Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
♂ New Member
Member # 39227
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel so sorry for all you who have spouses in the military! I have observed the behavior of these (mostly always) men and it's disgusting.

All 3 of my WW's fuck buddies were military on No family deployment! All from the same mess. All married with children - - - WOW!

How proud we should be!!!!!!

The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference.

Me - Betrayed Spouse - Age:43
Her - Serial Adulterer Wife - Age:38
Affair partners - 3 in 16 months (+2 more unconfirmed)

D-Day 18 March 2013
Together 8 Years, Married 6 Years

Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
♀ New Member
Member # 39365
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I are both AD AF, The OW works in his office and I run into her on base every now and then. Just when I think I'm starting to push her out of my mind, she comes be-bopping through the isles of the BX. Worst trigger EVER! I was dropping my WH off at his office one day and saw her walking out to her car...I told him to hurry up and get out so I could run her over. I would never really do it, but the look on his face was interesting

Highschool Sweethearts
Me - 28
Him - 28
DDay - 12 February 2013
Married - 9 years
Together 13
2 children, 1 and 4
Came across a GChat with my friend saying "I'd Kill for Someone Like you"

Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2013
♂ New Member
Member # 39410
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need some advice.
I've been posting over in the Just Found Out Forum.
Me, my WW, and the OM are all in the same company. The OM is my WW's squad leader.
WW is E4, OM is E6

DDay was 10 days ago, the day after, I called their platoon sgt.
The first thing out of her mouth after D-Day was, "why did you involve the Army"

I think I did the right thing but since we are reservists, they want me to go on post to IG.
I think they deserve whatever they get but I'm not a mean or vindictive person. Part of me feels it would be wrong to go to IG, it would have very serious consequences. I don't want revenge, I just want to understand what happened so why would I go to IG? Help me to understand

Me-BH (38)
Her-WW (27)
M Aug 29, 2010
D-day May 25, 2013
A #1 June 2012
A #2 Late 2012-May 2013
No matter what "new" information you find out, it's all just part of the same iceberg, hidden under the surface.

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2013 | From: wa
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I retired a few years ago and I am so ashamed at the state of the military these days. First, the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Now all the sexual assualt news. It pisses me off.

I did 30 years and was so proud to be a veteran. In my 30 years, I saw very little infidelity, and usually it was dealt with if it came to light by the supervisors. But as we started deploying more and more, I saw many broken marriages. I'm not sure if those were from infidelity as I didn't pry. In my opinion, the increased deployment tempo has exasurbated a small problem into a big problem.

Now we have Lt Col Wilkerson's love child. Also this morning, a unit somewhere (109th Wing) is being investigated for allowing officer misconduct (presumed sexual). WTF!

All I can say is I"m glad I'm retired and don't have to put up with that shit now. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

[This message edited by SecondHelping at 7:02 AM, June 14th (Friday)]

D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 487 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
♀ Member
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

....I tried to read through some of these posts seeing as this very much so pertains to me. My WH is Army. But I got through one or two people's posts and got extremely angry. I hate infidelity, but anything with infidelity that is with a military couple (I guess because I can relate) really grinds my gears. I'll have to re-read when I'm calmer.

On a slightly different note, has anyone else gotten the "Soldiers are too busy fighting for our freedom to cheat, it's always the wives at home being sluts and spending all of their hard earned money because they are 'lonely'"?

Now, don't get me wrong, I know that either side can be the cheater, but it seems that some people think that the soldiers are above this and it is ALWAYS the spouse. I don't know if these people think that soldiers are incapable of wrongdoings (I mean, they are human like everyone else), or if they think that soldiers 'deserve' whatever they want since they are fighting(even if it is cheatin on their pregnant spouse at home and getting another soldier pregnant) ? Then they go on to say that soldiers don't have time to cheat.

I'm sorry, but my WH has so much more free time while stationed in korea than I do as a SAHM back in the states. I am stuck on an army base 500 miles away from family and good friends, and no one to help me with my 3mo old. My WH can go out all weekend if he wanted to, and when he gets off work (usually at 6 or so) can do whatever he pleases.

I think some people think that soldiers are saints in ACUs. A person can be a great soldier, but a shitty person and/or spouse. They should not get a 'free pass'.

