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Newest Member: Momof3bz (44929)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
mom2beof2
♀ Member
Member # 19851
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Armywife2007
Yes I have done what you have and have felt the same way about myself(worthless).


BS/FWW~27
FWH~30
DDay ~ Feb 4 2008

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: canada
ArmyWife2007
♀ New Member
Member # 20881
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mom2beof2, Can I PM you?

Posts: 50 | Registered: Sep 2008
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I have seperated the bank accounts. I am sad because it was my idea (it's to protect myself without my rose-colored glasses on). He is going to be at the place where his EA started and it's causing me SO much stress. I want to start counseling together but due to our circumstance, we won't even be living together again for another year. He comes home from his deployment in a month or so. He knows I don't trust him but he is going along with the seperating accounts for my peace of mind. He states that he is 110% committed to me and our marriage; and he is going to spend the rest of his life proving it to me. I hope I survive this because we are coming up on the 1 year mark of D-day and it's killing me.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
2bewildered
♀ Member
Member # 20305
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi folks,
I hope you don't mind my invading this thread. I'm not a military wife, but my FWBF and I are looking at a possible 9 month separation due to his work (Boat Captain)and someone suggested that you guys would really have some insight.

If you want the whole story it's at http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=253713

But basically we are just starting out at R. I'm not sure I can do this if he is leaving for 9 months. But if I do decide to try, if he goes...

Any insight or advice you have, questions I should ask him, conversations we should have, boundaries that should be in place, etc

I'm kind of at an information gathering stage before I figure out what I am willing to do or not do, then I tell him if I can deal with him leaving. He is making no decisions until he hears from me, and he really doesn't want to go....

Anyway, if I'm invading on your space feel free to ignore me, but any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks.
2bw


Doing a decent job of moving on.

Posts: 1365 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Florida
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, October 18th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in on everyone. This thread has been eerily quiet. I hope that, like the old saying, no news is good news and that you are all ding well.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 19th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im checking in too... Things are crazy here.. FWH is deploying right after the holidays.. We havent even had a chance to work on things the way I would have liked too. Im am finishing up school and he is prepping to go.. Its making me kinda nervous. Things have been tense but weve had to deal with so much crap. Hes home right now with me bc I had to have emergency surgery and then hes leaving and well see him for Tgiving and Xmas and then wham, hes gone again. Weve been stressing financially because since the PCS his pay has been incredibly WRONG (2 months now). Ugh... I just need a vacation. Today.. I HATE the Army!!! Ill get off my negative soap box... Hope you guys are doing well!!! Miss ya!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
D-prsed
♀ New Member
Member # 21434
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So thankful there is a forum for us on here. I am new to the site and am in desperate need of support and help. My H got back from his deployment a few weeks ago and I found sexual IMs between him and a civilian that was there with him. He says it never got physical. don't know how I am ever supposed to trust when he goes TDY or deploys again. I don't even trust him in another room.


"Character is who you are when nobody is watching"

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2008
itbrokeme
♀ New Member
Member # 21440
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just found out Monday that my H cheated in Australia he was on his was home from Iraq. I so embarrased. I was so proud of him and he was my hero, everything he had done up to this point including joining the corps has done for our family. We have worked hard to get where we are had alot of downs and few ups. But he turned his life around for me and then he cheats not even an emotional affair just one stupd night how is that worth everything we have I just don't understand.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2008
D-prsed
♀ New Member
Member # 21434
Helpless  Posted: 1:40 PM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is not worth it. Nothing is ever worth this level of devastation. I have children the same age as yours and I feel worthless to them as a mom right now. I walk around like a zombie. I smile through the hurt when they look at me but I know they can tell.


"Character is who you are when nobody is watching"

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2008
Houston28
♀ New Member
Member # 21423
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So this forum is great. My husband is army. Got back from 1 yr in Kuwait, then 9 weeks later went to conduct training and met some nasty woman that he couldn't let go of. As I have read from other people it seems like the truth just trickles out. I am getting to the end of my rope on finding more information...I think I am just sick of it. How long do I wait to get the whole truth?

Posts: 7 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Houston
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, November 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Houston28: You wait how ever long YOU feel you need to. That could be a week or month or year. That is solely YOUR call.


I have to say, I am always saddened by the number of new posters on this site but this forum, well, this forum makes me saddest of all. I hate that there are so many here. I am sorry to see new names but happy that you found SI.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, November 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Piper is right. There is no timeline for anything. Don't let anyone convince you of it. My most hated phrase of all time is "It's in the past" or " It's been x amount of time, why aren't you over it yet?"

Both statements deserve instantaenous ass-kickery. Have you or dpresed considered contacting military onesource to set up some counseling? It can help tremendously.


As for me, we're doing fairly well. FWH is deploying AGAIN, immediately. It was a last minute notification and he'll be gone twice as long as last time. But considering the only bump in the road last time was his ongoing friendship with a woman I can't stand ((which has since ended at my insistance)) I'm certain I can make it through this deployment without stressing as hard as I did the beginning of the last one.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Piper is right. There is no timeline for anything. Don't let anyone convince you of it. My most hated phrase of all time is "It's in the past" or " It's been x amount of time, why aren't you over it yet?"

Both statements deserve instantaenous ass-kickery. Have you or dpresed considered contacting military onesource to set up some counseling? It can help tremendously.

I have to echo Piper and Soldiersgirl. There is no timeline except for the one you feel you need. Weeks, month, years, however long it takes for you to heal, deal, whatever you need to do, is how long it takes.

I too get the "get over it already" from some people (but not my FWH - oh no, he knows better than that). We each grieve and process in our own way.

