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Spouses with Same Gender APs.

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Facade posted 6/22/2008 21:59 PM

Thanks, Dream...

Hey, can I ask you guys something? (Please keep in mind that I truly don't want to offend anyone, and I'm not generalizing...these questions are specific to my situation.)

STBX clued me in to the mindset of his new circle of "friends." From what he's told me, their philosophy seems VERY know, covering up for each other in their nasty little rendezvous, cheating on their wives and badmouthing them, and sharing their pathetic little stories about how their hetero marriages were just a big, bad mistake. Wah, wah, wah. They call us "breeders", or so I've heard.

Have any of you heard of this type of fraternization?

dreamlife posted 6/24/2008 18:35 PM

OMG, yes!

Mainly on those online "groups" where they post about meeting at motels & "bring a lotta lube", having "dump parties", & call their wives..."Fish"!

Facade posted 6/28/2008 22:41 PM


Maybe I shouldn't ask this...WTH do they call us "fish"?

Sadandshaken posted 7/1/2008 20:30 PM

I am new to this thread. And I have wondered about this with my STBXH. I am not sure if my H is Bisexual. I don't even know if this is the right place to ask this question.

He said he had A with woman but will not really confirm her identity. Several people have asked me if he is gay. I had not thought about it except I consider him to be a submissive male type person in a lot of ways. He didn't appear to be this way when I met him.

Anyway, after dday, our kids, who are 18 and 20 didn't know anything about an affair for quite a few months. They knew something BIG was up though. So, one day my daugher sits me down and says she has a question and is having a really hard time asking. She finally asks me if dad is gay.

I was shocked. Apparently, all her friends think he is. Since then I have had a lot of people ask me this. They wonder about a friend of his he was seeing a lot to just get together with was his partner. Made me start to think. Could someone help me decifer this.

I had thought he was bisexual and even asked him one day. He laughed and said I was attacking his character.

Any help is appreciated.

Facade posted 7/1/2008 22:55 PM

Sad and shaken,

Please PM me. I'd like to hear more of your story.

Let me say, from my own experience as a woman married to a gay man for 14 years...I wish I'd listened to that little voice in my head years ago.

We're all with you, dear...big hugs.

dreamlife posted 7/4/2008 14:01 PM

Sad, welcome...I hope every one on this thread checks out, please...

Syzy posted 7/30/2008 15:55 PM

OMG, yes!

Mainly on those online "groups" where they post about meeting at motels & "bring a lotta lube", having "dump parties", & call their wives..."Fish"!

Not to generalize but many of these men are deeply in the closet, trying to prove their masculinity to themselves and other men and are generally sexist. Their ideas about gender and sexuality are deeply screwed up. Healthy gay men do not act like this and do not abide much sexism (at least in the 40 and under group)

To answer the question about "fish" the slang is a derogative reference to the way women supposedly smell.

Hurtsadangry posted 8/27/2008 08:46 AM

Found my way over here - see my profile. His latest fantasy is to have another man in bed with us while he (H) is "dressed". I just want to

dreamlife posted 9/3/2008 05:36 AM

hmmmm...are we M to the same man?


Hollowgirl posted 10/13/2008 17:21 PM

I dont even know where to start. I have been married to this man for 26 years. Found out he had an affair with a W 6 months ago. This week caught him texting the word "sweet" to someone who asked him if he liked subs. I asked and he told me sub meant submissives. I asked him to tell me all of his secrets. He said he has had BJs from 10-12 men over the last 6 years. I am sure there is more to the story...I keep getting bits and pieces.
I am in shock. First about the affair. I have been treated like a princess for all 26 years. He has been the model husband. (so i thought)...I dont think I will ever get over all the lies. I know me well enough to know I would always wonder what he was doing. He'd become such a great liar!
Starting over scares me to death. I'm 46. I've never been alone...went straight from Mom and Dad to our home together. Highschool sweethearts.
I didn't even know this forum existed! I was in the recovery forum until I found out about the men.
Thanks for listening!

dreamlife posted 10/13/2008 22:25 PM

Hollowgirl, welcome!

