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User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
nothingbutlies
♀ Member
Member # 30569
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, January 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad I found this thread!

I know my husband had an affair this spring and there possibly could be two others. I confront him and he says they were only saying that because they are jealous of me and are trying to bring me down. Yeah, really, 3 of them? Give me a break.

He has used this on me before and I foolishly believed him. My family is high profile in the community and own successful businesses and I have been very blessed in my life. This sounds really conceited but I have been very, very lucky in my life and I do appreciate it. So that is why he could fool me once.

Now I am digging for information and wondering how I could be so stupid!


Posts: 57 | Registered: Dec 2010
colezmom1221
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Member # 28981
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, February 10th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad I found this thread. I have been in pain for a year now and only 7 mos out from d-day (if you can even call it that.)

WH initially admitted acting "inappropriately" with OW. Not long after, though he started denying anything happened even though I'd already seen pictures of them. Very inappropriate pictures. It's been that way ever since. He's even flat out denied talking on the phone with her when I pointed out a 14 minute phone call from ow. How am I supposed to heal from this with that kind of response? It just hurts so bad and I can't to break thru the fog he's in to help him understand the urgent need for the WHOLE truth? I really feel like I can't stay with him if he is so selfish that he can't help me heal.


me BS
D-Day 7/7/2010

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: MO
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, February 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my 5th Valentine's Day coming up that I am still "in the dark"......esp. Financially.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, February 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Joining the thread because it's kind of dark around here.

Wbf confessed to a ons in August. He did really well on that one, he told me the following day and did a great show of remorse.

Earlier this month...or last month (who really knows anymore?) I connected the dots where he attempted to have an A (of what sorts idk) a while ago. I suspected at the time and confronted him but he said he only had feelings for her in the past and he wouldn't risk the relationship. Apparently he tried anyways, and she shot him down (sucker).

I've also (thanks to some snooping) learned of a current inappropriate, I guess OEA he's having. Of course they're JUST FRIENDS, which is awesome because that's what I'm reading RIGHT NOW. I think I'll provoke him to tell me they are Just Friends and them "hmmph" and pull out "Not Just Friends" in front of him. That'll be entertaining, for me at least. Anyways, they met online about a year - 7 months ago. They webcam, however he says there's nothing sexual (because they're just friends, ya know - I might believe that though.), they text and they talk a lot. The site they met on was kept hidden from me and I started searching when I noticed that whenever he was online and I came in the room, that window would NEVER open. So a friend on here went and did some investigating and I didn't like what was found. A lot of inappropriate flirting. Then thanks to modern technology, I've been able to track some other messages between them. A few days ago he told me about a dream he had, funny the same night he told her he had that dream about her. Awesome . After a not so great, trigger filled vday, he vented to her saying I ruined the day but he was able to fix it because he's such a wonderful person. Oh yea, he also told her that he was single (until I found the site and made him change his status) and she told her fiancee that wbf is gay. Yea...no red flags there, I bet they ARE just friends

Anyone have a magic potion that brings light. I hate the dark


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
ohgoodgrief
♀ Member
Member # 30538
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reposting from JFO link. Thank goodness I found you guys! This has been going on for months and I have days I think I am crazy as he is being such a 'good' husband since I confronted. I am trying to be patient and figure out any other ways to find out. I know there are probably some things in IT but I'm not eligible to get there yet.
Thanks for being here.....I need the support.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Dec 2010
ohgoodgrief
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Member # 30538
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has no idea what my evidence is...like I said mostly circumstantial....like once when I was out of town, all the candle jars left open like they's been burned. (I left them closed.) Two take out cups--he never drinks take out drinks. Laundry evidence, if you get my drift. Sitting around all summer (when he was home) listening to music and moping. (I call it pining.) Doesn't want to have sex. An airline locator code he left in the trash can (in someone else's writing), after a trip out of town. (unfortunately could not find out who belonged to the code and it wasn't his.) Not noticing that something is the hell wrong with me.....practically wasting away before his eyes. Not a word. I think I saw a 'street' phone in his jeans pocket one day and once when he was in the car in the driveway. Unfortunately, I had not grown my balls then. Got at least one now, though! He would take his real cell phone in the bathroom with him and keep it in sight at all times, even when in the shower. The phone bill is not much help as there are lots of numbers that can't be traced to a person and no consistent numbers except to work which could be easily explained. Since dday, even those calls have stopped, he's johnny on the spot to come home etc. For awhile I have been thinking he's stopped but am getting that feeling again. Maybe he thinks it's safe again. Reading all this, do you guys think I'm crazy? Oh, and I have a recording that is hard to hear and ambiguous to some, tho I hear it pretty clearly(as do 2 of my friends). It was at night, while I was sleeping in another room. Sounds like a woman in the (our) bedroom with him. Now that takes some balls! Anyway, can't get it clear enough to use to play for him....so right now I'm stuck. He is very busy with work but in his field it is practically impossible to track him, especially if he just gets in the car with someone and doesn't use his. Thanks for listening and helping. Wish I'd know about this place last summer when I was truly a basket case.
Sorry, forgot to repost in prev post.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Dec 2010
capri
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Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

