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Newest Member: PTSD (44945)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, October 16th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edited for personal reasons.

[This message edited by sunlil at 9:05 AM, October 16th (Tuesday)]


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, October 17th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After fifteen minutes the C told my chain of command that because I was unhappy about the divorce that I had a dependent personality disorder ((my symptoms were that I obeyed orders without question and I didn't like being in trouble)) and recommended that I be chaptered out of the military.

Define irony? Kicked out BECAUSE you obeyed orders without questions and didn't like being in trouble. Isn't that like a CO's wet dream? *shakes head*


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 17th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DNO...I know. It irks me to this day. There was so much going on under the surface though. The C told them that after three months, my "personality disorder" would be gone and I would be cured. My CO left it up to my NCOIC who told them to chapter me. Turns out her hubby was having an affair while he was in Korea. She systematically targeted all 6 of the female junior enlisted and had us all tossed out for one reason or another while he was gone. I used to be really bitter about it, but I don't even care. I've seen C's since then who told me that the diagnosis is BS, and I can go back into the military any time I want to.

But the way I see it, her idioy and jealousy kept me from going to war and leaving my children behind.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 17th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else's SO's or H's deploying soon? Mine is and I'm struggling with it. This is new for me.

I'm trying to be as supportive as possible but also wondering how I'm going to cope.

Just really struggling with it today


...still has much to learn :-(

Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, October 17th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey ittybittya - yeah, my guy is "over there" right now. While this isn't our first deployment, it is our first where he is in a combat or "hostile" zone. Let us know what you need and we'll help you as much as we can.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else's SO's or H's deploying soon?

Yes, my H is deploying to Iraq in January. He is expected to be there for a year.

It's the first deployment we've been through and I'm really struggling with it too.


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

on our second go round here. But you already knew that itty. How are you holding up?


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you all,

I'm doing okay most days. There are days well evenings since he's still working up until leaving time, that we don't talk about it at all. Other days, it's all we do talk about. I asked him to get me some dogtags made so I can wear them close to my heart while he's gone.

I know he'll probably be at his mobilization station for a couple months so sunlil, he'll probably be leaving about the same time as your H.

I am learning about this as we go. He has been good to communicate with me so far if I've had questions. My family is being super supportive (as much as possible since they are so far away) but they know he's been so good to me and they've all said, "you are going to wait for him to come home aren't you?" I assure them that I will.

Most days I'm okay. I'm not pissed off that he has to go do his job. I'm understanding that he needs to know that he has my support 100% and that I'm thinking of him and missing him. I was raising my two boys alone when I met him. I know that will be a bit of a readjustment because he has been so involved with them but I will manage that part as well.

I don't know what worries me really. Of course his safety will be an issue as usual but I also know that a year is a long time. How can I do my best to keep the fires burnin' at home while he's gone?

Course the fact that his XW took off with another soldier while he was last deployed doesn't help. I know this bothers him even tho he has some faith in me.

I'm just taking this one step and one day at a time.


...still has much to learn :-(

Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the "Already Overthere" Club!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's been able to call me from "over there"!

It seems that the C has cell phones the guys can check out and use. The reception is spotty at times but the best thing is: they're FREE!

He has to pay $4 an hour for internet service, but he can call me for free!!!

I've gotten a phone call every few days. They haven't been terribly long, but they have been exactly what I needed - confirmation that he was okay and that we were both still on the same page R-wise.

I didn't realize how much I would miss him.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wishing you all a good Friday night (and weekend overall).

I know the weekends are the hardest time for me.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to whine but today is one of those "I wish he was here" days. My Aunt's Girl Scout Troop just made a whole bunch of things to send over to FWH's Company. Its been OVER ONE YEAR since he has HONESTLY touched/kissed me; Mostly due to the A but the last 4 months since the Deployment. All I want is him to cuddle with. This R&R can not come quicker. I can not wait to work on our marriage (even if its only for 18 days).. Ughhh... Days like this make me hate the Army. I suppose I consider the Army an OW right now because they have my husband!!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
sadbunny
♀ Member
Member # 9624
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always considered the Army the OW, and especially one I couldn't compete with, fight with or do anything about. I know exactly what you mean.


Who I am is not what I was now that time has chosen to change me.(Line from a poem I wrote)

Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2006
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep...in many ways I feel the same way about the Navy.

I hear ya.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Missa
♀ Member
Member # 15093
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad to see this topic. Not that I wish any of us had to be here.

