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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
crushed0209
♀ New Member
Member # 22885
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Ducttapeheart,
Thank You. I agree with you about the attention and them being new and exciting. Thats it exactly! Like their in fantasy land and we would never find out, until they come back to the "real world" of everyday life back home.


BS-39
FWH-39
married 15 years
2 kids
dday 2/8/09

Posts: 41 | Registered: Feb 2009
ducttapeheart
♀ Member
Member # 22573
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crushed,
The problem is we always find out! The healing library is really helpful, and I also dragged my husband to the bookstore and made him help pick out self help books and then I made him go pay for them while the clerk eyeballed him! Immature of me but he deserved to squirm a little! Also I got some really good advice in Just Found out Forum so surviving my D-day antiversary.

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jan 2009
BrokenSoulA
♀ Member
Member # 22577
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have military type questions... My H was supposedly issued a NC order which means he isn't allowed to have any contact w this woman (DOD civilian who works on base) and he also has a pending Article 15. This has been for a couple months now and I still haven't seen any consequences ... I'm not saying that I do want him to lose stripes or anything but I have been wondering if this NC order was made up just so I wouldn't contact the other woman... I know the military can't give me a NC order but I am nervous about getting him in trouble bc we couldn't afford for him to lose a stripe(s). Anyway he brought me a form that appeared as a NC order but I'm thinking if he wanted to he could make it up. I wanted one of his higher ups to tell me he had a NC order and a pending Article 15 but he said that they said they can't tell me anything about his punishments because of some privacy act or something. That he could tell me but they couldn't... Does anyone here know if this is true? Feel free to Private message me. I was wanting to contact her to get her side of the story. I called her once when it still happened and I only asked her a few questions. Supposedly someone she works w reported it to her commander and her commander called my H's commander.


BS-Me
D-Day 12/31/08
2nd D-Day 7/15/10

Filed for divorce Aug 2011
Final hearing set for Feb 2011

I could never picture my life without him... Now I can't picture having spent the rest of my life with him.


Posts: 405 | Registered: Jan 2009
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, April 18th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. This thread has been quiet for a while. I am hoping that is a good sign.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
WhatComesNext
♀ New Member
Member # 23693
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, April 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! I'm so glad I found this! I just posted my story on the just found out section.
I know it happens a lot during deployments, but it is so secretive and I tried to discuss it on a military wives board and was chastized and told I was an idiot if I didn't leave him.
I haven't read everyones stories on here yet, but the few I have, made me feel better and less alone in this!
Best wishes to all!!

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2009
got2moveon
Member
Member # 13270
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, April 23rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.---Helen Keller

Thanks VanillaLatte :)


Posts: 5082 | Registered: Jan 2007
devalued
♀ Member
Member # 23734
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, April 26th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this website and have posted a part of my story on the recently found out forum. Does anyone know if the JAG helps out the BS who is not military?


Me: BS 38, He: WS 39, she: 28 OMW
1 beautiful 15 year old daughter
D Day 2-5-2009, Married 17 years
Personally, I hold that a man who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2009
Molley
♀ New Member
Member # 23760
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

devalued - I'm also new here. I did a bit of checking regarding JAG's and I found out that they really can't do much for us, that the military sends divorces to civil courts/lawyers.

I've been with my H 18 years, just celebrated our 14 anniversary, couple days later I found out he was having an A with a woman from the AF band, they had both started the affair while 7 weeks at the academy for training to be a SMSGT. Makes me ill. I've read through your post, I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going though. Men are Asses... Mine has at least done NC with the OW, yet they're both stationed at the same base, and he did see her at the gas station the other week. And although he's doing NC, he keeps telling me that he want's to be on his own, that he shouldn't be married, that he's not in love with me, but that we're still best friends. He's now sleeping in the guest room (last 2 nights.) I'm just sick about the whole thing. I just have to believe that things do get better, we can move through this.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Northern CA
alexanderl42
♀ Member
Member # 18947
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not posted in awhile and it has been a year since D day!!! Anyway, I don't feel much farther ahead than on D day. Husband is now contracting in Afghanistan and seems to want to get our marriage on tract, yet I simply do not love him like before, he has never told me nothing about the affair. I get angry at least once a week with him on the phone and figure this will continue when he returns around August. Basically I pick fights with him. Have not seem him since last Labor day. How, do I get him to open up, I have told him I no longer love him, and he says that he does not care that he still wants to stay with me.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Tennessee
painedlLillie
♀ Member
Member # 23878
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. new here. My WH is not on deployment but on recruiting duty. Has anyone else here dealt with an affair while WH was doing recruiting?


it's crazy right? to love someone who hurts you. It's crazier to think to think that someone who hurt you loves you.


FBS me 33
FWS him 37
Together since 1993
DDay 8-21-08
3 kids son 13 daughter 12 and son 2
We are in R I think he fi


Posts: 117 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Virginia
happy2befound
♀ New Member
Member # 23971
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband has been stationed in Korea since September of 2008. We are each on our second marriage, and have a combined five children... all under age six.

After he left, things seemed to be going ok. Then, beginning in December, he started to taper off his calling and was always busy. I had my concerns, but pushed them aside as first time deployment issues. Two weeks ago, a friend my husband has made since being there wrote me an email outlining what has been going on. In his words, my husband has been seeing/sleeping with a fellow soldier in the platoon. I confronted my husband on this, and he says he only slept with her twice and that both times he was drunk.

