AM, April 30th (Saturday), 2011 | |
i am due the end of july with our second, our first is 3.5 yrs old. I found out about A's when i was 6 months preganant- he has been cheating for 4 years- so longer than my first daughters life. I am shaken and sick and so not connected to this pregnancy. i feel like this baby is dirty somehow or like without her we -daughter nad i - could start again easily. he begged for this baby while he was having 3 a's, wth is that?
how do you cope with hormones and depression and worry etc etc? what do you do about labour- wh wants to R and is seeking help but i am not able to reach back to him at this time. i dont know if i want to share another birth with him- i feel like the first birth when he was cheating was tainted and i didnt know it, how can i trust him now?
ug. i just want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy and be sure that all this stress isnt hurting her. i so want to make this all go away and pretend we are still a happy family expecting our 2nd baby...it isnt supposed to be like this
me BS 33yrs old, one 3.5yr old
him WS 33yrs old
affair of 4 years
married 5.5yrs
DD March19/2011
Posts: 304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: canada | | Topic Posts: 365 | |
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