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User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
tmb1959
♀ Member
Member # 8494
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, September 6th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if you just can't get over it???

Posts: 251 | Registered: Oct 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, September 6th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get OUT of it.

What other recourse is there?

Why continue being *tortured*??

Go through the grieving process with IC & Move On.

Ever hear that old saying: "You can't get blood out of a turnip"?

(((((hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, September 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tmb1959, yes, that's what I got, a sincere apology that I 'was hurt,' while still telling me as recently as two weeks ago that I 'made it up out of wholecloth!'


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamlife, you're right about the std's. I'm convinced it's over now, but even if it was physical and I'd caught an std at the time, he would have had the nerve to say I must be the one sleeping around.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, September 20th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

capri, just so so you are aware...some std's are asymptomatic.

but, I know just what you mean...blame game time.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, October 11th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH was very chatty on the phone last night...& cussing about his JOB.

He loves that job!

He sounded very nervous, again...like he was either *losing his touch* about talking the usual weather, politics, sports...or running out of stuff to SAY to ME.

My gut was picking up the *strangest VIBES*.

Anyone here feel their WH sounds "nervous" a lot?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is trying to rush me through a Legal Seperation...this is my chance to hold his feet to the fire & pony up information!
I should send a Thank You note to all his creditors for bringing this about!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
kajsa
♀ Member
Member # 12031
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know about the sex with the escort, and with the help of clv40 I believe that I know all I need to know about that escapade, but the strip club history is just too sketchy for me. Too much time and far too much money spent in these places for just lapdancing.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: NJ
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it still ongoing?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
kajsa
♀ Member
Member # 12031
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamlife, a couple of hours ago I would have said no. Long story short, last Monday night we watched a tv show that involved lapdancing and bj's in the strip club. I got upset and left the room. No response from H even though I have asked him repeatedly to acknowledge it when he sees that I'm upset. Nothing. We haven't spoken since then. I'm so fricken tired of having to tell him how and when to respond. We've been to counseling long enough for him to know that his reaction to my response to something that is so closely related to our problem is very important and will determine the outcome. If he's sensitive I get over it. If he gets defensive or just doesn't offer me any kind of acknowledgement, it only gets worse. He did speak to me long enough this afternoon to tell me that he was going to play 9 rounds, or, if the course was too crowded that he was going to drive by a friends house. That was at 1pm. It's now 6pm and he never called to let me know he wouldn't be home for dinner. I've tried to call his cell but he is not answering. I have a feeling he is probably at an sc right now. I'm just done at this point. If you love someone you don't do things that you know will create even more anxiety in an already bad situation. I'm off of work next week, I'm going to get off my ass and talk to a lawyer. Boy, was this ever a tj, sorry about that.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: NJ
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, don't apologize.

'drive by a friend's house'...same thing my XH used to tell me when he was foolin' around...do you care enough to write down mileage-- or you could put a tracker on the car, etc.

Sounds like he's very INSENSITIVE, selfish, & so deep in FOG. What a Jerk!

((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
ToCatchACheat
Member
Member # 16789
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, October 26th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still in the process of determining exactly what is going on, where, when, with who, and of course the big one...WHY?

After a chance observation of my husband talking on his cell phone while driving home and his subsequent denial that he made any phone calls on the drive home at all, I'm convinced he's cheating on me. Especially since all recent calls in and out of his phone have been deleted except, of course, the ones from me and his parents, etc.

I am, of course, devastated and very angry and feel like I want to know the truth. I have demanded phone records for the past month to which he replied "When you get them, you're going to see that I haven't made any phone calls from those numbers."

What I read into this is that he *is* making calls....just not from those numbers.

Also, my bullshit meter hit the roof when he denied he had called *anyone* during his drive home. Especially since I had seen him WITH MY OWN EYES.

I am so angry and hurt. I don't know what I should do next to get to the truth.


Posts: 194 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, October 26th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, you can hide a VAR in the car...

Do you have any info about this other person at all? Its evidence gathering time right now...say very little to him as he sounds deep in the Fog.
Just do all your detective work till its time to confront WITH your Hard Evidence.

Does he use the PC at home as well? Have you looked into the cookies or history, etc.?

Are you going to IC? If not, I would make an appt. to go to IC for direction & support...keep posting here & we will try to help you.

((((hugs)))

[This message edited by dreamlife at 9:21 PM, October 26th (Friday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Sodown
♀ Member
Member # 2477
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, October 28th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


[This message edited by Sodown at 9:15 PM, April 28th (Monday)]


A dog will not tell you he has fleas but you can tell by the way he scratches. Graham Willets (Thanks to Treharris Mid Glamorgan)

Posts: 4797 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: anywhere but here...
ToCatchACheat
Member
Member # 16789
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoDown, That sounds really awful. I hope that I am not in the same position I'm in 4 yrs from now. It is already taking such a toll on my mind and heart. I don't know how often you look over the info gathering threads on this site, but the posters seem to have extremely helpful places to look, methods, etc, to find proof.

