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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 11th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have Tricare through the Air Force and we pay nothing for my IC. They would not cover MC so, on paper, I am the one in IC. We do go to a civilian counselor though bc our MTF does not offer IC. It is worth checking into for sure!!


Am I the only one here whose FWH (or spouse) committed the A while stateside but intraining? He has not been deployed but was 1800 miles away on another base when it happened.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly how it works. Your C had to have assigned you a DSM IV code and is charging i tas IC because regardless of branch tricare will not cover MC. As far as the military is concerned if you need MC, go to a chaplain.

But frankly there are literally thousands of DSM IV codes so odds are they can assign one of them to you...lol.

To ge tthe counseig services through Onesource, just call them. Tell them you are having problems, and you need to talk to someone. They will give you a list of providers in your area who accept onesource.

And no Piper, you aren't the only one. One of my FWH's ONS was while in training for K9 school in San Antonio.

The thing is there generally isn't alot of downtime at service schools because you are always studying. Unless for instance you are at NTC. NTC is rampant for nasty field sex.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soldiersgirl, what is NTC?

Also, I have a copy of While They're at War (which was mentioned earlier in this thread) if anyone wants to have it...you could just pm me to let me know and I can send it to you (is that allowed? I'm not trying to be an internet creepy person but I just thought someone might benefit from it!)


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
findingme32
♀ Member
Member # 12833
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, can I join in with you guys. WH is active duty recruiting. He has traveled for the last couple of years with the position he has. One of the OW is military, one is civilian he knew from high school and one he met while tdy.

He also cheated 7 years ago while recruiting at a college with someone who worked there.

We are trying to R but it has only been a couple of months since I found out about a 7mth false R.



One sided love is NEVER enough!

Posts: 1159 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: I'm not sure anymore...
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi findingme32!

Sorry to hear about your situation but glad that we can all band together as we navigate through the rollercoaster of infidelity AND the rollercoaster of the military...whew! Each one by ITSELF is confusing and complicated enough...


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BB- The National Training Center. More commonly known as Fort Irwin. Used to be they sent the guys there to get them used to dealing with the desert before the shipped em overseas. They obviously don't do that anymore. But it was basically a three month trip to the field, cept it was generally across the country.

Findingme, I am soooo sorry you have to join our little club. If there's anything worse than being in the military wife club, or the SI club, it's being in both.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
findingme32
♀ Member
Member # 12833
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH went to NTC almost 13 years ago, he spent our year engaged in korea. I wonder now if he cheated on me all those years ago, when he would be at some training or another.

I try not to borrow trouble but with the last 7 years being as they were, I wonder alot about the first 7.


One sided love is NEVER enough!

Posts: 1159 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: I'm not sure anymore...
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To this day I swear that Korea is the devils playground. An ex of mine once told me there was nothing to do but shop, drink, and sleep around.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And no Piper, you aren't the only one. One of my FWH's ONS was while in training for K9 school in San Antonio.

So, San Antonio must be my equivalent to NTC. Big base, BIGGER bull.

( I saw someone's tag line on SI and it read: "Everything's bigger in Texas...even the lies." NO KIDDING!)


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is there generally isn't alot of downtime at service schools because you are always studying.

Well, SUPPOSED to be studying.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FYI-- Military One Source phone number is: 1-800-342-9647..
(Mods I hope its OK I posted it).

Also, Tricare Prime paid for my IC apts. when I was done with my 6 sessions. There is no functional base for dependents within 6 hours from me too.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
tratra
♀ New Member
Member # 5766
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not condone what they do, but I do Know that it is a different world when you are deployed. You never know if today is the day you will die. You get depressed because your not with your spouse. You let someone else there in, you connect with them and that is the wrong answer! People just don;t understand that they need to communcate with their spouses. Unfortunatley my husband did not deploy, his unit did but he was in school. But he screwed up anyhow! Anyway he told me about people in his unit screwing around, and then caught himself and said to me sheesh I did it and didn't even deploy. My husband has issues, issues I did not know about, which led him to depression. People don't understand how easy it is to let someone else in other than your spouse. You need to communitcate with your spouse instead of your co-worker. People need to wake up to this! Deploying units need to stand up and counsel their soliders that this will not be tolerated. I myself am prior military. I wish that they would make it if the spouse is caught with someone else in the military, that they would each pay the spouse 3-6 months base pay. At least this money would help the spouse in case she wanted to leave. It's says you F%#@ me you pay me.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2004
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly how it works. Your C had to have assigned you a DSM IV code and is charging i tas IC because regardless of branch tricare will not cover MC. As far as the military is concerned if you need MC, go to a chaplain.

