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Newest Member: amanda123 (43207)

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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I hit submit too soon. I started taking Fenugreek and drinking mothers milk tea and just really submersed myself into yoga and meditation . (That's not saying I wasn't still completely crazy and still aren't:) but I was not going to allow their stupid bullshit to hurt my baby . Relax , drink lots of water maybe some fenugreek and realize it takes a GODDESS to nurse a baby and a whore to cheat. You got this! I bf both mine for 24 and 23 months so If you have any questions feel free to ask or just need support or to vent. Breast feeding is hard hard mental and physically exhausting work but oh so rewarding! Kudos to you!!

Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I am taking fenugreek and upped my water. I mostly pump because of work. I am going to try nursing her constantly this weekend. Music while pumping seemed to help. Pumping is my quiet time and that seems to be when my thoughts drift to all the badness. Also trying to figure out whether to just divorce.

Me BS 32
3 kids
Divorcing, though he isn't on board.
DDay July 13'

Posts: 241 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 41422
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another preggo BS here. I was 14 weeks at time of dday, A had been going off and on for over a year. When I originally told WH about the pregnancy he seemed very happy, but after dday he added it to the list of things that stress him out. Well duh! Having a baby is stressful! This is our second child. He has said he's only seeing MC and staying with me for the kids. Sometimes he goes back on that and says he still loves me.

Like others have posted, I feel terribly because I cannot get excited about this baby and feel that he is somehow "tainted." Part of the reason I found out about A (in addition to very inappropriate texts) was that I tested positive for chlamydia at my OB/GYN during prenatal screenings. I was floored.

I'm so depressed. It's very hard for me to eat or sleep but I force myself for the baby. We also have a 3 yo DD and sometimes I realize I'm being short tempered with her and that makes me feel terrible. I of course apologize and try to explain to her that I still live her very much, that mommy is just having a hard time right now. She seems ok but I have to wonder how much of this will stay with her.

I feel anger and intense sadness whenever I watch WH play with her, read or talk to her. When he talks about the baby or shows pictures of our new baby to people I feel rage. He is so happy to have a son coming, but he can't show his kids' mother any respect. I don't want him to stay with me if he is not serious about R, but I also don't want my kids growing up without their daddy. I'm heartbroken. I feel like a terrible mother for the feelings I have (or lack) for my unborn son and the lack of patience and affection I've been giving to my daughter.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I should join the club. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins (babies #6 & 7).
He has left me for another woman, and walked away without glancing back. contact from him. He is 2000 miles away and gone for good.
I have no idea how to make it through my pregnancy.

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 41323
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I belong here too
My little girl was 4 weeks old when I discovered my husbands A which started emotionally a month after I fell pregnant and turned physical when I was 4 months. Like so may of you I'm so angry at him for 'tainting' the first months of our precious little girls life with all this pain. We are 3 months from Dday and in R.
Night feeds are the worst when your mind starts to wonder and all the horrible thoughts pop into your head. By the morning resentment has built up so much and it takes me ages to calm down.
We also have a 3yr old DS so I'm constantly putting on a brave face and acting happy for him, I don't want him to be affected by this. I think it's harder when yo frantic break down when you need too. It's exhausting being on this roller coaster. Hugs and support to you all x

Him WH
Married 5yrs, together 8
DDay 1 18.07.13, 7month PA co-worker
DDay 2 29.09.2013 (continued EA, kissed once)
Working on R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: UK
New Member
Member # 41389
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When WH and I first conceived, our marriage was still good (or so I thought) and the baby was planned. He even got tips and tricks from his friends as to how I could get pregnant! I was travelling a lot for work and changed jobs (took a lower paying one) so we could focus on having a family.

When I was 5 months pregnant, we were out for a drive and somehow ended up arguing and he blurted out that he no longer loved me. Talk about a shocker. For months, our relationship was so uncertain but he assured me he would be there for me and our family. After the baby was born, he started going out to bars a lot. Maybe I just noticed more since I was always stuck at home. But i went through post partum alone, basically raised the baby myself even though we were all living together.

Communications were bare for years, we lived our lives independently, planned for our daughter together, lived together, functioned as a family. We both said we were 80% happy. Not horrible eh? I rebuilt my career, made some good investments, Then a month ago, my DD is now 6, I get the phone call from OW who says they were together for 10 years!

All thru that time when we were conceiving, i gave up my career, etc.. He was porking her on the side. She finally called because " I deserved to know".

Well, that phone call shoulda come in 10 years ago. I would not trade my DD for the world, but if I had gotten that call 10 years ago, i most certainly would have made different choices. My pregnancy was bad enough due to his revelation that he didn't love me, even worse now ... I don't know if we will R or even if I care to try ...

He sucks.

Married 11 years. Together for 14
Female, age 40. WH is 47.
DD, aged 6
Found out about affair November 1, 2013
Info is only trickling in :-( it was a long affair.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 41139
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like many here I felt/maybe still feel this pregnancy is tainted. We had planned to have a second child, but I got pregnant much sooner than expected. Almost accidental. It happened right when the EA started and I didn't even know I was pregnant until it was a PA. But that didn't stop him, and that is what hurts. That is what taints this for me. I thought he would have woken up. I don't quite feel the same, but I feel that I have not given this pregnancy the love and care and attention I would have otherwise. I don't have much time left before our son arrives and I'm really hoping that us working on R and his arrival will have a much happier connotation to it.

BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes we need to separate out the child from the relationship so that we can allow ourselves to experience as much as possible with our kids.

My daughter was 6 months old during FWH's A, I spent the few months after DDay just going through the motions with the most important, amazing little person I had ever met. I think that almost broke my heart and angered me more than the A.

It's so fucking hard to realize that the family we pictured having is gone after the betrayal, but I've learned that if I let go of expectations for how I thought things were supposed to go and just let life unwind, I'm able to be more present and live in the moment.

We go into damage-control mode for a while, but don't mistake that for not wanting or loving your kids. They are going to be special and amazing regardless of your WS. Rest and take care of yourself, and just focus on the small things until the bigger ones start to look somehow manageable.

For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14698 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
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