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User
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Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
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dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 |  Posted: 4:27 PM, November 13th (Sunday), 2011 |     |
Junebug is right. I'm counting just XXX more years that I must stay legally M to this deceptive lunatic.[This message edited by dreamlife at 12:00 AM, August 11th (Saturday)]
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
hurt62
♀ Member
Member # 29344 | | Posted: 1:50 PM, November 18th (Friday), 2011 | |
I to am still in the dark. I don't think anything is currently happening but gut says other wise. Just havn't proven anything yet. Getting duck in a row.
BS-me 49
WS-him 46
2kids- DS 12 and DD 10
Posts: 51 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: NW PA |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 6:32 PM, November 19th (Saturday), 2011 | |
I was able to get WH's SECRET cell phone number and this is huge!
Now that I have it, I have NO idea what to do with it...any ideas here?
I also have no idea what type of cell phone it is.
I could do cart wheels b/c he screwed up! 
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
cobraadvice
♀ Member
Member # 32452 | | Posted: 6:37 PM, November 19th (Saturday), 2011 | |
dreamlife, find the phone! I found the number first and of course called it all day long (blocked it by *67 first). Got up the next morning at 4 am and searched his truck, got it! Searched the phone and finally got her phone number and a couple of text messages. I forwarded everything to my phone as evidence and called her number at 5 AM. I did not know who the OW was as my H refused to tell me, kept saying it would not help our marriage. Once I had the number he still would not tell me so I paid for an online PI to search it, voila had names, home address, home phone numbers, family history, etc...
She then panicked and told her husband and my husband looked shocked when I handed him his phone the next day. This was 3 months after D-Day, so more lies.
Me 50, WH 50
OW 52, looks older and fake, not worth a 2nd look.
Married 24 years, together 27 years
3 sons,
DDay May 2011
DDay#2 Oct 2011,
Separated for a month, asked to move home, in R and it has its ups and downs but it is now more limbo
Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2011 |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 11:18 AM, November 20th (Sunday), 2011 | |
I can't get to/"find" the secret phone physically b/c we are living seperately over 300 miles apart.
(He would not tell me anything back in 2006 -- so I kicked him out).
I think this phone would be a veritable *GOLD MINE* re info about our Finances. I don't care about his boyfriends/lovers...I just wanna know about the $ & how its being spent.
All I have is the number...
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
GoodFaith
♂ Member
Member # 28249 | | Posted: 12:59 PM, December 1st (Thursday), 2011 | |
Here's a quote from toomanytears...
understand that at some point you have to place self-respect ahead of self-sacrifice.
It certainly struck a nerve in me.
BH (me) 50
FWW (CSA)43
3 Kids 16-22
DDay1 - 01/08/08 finaly found proof but still denied all.
DD2 31/08/2009 admited 4 cheats - one total stranger
DD3 20/01/2010 admitted 3 more
Posts: 301 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Ontario |
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753 | | Posted: 9:00 PM, December 5th (Monday), 2011 | |
I still have not heard a reason I can trust for why he began carrying around a condom when I was already three months pregnant. And the kicker? I might never know the truth.
Posts: 2786 | Registered: Jul 2011 |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 6:23 AM, December 14th (Wednesday), 2011 | |
me, too.
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
2_4giving4_2long
♀ Member
Member # 34008 |  Posted: 12:09 PM, January 15th (Sunday), 2012 | |
I really am in the dark. I have always forgiven his "forgetfulness" even when he forgetting something so important to me. I would understand he was under "a lot of stress." Now I know about the A and he "can't remember", or "forgets" everything about it. I have no answers. Just that he had a longer A than he will admit to.
Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.
Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2011 |
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554 | | Posted: 10:30 PM, January 16th (Monday), 2012 | |
Add me to the In The Dark club. That he refuses to discuss anything with me is a major problem for me.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = WS (abusive NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
Separated & Divorcing
Posts: 5016 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 6:06 AM, January 22nd (Sunday), 2012 | |
NG~ mine also will not discuss anything with me so he made it an Open & Shut case right then & there. ugh, Bastard! 
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
hurtingmama1977
♀ Member
Member # 34459 | | Posted: 5:55 PM, January 23rd (Monday), 2012 | |
Wow. As I read thru these pages I feel like I am reading my own story but I could never describe it so perfectly as some of you do. I also have "proof" of nothing and also hear over and over that he has never had sex with anyone else. About a month ago, I found out that he had kissed another woman twice. When I confronted him about it and bothered him for 3 days, he finally gave in and said, "We were all really drunk. It MAY have happened." There was never an apology or any sign of remorse. My gut tells me that there is so much more. I also confronted him with other things that he says I am blowing way out of proportion, are all in my head, etc. I feel like he might have a secret cell phone also cause his cell phone (that I know about) he almost every day leaves at home on the counter and it rarely rings. There's no way he has this huge "circle of friends and ho workers" that he talks about and not one of them ever call or text???? So many unanswered questions. I feel like a private investigator in my own home!!
