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Newest Member: What2do2014 (44300)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just me, but I would call her husband anyway. It sounds like at the very least there are serious boundry issues there that need to be addressed.

If I had a number like you do, I would call.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
armywifescorned
♀ New Member
Member # 17874
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to so bad but my WH said if I call him he will divorce me right now. Here goes the control issue.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Kentucky
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he would divorce you if you called the husband? Screw it, forward me the emails and the number and I'LL call his ass. Honestly with a reaction like that, I can guarantee it's progressed beyond flirting and is now into a full blow EA or PA.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. If this weren't a "big deal" or NOTHING was going on at all that could even be considered slightly inappropriate, he wouldn't have such a huge problem with you contacting this woman's husband about it.

I can understand his not being thrilled with the idea even if it is all innocent (because even if it's innocent that's embarassing somewhat for all involved) but I don't think it's all that innocent if he's so so against you calling that he'd divorce you for it. If it's so innocent, you'd think maybe he would want you to call the other woman's husband to verify the innocense.

I'd call or e-mail or something.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update on myself:

WH never called his/our friend back to make definite time/date to meet up.
So no word from him since then.

Told our friend he needs to go FIND him, that it can't be that hard for him when he's over there as it is for me all the way over here.
Haven't heard back from him yet.

So, here I sit still, no better than i was a while ago.

ARG this is SOOOO frustrating I hate it!


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs drowning*

I wish I knew what to say but all I can think is that I would bury my FWH in a shallow grave if he ever did something so damn selfish. If you want to dissappear in the states, that's one thing. But to do so in Iraq, especially when you have a child is just freaking selfish and completely unexcusable.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah believe me I'm pissed about it beyond comprehension basically.

And yeah, there's days I wish he'd come home in a box with a flag draped over it, but that's just on my REALLY bad days


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
DOH!  Posted: 2:54 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should send me some KINDER RIEGELS or RITTER SPORTS or KINGEREGGS to make me feel better, Soldiers Girl, or even a Schnitzel would do.

(noticed Germany on your signature as your location)


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

:D Will do. Want me to tuck a Doner in there too? My FWH is in Iraq too. SHould he ever run into your hubby, should I have him sic his working dog on him?


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
DOH!  Posted: 3:23 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know- does the dog have rabies? If it does, then yes, sick the dog on him!

My writing that post made me go online and look for German candy/chocoate to ship to myself- I am *This* close to ordering 500 pounds of Milky Way Crispy Rolls LOL


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
armywifescorned
♀ New Member
Member # 17874
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the update on my situation, he called and told me he hated me and had not loved me for the last two years and I was the reason that he was talking to the other woman, Apparently he got in trouble in iraq for her and there is a formal investigation going on. He might loose rank. Sucks to be him, he just made his E7, he can't pin this on me, he was the idiot that decided to be unfaithful, next time I guess he will be discreet. I told him I want a divorce so we are getting divorced. I love him, but he is not going to talk to me that was he was. The funny thing is he still wants to come here for R & R supposedly to spend time with the kids, whatever, he never spent time with them when he was here. I think he is bipolar or all the deployments have messed up his head. I will be okay, because I deserve someone better than that.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Kentucky
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

armywifescorned - I am so sorry to hear that. He certainly has his head up his ass. It sounds like you are being decisive though, and that's good. Hang in there, I know it's tough.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drowning - I'm sorry I haven't gotten back with you lately but there's a PM for you.

Hang in there and know that you deserve better than this.

PS - My penpal from Germany sent me a couple pounds of candy for the holidays. Want some?


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my FWH's birthday. He is in the desert. I am missing him something fierce right now. I sent him beginner's bagpipes for his bday and I have a new kilt and a cup holder for his motorcycle waiting for him when he gets home. I am happy I got to talk to him on his bday, but a little depressed that we are not together and celebrating. I try and stay upbeat for our conversations, but, sometimes, it's really hard.

Add to that the fact that an aquaintance of mine was killed in Iraq a couple weeks ago and I am a bit of a mess. I didn't know the guy well, he was a friend of a friend and we hung out in the ssame tattoo shop, but he was a decent sort of person. He leaves behind his wife of less than a year.

This crap sucks, this war sucks and I'll never, ever understand why we are over there.

Sorry for the downer/vent, but I am pissed, angry, sad and scared all at the same time.

I don't care what my H has done. I still want him home in one piece, physically and mentally. Even if we were to D, go our separate ways and never speak again, I would want him to come back whole and well.

