Try posting this in the I-Tips forum. They have ways . . .
However, act very non-plussed. Or they will go even deeper underground.
My marriage is effectively over, regardless of what I find, unless he changes his ways. For instance, I don't think it matters what I find out about #3, he still refuses to be transparent or deal with these problems in any way, either between us, with a mc, or even with an ic.
I'm putting a lot of time and energy into looking, and every once in awhile I get a scrap of information. In the end, I'm not sure it changes anything, but I keep hoping to find something that will help me somehow.
Are you in IC?
Have you consulted with an atty to see where you stand financially, etc?
This is basically where I am at.
Biding my time.
(But, emotionally, I have Moved On).
But still very much wanting to KNOW a shred of Truth(s) because we all *deserve* at the very least-- this much.
I guess right now, I feel it's not a waste of time if I finally get the truth. What I'm getting is lots of little bits and pieces that make it easy to believe something happened between them-- but never anything very solid.
We went to two mc-- I wasn't pleased with either. After several months, I talked to my priest, who told me I'd be justified in divorcing him, that he'd clearly been unfaithful regardless of whether he slept with them, and even brought in the pastor who married us to tell me the same thing. The pastor gave me the name of an IC-- at the same place as the first MC. He said he wanted me to get IC to 'get strong enough to do what you have to do.' Which he added may or may not be divorce.
The IC pretty much stopped me cold two minutes into discussing the marital issues, saying, you don't KNOW he had an affair. What you need to do is focus on the good.
Well, thanks, but I spent years focusing on the good and it didn't exactly help, did it. And one thing I've learned is that I CANNOT stop the voices in my gut screaming that there is something very wrong with this picture. Believe me, I've tried and continue to try to focus on the positives in my life, and there are many. But it doesn't make my so-called husband's behavior acceptable. I told her if lack of hard proof was the only criteria, I guess I can have all the affairs I want, tell all the nonsensical stories and have all the missing hours and secret accounts and lies, and he can just keep seeing the best in me, too. Some marriage.
All I can say is...when a live IC fails and continues to do so, there r numerous self help books out there & I will ask others here now to please post titles of what has helped them out.
I have also had dreadful IC's in the past so I feel very fortunate to have the current one.
huge hugs to everyone!
And, as I pack up my books, I will be listing titles n authors that have really helped me out in hopes others may gain strength n insight as well.
I tried to do it but WH had the PC so highly re-configured, nothing would come up, and the most frustrating part is everything was encrypted into notepad or java or ??
I had blocked WH on AIM...a "tit-for-tat" thing from the past when he had blocked me, first.
I read 2 very nice long e-mails he sent me in where he stated that he was tired and "going to turn in early".
I decided to turn "invisible" & unblocked him. I could see he was still IMing away for hours!
I started to send him a few IM's which he would not answer as our bank had called me, etc.
He would not even stop w/ his *Ho* to respond to my mails so I called him up at the Inn where he pretended to be sooo "tired", claimed he was just watching tail end of basket ball game bullshit before turning in, & I read him The Riot Act!
I scathed his ass!!
He was really nervous about the bank contacting me (they called cuz sneaky psycho had changed his address of our/his bank statement(s) from the mailbox in town where I still have my key & she wanted to know if MY address was going to still be the same at home so I gave her my proper info.)
I told fuckface the bank had called late yesterday...& so -- what was going on NOW?
He LIED and said he had NO idea!
I could tell he was very nervous!
Then I told him his creditors and his Boss had also called the house after I thought he got this all straight w/ them to quit bothering me.
It was great FUN just Mind Fucking him!
It made MY night!
It just takes a bit of "practice"...
I know we are not like these character-less freaks.
But, turnabout is fair play.
I want WH to get a taste of what he's been putting me through!
BTW, he still has not brought up the change of address...& unless I tell him the bank called me about it, he never will.
Isn't this just pathetic?
He's sneaky and may all his *secrets* keep him warm at night.
I don't give a rat's ass.
However, I will continue to Mind Fuck (reverse gaslight) him ever opportunity I get.
breakingheart~ what is your story -- if you don't mind sharing...maybe one of us here can help you if we know a bit more.
What is he *hiding*?
More recently....She texts him with luv ya and miss ya messages. I have been known to delete them before he sees them.
He tells me he has no contact with her....except the occasional work happy hour.
I find condoms and viagra in various locations...including his wallet...that are then gone the next day.
I found out he went to her house one day when he said he was at work...multiple lies on this day to make me believe he was at work.
Gets VERY angry at times...when it seems he has spent time with her and he's trying to hide it....to get me to stop asking questions.
Find email from her organizing happy hours when he is working at another location...she brings the happy hour to him.
goes out with her after work for drinks and lies...
that's some of it...it's hard to remember....but all is similar.....nothing definitive for confrontation.....but enough to tell me what's going on
Sorry you find yourself here....
And, don't forget to back off on any more "confrontations" (till you get what you need) because he'll just go deeper underground making your excavating for info that much more difficult.
After 51 legitimate posts here, you will have access to the I-Forum ...& it was great help to me in having what I do on WH today.
If your H's computer is personal (i.e., not owned by the company he works for), there are ways you can gain access to what's on it. (See dreamlife's post above about the I-Tips forum.)
Unfortunately, gaining access to company-owned devices like the cell phone is illegal and could get you into trouble.
So sorry you're going through this but, as the forum title says, we can relate. It's miserable knowing you don't have the truth about your own life.
Keep posting. There are lots of helpful folks on here, and you don't have to face this alone.