Soldiersgirl - That's how it went for us too. The counselor is listed in the Tricare directory as Marriage and Family Therapy, but the DSM IV code is something specific to me. I think stress and adjustment issues something like that.

The funny thing is that I see a different IC and Tricare is paying for that as well. I wonder if they will ever come back and say I am seeing 2 different counselors and then only pay for one? I almost want to ask them but I think I'll let sleeping dogs lie for now.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
findingme32
♀ Member
Member # 12833
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Down not out-the people in the behavioral health with tricare said i could see as many therapist as i want as long as i had authorization from them.
I had an IC then I got the MC for me and WH but it was in my name.
My WH will not go to IC because he has to go on base we live to close for him to go civilian. And of course he will not talk about A's with someone on base.
Of course I'm not sure he would be honest with one anyways. So what's the point. He wasn't honest with our MC for the 7months we were in false R.


One sided love is NEVER enough!

Posts: 1159 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: I'm not sure anymore...
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

findingme-

Frankly it's difficult enough to talk a soldier into MC. IC is usally not even on the table. You have to understand of course that the military dislikes it when their soldiers seek IC regardless of what they say, and at the first hint of trouble, they will find a way to toss yoru butt out. And I know this first hand because during my first divorce my commander sent me to IC. After fifteen minutes the C told my chain of command that because I was unhappy about the divorce ((xwh cheated on me with nearly 3 dozen women)) that I had a dependent personality disorder ((my symptoms were that I obeyed orders without question and I didn't like being in trouble)) and recommended that I be chaptered out of the military. And it is something that I've seen time and time and time again.

Honestly, I'm proud of your H for being willing to take a chance with MC. It's hard to overcome the fear of the "wizard". Mine wouldn't even consider going to MC with me.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
findingme32
♀ Member
Member # 12833
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I do understand it's hard to get a soldier to go to counseling. Especially my WH he is a true "soldiers, soldier"-know what I mean. For him it was like taking a bit of the tough guy image away.
I don't know that I am proud of him for going though. He either went or the marriage was over. He used things our MC told us to do with regards to working on our communication with some of his OW, and lied like crazy to her.

Even though we are trying to R now, we do not go to MC anymore. If he's going to lie to one MC he will do it with another.

Things are seemingly doing okay with us but we are seperated still and I just watch his actions to see how things go. Damn sorry for the rambling on.


One sided love is NEVER enough!

Posts: 1159 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: I'm not sure anymore...
FindingHope
♀ Member
Member # 15761
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frankly it's difficult enough to talk a soldier into MC. IC is usally not even on the table. You have to understand of course that the military dislikes it when their soldiers seek IC regardless of what they say, and at the first hint of trouble, they will find a way to toss yoru butt out.

Soldiersgirl, I so needed to hear this. I wanted to go to MC before my H had his As. He was not open to it at all - and he gave a version of what you just said.

Do you think things will ever change? Do you think it will get easier and become more acceptable when a soldier seeks help?

Here we are (we - in the general sense) - we ask our men and women to voluntarily do some very scary/risky things. And then we expect them to just be fine? Isn't there some obligation to help our soldiers adjust to living everyday life after being in such a stressful situation day in and day out for months at a time?

I would love to see mandatory counseling. Pre-, during, and post-deployment. Mandatory for soldiers and their families. Maybe that would take away some of the negative association with asking for help.


Posts: 456 | Registered: Aug 2007
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that they are working hard to change this negative view that they themselves have bred into these soldiers. But this is mostly in regards to seeking help for PTSD. It depends on the command. Some commands are all for the soldier an dwant to rehabilitate them so that they can continue to be good soldiers, but then there are bases like Ft. Carson that are notorious for kicking soldiers out at the first hint of PTSD. But before they can get the soldiers to accept help, they have to erase the stigma, and it will be a very long time before that happens.

Hell, even after four army wives were murdered in a six week period at Bragg and attributed mainly to PTSD ((Although in all four cases, infidelity was present or alleged)) the army chose to do the bare minimum. Instead of providing counseling for their soldiers, they now have the "Don't kill your wife" questionaires.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you go to a Non Military Related IC/MC then you will be fine. They are not at liberty to tell your Hs COC what is going on, they aren't even allowed to let them know they are going there. Unfortunetly since the Military is so Effed up with allowing soldiers to get help, you have to sneak around the system. Its a freakin shame.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem though is that while the spouse is able to go to an outside provider, the soldier isn't free to do so. And unfortunately, there are definetly cases where they can and will contact the CoC. If they feel that the patient is a threat to either themselves or their spouses then they are required to report it to the CoC. IC for soldiers has to go through the Psychiatry department of their local military hospital and there really is no way around it.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
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