can't get it clear enough to use to play for him....

My experience is that it wouldn't matter. Liars lie, and will always have a story explaining away anything you find.

I haven't posted here in a long time. Like you, goodgrief, I have a ton of circumstantial evidence--6 weeks of hang up calls and 4 flattened/punctured tires in the wake of gong noc with ow 1 and ow3; secret e-mails; lengthy absences with strange stories to explain them; ow 3' mother getting involved and ordering wh to get mc!!! all kinds of little things over the years.

I long ago finally understood that he is a LIAR through and through. He admitted to one ONS only after I found proof on my own. I suspect there have been others based on some of those incidents, now that I know he is capable of doing that.

I have finally for the most part quit caring what the truth is, because the bigger picture is, he's a liar, he's putting his energy into other women and chasing 20-somethings (he's 43) regardless of whether it's getting sexual or romantic or not, he's hiding things from me, etc. This is no marriage.

I have filed for D, and feel like the sun has come back out!


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
ohgoodgrief
♀ Member
Member # 30538
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Capri, I'm almost where you are. Trying to get my ducks in a row and while I'm doing that, it would help my D case if I can prove fault, alimony wise. We are com. Property state but judge still makes the call on alimony.
On the other hand, perhaps I'm not as close as I think as it still frosts the 1/2 ball I've grown lately that he will get away with it. I think at this point that is my main motivation to 'catching' him. Such a liar and thinks he can make an idiot out of me. I have a feeling he enjoys that part. All while being mr. niceguy to my face and particularly in public. argh.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Dec 2010
capri
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Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, March 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think at this point that is my main motivation to 'catching' him. Such a liar and thinks he can make an idiot out of me.

I've realized nothing I do will make him admit anything, anyway. Oh, wait, not QUITE true. He did finally confess to one ONS AFTER I found proof. I just thought to myself, for all the hours it took me to find that proof, for all the things I still suspect and all the things he's probably done that HAVEN'T made it onto my radar (as the ONS hadn't--that was just dumb luck I found out about that)....

do I really want to spend my life hunting down the truth?

Or would I rather enjoy my life doing things I love, that give me joy and put something good into the world?

Yeah, stbx thinks he's smarter than me. So what. Instead of tracking his dirty little hidden secrets, I went to the gym, bought myself new clothes, pursued my love of writing and am now looking at a very real possibility of a future in it, started practicing music again and am once again getting paid to perform, and for the most part, I'm pretty happy, while he continues to live out his character--meaning, he can't deny himself anything so he now weighs something like 350 pounds, has destroyed his marriage, owes a huge debt on his credit cards, and is now trying to figure out how to afford a house on his own while paying child support. And I can guarantee that because he won't change his ways, if he ever finds a second wife, either it'll end the same way, or he'll eat himself into an early death.

Okay. So he managed to keep me in the dark. He's smarter. He wins.

But I'm happier and feeling very good about my future.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
ohgoodgrief
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Member # 30538
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right, Capri
You really win. And yes, I regret the days, months, hours, I have wasted on this. I do need to get on with my life.....I'll have days where I'm able to do that, then it comes creeping back in. Just so frustrating and exhausting. I suppose I will eventually get to where you are....one way or another. I hope.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Dec 2010
capri
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Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I regret the days, months, hours, I have wasted on this

I don't regret the time I

did
spend on it. I needed to know. We all need to know whether we're really imagining things or whether it's real.

