I was able to read your posts in General.
My WH was into a bit of "everything", including cross dressing, numerous fetishes, & paraphilias.
Being a very liberal person, I thought: Well, he's just "experimenting"...after all I can wear pants (he brought that up as a "justification", too )...then he wanted his toe nails painted RED with My Polish...used to powder his nose before going to work to take the shine off, etc.
Then the ED happened & I was starved for not just "cuddling", but for sex as well. I wanted to feel DESIRED as a WOMAN. He had shut down!
(He still denied he was bi/gay till I saw the gay porn on the PC! And, then he STILL DENIED THIS!!!)
I've been betrayed with my straight XH with a best friend, etc.
What makes this a very different situation is...WH is who he is...he's NOT gonna change...once I accepted this fact it really helped me (even though WH changes his story from week to week and now is merely "asexual"--NOT! )
No doubt WH will find yet another "Cover Wife" # 3
because he's deceptive, dishonest, & has huge personality disorder problems as well.
He did admit he has a fear of 'being too OLD to jump into the Gay Lifestyle...has a fear of strangers', etc., so he's clinging to me more like a mother figure/pal...but wanna know what really pisses me off?
He has not APOLOGIZED for shattering My Life & "our future" which I was really looking forward to!
He has not apologized to his XW either...& she always wanted children. (He lied and said he did, too.)
WH is a pathetic POS!
I have bi/gay relatives and friends and they are wonderful, loving, monogamous people with CHARACTER.
IC has helped me so much, as has my family physician.
BOTH have urged me to Move On with my life...my doc actually said, "Don't look at those hurtful gay porn pix on the PC, again, and start dating!"
Well, I'm understandably very skittish about this "dating" thing, have huge TRUST ISSUES, & after being blown away with this bi/gay revelation (which he mind fucks/gaslights me by changing, often!), I really hope that I can...TRUST...fully...again.
However, I have met a few fellows (I like one in particular quite a bit) and though I have not gone on any real dates YET...it truly IS so therapeutic to feel wanted/desired once again.
It just takes time...the anger, the rage, all of that needs to be processed.
A truly wonderful support group on yahoo is Wives of Bi/Gay H (WOBGH) and they helped me so much when he first told me.
Also, books by Bonnie Kaye and her monthly newsletter.
Are you in IC?
Yes, they want to stay M because its a "safe haven", I have learned.
But, its NOT FAIR or good for YOU!
Your life is passing you by and there are many decent *straight* men out there.
Please keep posting...& we will try to help you all that we can.
I used to feel just HORRIBLE & UGLY...& like My Life WAS So Totally Over...well, its not.
I'm just getting my second wind going now!
PS Sent you a PM, too.