Me- (BS)34
H- (WS)35
Married-14 years
Kids-13,9,5, and a baby born 4-17-2011
Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: MI |
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678 | | Posted: 5:51 AM, April 22nd (Sunday), 2012 | |
My husband and I are separated. He just started dropping the child support check off weekly in the mailbox. After 15 years of marriage, I noticed my name was misspelled on the envelope. I was about to cuss him out for no knowing how to spell it! Then, I realized my name on the check was spelled correctly! I cussed him out for having "her" write my name on the envelope. Oh yeah, the "her" that supposedly isn't. The fool said to me " I wrote your name wrong, I just wanted to see if you noticed!!!"
Are we 6th graders?????
At one point he wanted to move back in & thank GOD I said No, not without IC first!
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed
Posts: 819 | Registered: Jan 2012 |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 1:58 PM, April 22nd (Sunday), 2012 | |
Approaching some "light" with Financial Disclosure looming ~ Yay! 
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
SGRBEET
♀ Member
Member # 35442 | | Posted: 11:56 PM, May 1st (Tuesday), 2012 | |
I have a question for anyone out there that is still struggling with trust and being "in the dark" about what your spouse did while it relates to infidelity and the betrayal. I DO NOT trust my husband's story and I would like to have him take a polygraph. That way I would know for sure if he has told me the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Have any of you made your Significant Other take a polygraph and what were the results? Do you believe them to be accurate and did they give you the closure you needed to get out of limbo and make a decision to stay and R or leave?
Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2012 |
MyReturn2Me
♀ Member
Member # 34352 | | Posted: 11:52 AM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2012 | |
((SGRBEET)) First of all {{BIG HUGS}}
I was just thinking the same thing. My husband admitted to 7 separate ons  and even gave me a bulls*&t time line. The dates and names don't match ANY of the names of women that I came up with, except the last one.
I asked him to rewrite the timeline and he refuses. Because he's a colossal LIAR!
I have an acquaintance who is a Law Enforcement Officer and I was sitting here thinking of way to ask him to recommend an agency who could give a reliable polygraph test to a BPD, narcissistic, sociopathic, alcoholic, sex addict, passive aggressive? What's the fucking point? 
Me BS 50
Him WS 53 Chicken shit,cowardice,serial philanderer.
Married 17 yrs, Together for 20 ~ DD#1 10/17/11, DD#2 10/23/11 10/23/11 - Sent him to live with his mother.
DD#3 1/20/13 - effing liar <<smmfh>>
Posts: 224 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound |
SGRBEET
♀ Member
Member # 35442 | | Posted: 5:13 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2012 | |
I am actually chuckling at your post....the anger is present but glad you can keep your humor about you at a time like this. Do they honestly think we are that stupid. When 1+1 doesn't equal 2 then things just don't add up. It's actually comical that they think we don't have their number.
Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2012 |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 5:19 AM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
Well! Things are going to change drastically for him soon...he has hidden so much. I am in a no fault state so the A's do not matter, but hiding $$$ does, etc. Wish I could post more but can't right now due to possible *Lurker Alert*. 
About the poly:
Sociopaths can lie away easily & with impunity...its as easy as breathing in/out to them.
On the other hand, if one tends to suffer from anxiety, it would affect the poly results, then there is the skill level of the one administering/reading the "results"...which is why poly's r not admissible in court.
What you need to ask yourselves is this:
Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with a broken fucked up person & constantly play PI in my own home? 
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
MyReturn2Me
♀ Member
Member # 34352 | | Posted: 4:16 PM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
Dreamlife you are spot on.
He already told me he's stuck his dick in 7 other women, in addition to me, his wife, and I have the e-mail exchanges between him and his potential victim #8.
I really don't need to spend upwards of $500 for him to sit and lie his way through a polygraph test like he's lied his way through our 20 year relationship.
Me BS 50
Him WS 53 Chicken shit,cowardice,serial philanderer.
Married 17 yrs, Together for 20 ~ DD#1 10/17/11, DD#2 10/23/11 10/23/11 - Sent him to live with his mother.
DD#3 1/20/13 - effing liar <<smmfh>>
Posts: 224 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound |
SGRBEET
♀ Member
Member # 35442 | | Posted: 9:16 PM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
That's exactly what I need to know. If my H was doing that, I'm done with this R. I can't live with that.
Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2012 |
| Topic Posts: 832 | |