It's just at a certain point, I'd found enough to know for myself, for sure, that I was not the problem, that this was not a normal marriage, and that regardless of the details, he is clearly not marriage material. It was worth my time and the money I spent to see the big picture of who he really is: a sneaky, conniving, back-stabbing liar with girlfriends in some shade of gray. I have no idea if he's slept with only the one and never touched any others (as he claims). But I do know he lies and sneaks and continues having relationships behind my back.

Admittedly, it would have been nice to know without spending all that time and energy on it, but what can you do?

Are you doing the 180?


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
ohgoodgrief
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Member # 30538
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found the 180 once, but am having trouble locating it? I'm not really 180'ing I don't think.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Dec 2010
capri
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Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, March 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

My take on it is that it's essentially going back to living your own life. I started by making a list on www.42things.com It shocked me how much I'd forgotten who I was in this marriage and didnt even know what I wanted anymore.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
bestrongforyou
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Member # 25818
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, March 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met my husband in 2000 – we got married 2003 – we have 2 beautiful boys (oldest son from my previous relationship) – husband starts working abroad 2005 initially for 2 years – due to excessive spending on my side and buying our first home together out of initial 2 years become 4 years (his salary is much higher working abroad)
Due to a forced position change in my company I become very unhappy middle of 2007 as the new position sucks – my husband and I form a limited company end of 2007 as I want to start my own business – I am starting to look for suitable premises beginning of 2008 but don’t involve husband in the actual signing of the premises – I am opening my own small shop November 2008 just in time for the deepening recession.
On the 5th of April 2009 husband tells me online on IM while being abroad how unhappy he is with me and that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore – that he is emotionally starved and thought about having an affair but didn’t, that opening the shop was a huge deal breaker. I’d say he must have brought up every mistake I ever made in these 9 years – some of the things he brought up I couldn’t even remember. I was shocked – I had not seen any of this coming.
We had seen each other only twice since X-Mas 08 as he had to work so much and the second time was just for one day for my oldest confirmation. We also had sex every time he was home – no exception, the last time just the week prior to his announcement.
Anyway after 2 days of chatting online – he asked me not to phone him for this entire time – he tells me about a female co-worker he has gotten friendly with outside work back in March 09 – he had never mentioned her name until that day even though she joined his company middle of 2008 – and he had told her about our problems – so far they had met only once by chance for coffee on their home from work. I got suspicious in that very moment that maybe this “friendship” had something to do with his sudden changed view of our marriage. I became terribly jealous and asked him for one favor – not to have her in his apartment abroad. He agreed and stated until today that they are just friends. Looking back at this situation with the Co-worker I should have not voiced my opinion in regards to her but should have snooped quietly for evidence. I felt like I was missing the last jigsaw piece that all this mess would kind of make sense.
I begged him for a second chance so I could rectify all the mistakes I had made until that day and he agreed. I closed my business, stopped my excessive spending, took the kids out of childcare to save costs and revamped our house.

We spoke daily on the phone and I booked a flight to see him abroad the weekend of the 1st of May 09. I never got on the flight. 2 days before the scheduled flight I tried to call him on his mobile and couldn’t get through to him for 2-3 hours – very unusual – I must have called him 4 times frantically, thinking he was with her. He then called me back finally drunk – he had been in the pub with friends and left his mobile in the car – he was so angry – I had no right to ask him what he was doing... – anyway we spoke the next morning after he was sober again and after 3 hours of phone call he ended our marriage.

