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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
broken <3
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Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just delivered my twin baby girls via c section on march 27th. I got pregnant during histarical bonding :/
This pregnancy is my first that made it to term after many miscarriages. I was on birth control at the time and my girls are spontaneous and identical blessings. I wish I was over the moon about it - maybe it's hormones but I'm having a difficult time bonding with them. They look like him, too. I feel so broken hearted still and cheated of happiness because of his As. I feel stuck and alone :( it was a difficult pregnancy too and I've been a wreck at times with nothing I could take (my choice) to help with the physical pain and the deep depression. He's been good - doing things for me and now for all of us girls, but I just can't "get over" what happened before. He's tried pushing marriage on me again and I just don't want to. I don't want to have his last name (his dad is a cheater & addict too), even though my girls will have it. I just feel so sad about him stepping out on me and can't help but feel that the other shoe will drop at any moment. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Me - BS mother of 10month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
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Member # 37752
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here with you
My baby boy will be 9 weeks...the entire pregnancy feels "ruined"
being home with little boy - very difficult...he is my light however, he is my love made real
he looks like his pig-fart of a father too, but much more beautiful
I find myself distracted from baby by thoughts of the A too...and it affects how I manage...
I finally have gone on anti-depressants...because I KNOW that - that little baby boy deserves a Mama that is happy, and attentive, and loving.
I would not fall into a marriage if you are not completely comfortable -
that is the most common advice I have gotten..
Eat. Drink (water :) Sleep.
Take care of yourself, inside and out.
the douche bag betrayer should be on the back burner right now
Recover your strenght! You will be amazed what you feel like when your strength comes back.
I have literally scared the bejezuz out of my WH now that I am stronger and healthier.
He is still a schmuck however.

sending you hugs..and prayers for you and your two wonders

dd Oct 18 2012
WH 45
Me BS 44
Our baby is 7months old now.
OW 23 a junior in his office

Posts: 57 | Registered: Dec 2012
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Member # 36657
Default  Posted: 5:15 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs Broken <3

My youngest was 6 months old when I found out my ex was cheating and had been since I was pregnant. I have tried extremely hard not to let my new knowledge taint my relationship with my baby (now 15 months). It helped me to shift the focus onto my ex, to view it as him not really being my son's father. He was not truly invested in conceiving our baby as he was already having cyber affairs by then and began hooking up with random women when I was just a few weeks pregnant. He did not invest emotionally or spiritually in creating this new life. This baby is mine, truly loved and wanted by me at least.

Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 33, EA summer 2008, multiple cyber affairs, 3PA summer 2011-summer 2012
Together since 1999, married in 2004
2 Children
DD1: 9th Aug 2012
DD2: 6th March 2013 end of reconciliation and start of separation
DD3: 29th June 2013

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
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Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ALERT ALERT! Man ahoy!

First off let me say to all of you that are pregnant or were pregnant on D-day.....there is nothing more amazing or beautiful OR sexy than a pregnant woman! Your beautiful and your husbands had to have bee. Out of their damn minds to cheat on you! Especially in your time of need!

I've not read every post on this forum yet but this says New parents too... Sooooo let me tell you guys what its like from the other side of the fence if I may...

