History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou
When I came home the only person in the world that held me as i was thrashing and raving stupid about Iraq was her.
Now what kept me safe is what pushed her away. I am alone, my shrink tries but doesnt seem to get this.
I feel the loss of the marriage is worse than what I lost over seas. I love her, but she is pioson. When I was taking bullets, she was taking men to our bed. When I came home, she just became sneakier about it. When I paid her college off, she went off.
And now and than, all I want in the world is for her to tell me I'm gonna be alright.
I was doing some research online today about divorce and the military, and discovered that there is indeed an article in the ucmj that addresses adultery. Interesting reading, considering how much of this behavior seems to be just overlooked! For anyone interested, google ucmj and adultery. Might be some good reading for your WS and his/her commander!!
This is true, and if you have a supportive command, they'll usually do something about it. However, my story was the other side of the coin. Even when given evidence of the emails that were sent between them from their work email accounts, FWH's command really didn't care. It wasn't until MY commander started to put a little pressure on them that they separated them and gave them a No Contact Order. But turned a blind eye when it was violated, numerous times. If it's causing problems in the workplace, or if it's an officer-enlisted thing, they usually have no choice but to prosecute. My FWH's command had the typical "everyone does it" attitude when it came to cheating on deployment.
He sounds terrible, saying he can't do anything, is crying every day, considers himself scum......I don't know what to do. I want someone to explain to me how you can cheat for 3 months because of relationship hardhsips, but now..you are dying inside because I may not forgive you and take you back. Do people not think of this while they are doing it? He has been derpressed for months, about family, money, job, and our isssues...and I have held him up and helped him out every step of the way. He was cheated on by his ex wife, so I never expected this type of behavior from him. That night he confessed he cried and cried because he said I have cared about him like no one else...even more than his ex wife..and that he knows I'm the best thing he has ever had. His emotions were genuine, I've never seen someone so distraught, sobbing over a sistuation like this. He said he knew he was wrong, but he let the bad problems in our relationship validate his actions. I sometimes wonder did he tell me cause she was starting to want more and he did'nt want to deal with the complexity anymore...she asked him to choose her and leave me...he said that was never his plan..that he has always been in love with me ( which I don't think I believe anymore).
I try not to ask to many details...obviously she came over his house, hung out, and they have sleopt toegther..but what the heck was he thinking????? Yet, none of my firends have said just leave him...one of my friends was at the superbowl party that he came to and the girl crashed, and she saw what happened and said he was about to break down in front of everyone that he said "I'm going to lose her".....I just want some unbiased advice or a different outlook on this situation...he is in the military and leaving in 2 months..and will be gone for 6....he wants this resolved before he leaves because he thinks I'll be done when him gets back......
Go to the healing library and read everything there to help you.
I wish mine stbx had acted like this when he failed.
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz
I have absolutely no faith that there was nothing inappropriate going on. I just don't have an ounce of trust in him any more.
I have made a therapy appointment for Aug 10th so that I can hopefully start to untangle this constant knot in my belly. I am tired of being angry and distrustful.
At this point I don't even care whether or not he wants to do counseling when he gets home.
*I* need it for myself. He can do whatever he wants. I have suffered at the hands of his egotistical, entitled, malcontent self long enough.
I so hope I can gain some peace and perception.
I am sending good thoughts out for you as well.
We deserve better than this.