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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas guys! The holidays blow this year ((obviously...lol)). But I've got a new years challenge for you guys! I'm gonna give it to you now so that you have a couple days to think about it.
i want you to take three things that happened to you in 2007, hurts, fears, pain that you rae holding close to your breast. i want you to write them on a peace of paper. On new years, i want you to burn it up! let it go! Easier said than done, i know. But you are choosing what you are willing to let go of.

This is a commitment guys. A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens. I want you to replace those burdens with three thing you hope for for 2008. You don't have to tell us what they are, but if you want to, I'd love to hear them.

So here's to a better 2008 than 2007.

i love you guys to death, and Merry Christmas!


Your post made me emotional. I can tell just from reading it that you are such a wonderful and thoughtful person.
I am going to take you up on your 2008 challenge. I will need some time to think about it but I will definitely get back to you.
Merry Christmas!


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soldiersgirl, I accept your challenge!!!

And know that I am so grateful for each and every one of you. It sucks that we are here but at least we are in it together.

My wish for all of US: a helluva better 2008!!!

MeRrY ChRiStMaS!!!!!!!!! And hugs to all on this night!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens:

- fear of my marriage failing

- hurt of what my husband did to me and our marriage

- fear of not being able to provide for myself and my children if something did happen to my marriage

Replace those burdens with three things you hope for for 2008:

- continue to go to school

- work on opening up communication in marriage

- find a hobby for ME


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens:
- fear of my marriage failing

- fear of not being financially solvent in my own right

- the stranglehold that my procrastination has on me


Replace those burdens with three things you hope for for 2008:

- get my writing published in a paying venue

- continue the reconciliation progress that was started so beautifully late last July with FWH once he returns

- work on being physically fit so that I may rise to any challenge and go on beautiful adventures!

Happy New Year everyone!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH left this morning. I feel beyond broken. R&R started off a little rough but it turned out great. No Im missing the heck out of him and cant stop crying. I am so ready for this deployment to be over.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you got to see your hubby and sad that you are sad.

(((LMigs528)))


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy this section was on a roll for awhile but has been pretty quiet the last week.

I hope everyone is doing good and enjoyed the holidays.

I still haven't heard from my DH- been months now. Other than his paycheck being directly deposited into the banking account that we share, I have gotten/heard nothing from him for literally, MONTHS.

Anyone here know anything I could do about that legally, as it is causing quite an uproar here for me- because I can't get ANYTHING done that requires signatuers for both of us, like for instance, enrolling my son into a special school program- have to have both parent's signatures and when I try to vaguely explain things when I find myself in a "need both parties signatures" type situation everyone thinks I'm crazy. (How could a wife not be able to get ahold of her husband or not speak to him for X amount of months or even have access to a number to fax the documents to??!!)
I'm just trying to get some help for my son and it's becoming such a HUGE headache.

Any ideas/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! (PS We're both civilians)


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
redcatladi
♀ Member
Member # 16451
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drowning-
Why don't you know how to get ahold of your DH? I looked at your profile and was wondering why you couldn't go through his work to locate him. Can you contact the HR department or something? Surely they know where he is.


Me-BS-49
Him-WS-49 EA/PA
1 son - 15
Married 22 years
D-day July 12 2006
Divorced - 7/29/08

Posts: 314 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Virginia
redcatladi
♀ Member
Member # 16451
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, here is my questions for my fellow military spouses.

How many of you are dealing with an emotional affair with someone that is hundreds or thousands of miles away from where you and your WS live? How are you dealing with your WS about it?

My WS who is actually my STBX is involved with his ex-high school girlfriend in a phone and e-mail affair. It has turned physical when they can get together but that has been rare. The drive of this affair seems to be the comfort of it...long distance and non-threatening. This started when he returned from IRAQ the first time and so far, he has decided that this relationship is more important than the real one that is staring him in the face.
Can any one here relate to this?


Me-BS-49
Him-WS-49 EA/PA
1 son - 15
Married 22 years
D-day July 12 2006
Divorced - 7/29/08

Posts: 314 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Virginia
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RedCatLadi

His HR department is of absolutely no help.... tried that venue already. All they can do is pass along a message to get ahold of me. But it's still up to him to call/write/email.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It begins today. My H left this morning for his pre-deployment training at another base. Between now and the end of his tour (15 months from now), he'll be home a grand total of 10 weeks. I'm nearly beside myself. I was a mess coming home from the airport this morning. We've experience separation before, like all military families, but nothing like this and certainly not for this long.