When shit hit the fan for me, OW's mother posted on FB "These two are soldiers, they are far away from home and it is very hard for them. You should stand behind these soldiers and be proud, they are doing the best that they can and they can't help that they fell in love during a hard time." As if to minimize the whole thing and say it was okay... and she knew I was pregnant and we were married.

[This message edited by Tired05 at 1:41 AM, July 5th (Friday)]

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ New Member
Member # 41422
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How sad that we wives (as well as girlfriends, boyfriends and husbands) who are at home get labeled as cheaters when it is clear so many of our service members are betraying us!

My husband is army national guard. He was deployed for 9 months last year and had an EA/PA with another soldier that whole time. While I was taking care of our home and child, fussing over heartfelt letters, emails and care packages, working to pay off our debts, and missing him, he was fooling around with this girl. When he returned home he continued with her for another 10 months through text, calls, snapchat and their once a month "flings" during drill weekends!

To top it off I found concrete evidence of the A when I was about 14 weeks pregnant with our second child. I found I had an STD through routine prenatal screenings and then found the texts and call logs.

For those of you who contacted CoC and got the military involved, what was the process and what were the repercussions? The only reason I've left the army out of this is because he was her NCO and I'm afraid that an investigation by the army would lead to him losing out on career/retirement/benefits and how that would effect our children.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 37166
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for what you are going through. I found out just a few years ago about the 10 years of my fwh infidelity while on active duty. It is so painful. I, like you, did everything you said to give all my love and support.
If I knew back then I still would not have gotten the military involved. I feel it is a private matter and something I wouldn't want everyone to have knowledge of. Although a lot did know and didn't say anything in my case.
Plus, all the support you gave him, you don't deserve if be loses income or ruins his career. That would effect you and your family for years to come and that is one thing you don't need to deal with.
Take care

Me-BS (47)
Him-WH (48)
Married 26 years together 31
2 teenagers
Dday #1- 2/20/2011
Dday #2- 1/08/2012

Healing myself is now my top priority.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
♀ New Member
Member # 41452
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still attempting to find out if my H had a A during deployments since he admitted there were prostitutes there although he claims he didn't do anything. During the times he'd leave for school training in a different state and when he was getting out he kept withdrawing money from a liquor store and purchasing something. Totals of purchases 10$ and stuff including the withdraws. He was hanging out with some real POS's and I caught him looking at Craigslist casual encounters and stuff. He even moved out for a month so I still want the truth i deserve. It's a gut feeling that my H has cheated thats powerful. Let's not forget the porn and suspicious things here and there. He won't admit anything.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My WH also lied about it, even though I KNEW something had happened. He lied for 6 years. He visited prostitutes while deployed in Thailand. There was no way to prove it, because he used his daily allowance (stipend, whatever it's called...I'm blanking on the word right now).

It looks like you haven't posted anywhere else. How are you holding up?

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ New Member
Member # 40485
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you handle the first tdy after d-day? I feel like I'm going to puke 24/7.

Me: BS


Married: 13 years

Kids: 12 and 10

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met my WXBF post-deployment but still in the national guard. I think the combination of his childhood plus combat turned into something I will just never understand.

National guard I think was always an excuse to get out and meet his other women. I'm sorry to say that. I caught him once saying he needed to go to guard. When I dropped him off, I drove away but watched as he just walked over to his favorite watering hole nearby. Such a freaking liar. Sorry.

[This message edited by Kitty70 at 5:56 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]

Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ Member
Member # 42196
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've put my story in just found out. Bottom line, I knew there was the possibility of it happening on deployment. I/we (even though she said she had forgotten about them/thought it was a joke) made a boundary on what should happen if it comes up. The main thing was to not lie about it and that is what she did.

Hurts more is that we knew it was a possibility. She even said she was going to not do anything.Four months in and I guess she never had the opportunity or nobody flirted with her. Then in the last month, the opportunity showed up, and any words she had told me of fighting her flirty side were not even thought of.

She'll be home soon enough, and though our communication has been great since I found out, I know the real process won't begin until she is away from it.