2 hours later we are on the phone again and he is now calm and offers me the following: “we stay separated and I sleep on the couch but we date instead to see if we can rekindle anything.” And what did I say – “of course”, I was so happy to be given another life line so to speak.
He then comes home the second week of May 09– sits down on the couch, starts crying and says:” I don’t belong here anymore...” He stayed home for a week, had lost 20lbs, was so cold, slept for 2 nights on the couch and then came back into our bed but we had no physical contact. 2 days before flying back abroad he went out with 2 of his brothers and came home late in the night drunk – he cuddles up to me for the first time all week and asks me to warm him – and so I did – and then he said something what I can’t forget until today. I always had cold feet all my life – he would always call me his “little reptile”. Anyway my feet brush his leg and he says: “What is it with you women and cold feet...” I remember I froze in that moment – it sounded like a comparison to me. Also the sex was different – he started pulling my hair during Sex – something I can’t remember him ever doing before.
Me and the kids then went over to see him abroad on the 10th of June 09 – it was awful – he wasn’t prepared for our visit at all – the fridge was full of old food – he said to me a few days prior to the visit if I needed any toiletries just to ask him to buy them as they are so much cheaper abroad – but when I asked him 2 days before flying to buy tooth brushes for us he declined, saying he would have no chance to get to the shop. The following thought crossed my mid while I was there: “he either doesn’t live here at all or spends only very little time here...”
It all came to a head on the 14th of June – he broke it off for good a second time – said that i couldn’t get over my suspicions of him having an affair and that he could not get over the betrayal with the shop.
So we flew back home and I finally did what I should have done on day one – I hired a PI to follow him abroad. I had nothing to lose anymore at that stage – my marriage was over.
I had studied my husbands routines while I was abroad so I sent the PI to his house Saturday morning at 5.45 a.m. to start following him but my husband wasn’t there – I don’t know until today if he slept somewhere else or had the PI just missed him. The PI then picked him up in the afternoon at work – followed him home and then my husband went to town in the evening and met a woman for coffee – they stayed from 8 pm until 9.45 p.m. and then he took her back to his apartment (Saturday night ) until quarter past midnight. She then left in a taxi.
Now the PI report said: they greeted each other as if they were unknown to each other but talked in high spirits. There was no physical contact all evening – and she wasn’t the Co-worker.
I confronted my husband over the phone 2 days later and he told me the following: she is a friend of the co-worker he showed his flat to as he wanted to sublet it. This was the first time they ever met.
My husband then came home the first week of July and we told the kids we were separating. During this visit he told me about a Facebook account he had –I had no clue about that – he had made it invisible so that only friends on his list could find him – the co-worker was one of them I found out later – he also told me about a second email account he has – again I had no clue – I have found in the meantime the email address but don’t have the password.

Anyway he went back abroad and I got access to his Instant Messenger in the middle of July 09– and there I found he was in fact dating the girl the PI found. This time I did not confront him but followed their conversations for around a week.
Suddenly their conversations went from dating to just being friends and one day later my husband asked me to reconcile. He asked me to move forward and forget about the past – I agreed and we tried to make it work for 10 days – unfortunately with the knowledge about the 2 of them I could not trust him anymore – I was hoping during these 10 days he could come clean about everything but he didn’t – so we finished it again after 10 days in the beginning of August 2009.

This is the main story but there are a few other things which either happened while we were together or things I discovered since August 2009:
- I sent a message to WH’s co-worker IN Dec. 2009 and asked her to send me an email so I could ask her some questions. She went straight to WH and told him. I just got the following message: "Have just found out that you have contacted my co-worker through Facebook. Why can't you just leave me have some friends that you don't frighten away?" I never heard of her after that.
- When WH planned to go abroad for 2 years he told me about it around 8 weeks in advance which puts it at June 2005. I have since found a letter from an agency from April 2005 who thanked him for filling out all necessary paperwork and his references – I had no idea about any of this.
- We were married just one year IN 2004 – I went through my husbands phone for the first and only time ever – I don’t even remember anymore why did it at the time -
I found in his sent items a text to another woman from the weekend before – something like can’t meet you tomorrow – I can’t exactly remember - I was so shocked I did not snoop any further but immediately rang her number and got her voicemail - here husband's explanation:
He went to the pub with a mate of his and the mate's phone's battery went dead - so he borrowed husbands phone to send texts to his girlfriend. Mate takes his SIM and puts it into husband’s phone and sends the texts.
I burst into tears and asked my husband if he is sure that story is true. He gets really mad, storms upstairs and starts packing his suitcase and threatens to leave me. I pleaded and begged and cried and he finally stopped packing and stayed.
I never found out if he had an affair or not but the memory stayed with me.
- When we were planning our wedding in 2003 we were counting every penny to pay for it – when I met my husband he had an old account I thought he didn’t use anymore – last year I found a statement from early 2003 – between Feb and April 2003 he had transferred around $1000 to this account – I had no idea – lots of withdrawals and 2 of them for Valentine’s Day.
- When my husband left me in 2009 he told me in a conversation about another co-worker who would always touch his arm when she spoke to him – he said he didn’t like it as she was always too close – when I found out a little later that she was one of his FB friends I kind of wondered if there was more to her but never really paid attention – anyway around February last year he finally revealed he had a girlfriend and guess who – her – he now lives with her and her daughter abroad.
- When he left the second country end of 2007 he gave his old mobile phone to my son – a few months later my son tells me that found a pic of a naked woman on the phone and deleted it – I actually have never seen it – just a woman’s body, no head – it was covered by something my son said at the time. Now I confronted my husband over the phone as he was again abroad and he told me it was a gallery pic he got with the phone - and guess who gave him the phone – the same friend who borrowed his phone and texted from his phone 4 years earlier (they worked together abroad at the time). I asked my son at the time if he thought it was gallery pic or a snapshot and he thinks it was a pic like you or I would take with a camera.