Are any of you married to guys on a submarine? I have been married to my stbx for almost 17 years. Met him when he moved to CT to go to sub school after boot camp. We've been together since I was 18.

Now I find myself in a very strange situation. My stbx was always the guy who counseled his buddies about stuff like this. Be above it, don't cheat, make your marriage work. That makes me sick.

He's had 2 affairs that I know about but suspect more. The first time I caught him when he was TAD going to school . His cell phone bill came and I found this recurring number over and over. I called and sure enough this woman spilled her guts. I got all the information from her. She knew everything about him. Knew his travel plans, where he was staying etc.

When he called home the next day I nailed him. Asked him who "C" was. He claimed ignornance, then lied and said it was his buddies girlfriend. So I told him you have one chance to tell the truth and know this. You have no clue what I may or may not already know.

He never really fully disclosed everything. He begged & pleaded about it being a mistake and he didn't want to loose me and the kids. My mistake then was allowing him to make the decisions instead of me taking control of the situation.

Honestly at that point he would have said and done anything to keep me from leaving and him having to explain to his family what went on. I was stupid and believed him. I have since found out he didn't go a month without resuming contact with other woman and trying to hook up.

So fast forward 2 years and here I am after finding out about affair number 2. Some chick he met online. He was carrying on an EA(that ended up becoming PA) with her while living in the house with the kids and I. When I caught on I made him move out.

He's made my life hell. Tried to prove me unfit in court. He's harrassed me with hundreds and hundreds of phone calls and all the while his command has protect this nut. I filed charges on him for the harrassment and when they went to serve him and they claimed he wasn't there. I've gone to family advocacy and spoken to a few different people. The submarine community is just one huge 'good old boy" network who will do anything to protect their own.

He hides behind his underway schedule to have court dates changed. He's not signing separation papers like he's supposed, screwing around with child support. You name it he's done it. Along with destrying our home and all of mine & the kids belongings. We had to move back to my hometown to get away from him.

The stuff he's been allowed to get away with is disgusting.


Missa BS

Mommy to the 3 best things to come from my marriage.

A wonderful chick married to a turd ;o)


Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: On the road to a new life
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Missa...((((hugs))))

Welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to.

The military can certainly be a "good old boys network."
I think it's that way especially in all male commands (like the ones our spouses are in - though mine is not a submariner).

They sure do stick together. I've even heard the sayings, "dicks before chicks" and "bros before hos"

Crap like that makes me sick. I'm not a chick, not a ho, I'm his wife. Accord me the respect my position deserves as the person who makes sure everything runs smoothly while he's deployed, doing military work. I'm the one who picks up the slack when his op tempo increases, even though I might be in college, or working full time, or taking care of his children (pick your favorite).

It galls me that the military pays lip service to the sacrifices we make so our spouses can do their jobs.

But we all end up looking like shrews, shrill and crazy, bent on ruining our poor husbands career, decimating them financially.

Puhleeze! Pull the other one!

Sorry, I'm off on a rant today. Nothing my H has done. No, I believe he is "over there" doing his job with not much time for anything else.

Just a general dissatisfaction with the system and how we often seem to get shafted at the worst possible times.

Where's that honor, courage and commitment that so highly valued and prized in military circles?

Sometimes, it seems like it is in the gutter.

And that just sickens me.

Thanks for reading my rant.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, October 21st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had to post this...

I sent my H a carepackage which included a copy of After the Affair.

On Saturday morning, the package was returned to me because the "APO is closed."

WTH??? Is this some sort of terrible sign?? Kind of makes me all at the same time...

(I should note...none of the other boxes I've sent have been returned)

[This message edited by Betrayedbookworm at 3:06 PM, October 21st (Sunday)]


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, October 21st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive had packages lost. It does suck. Dont take it as a sign lol.. God is just fucking with you. I wanted to let you know I sent FWH books too. He read them. I was suprised but he got a lot out of them.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, October 21st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh good, I am glad to hear that your H read the books and got something out of them...I am hopeful that my H will respond to this book (once he actually gets it, lol! I'll try not to take it as a sign, but if it comes back twice......)


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 21st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am telling you.. Something over there really helped my FWH get it. There is still lots of work that need to be done but I think the space helps a lot and he is learning ALL the things I did that hes taken for granted.

[This message edited by LMigs528 at 5:16 PM, October 21st (Sunday)]


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
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