I don't know who to believe one hundred percent. All my friends and family are pushing me to leave, but in my heart I know I am willing to stay and see if we can work things out. The problem is... he isn't set to come home for another four months. How are we supposed to begin to deal with things and move on?

I would really like some input from others dealing with similar situations. I have no one to really talk to. Thanks.


Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Ft. Campbell
militarywife1993
♀ New Member
Member # 23983
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out in December that my husband has had 4 affairs over the last 8 years all with military women and all while he was TAD or overseas. He is getting ready to leave for 7 months and it makes me sick to my stomach.


BS (me) 34
WS 35
2 children 15,14
married 16 years
DDay Dec. 22, 2008

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2009
Should_I_Stay
♀ Member
Member # 23185
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, May 17th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to say hi. My husband is on a forward deployed Navy ship here in Japan. Forward deployed pretty much means always deployed. Probably gone 8 months a year. Definitely not good for a marriage. It has certainly taken it's toll on us....


Married 16 years
2 kids

Posts: 75 | Registered: Mar 2009
devalued
♀ Member
Member # 23734
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, May 17th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I have so many issues regarding my WS and his military service.
I have recently found out through my time here on SI that my husband is quite the passive/aggressive fellow.
He is an aircrew member and for years has seemed to take enjoyment of telling me about the places he has been to that are sexual in nature. He would tell me about Japan and the sex shows they have gone to and about Germany and the prostitute houses they have gone through and how he loves going into the hotel saunas because they are naked and men and women are in them together. Thailand and all the Thai women and the offers they make. It hurt me to hear those stories, made me ill actually. I was always afraid to mention how I hated it and didn't want him to go there. The few times I have mentioned not wanting him to do something, it would just cement it as something he would do. Our whole marriage he has travelled and I always told myself that I had to trust and have faith in him. These past five years since he has been at this new base (he is now activated air guard)we are 4 hours apart. He has been living like a single man staying in a hotel and rarely coming home.
Long story short. He started his adulterous affair with a married woman who works at the hotel. I found all this out after he requested a divorce (because he just wasn't happy). She is 11 years younger than he and I know I need to get over this, but it just hurts. I found out about the A through some of his emails and found some photos of her. I am now going through a divorce that I never wanted. He asked for the divorce but then had the audacity to tell me it would be more convenient if I was the one who filed. He is so bold. We have been together for 17 years. How can he just toss it away so coldheartedly?
Sorry, I am just having a really weepy week. I have been so emotional this week, its just really tough.


Me: BS 38, He: WS 39, she: 28 OMW
1 beautiful 15 year old daughter
D Day 2-5-2009, Married 17 years
Personally, I hold that a man who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2009
militarywife1993
♀ New Member
Member # 23983
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question? I have been feeling like I should tell the H of the OW about what our spouses have done.

My concern is that I am afraid that he may take it to the military which could ruin my H and the OW careers both of them are near retirement and I am trying to R with my husband. I do not want to ruin their careers.

Does anyone have any advice?


BS (me) 34
WS 35
2 children 15,14
married 16 years
DDay Dec. 22, 2008

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2009
devalued
♀ Member
Member # 23734
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mw1993
I have a similar dilemma. I feel the husband has a right to know his wife is committing adultery, especially since she is pregnant. I did not at first because I did not think I was in a state of mind where I could be positive that I was doing it out of his right to know and not for some sort of revenge. Now that I believe I am at that point I have not done so because my lawyer did not recommend that I do it. So hopefully in time he will be made aware of their deceit. He deserves to know.


Me: BS 38, He: WS 39, she: 28 OMW
1 beautiful 15 year old daughter
D Day 2-5-2009, Married 17 years
Personally, I hold that a man who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2009
ducttapeheart
♀ Member
Member # 22573
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, May 20th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Militarywife1993 and Devalued,
SI does reccomend telling the OP spouse, I was told by the OP spouse, it crushed me, it stills hurts 14 months later. In my case both the OW and her husband were military, if I was vindictive I would have brought her down, her husband for harrassing me and my own husband. Are you willing to risk that the spouse would ruin your spouses' career? Can you afford that risk? Do you want your dirty laundry aired like that? Unlike the rest of America an affair can make our spouses lose their jobs.

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jan 2009
invictus
♀ Member
Member # 21623
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, May 23rd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where can I found out the proper place to take/send my form for 1/2 of my ex's military retirement? We were married before he joined the service, he was in for 20 years and we were married for all of that... so I'm "entitled" (whoopie) -- but not sure how to go about getting that started.

Any advice?

Thanks!
"i"


♥ One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Texas
devalued
♀ Member
Member # 23734
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Invictus,
I am trying to find the rules for that myself. When I find out, I will share the information with you. My ws and I will be married 17 years on the 31st, I truly thought we would be "til death do us part".
If you find out anything, will you please let me know too? Thanks!


Me: BS 38, He: WS 39, she: 28 OMW
1 beautiful 15 year old daughter
D Day 2-5-2009, Married 17 years
Personally, I hold that a man who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2009
SeekingHealing
♀ New Member
Member # 24617
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, June 29th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad there is a Military thread... My WH is military and recently went TAD and that is when I found out about him trying to "hook up" with women in the area he went to.

He always told me that he didn't believe in the whole "What happens on TAD stays on TAD" BS. I guess he lied about that too.

He thinks he has an addiction to sex... so I'm wondering how that is going to go over with him being in the military and needing counselling for it.


Posts: 27 | Registered: Jun 2009
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