- My husband and this friend were sharing a room for a while abroad and when the friend moved out to ive with his girlfriend my husband asked me if it would be ok to share a house with a females friend of his then landlord. I said no at the time and he didn’t mention it again but sometimes I wonder if there was more to that story

I know this is all very confusing – He never admitted any wrongdoing and there has never been really any evidence – he was abroad most of the time – he was in 3 different countries and had a separate mobile phone in each of these 3 countries (not to pay roaming charges when I would call him). No phone bills or anything to go by, just a lot of gut feeling and suspicions. Anyway we are now separated 18 months and I even though I don’t know if he cheated or not I know it’s the right decision to end this marriage. I gained almost 100 lbs in the 6.5 years we were married and it started right after I found the text on his phone – now I have joined Weight Watchers and have so far lost 1/3 of it – I am finally getting the sparkle in my eyes back.


Me(39)BS Him(35)

Posts: 659 | Registered: Oct 2009
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, March 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Capri...thanks.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
waiting4tomorrow
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Member # 31586
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, March 22nd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello- this is my first time posting however, I have been reviewing the post for a few weeks now. I found out my husband had an "emotional affair" in Jan. 2010. He denied everything when I confronted him but eventually told me he had met someone but nothing ever happened! He would not show me his phone bills, nor would he tell me her name; claiming her spouse is abusive and he didnt want me to cause her problems. To this day I have very little info. And even if he did give me some information, I wouldnt believe! I thought I could "get over this" but it is a little over a year later and I'm feeling worse! I started IC a few weeks ago hopingthis will help me to move on. Do I have the right a year later to demand answers???? Shouldn't I be letting this go by now? All my thoughts seem to revolve around this. When were out in public I think, is that her, did they come here together, etc, etc, etc! Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you


Posts: 1 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: PA
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are going through this *torture*.
The best advice I ever got was to use a key logger!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
5yrsout
♀ Member
Member # 32109
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, May 17th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all of us still in the dark. This is the part that is the most painful. I could handle anything. Any truth. Oh, you're gay? Ok, what are our next steps? Oh, you are in love with OW... (well, honestly, that one might be a bit harder to be nice about.)... but, NOT KNOWING what I was dealt... even five years later... total mind fuck. I used to think he couldn't talk about it because he felt "so bad"... HA! now i know, he was just being selfish and probably didn't break things off with her at all (though, I pray he did eventually.) until recently, I hadnt been worried.


