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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

btrayedarmywife - I think many of us here have felt like that before. I've hated the military at times and the patriarchal hierarchy that fuels it angers me daily. The "old boys" network is quite alive and kicking.

My FWH has several ONS's with fellow (female) sailors and even carried on a very heavy EA/PA with an officer's wife while staioned in another country! I don't know where the sense of entitlement comes from, but it sickens me.

I've seen women take off their wedding rings as soon as their husband's ship leaves the dock.
I've seen men pull into Pearl Harbor during a deployment, get liberty, and head for the clubs, hooking up with anything that moves.

Screw honor, courage and commitment, I guess.

It sucks. It all just sucks.

BTW - I just finished reading "Army Wives" and it made me cry (sad), and think, and cry (angry) some more.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DownNotOut, that is exactly what is bothering me- the UNKNOWN (and how it is going to effect my marriage). I am sure it bothers most people but for me, no matter how many times that my husband says "it will never happen again". My response is "never say never" because a year ago, I would have said that "my husband would NEVER think of cheating on me. He loves me too much." Boy, was I wrong.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
dimplewimple
♀ Member
Member # 10092
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Down.....to be completely honest I think you should go. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you. I totally relate to the whole food thing and I know how hard it is to get control. It is the same as a drug addict. Except food is the drug.

People CAN live without drugs but we CAN'T live without eating. I would jump at the opportunity. This could very well be life changing for you.

I can also relate with you being afraid to leave him. I am sure you will wonder if the temptation is there for him and if he has acted on it. BUT.......you cannot play babysitter. He could very easily cheat right under your nose.

You need to take this opportunity to better yourself. And I have to tell you that part of the reason I stayed with my WH initially was because I didn't feel good enough, attractive enough, worthy even of anyone else or even myself.

This may give you the tools you need to get and stay healthy. In turn it may help you make decisions down the road without those negative feelings about yourself.

Whatever you choose I am sure we will all support you. Military life is never easy and few can truly understand what it feels like to have to make the decisions we do.

Let me ask you one thing though......If you fully trusted him would you choose to go? Would you see this as an opportunity as a lifetime?

Dimple


I type 17 words a minute so if this post is long it may not be full of wisdom but I sure put a lot of time in it!

BTW...I do type faster than Vanna though.

Another BTW...wishingitwasnt is far stronger than he knows.


Posts: 4988 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: New Jersey
Despisn3rdWorld
♀ Member
Member # 18660
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Working on base and having the opportunity to go TAD/TDY I also can relate with being dishearted by the military. It was amazing to see the "cheaters" at play...and the attempts made towards me to cheat. I stood strong despite our "normal" downs of being married...because I could not live with the fact of doing that to my FWH. I used to sometimes wish I would have just so I didn't have to go through the pain we all here went through...thinking maybe it would not have hurt as much. But in the long run and where I am now...I'm glad I didn't. I still...despite my recovering know that the are "f&*k fests" and it will never go away. I've also visited my spouse while he was deployed and saw the horror of what married men were doing. Especially in the 3rd world...it's mindblowing. These service members and civilians were from all over...and to see with my own eyes was devastating. If anyone is going through this now...I would be more than happy to let you know the low-down...because at the time...I thought mine was innocent...and me...so trusting. I've seen as well the spouse side of things being left behind and them doing the dirty deed...disgusting.
DownNotOut: go and do what you planned...because as a few have mentioned...they will do it if they want...if we have to "babysit"...it will drive you crazy and you lose your sense of self. Believe me...I babysat...even while he was deployed...webcam is awesome...but I was so consumed with the "what if"...that I lost sight of my kids. Don't make my mistake...though I know it's easier said than done.


BS - ME
FWS - HIM
Discovery - 03/12/07 made the heartwrenching, body shakin call...
Should have went with my gut a lot sooner...
Total Recon!

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Overseas
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me ask you one thing though......If you fully trusted him would you choose to go? Would you see this as an opportunity as a lifetime?

dimple - Yes, without a doubt and no hesitation. I would be there like a shot.

I will find out by April 1st if I am one of the lucky ones to make it to the final stage of selection.

Also, what you said about drugs vs. food is something I say quite a lot. When every meal is a battle and driving through a fast food place is like driving through a mine field. It never lets up and is all consuming at times. My IC is some help, but, unless you've been there, I don't think you can ever understand. KWIM?


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Despisn - You are right, I don't want to be his babysitter. My gut was right and I ignored it, using food to stuff it all down, bury my head in the sand, for years. I trust my gut now. I just need to let go, take care of me, and what will be, will be.

I'm a control freak and it is hard.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Content  Posted: 1:17 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I HAVE TENTATIVE HOMECOMING DATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
btrayedarmywife
♀ New Member
Member # 18644
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((LMiggs528)))) I'm so happy for you!!