It's been 1 year and 3.5 months since FWH went NC with the last MOW. No peeps, no problems. But still. I'm still mourning the loss of trust and respect. I'm also still struggling with my own behavior during the time of his A's (9 years of our 11 year marriage) when I had A's of my own from 2004-2006. I'm now working on forgiveness for both myself and for him. That takes time.

Give yourself all the time you need and don't let anyone tell you different.

As for right now, things are going pretty good. FWH and I continue with MC. I'm coming to some realizations about what I truly want in a marriage. FWH will be deploying sometime next spring. I feel like he just got home (though he's been home since late May). We've been having fun but really talking too.

Right now my biggest things are that I wish he'd quit smoking again and that he's continue his education while he has the opportunity. He's taking an on-line class, had a problem with the professor and now he doesn't do any of the work for the class. If he fails it, we have to reimburse the military college office.

It's one thing if he failed because he just couldn't get it (but he's a smart guy and he was doing fine until this point), but to stop trying, that just disappoints me so much. I hope he gets back on track soon, but I also don't want to nag him to it. KWIM?


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
D-prsed
♀ New Member
Member # 21434
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, November 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DownNotOut- How do I get to the place where you are? I so desperately want to be there. Granted it has only been 2 1/2 weeks since D-Day but it feels like months with all this strain on my emotions. Our situations are similar in the fact that both of us have been WS. I am still very surprised and critical of myself when I did it but obviously that has taken a back seat. I can't even bear the thought of kissing him or having sex with him. I don't even want to wear my hair curly anymore since hers is. I don't want to worry if he is seeing her when he looks at me. I am so messed up. 2nd MC tomorrow.


"Character is who you are when nobody is watching"

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2008
missT
♀ Member
Member # 21656
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first time posting on this site.
It's been about 6 months since our 2nd D-day. We've been working really hard on trying to R and the last couple months he has been doing everything right. He's about to deploy again. I'm having trouble coping with it. Last week I didnt go to my grandfathers funeral because I was afraid of what H would do if I left the state. I dont know how I am going to survive him being gone for a year, if I dont trust him on his own for 2 days.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Seoul Korea
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, November 18th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all! Boy this section HAS been super quiet lately hasn't it?
As the Previous Poster said, I hope "no news IS good news" for those that haven't yet checked in.
For the newcomers, "welcome" to this section
Again, as a Previous Poster said, I too hate when new people join it makes me really sad, but when I see new people join THIS section it really does break my heart.

Same ole' same ole' here. H is still in Iraq (civilian for those that don't remember) and is switching companies and going to Kuwait instead because the place he's currently at got new management and things aren't going well and everyone's walking on eggshells, etc. So the new offer (with a raise) couldn't have come at a better time. Apparently, it's not actually on a military base, he'll be sharing an apartment with another guy, and on the hours he's not working, can actually "roam around" and do what he wants. He wants me to come visit. Now, I considered myself a worldy girl- have been to other countries before, but the thought of flying there, freaks me out. When he brought it up I said he was absolutely insane! I got right onto google to look it up and to my surprise, ended up finding a lot of info on travel websites, etc about other wives/spouses of civilians over there going to visit (some even to live) ans asking about things to do, places to see, etc.
So, I can see him if I want, I just have to "grow a pair" and get on the plane. (easier said than done)

I realize almost every other single person here is military, although I knew there were some civilians here too, have ANY OF YOU ever heard of spouses actually doing this?!


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to FWH, and he says that there shouldn't be any problem with it. He was stationed in Kuwait on his first deployment. he said that it would be a nice place to visit if you stick to tourist traps but the rest of the country is pretty dirty. And also, they're very particular about women's dress, so pack modest clothing.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, November 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah my H said the same thing about the modest clothing, as did other websites. I'm a "chubby old mom" so my clothing is definitely not "promiscuous-looking" at all, but after reading some limited info on travel websites It still makes me totally nervous. No open toed shoes (Yikes- I live in sandals LOL) and a few other things were mentioned that I would have NEVER thought of (obviously, tank tops, shorts and short skirts would be a no-go, but some of the things mentioned, like that, I would have never thought of)

He also said to make sure to bring a copy of our marriage certificate because they sometimes ask to see that.
Again, traveling with just my son with me, that probably wouldn't look very "good" I imagine, at least not at the airport when I'm trying to get through and get my visa.

The middle-east is just completely uncharted, unknown territory for me so it makes me incredibly nervous.

I just have this huge fear I'm going to be the only American female on that airplane- I hate having any reason to draw attention to myself.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, November 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how I feel about posting here again.
I filed for D on Friday.
My WH came back from deployment in October, AFTER I found out that he hadn't stopped talking to the OW. PISSED.ME.OFF.
He has since fucked her and who knows how many women since I told him that I don't want anything to do with him anymore. He has yet to come see his kids and it's been 21 days since he called to talk to them. I am SO done. If it wasn't for my family and friends, I think I would have a hard time finding a reason to wake up in the morning.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
slynnn
♀ New Member
Member # 21710
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, November 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is fascinating to me.

Dh and I were high school sweethearts. He left for BMT shortly after our high school graduation, then onto tech school and to his first duty station. We were separated for 7 months, with three visits in between before we married. He then spent 6 1/2 months in Iraq and then 6 1/2 months in Kuwait. 2 months before he separated, I moved back to our home state with our son to begin our new life out of the military and get us settled. He joined us a month later (gotta love terminal leave!).

I just found out 6 days ago that he had a ONS the DAY after I left. I don't understand how we could get through months and months of separation, but then he would slip up during such a short span of separation???


Me: 24
DH: 24
DS: 2

D-Day: November 17,2008; husband revealed ONS from June 2008


Posts: 11 | Registered: Nov 2008
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