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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, October 26th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NP! I dont wanna see you duped. Special Ops meaning Special Forces?? If thats the case theres a lot to get that and they usually dont take anyone E4 and under. Good Luck with your R and Deployment!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, October 27th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NCG,

I'm gonna have to be honest with you. I think your husband is most likely full of shit. The odds that he'll recieve an article fifteen for a drunken ONS are slim to none. While many people think that cheating in the military is illegal, it's not. At least not specifically. When they choose to punish them hey use the General Misconduct article. Or they punish them for fratenization, etc, etc, etc.

Why would your husbands internet usage be monitered? Believe me, the army has better things to do than sort through your WH's emails to find out whether or not he screwed around on his wife. Odds are he's hiding something, he's tired of talking about it and is making up excuses, or there's alot more to the story than he is telling you and they are telling him. If they were really monitering his internet usage, they would not tell him about it until they nailed him to the wall for it. Trust me on this one.

I used to work in Personnel and hav emany friend in both the Legal and CID/MPI side of the house. Before you sign yourselves up for some super encrypted email, ask yourself, and him for that matter, what on earth he has done that is so serious that the army has him under surveillance. Because I can guarantee you a romp with a civvie isn't cause for it.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
badhairday
♀ Member
Member # 10030
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, October 27th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was a civilian contractor in Iraq.

So many things piss me off when I think about those times. Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

I sent a care package a week. Everything from boots (the heat and sand was horrible to a pair) to gloves, cleaning supplies..you name it, I sent it. He told OW he ordered everything from catalogs.

I was glued to the TV and cried many a' tears. 'Nuff said.

We talked every day, multiple times a day. Very seldom did anyone else answer his phone. One night, I called, and someone did. I asked for him and the guy said "Who's this?". I said "His wife"..he said "His wife???". Once again, hindsight is 20/20.

He took pictures of his office, screensaver and hooch. Of course, I and the family were plastered everywhere. I often wonder if that was for show and after he took the pics they were promptly taken down. It pisses me off that he made a conscious choice to cover a deception that I didn't even know about.

He'd make runs to Kuwait and I'd be glued to the tv. Little did I know he was running to her.

I think war zones/deployments make it very easy for them to lead a double life.

After searching for OW, I found out that she played numerous men. Not only was he cheating on me, but she kept a string of boyfriends in the camps that she was at. I found pleasure in telling WH all about it. Special, eh?


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: NY
NCaliGrlatHrt
New Member
Member # 16775
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 27th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

actually he was already selected for SF and is entering the q course when he comes back from this deployment.

as far as the internet usage go - he is not the most internet savvy person so maybe he misunderstood. we are certainly still talking about it, he went and verified with the chaplain because i told him it was illegal and he couldnt get an article for cheating on me. so we are clear now.

thanks ladies!


Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: North Carolina
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, October 27th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NCG is your H Airborne?? All SFs have to have it. I just wanna make sure he wasnt misinformed. When my FWH joined they told him he could to to airborne school right after AIT and that never happened. He also got an email selecting him for SF but it was just a general email they send to all soldiers. Good Luck!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, October 27th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NCG,

Okay, I understand now...lol. He's been approved to go to qualifications. It's arduous and strenuous. Tell him to make sure he is in good shape before goes. There are some advantages to SF. He'll go more often, but they'll be shorter periods of time.

I'm glad that he was able to clear things up. Just out of curiosity, how does his CoC know about the OW anyway?


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Missa
♀ Member
Member # 15093
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, October 28th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreading the phone call...

Stbx has been out to sea for almost 8 weeks and I have to tell you guys the silence has been so wonderful! He's totally ignored my emails about his lack of child support but I know he's gotten them because he's had contact with other people.

Anyway my oldest son logged onto instant messenger yesterday and came in the house and told me Dad's online. Hmmm interesting. I knew he would be pulling into port soon so I was not totally surprised. I figured the phone would start ringing shortly.

He's on one coast and we're on another. So as the day wore on and time grew short I knew he wasn't going to call. He can only call the kids from 8:30am-8:30pm because of past harrassment.