its been almost 2 years now and I feel no better.. here goes... I had a good friend who I WORKED with. I invited over to dinner one night after work. Introduced him to my wife. (she has literally no friends) so I thought this would be good for her but didn't realise how well they would hit it off.. didn't raise a flag though cause she had been lonely for a while cause she lost all her friends to drugs and she doesn't accept that and cut ties. So anyway he started coming over and hanging out with both of us drinking beer playing video games and what not about every night. Well after a while I started getting tired of it and she made a big deal out of it so I let it continue. She started to become a person I didn't even know almost over night... Our relationship was getting worse by the day and I could see what was going on but she reassured me that it was fine and that she loved only me and I believed her...welll her flirtation with him got worse and worse...we fought more and more... Than.....she comes to me one night and admits that they kissed once......I was furious... We talked about possible divorce... She begged me and said how sorry she was.I forgave her and death-stared him every time I saw him but couldn't say anything cause I couldn't lose my job. After about 3 weeks of this she begged me to forgive him and that he was her only friend in forever.......I manned up for her and did it....biggest mistake of my life...well he started coming around again and well guess wife ends up pregnant..... Now let me explain how the night I found out went.... I come home from work and he is on his way over right behind me to hang wife says she doesn't feel right and wants to go take a test. I say ok cause we had tried to no avail (her problems not mine). He gets to my house and and all the sudden I hear screaming and thudding coming from the back bathroom. I rush in there to see what's wrong. She is in the floor sobbing unable to even breathe. I go tell him he should probably leave that something was wrong...(another big mistake) the. She proceeded to tell me that she had had sex with him unprotected about 3 wekks ago. She had sex with me like 12 hours later too..........gross..... She says she doesn't know who's it was..... Breaks my heart....I fall to the floor sobbing like this man has never wept before...I leave the house.... Just to be alone a few minutes to collect myself... I start getting suicide texts from her so I come back to the house and scoop up all the pills she had out and flushed them. After she halfway explains herself she packs a small bag and starts walking down the road(she doesn't drive and her moms apartment was an hour drive away) ... Should have let her go then...but me being concerned for the child in her belly I call her mom and tell her that her daughter is walking down the road toward her house and that she might wanna go pick her her mom picks her up and brings her back to my house and her mom hugs me then says she is gonna take her to the E.R. to do a blood test to make sure and wanted to know if I would go as well. So I reluctantly went. We sat there for hours and she begged me that whole time. Finally we went back and confirmed it. Went home and went to bed since I had to be back at work in like 4 hours....... That's how I got to find out I was gonna be a father and let me tell you that's not how you want to find out. I will continue this in another post below.

Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
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Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MY LIFE IN THE DAYS AFTER..... My wife continued to talk to him because he owed us $80 even after I told her to forget it. A few Saturdays later I had to work and while I was at work she had him stop by to pay that money and she let him back in my house! I called her on my break and she told me he was there and that they were just talking things out...well I flipped out obviously and told her to get that piece of ***** out of my house or I was on my way home right then and she had the nerve to get mad at me for being mad about it! In those few weeks we talked a lot and she on several occasions said she wasn't sure what she wanted. She said she loved me but missed his friendship. I now truly believe that she only stayed with me cause I had a better job and was a more responsible person for her and her baby...after a few weeks she started acting like her old self again and said that she was a sucker and he just used her and prayed on her neediness... And she couldnt believe she fell for it....sounds to me like passing she acts like she hates him....

MY LIFE AFTER....... Not only did I have to deal with this pain in a normal way but had to continue to hurt cause its been in my face in several ways every day since... I spent 9 months not knowing if the child was mine. (agonizing) I had to continue seeing him every day at work for about 7 months and couldnt do a thing about it cause I can't lose my job (agonizing) His apartment where it happened is on my works street and I must drive by the crime scene every day (also agonizing) I don't believe what she tells me...I know it was more than once and she is just minimizing it. She ruined the excitement of my first child and the excitement of her birth cause "what if" was all I could think about... I can't talk to her about it cause every time I do she just tries to leave. I don't know how to cope with all this and I feel it is getting worse.

Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
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Member # 39274
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was pregnant two months ago and we were so excited. In march we lost our dear boy. He was still born due to a disorder I didn't know I had. A month later was Dday. Devestation doesn't begin to describe... Dealing with the death of my son was hard enough. Now I had lost both my boys. A few weeks later we both committed to R and have been working hard daily. I found out Friday that I am pregnant again. Since I just have birth and haven't really had a period (tmi sorry) I am unsure if conception took place pre or post Dday. We have been sexually active post Dday, so it is a possibility, but we were not trying to conceive. The baby is greatly wanted by us both but the timing couldn't be worse... Or maybe it's just what we need. It's keeping me more calm and giving both of us something to look forward to. I'm just terrified. Terrified that I can loose this baby, terrified that H will have another A, terrified to tell my family who is against R, terrified to move back in and try and start all over and fresh just for it to blow up in my face, terrified to tell my family... Wait I already said that right? Well it def deserves to be said twice, terrified of the possibility of being a single mom, terrified that this has changed me so much that ill never love him the same and my heart will grow cold....