Tears are prayers when our hearts hurt too much to talk...

Me~BS 33
WH~41


Posts: 17 | Registered: Mar 2008
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am SO jealous LMigs!
I talked to my husband this morning about feeling guilty for being in nursing school and not being able to move back with him when he comes home for this deployment. He told me not to because I was not only doing this for ME but I was doing it for our family as well. I know that is true but the fact that there could possibly be between 5-9 months of him being at his duty station and me here in nursing school, it makes me feel AWFUL. He did make me feel a little better though. I love that man so damn much.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am SO jealous LMigs!
I talked to my husband this morning about feeling guilty for being in nursing school and not being able to move back with him when he comes home for this deployment. He told me not to because I was not only doing this for ME but I was doing it for our family as well. I know that is true but the fact that there could possibly be between 5-9 months of him being at his duty station and me here in nursing school, it makes me feel AWFUL. He did make me feel a little better though. I love that man so damn much.

My son and I are only flying out for homecoming. We have to fly back because of my classes :(.. Then hell come back here for 30 days. And then hell go back to Lewis for a few weeks. And then hell PCS to Drum. Which is only 6 hours away. But hell be there for a few months (and well travel the 6 hour car ride back and forth) but I dont graduate until Dec. so I wont permenantly live there til then. FWH has been soooooo supportive too!! I totally feel your pain though. Hell be back for 6 months and we wont be living together.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son and I are only flying out for homecoming. We have to fly back because of my classes :(.. Then hell come back here for 30 days. And then hell go back to Lewis for a few weeks. And then hell PCS to Drum. Which is only 6 hours away. But hell be there for a few months (and well travel the 6 hour car ride back and forth) but I dont graduate until Dec. so I wont permenantly live there til then. FWH has been soooooo supportive too!! I totally feel your pain though. Hell be back for 6 months and we wont be living together.

Seriously, girl, there are days where I could just you! LOL
You have no idea how much it puts me at ease that someone else can relate. That's one of the downfalls of being around family. No one can really understand.
My husband said the same thing- that I would fly out for homecoming, have him come back here for the 30 days of leave, and then he will fly back and forth on 4-day weekends, holidays, etc.
It's nice to have such supporting husbands who want us to succeed with our education.

[This message edited by ragingalone at 12:23 AM, March 22nd (Saturday)]


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*cough* DH is on his way!! He's in KW, but we have a definite flight date within the single digits!! YAY!!

*does sickly happy dance* Now if I can just get better before then...lol.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG,

Congratulations on finally having a date. I've been trying to pay attention to when he was going to be home to you and the kids and new baby because you were one of the first ones to reach out to me as I was learning the ropes being close to a military member.

Best wishes! Itty


...still has much to learn :-(

Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, girl, there are days where I could just you! LOL
You have no idea how much it puts me at ease that someone else can relate. That's one of the downfalls of being around family. No one can really understand.
My husband said the same thing- that I would fly out for homecoming, have him come back here for the 30 days of leave, and then he will fly back and forth on 4-day weekends, holidays, etc.
It's nice to have such supporting husbands who want us to succeed with our education.

I am sooooooo with you!! Its hard for my family to grasp the whole staying and school but traveling deal for a few months. But I want to and will :).. Even the whole moving thing is a lot simplier than they are making it out to bed. Ill be the little lady in the HUGE UHaul with FWH's "brother" driving to Drum lolol. Im gonna meet him there are soon as he gets there and gets us housing. If we cant get housing right away Ill meet him there to get it all together and see what our options would be.

I am actually excited for this feat we have ahead of us. I think it will definetly keep things interesting!

And WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!! to K!! Thats freakin awesome. SINGLE DIGITS!! YAY!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is wonderful Soldiersgirl!!
I hope that you have a wonderful homecoming!!
Lmigs, sometimes family is just a huge pain in the ass. LOL

[This message edited by ragingalone at 10:06 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check-in- How is everyone??

FWH, AJ and I are good. We're getting very excited with a very near homecoming!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG - Congrats on the upcoming homecoming.

I have a return date too, but it is still a couple months out.

I keep saying, soon...soon.
But you will have even sooner!!!!!

Congrats!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're still sick. :( Every time I think we're over this someone else goes down, and my throat is so messed up right now from coughing I barely have a voice.

But Dh will be here soon and that's all that matters. He doesn't care if he comes home to a sickhouse...lol.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad to hear that so many of you are having good days and great things coming soon to lool forward to!! (Sorry you are all sick SG .)

You guys all give me hope and inspiration. As for me, I am just stuck lately. Trying to deal but stuck nonetheless. I will keep reading though for all of your updates....hugs to all.

(edited for typos)

[This message edited by Piper317 at 10:48 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deleted.

[This message edited by ragingalone at 10:17 AM, March 29th (Saturday)]


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
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