Now 7 Yrs Out - my prince is a frog
DD 5/15/2006

Posts: 774 | Registered: May 2011
Gullible
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Member # 20005
Shocked  Posted: 4:01 PM, May 22nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi I thought I'd post here again because this thread was helpful to me in the past and I used to post here back in 2007. I think I am in the same boat as many of you. Here's the deal;
I posted a few questions recently about my H and a day and phone number in question. Long story short, on a day I was working a few weeks ago and my H was off, he withdrew $140 from our checking acct., took off for the day, didn't leave me a note, and when I returned from work, I couldn't get a hold of him (he wasn't answering his cell phone.) I knew the phone was turned on because I used Family Map to try to see his location. He was somewhere in downtown Chicago (although it doesn't give an exact location.) I knew from the phone records he left our house around 1:30 in the afternoon, and he didn't get home until 7:00 p.m. He told me he had "gone drinking by himself." He did smell like alcohol.
I asked him about this weird phone number I noticed he had called a couple of times that day which I didn't recognize, and he said it belonged to a friend of one of his co-workers, and that they were all supposedly meeting at this person's house (yet he supposedly didn't know the friend's name?!) He said he didn't even end up getting together with them (to celebrate one of the co-workers birthdays.)
So, the next day I had called the number and some woman answered. I explained why I was calling, and her response was that she didn't know my H and that she was working the day before (the day in question) and that her brother was using her phone that day. She told me that her name was "Ashley" and that she is married. I had checked the phone number on one of the reverse web sites, and it said the number belonged to someone named Brittan in AZ. We live in the Chicago area. I had even tried to google the number with no luck. Someone here on SI spoofed the number, and there was no name attached to it.
Btw, then someone from this phone number texts my H with the message "Happy Mother's day to you and all the important women in your life." There was no greeting name and no closing. This was on Mother's Day. My H and I have no children, and he has no children with anyone else. So, a few days later, he leaves his phone here, and I text the number back, saying "Hi. Thanks. Who is this?" Soon afterwards, a text comes back from that number saying simply the number "62." I have no idea what that means.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago... I decide to try to Google the phone number again. This time after going through a couple of Google pages, I see this same number connected to a web site called"backstage.com." What do you know, there's this chick advertising her services- it came up under the sub-heading "Decatur escorts." It said the location was Chicago (we live right outside the city), and my H was in the city that day in question (I know this because I have Family Map on my phone, although it doesn't give an EXACT location.) So, this ad was posted back on Nov, 7, 2010, and it says something like "I can fulfill your fantasies" and "I'm also a dancer." It also says "Outcalls only" and lists the very same phone number I was questioning. This woman claims her age is 20 (although she looks older) and there are several pics of her in a bathing suit. I am not sure what to do next. I was thinking of just innocently telling my H that I was looking for a new bathing suit and then showing him the pic from this web site, and asking, "what do you think of this one?" just to see his reaction! My other idea was to either call this number and pretend I want to hire a stripper for friend's bachelor party (to see what she does and what her prices are- remember, my H just took out $140 that day) or make a fake e-mail with a man's name to contact her. I even thought of setting up a new e-mail with my H's name to contact her, just to see if she would respond or know who he was. I have a feeling they only discuss stuff over the phone, anyway. What do you think I should do?
I don't see how I would really get any info. from this woman about my H by asking her myself, and I think if I just show him the pic and confront him about it, he will deny it anyway. I wonder what $140 would buy from some woman advertising herself as an escort or dancer, anyway?
Btw, back in 2007 I first started posting on here,because I thought my H was cheating on me back then with an black woman (I am white and my H is hispanic.) I left for 2 months but returned to my house to try R with him. Since then, I have found porno DVDs featuring black women, e-mail pics printed from the woman I thought he was cheating with of OTHER naked black women posing for porno pics, and at times have found that he was looking at more pornos of black women on his computer when he forgot to delete the history! There seems to be some fascination with my H for black women (I am not black.) These pics that this escort woman posted of herself on the ad show she is also a black woman. There seems to be a pattern here...
Now, what to do about this newest thing (this phone number that may be an escort.) Is $140 enough to pay an escort? If so, for what? Any advice? I could really use some!

Posts: 124 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest
betrayedmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 32093
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 22nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi gullible,
maybe you could install a gps tracker in your car to see where he's going? i wish i would have. i had suspicions for way too long.


Together 12 yrs, married 6
Dday from Hell 2/6/11
3 kids under 5
I would do anything to have my family in one piece but I know its shattered...

Posts: 108 | Registered: May 2011 | From: betrayedmomof3
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