I so grateful to have a place to share my story and concerns.... It takes so much courage to R and to share the story and even to walk away... I admire you all.

Posts: 30 | Registered: May 2013
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Member # 39366
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't read the whole thread yet but I found out about WH's infidelity about 2 weeks after I miscarried, then a 5 months later I got pregnant again. It was incredibly painful dealing with those emotions and starting MC while pregnant. Hormones plus PTSD type symptoms from his repeated indiscretions? A nightmare... Now my baby is here and we are still dealing with our issues, right now in limbo.. its a nightmare because when WH is gone to work and I have a flashback/trigger I am crying and crying and crying, trying to hide it from baby, but I know kids feel their parents' emotions/vibrations, it is horrible....

[This message edited by Undec1ded at 7:15 PM, May 27th (Monday)]

Original DD: 12/25/11
COM: 1 under 1

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Undec1ded
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Member # 37583
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all...6 months pregnant with our first child...found out today affair has been going on our whole pregnancy and longer...don't know what I want to do yet, but feeling very numb....

Me: 30, BS
Him: 30, WH
Married: 1 year, together for 7 years
1st child due in Sept 2013
DDay: 09/02/12, 09/22/12 admitted to EA ,false R, then 06/02/13 found out about PA & EA with same woman (OW is a coworker)
Hoping for R

Posts: 72 | Registered: Nov 2012
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Member # 38427
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this is the right place, but just found out my FWW is pregnant - (obviously from the danged HB), with our 5th, but for some reason, I am really having a tough time getting excited. Absolutely certain that I am the Father, and my wife is so excited and my heart just breaks because I am not feeling the joy in this pregnancy. With our others, I was on the moon excited about the pregnancies. Ack, I am almost sad for my wife because she is so excited for this. We are truly trying to R, and it has been 4 1/2 months. Going okay, but this damned roller coaster!

"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"

Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
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Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looks like we have a HB Baby on the way!

We are 2 months past dday. We have 6 children already. My husband started his affair the day my son was born last August.

I'm terrified of being pregnant right now. I'm terrified what he's going to do this time around.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 345 | Registered: May 2013
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Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I posted this over in JFO but thought it would make sense to post here too. I am so sorry for everyone in this position, it truly is unbearable.

A brief summary of my story:
I am 35 weeks pregnant with DD #2, 5 weeks ago H told me he wanted a divorce but would stick around until the baby was born. Shocked the hell out of me. I knew we had some problems but nothing that would lead to this, especially while expecting a baby! He said he wasn't in love with me anymore and that we both deserve to be happy. I checked phone records and see hundreds of texts with a girl he works with, he denies everything and says they are just friends. One night I catch him sleeping at her house. He still denies everything but I asked him to leave, so he is now living with her. Still just friends, but he thinks he loves her.

I keep going back and forth, not knowing what to believe. He truly is the last person I would expect to cheat, so I have a hard time not believing him when he says there is nothing going on. But I also feel like if nothing has happened yet, it will happen soon and then I truly will lose him forever. He seems so detached from me, so unconcerned about the situation he has put me in, and that is not like him at all. Some days I just want to scream, accept reality that he most likely is in love with this new girl and try to move on, but other days I just want to be as sweet as can be and try to make him wake up and realize what he is walking away from. I don't know what to do....

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
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Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems like this topic has quieted down, but I'm going to post anyway. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant, and was around 12 weeks or so when DDay hit. The thing that gets me the most, is I was hesitant to try for another baby, and this pregnancy was something WS really wanted. I just don't understand why he would push for this, knowing all along what he was doing behind my back.

I feel like I can't even enjoy the pregnancy. I have so many wonderful memories from my first, and I feel like I haven't even been present for this one. I've been cheated out of the experience which in turn cheats my unborn baby.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 41200
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through in my life, and I want everyone to know they have my thoughts and support.

My story is in my profile, but after she finally stopped TT and admitted it was a PA (that ended before we were married) and I asked her to leave, she let me know of several positive pregnancy tests she took after leaving and has an OB appointment in a few days to confirm. WW is taking it as a sign after the difficulty we've been having conceiving, and though I'm not religious I'm trying to give myself a chance to see it that way as well. From the timing, I'm sure the pregnancy is a result of HB, but before she admitted the real extent of what went on.

