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User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get lots of flowers, too, dreamlife.

My suggestion is to cut off their little heads like Morticia Addams.

Or take them to a nursing home, which would probably be nicer.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, capri & JR.

Maddening...AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Going To Make It
♀ Member
Member # 17010
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, November 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy greetings to all who are surviving this horrible betrayal.

Yesterday afternoon at 12:27 my precious dd 20 gave birth to a beautiful baby boy (not fishing). For the past 4 years and 7 months my mind hasn't been far from the lta my ah had with his xw. He like Capri's h swears sex never happened while we were married. But before, it happened twice and a bj. To top it all off, I found out recently my Army Son is now an AP with a possible OC on the way. This was all for set up

Driving back from the hospital with ah, he mentioned Army Son, his 'talk' with him (what a fucking joke) and asked if I heard what he said to him. I said no. Blah, Blah Blah, then he said he asked AS if he is still going over there and AS said yes. ah asked if they were still screwing around and AS said no. Get this...AH asked "Then why are you still going over"? "You must be getting something out of it, to keep going back"

I imagine the blood drained from my face, all the joy I had experienced for that brief moment in this personal hell flew out the window just like my spirit did almost 5 years ago. Sadly, i'm sure at that moment, he remembered me asking him that question so many times and I'm sure he remembered is concret answer - we did have sex.

He is gone now until the 15th which is our anniversary. I know I will be busy with my dd, new gs, but dam, I just don't get how he can still continue to keep anything from me when it is so plain that I would stay anyway, I just need the truth to have a truly fresh start.

Blessings to all


BW 47
M 1982 4 Adult Children
2 Grandkids - the light & loves of my life.
LTA Started before we were married and lsted until 9/02 DDay 4/4/04, TT till 9/24/2011

Posts: 948 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Still Wandering in the Desert
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on the grandson!

Two minor "victories" for me today:

Mr. Secretive Psycho forgot or did not have time...to delete 2 things concerning his JOB which I never knew about!

Just having this information makes me feel less Crazy.
It lends me a feeling of empowerment!
And, on the surface of things, it does not seem like very much, really; but itreally is a LOT when its put into The Big Picture.
I'd liken it to 2 tiny pieces of the marital jigsaw puzzle.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GTMI-Enjoy that new grandbaby. They can bring you so much joy.

DL-Glad to hear you've find a couple pieces to your puzzle and that you feel less CRAZY!

Wish I could find my missing pieces but I just keep coming to a dead end.

Tonight I feel like just giving up.


Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
sicktostomach
Member
Member # 21596
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, November 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi - I just found this Buddy Group. I hope I can join in....I have a very long post in "Just found out."
'm new here, I have no where to turn.
My husband of 7 years (and partner of 12) is clearly lying to me about the relationship he has with his, yes, assistant. I found some evidence, but nothing that really proves anything except for the lying, so confronting him with the fact that I found some flirty notes from "her" in his bag would only hurt our relationship right now if I came out with them.

Instead, I confronted him without the evidence and he turned it on me.....saying how unfair it was for me to think that and it has to stop. That I look desperate to him and my suspicions are pushing him out the door faster than an "other woman" situation would. HE was very harsh.

We started counseling last week, he was very willing to go, but hasn't tried much to work on us since the meeting..... and I know he is getting a lot of emotional support from this other woman. He won't let me in. And I know last night he lied about being with her and when he got home he was nasty to me. Said he had a bad day.

I'm rambling, but basically - I don't think he physically cheated yet, but he's definitely having an emotional affair and lying about the time he spends with her. I think he's struggling with his feelings for her, which right now are stronger than his feelings for me. What grown man keeps little notes from his assistant and hides them from his wife? He's moved them twice, but I found them and made copies.

I don't know where to turn to get through the days and I'm not eating or sleeping at night.

I'm analyzing every phone call, every conversation (when we have them.) I'm going crazy.