Today the kids and I are out and about and attending a family birthday party. I check my phone later on and low and behold there's a message from him. Caught him in an out and out lie. Tells me they just arrived(meaning today)and he understands because of the time difference that the kids are probably alseep..He's a dink and has no clue that is was only 5pm here. LOL

It's minor in the big scheme of things but it just proves he can't tell the truth about anything. We know he was there yesterday he just chose to put himself and his needs first, like thats any big surprise. Just continues to reinforce all my feeling about divorcing him being the right decision.

He's probably going to be sorry that he did call when I get done with him. I've found out since he's been gone that he's been transfering money into a checking account all the while leaving my child support short.

Our separation agreement is not yet signed. But at our last court hearing he agreed to leave support "as is" until we signed. I am calling my lawyer tomorrow so she can rattle his cage a little bit. I am so over his crap.

He's gotten away with to much and not been made to be held accountable.


Missa BS

Mommy to the 3 best things to come from my marriage.

A wonderful chick married to a turd ;o)


Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: On the road to a new life
phillygal
♀ New Member
Member # 16764
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, October 29th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

I'm feeling like I have been kicked in the stomache again...When will this stop??

My WH and OW are in Training in NJ for there upcoming deployment to Iraq and my SIL also lives in NJ, just found out today that the WH had the balls to email his Sister and ask if he could bring the OW to her house to meet them....how insulting is this?? Me and my SIL get on well together and she has already expressed how dissapointed she is with her Brother for what he is doing..

I found this out by logging onto his email (he doesn't know I have his password) wrong I know but it's the only way of finding out what he is up too..

He is telling me he doesn't know how he feels about me or the OW but in his email to his Sister he say's "I'm in love with this woman and I really want you to meet her" It makes me

I really want to lash out at something right now -- Maybe his new 42" plasma he just bought before he left...

What should I do?? confront him, or keep quiet and collect evidence for the military that he REALLY is having an affair??


BS - 43
XH - 35
OMW - 25
MARRIED 15 Yrs together 16 Yrs
KIDS - DD 25, DD 23, DS 22, All from my previous marriage and adopted by my XH
DD - 08/22/07
D - He filed Dec 07, D final 03/31/08 - Heartbroken all over again :(

Posts: 28 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: UK
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, October 29th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phillygal...I'm in a similar position (checking email without WH knowing) --
this is the ONLY way you will know what your H is really up to.

My opinion is, if you confront him and therefore reveal your source, you will lose your only "in" to what's going on...and he'll just gaslight you about what you've read.

I would REALLY recommend that you sit on this info and keep monitoring, especially since your H will deploy with OW...the email will be your only link to what's actually happening (my H is deployed with OW, and if I believed what he told me, I'd be thinking it's over between them. Instead, because of reading his email, I know that she is giving him bj's when others go to meetings and sorry to be so graphic...I am at the Angry stop on the rollercoaster right now!)

Anyway -- stay in Stealth Mode, phillygal!! It will be better in the long run. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
SadSpouse
♀ Member
Member # 13133
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, October 29th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone~

Unfortunately, I am a member of this group as well!

My FWH just deployed Saturday to Kuwait for 6 mos. Since the whole 'A' we have PCSd which has been a God-send. The OW was a civilian...I still have not contacted her H because I am hesitant about professional problems if the OW's H goes anywhere with this. I want him to know, but I fear the professional fall-out.

I read in one of the posts about a woman who went to her priest about notifying the OPs spouse. He gave the advice that if there is retaliation motivating her to notify, it is not the right thing to do....God will take care of it. I feel this way as well....I want to notify him, yet I want to hurt her WAY more....I want to make her life MISERABLE!!!! And, that is not good nor is it healthy for me.

It doesn't help that we are coming up on the 1st ann of everything and he is away. Although, I can call him whenever I need to and he can call me. I just don't want the triggers......

Just wanted to pop in here and say hello.....

SS


Everything happens for a reason......we may not know why at the moment, but God has a reason.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Midwest
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, November 3rd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just felt the need to let everyone know that I HATE DEPLOYMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
SadSpouse
♀ Member
Member # 13133
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, November 3rd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey LMigs....you doing okay tonight?