I'm really at a loss as to what to do with myself. We have no children, no family in the area and I have few friends here. I wish I could go to sleep today and wake up a year from now...


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1441 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens:
My burdens are:
- fear of my marriage failing

- holding on to the mind movies and all the negative thoughts associated with the A. I am NOT going to let his mistake or thoughts of OW control me. (We actually ceremoniously burned the emails on New Year’s Eve. How absolutely invigorating!!)

- my snippy tone of voice

Three things I hope for in 2008:
- a truly reconciled M with no questions lingering and newly invoked vows

- a healthier, trimmer me

- to be less bitchy (so far, the results are so positive!!)


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs Bluelady. The first few weeks of deployments are always the roughest. Make sure you keep yourself busy. If your not working, get a part time job to have something to do everyday. Maybe sign up for a gym or class? It will get easier!!

A commitment to starting 2008 with three less burdens:

- Fear of an unsuccessful R.

- Hurt

- My Family's 2 cents.


Replace those burdens with three things you hope for for 2008:

- New Slate for FWH and I-- New post, new home, new life & family; Happy and Healthy.

- Professionally addressing marital issues and supporting FWH while he addresses his personal ones.

- Continuing with my weight loss and meeting my goal by the time FWH gets home from Iraq (Early Summer).


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bluelady-

What LMigs is said is right- it's usually the first few weeks of the deployment that are the hardest, especially if it's your first deployment.
That's not to say that the middle or end of the deployment is easy, but the beginning is definitely the hardest because that's when you have to make and get used to all the new adjustments of "being alone"

During my husband's first deployment, I consumed myself with school, work, volunteering at the Family Support Center, and spending time with friends. It helped alot to keep myself busy and to try to support other families going through deployments. The more I concentrated on helping others through their deployment, the less time I had to consume myself in my own lonliness of my deployment.

Find things to keep you busy and most importantly, surround yourself with people who can help/support you during the deployment.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyone have any advice/ideas for my situation I recently posted about?

Posted in general but thought you guys might be of more help since you're military (even though my husband is technically not)


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
SadSpouse
♀ Member
Member # 13133
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyone have any advice/ideas for my situation I recently posted about?

Drowning, what country is he in?

Feel free to PM me.....

SS


Everything happens for a reason......we may not know why at the moment, but God has a reason.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Midwest
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drowning - I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. When I was in the same situation many years ago, hubby was in the military and all it took was a crying call to an Ombusdsman who called the Captain while they were deployed and I at least got a sullen phone call.

But, with you H not being technically in the military, that's not a route you can take.

I'm hoping others here have some good ideas for you.

((((Drowning))))


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drowning- my heart is breaking for you. I hope that you hear from him soon.

As for myself, my husband shocked me last night when talking to him on IM. Here is part of the convo (I just told him that I have been accepted into nursing school and start in March)-
me: this is going to sound really horrible
me: but now i have something to focus on other than when you next call will be
me: and taking care of the kids
him: that doesnt sound horrible at all
him: its good!
him: i'm super excited for you
me: and if anything were to happen to us... i will be able to support our kids and myself
me: i won't feel so effing helpless
him: yeah
him: well, you'll also have the sgli to help you out
me: wait, that's if you die, right?
him: yes
me: yeah
me: but i wasn't talking about if you were to die
me: but it's good to know that the only way you wouldn't be dedicated to our marriage is if you aren't breathing
him: that is the only way baby
him: i better be 6 feet under if we arent married any more
him: i love you,
him: and i love being your husband
him: i have made some wrong decisions, and i realize i'm gonna have to work at it to make it up to you

The rest of the conversation turns mushy and yeah, I am SO looking forward to R&R (which is almost here, AHHH!).

[This message edited by ragingalone at 9:32 AM, January 11th (Friday)]


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ragingalone - I am so happy for you! It is a wonderful feeling when our SO's step up and support us in our dreams and goals. Added to that is his words about his commitment to you and your marriage. Wonderful!

And I can happily report that FWH is just about halfway through his deployment. Sadly, there is no R&R for us but he'll be home in time for summer so I am content.

Happy dance all around!!!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, January 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sent you a PM SadSpouse


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
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