Grrr...I should just go to bed.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LtTweety
♀ Member
Member # 18038
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is a commander who left for a year in bahrain in May. The A started 8 weeks ago. He wasn't man enough to admit I found out when he came home to end our marriage in person. I am devastated and shocked. We have some issues but over all have a great relationship. All of our friends think we are the "perfect" couple. He went back to Bahrain Jan. 21 and is continuing his great new relationship whiile I am left behind to take care of our life. I gave up my life to support his career and have followed him around for 13 years. How could he do this to me? And yet I am so pathetic that I am not even mad I just so desparately want him back. This came out of nowhere. I don't know what to do! He got his orders back home and will return in June. I am praying for a reconciliation but what he he brings this tramp with him!? I still love him so much! I feel he really may have moved on but I also know he is not living in the real world. They all refer to the world over there as living in the "bubble" It is fantasyland. They work all day and drink all night. I have never hurt this bad.


When god closes one door, he opens another...but it sure is hell in the hallway!

Posts: 70 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Hawaii
jpaul10
♂ New Member
Member # 9367
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did my time when men and women were not deployed together. There were still units that were mixed (Tenders and supply ships) though and I remember hearing the stories of guys having a "Med-Wife" for the cruise. I also remember the stories of the "West-Pac Widows" all around the base. I find it very disheartening that this type of conduct has been allowed to grow. I know that prosecuting a service member under the UCMJ for adultery was increasing. I also remember when one investigation found that even the CO of one of the tenders in Norfolk had his own live-in enlisted girl staying in his stateroom while they were at sea. On the other side of this one is the story of a good friend of mine who was unbelievable in his devotion to his family. When we came back from Bosnia in '93 his wife was on the pier making out with him like crazy. Then she drove him back to his house and dropped him off while she went to her apartment that she just got with her new boyfriend.

I hate that this culture has not changed and that more people won't come forward. Usually the only time someone is charged with anything is when it gets messy and involves the command. Then it's not avoidable any longer.

I can personally say that when I was deployed (4 times) I was surrounded by people who were faithful to their wives. We drank like crazy any time we could, but that was the extent of it with us.

The culture of the military is one of zero accountability to the outside world. As long as you do your job well for them then you're going to get by with just about anything. Soldiers come to realize that this is the case and when you couple in the fact that these soldiers are usually very young it gets out of hand quickly. No one is teaching them how to grow up and be responsible for what's going on at home too. They have all these pre-deployment meetings to help the family left behind, but nothing to help the ones who are going over. In these days of instant communication there should be a decrease in adultery cases. In the old days we had to wait for weeks to get letters that were often out of order or else we waited for a family function just to catch a 30 second glimpse of our family.


Posts: 50 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Texas
Betrayedbookworm
♀ Member
Member # 16289
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DownNotOut:

I don't care what my H has done. I still want him home in one piece, physically and mentally. Even if we were to D, go our separate ways and never speak again, I would want him to come back whole and well.


I feel exactly the same way! I get so mad at my WH and then I think "Well I don't even care how hurt I am or what happens to us, I just want you to be safe!"

It's especially hard when there's a communication black out. Then I think "I don't care who you're screwing, or whether you're done with me or not...just please please please be safe!"

LtTweety, I am so sorry for what you're going through. There are plenty of us here to commiserate. Lean on us!

JPaul10, you made some really interesting points. I also feel like the culture of the military and deployment is one that is accepting (and maybe even EXPECTING?!) of this behavior.


Me - BS
Him - WS

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2007
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still no word. I'm going crazy here.... seriously crazy.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Drowning)))))

I hate days like today when distance is such an issue. And I mean both physical and emotional distance. I also hate that we have our own little sub-club in this club no one wants to be in anyway. ARGHHHHHHHH


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, February 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question/Scenario/HELP!! for all with deployed spouse:

I talked to FWH on the phone today. Im not quite sure how to word this so bear with me please. Im in school full time, taking care of AJ and his Drs and Therapies, etc., Im busting my ass to get things together for when he comes home and we move. I feel like my plate is HUGE. Heres my problem. Sometimes when FWH calls I just cant talk that long. I would LOVE to but sometimes its just not possible. Like today, I was with HIS Aunt, walking the mall with the baby and he called. I spoke to him for a few mins, his Aunt spoke to him and then I got the phone back. I told him that I could only talk for another minute because the baby was being satanic and his Aunt was there and I HATE people that walk and talk on their phones. He got upset that I wouldnt stay on. Now I understand that anything can happen. I understand hes got it rough. But sometimes I just cant talk. And I get aggravated that hes upset about that. I mean life does go on here even though hes over there. Why is it so hard for that to be grasped?? Now Im all upset because we were disagreeing about this over the phone and didnt end the conversation on a good note. Ugh!!!!!!!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
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