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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grab a kleenex....but SOOOOOO worth it. Though you can't see it, we are all there walking right beside them. (((HUGS)))

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0JZ8mBE-iY


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
sandpaper
♂ New Member
Member # 17358
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few months ago I met a girl at a bar. She conveniently kept her left hand in her pocket while I was flirting with her. When she finally took he hand out of her pocket, I saw that she had a ring on her left ring finger. I asked her if she was married. She said yes. I asked her why she was flirting with me. She said because he husband was in Afghanistan. I replied, "Oh I see how it is. He's is risking his life in that hell hole and you'e over hear flirting with me." She had a look of shock on her face and walked away from me in tears.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Cincinnati
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few months ago I met a girl at a bar. She conveniently kept her left hand in her pocket while I was flirting with her. When she finally took he hand out of her pocket, I saw that she had a ring on her left ring finger. I asked her if she was married. She said yes. I asked her why she was flirting with me. She said because he husband was in Afghanistan. I replied, "Oh I see how it is. He's is risking his life in that hell hole and you'e over hear flirting with me." She had a look of shock on her face and walked away from me in tears.

Im sorry you encountered that. I think most of us (I think maybe even all) in the military forum are not the betrayers, We are the betrayed. I don't quite understand the point behind your post sandpaper. Is there something you would like to talk about? I must say it is a common misconception of military wives to cheat on their husbands while they are gone but our group of women on here do not fall into that group.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto LMigs528.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't quite understand the point behind your post sandpaper.

I don't either and I am really trying hard not to let it offend me. I have never once purposely flirted with ANYONE just because my husband is deployed. I am just as loyal with him standing next to me as I am with him halfway around the world in Iraq.
However, with that said, I DO agree with LMigs with the whole common misconception of people thinking military spouses automatically cheat as soon as their husband is out of country. I have been told before that when/if I get lonely, I should call up 'so-and-so' because he specifically caters to military wives whose husbands are deployed.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:48 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sandpaper...

This is the 2nd time in one day that you've implied all women cheat.

Stop with the generalizations. And as we pointed out yesterday afternoon, get familiar with the guidelines that are posted to the left in the yellow box.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a misconception, and a total double standard if you ask me. If the spouse cheats while the hubby is deployed, why they are no better than a terrorist are they? Look at the murders at Fort Bragg in 02. All of those murders involved infidelity or the rumors of. And even when there was no proof, there were many soldiers who thought that they got what was coming to them. However when a soldier cheats it's different. They're in a combat zone. What happens on deployment stays on deployment. It's like it's not only condoned but expected in some cases. It's rather disgusting as infideltiy in general is hurtful and destroys lives.

However, I am going to say that while it seems pointless to the topic of this thread, I'm glad that you said that to that woman Sandpaper. Hopefully you managed toshock some sense in to her and that she behaved herself after that. Doubtful, but one can hope. I wish more people out there were willing to call a spade a spade and be done with it.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
lillianne
New Member
Member # 17310
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this forum is about men who cheated while on deployment but what about men who cheated AFTER a deployment and you don't find out about it until they deploy again? My husband started chatting with other women online 4 DAYS after returning from his first deployment. He also sent pictures and called some of them. I didn't figure all of this out until he deployed again and I started finding things (pictures, emails, phone calls, etc.) Now we are having to deal with it and trying to R WHILE he's deployed again and it just seems impossible. I can't trust anything he says anymore, even about things other than the cheating. I know he has so much to deal with already and he's busy but even after he's hurt me so much he still goes weeks without contacting me and I feel like I'M the one that has to watch what I say and be as supportive as possible. I still send him care packages but I can't even bring myself to write love letters or cute motomails anymore. Does anyone have any advice? How can I get across to him that, although he thinks it's not possible for him to fix this, he could try harder.

To Sandpaper, there are women and men who cheat while they're spouse is deployed just like there are women and men who cheat while their spouse is working late. Adultery is Adultery and it shouldn't matter the circumstances on both ends. If she were to say "well, my husband is away on business" would that have been any different than her saying her husband was in Afghanistan? My point is, the women or men who are going to be faithful are going to do so no matter what. Dealing with a deployment is no excuse to cheat and the whole "I was lonely" idea is just BS since cheating would provide no comfort to a spouse that is truly faithful.


Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2007
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Lillianne. This forum is open to all military/family. Your situation happens to be a lot like mine ("R"ing while in Iraq). It is very hard and only recently started to get easier. We had to really hit rock bottom (which happened while hes deployed) in order for things to start moving up. We had a blessing in disguise because his FOW was pregnant but that didnt make it past 5 months. There are a lot of wise people on these boards and in this forum as well. Good Luck and Hugs!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am another military spouse who is "R"ing while my husband is deployed (also in Iraq). It is VERY hard but I feel like we needed this space to really figure out what is important. Welcome to SI and best of luck to you, Lillianne.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would gently suggest that this forum is NOT about men who cheated while deployed. Perhaps I'm the only one here on SI...but I'm a man whose wife cheated while deployed.

It sucks...no matter the gender.


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8487 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kuwaited, this isn't a forum just for women whose husbands cheated while in the military. I see it a as a forum for those who have been affected by infidelity in the military period. Doesnt matter if you are male or female, service member or spouse. Yes the majority of us seem to be women whose husbands are SM who cheated, but then again the majority of the military is male so sometimes the statistics are in that favor. You and any other men who are looking for help and support are more than welcomed here. :D


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
lillianne
New Member
Member # 17310
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may be a dumb question but how DO you reconcile when the spouse that betrayed you is deployed? I feel like I am going through everything alone and I can't even tell him how I truly feel because he's over there and I don't want him to be distracted and get hurt. The lack of communication though is just tearing me apart and I often wonder if it even phases him. I feel that if he really wanted things to work out and make things better then he would contact me more often and try harder. It feels like he thinks he can't do anything from over there but it doesn't even seem like he's doing as much as he can. Anyways, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2007
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the first thing he has to do is actually put in an effort. Saying that you can't accomplish anything so why even try is just a bullshit copout.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the first thing he has to do is actually put in an effort. Saying that you can't accomplish anything so why even try is just a bullshit copout.

I agree.
Have you tried being forward with him and letting him know that you need him to contact more (whether it be via email, snail mail, or phone)?


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, December 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long time no chat here....anyone?

I hope everyone is doing well or at least okay. This time of year sucks for deployment and for having to deal with an A and sometimes, just the hustle and bustle in general. SO I wanted to send out hugs to all of you and hope that, for all of us, 2008 is better than 2007.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here.
You are right. This time of year is horribe going through a deployment and the aftermath of A. I am having a really difficult time (especially after my nightmare the other day). WH hasn't called in almost a week (no emails either) and I am wondering if he is trying to surprise me with his upcoming R&R. I don't know. It's hard to try and put what I am feeling into words.
Hope everyone else is doing better than I am. I can't wait for 2007 to be over.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys,

We're in our final couple of weeks before he leaves for his workup training. It sucks that he has to go so soon, but at least we get to spend Christmas together (especially since we won't get Christmas together next year).

Here's hoping everyone enjoys their holidays!!


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1441 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
Ibelieveinme
♀ Member
Member # 11363
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas for all the support and bulshit you have had to endure. I am a recenty retired vet who is a BS, I cannot possibly pathom your pain.

You have the hardest job in the world and you have to deal with the worst pain. I am thinking about all of you and wish you the best of happiness in YOUR life.

Merry Christmas




Posts: 1842 | Registered: Jul 2006
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas guys! The holidays blow this year ((obviously...lol)). But I've got a new years challenge for you guys! I'm gonna give it to you now so that you have a couple days to think about it.

i want you to take three things that happened to you in 2007, hurts, fears, pain that you rae holding close to your breast. i want you to write them on a peace of paper. On new years, i want you to burn it up! let it go! Easier said than done, i know. But you are choosing what you are willing to let go of.

This is a commitment guys. A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens. I want you to replace those burdens with three thing you hope for for 2008. You don't have to tell us what they are, but if you want to, I'd love to hear them.

So here's to a better 2008 than 2007.

i love you guys to death, and Merry Christmas!


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
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