Have anyone ever contemplated an Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress action against your WH? With everything he's put you through, I think you should look into an intentional infliction of emotional distress claim.

I am currently considering the emotional distress claim in the event that I turn up evidence that H is cheating on me. Given all that I have been put through in the past year (too long a story to go into detail) H's cheating would be the icing on the cake, so to speak. I think I would actually have a fair shot at winning, in my case, plus H would have the stress and expense of defending against the claim, even if I were to lose.


Posts: 194 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 30th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TCAC~ Wow! Great idea!!

To file such an ACTION...just think of the legal ramifications!!!

Luv it!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
ToCatchACheat
Member
Member # 16789
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, October 30th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, thanks. After all the horrible stories I've read on this site about the WS gaslighting the BS, LTA's, etc, the thought crossed my mind that a jury would probably be very sympathetic to a BS who could substantiate the claims of gaslighting, etc..

In my mind, this involves getting the WS on record denying the affair, whether on video or audio. And then, being able to show by the same means that the WS was in fact doing the very things the BS accused them of.


Posts: 194 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, October 30th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo!!!

Has anyone done this...I mean "precedent setting"?

Maybe we could all band together & do a Class Action suit?

Remember the old adage:

"Safety in numbers"!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
ToCatchACheat
Member
Member # 16789
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, October 31st (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if anyone has. I'm willing to bet there is a case out there. I know in some states Adultery is a criminal offense and Alienation of Affection is a civil suit. It really depends on where you live.

The WS's who really deserve to defend lawsuits like these, IMHO, are the ones who repeatedly warp the minds of their spouses into thinking nothing is wrong, the serial cheaters, and the LTA's. Whoops, guess that just about covers them all!

In most cases, I think it never has to get to the point of the BS suing for Emotional Distress because the WS are so eager to settle the D. Most BS have a boatload of info to force a very favorable settlement and just use that to the extent needed to make that happen so they can get on with their lives.

Frankly, I think the Emotional Distress claim will be something that will pop up more often in this day and age of computer dating. There is so much more evidence that can be gathered electronically and make such a compelling case, it's hard to argue against.

But anyhow.....getting back on topic.....

I was wondering if anyone would care to share some of the statements your WS has used in deceiving you into thinking you are losing your mind/nothing's wrong.


My WH has made statements to the effect of "I'm sorry if that's what you think you saw but I was not talking to anyone on my cell phone." This is after I observed him talking to someone on his cell phone while driving home.

I'm just curious what kind of language the WS use to keep us confused, oppressed, and in the dark. I'm searching for statements to watch out for.


Posts: 194 | Registered: Oct 2007
Sodown
♀ Member
Member # 2477
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, October 31st (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tocatchacheat, My H has told me so many times I am crazy that I really worry sometimes that I may be

One night in 2004 My H and me were at my sisters house visiting and a woman called him on his cell phone. I could hear her clearly across the porch 8 ft away and my sister who was right next to him mouthed to me that he was talking to a woman, I said I know and when I confronted him about it, he threw a huge fit and I even told him my sister heard a woman but his reply was she was crazy too.


A few times I have called him at work and I have heard a dog in the background barking, he tells me I am crazy and hearing things though.


I have heard what sounds like a TV on more than one occasion when I have called him too at work but it is no tv at all, it's people talking at a mcdonalds or some shit. He is at lunch crap.

I have smelled *female* well nasty female, on him when he has taken a shower beforework and we have had no sex that day but he will come home smelling badly, It has stopped for the last 1 1/2 as I called him on it so now he washed up afterwards. but my nose is messed up.


I seen him talking on the phone with someone at night a few wks back at 8:30pm but when I ask him he tells me is was the neighbor, I look at the time he last talked to the neighbor and it says 7:30 instead. When the bill comes nothing shows either. Hmm, I am seeing things too!


I feel in my gut that he has done something and still doing it many times but I am crazy for feeling this way.


IOW'S I am hearing, smelling, seeeing and feeling things that are not real everyday almost by his standards and I am nuts for doing so, as I am all messed up. If You don't have concrete PROOF of a affair then don't even bother bringing up suspicoins to them as the will nail you to the wall with YOU CRAZY!! I know my has!


A dog will not tell you he has fleas but you can tell by the way he scratches. Graham Willets (Thanks to Treharris Mid Glamorgan)

Posts: 4797 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: anywhere but here...
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