Yes, it IS a dreadful SHOCK to hear about the MEN.

Have you been tested for STD's?
I would make an IC appt. immediately as well.
Is your WH "bi"?
Is there a possibility that he "acts out" due to being bipolar (hypersexuality)? Sex Addiction?

"Don't Call it Love" by Patrict Carnes is an excellent book (for SA.)

Please keep posting here and hang in there.

We will all try to help you all that we can.

(((((huge hugs)))))

Hollowgirl posted 10/15/2008 11:20 AM

Yes, I tested negative to all STD's.

After he told me of the MEN...about 2 days later he said he'd remembered being abuse by a neighbor man when he was 8 or 9.

Our IC/MC said that he might be bipolar. Our 2nd son is bipolar and we've known about his disorder for years. My husband never displayed any of the symptoms.

My pastor said it sounds like SA.

I dont know what to believe.

Today we go to the counselor. Hope to get the whole truth and some answers.

Sometimes I think it would be easier for both of us to move on. If he gets well he could have a great realationship with someone new who didn't have all the lies in her past with him.

Thanks for being there!

dreamlife posted 10/16/2008 13:05 PM

HG~ glad to hear you tested negatively!

Me, too. (But then again...9 months of staring at his back and wondering what was *wrong* probably helped, too.)

He sounds a LOT like my WH.

SA? bipolar?? bi/gay???


Well, I don't want him in My Life.
It is...what it is.

dreamlife posted 10/23/2008 22:23 PM

Today is my WH's 55th birthday and I suspect he's partying with a man.
Don't ask me how I know...I can just sense it.

SmileyBlue posted 11/21/2008 00:36 AM

Hey everyone,

i just wanted to ask a question

is it possible for someone to go through a bi-sexual phase in their early 20s only to realise they are straight? not me btw!!! but my friend just found out her fiancee has hooked up with guys twice before she met him and she is shocked. he said it was just a phase and that he doesnt even think about it now but she is really upset and worried. I said to her it was possible for people to go through phases but i actually have no idea. shes worried he is gay and denying it although they have always had a good sex life and he has always pursued her.

some insight would be greatly appreciated!!

[This message edited by SmileyBlue at 3:49 AM, November 21st (Friday)]

SmileyBlue posted 11/21/2008 21:06 PM


dreamlife posted 11/22/2008 17:35 PM

from what i have found out, this "phase"usually only happens when a STRAIGHT MALE has no access to a in prison!
but upon his release, he will seek out a WOMAN, & not a man.
there also appears to be a lot of bisexual "experimentation"in youth, but as the bi man grows older, he longs for an exclusive homosexual relationship WITH ANOTHER MAN.
hope this helps...and, straight men do NOT look at GAY Porn.

google bonnie kaye.

dreamlife posted 11/23/2008 22:11 PM

Smiley,I feel its major denial.

ThatWasFun posted 11/24/2008 13:29 PM

So far, I've never found anyone else who feels this way:

When I was in my early twenties, I dated a girl for a little while. I was quite taken with her. After three or four months of dating she told me that she couldn't see me anymore, because she needed to admit to herself that she was gay, and she had been seeing another girl for the last couple of weeks. I was very disappointed, but I was able to shrug it off rather easily, unlike the devastation I felt many years later when my XF cheated with another man. Here's why:

She was physically attracted to other women. Therefore, she wanted something I simply could not provide. I do not have tits or a vagina, and never will.

My WXF, on the other hand, could have gotten from me anything she got from the OM simply by letting me know that's what she wanted. Other than size, a dick is a dick is a dick, and techniques are learned.

father of 4 posted 11/24/2008 13:53 PM

My inclination is that he is not straight. I would advise not to go through with the wedding.

SmileyBlue posted 11/24/2008 18:50 PM

so you guys think there is no such thing as an experimentation phase??

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