He seems to want to fix our issues in our relationship, but how can we do that if he still spends time with this other woman? And he thinks I don't know about it? He's not going to fire her, so everyday they just spend more and more time together at work. They are likely taking business trips together too.

I don't want a divorce, I love him. But I don't think we're going to make it.

Sorry to repost, but I didn't feel like typing it again, it's too painful.

I'm currently thinking of getting a recorder and putting it in his car. My world is unraveling...this is someone I trusted with my life, with my heart.

We have a MC appointment tomorrow and I don't even know what I'm going to say (I can't confront again without concrete evidence.)

I've been on this site 24/7 and my poor kids are suffering because their mom is lost (5 and 2.)

I started Zoloft today, very low dose. That F&@ker, I never would have needed to medicate myself if he wasn't doing this to me. I also have some Ambien CR sitting in my top drawer. I was too afraid to take it last night, I don't know what kind of side-effects it will have.

Thanks for listening.


Married 8 years, together for 12.
D Day #1 - February 2009
D Day #2 - August 12, 2009

Posts: 57 | Registered: Nov 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, November 16th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to our little thread!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Going To Make It
♀ Member
Member # 17010
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Sick, this thread isn't as active as the others in ICR.


BW 47
M 1982 4 Adult Children
2 Grandkids - the light & loves of my life.
LTA Started before we were married and lsted until 9/02 DDay 4/4/04, TT till 9/24/2011

Posts: 948 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Still Wandering in the Desert
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, November 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though we are dealing with these "super-secretives", does anyone here get the feeling that they want to KNOW ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE UP TO?

He bought me a cell phone last year...but he had to open up the box & "charge the battery" for me (I'm quite capable of doing this )...nowhe has bought me a new laptop and I'm worried that he might have somehow remotely installed a key logger in it-- even though it seemed completely "un-opened".
He works in cell phones/electronics...is extremely high tech & *tricky*!

[This message edited by dreamlife at 5:44 PM, November 22nd (Saturday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last nite, I checked the mailbox I use to write him and could see his green light was on and his AIM icon was lit up. He'd already written me an e-mail about the job and what he had sold, was very pleased with himself, etc.
I was wondering...15 miles away...WHO is he IMing with?
Wow, what a "life" HE has got going, fucking cakeman!
But yesterday, when I closed my bank acct. which I started 5 1/2 years ago in wonderful anticipation of this "New Life" together, I felt like another door had been closed -- and it felt GOOD.
It was another marker that I was taking care of things for me...baby steps.
And, it gave me immense satisfaction that he did not *know* about my trip to the bank.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay for you, dream!

Keep taking those baby steps. Eventually one of them will be the last one you have to take *away* from him, EVER.

((hugs))
Jitter


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep moving forward DL!!
((DL))

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, everyone!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every now and then, I have noticed those blue Bluetooth 3 Z's instead of the red AIM icon.

They remind me of 3 blue lightning bolts.

When I asked him if I had them by my handle, he LIED and said "yes". He further misled me by saying it was something "new" from AOL.

Well, I am going to learn much more about bluetooth which he actually DISCOURAGED me from using when he gave me a cell phone last Xmas.

This is just another crumb of info in the darkness...but its still very empowering to have it.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I just found another NEW thing out!
But I just don't have the $ to hire a tech or an attorney about it!!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, January 1st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel, dream. This investigative stuff can get expensive. There are other things I'd rather be spending my money on....

Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, January 5th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, JR, but "when there's a will, there's a way"!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, January 8th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was talking to my brother by phone recently...I feel that "normal" folks just don't understand...they just cannot COMPREHEND this "being in the dark" as a FORM OF TORTURE.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's why I never talk about this anymore with people who haven't been through it, dream. In fact, I recently told a friend that the subject of my marriage was off-limits. I couldn't take one more bit of (albeit well-intentioned) advice from someone I now see as clueless.

Is your brother telling you to "let it go"?

I get that, and I get advice to divorce him and be done with it. I wish it were that easy, but it's not.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, JR.

Oh, if it were only this easy to do...if only he were walking in my shoes...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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