SS


Everything happens for a reason......we may not know why at the moment, but God has a reason.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Midwest
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, November 3rd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess.. I had a "moment". First one in a while. This stupid deployment.. I feel like I have to put things on hold because well I do. But shit all I want is for FWH to be home so we can face it physically once and for all and we still have weeks til RNR.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs* It'll speed by darlin. Just start thinking about all the things you have to get done before then and it won't seem as if you have enough time...lol. Keep busy, try not to focus on the time.

How is MiniMigs recovering from his surgery dear?


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to send out some really big hugs to all of you. (((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))))

SO is being deployed in less than a week....this is my first experience with anything of this nature. My family is being greatly supportive and I'm really going to miss him. I guess I fear the changes in our relationship as well, it's been so nice for such a long time now.

My nephew just returned from deployment on Monday morning. And now, SO is heading out. Some days I rarely think of it, other days...its all I think about. Post divorce and infidelity, well....I just don't want to feel like I'm making a stupid decision by waiting for him to come home to me. I have no reason (other than our divorces, we were both the BS) to doubt his faithfulness and love. I know I'm taking a chance.

SG, checked out that website and absolutely love it. Was telling my family about all the sassy Tshirts and such and they said, you gotta have those....we'll send you some funds so you can get that! So, thanks.

Wanted to let you all know I was thinking about you. Military spouses are such strong people. I know that now that I've been given a taste of what it's like.

Hugs to all, Itty


...still has much to learn :-(

Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs itty.

FWH has been deployed a month and a day.

Six more months to go.

Breathe, just breathe.

If our marriage is so much stronger now (it appears to be), then why am I still so apprehensie about him being deployed? I know his crew is all male and I believe that the whole camp is male (with the exception possibly being the interpreters. But, on second thought, they are probably male as well).

So why do I still stress? I am 100% certain he is not having any contact with the last OW. I don't believe he is having any contact with any previous OW.

So what gives?

Grrrr....so frustrating!

Thanks for letting me vent ladies! You are all so incredibly wonderful!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps you are like me darlin. DH and I ar ein a good place, and he's been gone about the same length of time. But I know in my heart that I need for us to go through this deployment and for him to make it through without faltering again befroe I can finally declare us successfully past infidelity and give him 100% of my trust again.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
mlpw62
♀ Member
Member # 12579
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I haven't been on SI for awhile, and just found this forum.

My counselor mentioned something about "what goes TDY, stays TDY." Makes me wonder how many other times he has done this.

My H had an affair, a pretty serious one from the sounds of their emails, with someone he works with. It started a month before he was deployed, she was not deployed, but they continued it through phone calls and emails (how I found them out). He promised to break contact, but he didn't. He kept it up for another month and a half till he came home, and lied to me about it the whole time. I found that out a couple of days after he had been home. He broke contact then, but I found out that a lot of people here and in Korea knew all about it. He is an NCO and she is an officer. Married with children also, (to another NCO, so they all work together, although not the same areas). He sent a no-contact letter, I have the return receipt with her signature on it, but she occasionally will go to his office "just passing by." I wish I had some recourse without getting my H in trouble. It isn't like his superiors don't know about the affair already, but it has been 15 months since he has been home now, and I hate to be the one to remind people of what happened, as I am sure it was "swept under the rug."

I have found out since, that this was not the only time he has done this, although this was the most serious since he thought he "loved" her, and I knew her and liked her. But I don't believe that what he has told me is all there is. My H has to leave in December, just for a week for training, but will be driving a long distance with another woman, and I am having a hard time with that. He then has to go for 2 months for training in February to the same base where he had another 3-month affair with someone. I hate this. I used to trust him completely. Now I don't know how to trust him anymore. Will I ever?


BS (me) 50 WS 49
Three children, 22, 12, and 10
Married for almost 24 years.
Dday #1- June 19, 2006
Dday #2- Aug. 1, 2006 (found out they were still in contact)

Posts: 136 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Montana
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs* No offense, but it sounds like your MC is a twit. TDY, Vegas, none of it is an excuse to break you vows to god.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, November 4th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Guys! Deployments do suck. They have their benefits but ya know.

MiniMigs is doing well. We are going back and forth about another one right now so well see what happens. Thanks K!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
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