After a lot of thinking and talking to friends, I've decided to give WW one final chance for us to R. Too many chances to come clean and too much TT in the past have made it very clear that if she has not been completely honest with me at this point, I cannot give it another shot after this. I truly feel like she's been completely honest with me for the first time in our relationship, and it hurts it took finding proof she couldn't talk her way out of to get here.

Today I'm talking with the OBS (they are not married) to compare stories, and we've been fully supportive of whatever decision the other will make (they are already trying R). WW wrote an NC letter when she was still saying it was only an EA, so the OBS and myself only know what we've been told at this point, and WW is sure she's been thrown under the bus by the AP. Knowing the AP this is true, but I'll find out today and be completely honest with the OBS since we both deserved honesty a long time ago, especially from people who we've known and trusted for decades.

If the pregnancy is confirmed, I will no matter what be there for my child, but that doesn't mean I have to be with the mother of my child if it's not a healthy relationship. It's a very hard realization, especially as child of divorce, but I hope everyone else comes to the same conclusion: we are strong enough to be there for our children no matter the situation with the other parent.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
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Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

struggling3005 looks like I am due just a few weeks behind you. I am 21.5 weeks. What a mess huh? This pregnancy is so entirely different from my last two. Just in the last week have I even been excited to hear heartbeat or have appt with midwife. I have decided that I will not have WH in labor room with me. Yes we are still married, yes he is the father, but I need peace in my labor room (previous births were all natural hard labors) I am gung ho to prove to myself I can give birth naturally without any labor support (other than my midwife) I truly feel like this will be the confidence boost I need!
Congrats on your pregnancy and I am so sorry it's this way.

Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 41111
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stongmomof3, congrats on your pregnancy as well, and also I'm so sorry you're in this position. I admire your courage and strength in taking control of your birthing experience. This is a really crappy situation huh? Not only have we been broken and shattered and deceived, but we've also had this amazing time practically stollen from us.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 38568
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

27 weeks here thanks to all of the HB. I definitely understand the feelings of having the pregnancy overshadowed by the affairs. Congrats to all of the pregnant ladies and fathers to be and I'm so sorry we all find ourselves here at what is supposed to be a happy moment.

Me- BS
Him- WS
3 beautiful children and a fur baby
DDay- 2/20/2013

One day at a time...

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2013
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Member # 41324
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH affair started before teh birth of my dd but I did not find out until she was 9 months old. I have been thankful for the fact I did not know until I did. I am sorry to hear some of you all are dealing with this type of emotion while you are expecting. Has any BS stayed with WS because of the new child? If so are you glad or sad you did? I always had teh attitude I would not stand for a cheater but now that I have a child things sure to change in a hurry. I am 1 year post dday and I still don't know what direction to go in.

[This message edited by industriousbee at 10:00 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

Married 8 years
ME BS 30
DD 1.5 years old
DDAY 11-13-12

Posts: 101 | Registered: Nov 2013
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Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My newest is 4 months now. I found out right after having her. I think the stress is causing me to have problems breastfeeding her. My output has significantly decreased. Has anyone else experienced this?

Me BS 32
3 kids
Divorcing, though he isn't on board.
DDay July 13'

Posts: 241 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chipped when dday occurred I was breast feeding a 17 month old. I have always had ample milk for the first week out I was not eating or sleeping and when I would manage a bite I would throw up immediately. Finally I just got PISSED . Ow's were not going to hurt my goal of making it to 24 months. I started really focusing on my production . I t

Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I hit submit too soon. I started taking Fenugreek and drinking mothers milk tea and just really submersed myself into yoga and meditation . (That's not saying I wasn't still completely crazy and still aren't:) but I was not going to allow their stupid bullshit to hurt my baby . Relax , drink lots of water maybe some fenugreek and realize it takes a GODDESS to nurse a baby and a whore to cheat. You got this! I bf both mine for 24 and 23 months so If you have any questions feel free to ask or just need support or to vent. Breast feeding is hard hard mental and physically exhausting w

Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
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