Edit. I know we had problems in the marriage, but even when I was deployed it didn't cross my mind. Different times/opportunities/feelings I guess. I'm going through an angry phase now. Still some hurt. Mostly angry.

[This message edited by hurtingfool at 11:35 PM, January 25th (Saturday)]

Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
♂ Member
Member # 42196
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you deal with deployments after you find out about an A that occurred on one?

Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
♀ New Member
Member # 42565
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just saw this for the first time; is there a forum thread for military in general? My husband is an army officer whose affair is with his subordinate civilian. I am really curious if anyone has reported their wayward spouse, and if so, what has been the fallout from that?

Me: BS, 44
Him: WH, 43
DS, 16
DD, 12
Married 18 years, together 25
separated; filed for divorce
AP: coworker (his nurse-also married, 2 small kids, was her husband's mistress during his previous marriage)

Posts: 31 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: San Antonio, Texas
♀ New Member
Member # 42631
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

futurehoper - I was wondering the same thing. I read through the board but can't find anyone who actually reported the WS. I was considering it too. We do not have any children and I make more money than him, so I do not need his finances.

Dday was when WH and OW were both O5. WH was up for promotion and I considered telling his CO to stop the promotion. We R (or so I thought) and he got promoted to O6.

I think WH strung me along in order to make it to O6. I think about telling his commander and try to demote him, if that is even possible.

Does anyone know what really happens when a BS reports the WH????

BW: me (41)
WH: 43
DD#1: Feb 4, 2013
DD#2: May 6, 2014
Married 2010

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attempted to tell on my WH.. I went to the legal office.. They said the only way he (and the OW) could get into trouble is if the A affected the mission and if other military personnel knew about it... Not the info I wanted to hear

DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42565
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lovehatelove, Iwilltranscend: Interesting. My husband is a doc, and the subordinate is his nurse. So, technically, I suppose the time they spent flirting/texting took away from their duties? but I don't know that that would be considered detrimental to their mission. My husband has, many times, told me that his AP would not get in trouble, but that he could, and possibly get 'sent away'. I am sure he is just trying to scare me ; prevent me from reporting him. It's so frustrating to allow him to be respected and admired by his staff and peers, knowing that he is not who they think he is.

Me: BS, 44
Him: WH, 43
DS, 16
DD, 12
Married 18 years, together 25
separated; filed for divorce
AP: coworker (his nurse-also married, 2 small kids, was her husband's mistress during his previous marriage)

Posts: 31 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: San Antonio, Texas
♀ Member
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It's so frustrating to allow him to be respected and admired by his staff and peers, knowing that he is not who they think he is.

I TOTALLY understand this feeling... it sux...

DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42692
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Several things come to mind. He was wounded while we were dating. I nursed him back to health and he asked me to marry him immediately. So we went from dating with no defined relationship to married very quickly. I always worried that he may have married me because I was there for him in the worst of circumstances. So was it love? Is it love? We make great life partners and we care deeply for each other. That is not fake. He was less than a year divorced when this happened, so he never really got to go be a bachelor and date around and be single. Not an excuse I know.

So this deployment was something I thought he needed to do to get closure. I was really proud of him.

My excuses for himů
So the circumstances of deployment, I just had a baby and well I'm sure I wasn't sexy or fun while nursing, and I'm sure I was a bit moody. He was a soft target. We still were active in the sack up until his departure though. Maybe he needed to see what if he hadn't married me so quickly what life could be like..

Maybe there are no excuses.

So where does that leave me? I found an email and I'm not proud that I looked. But I can't unknow what I know. Nothing has changed, he has managed well to keep me happy and our life is very much exactly the same. No fighting, no tension, expressions of love. A wonderful child. great friends and supportive family.

I'm tired. His recovery and the time he spent in the hospital, the pregnancy, and the first year of our baby's life have exhausted me and finally he is home and life seems wonderful and normal again.

Time to relax and enjoy all of the hard work to get here, but then I found that damn email confirming an affair on his deployment.

Does anyone turn a blind eye and pretend not to know while keeping your eyes open for signs of something happening. Can you be happy doing this?

Your thoughts? Did the affair seem like life as normal to anyone else? How did you approach them when you knew you didn't want them to leave, but you were hurting and confused, mad and lost.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Does anyone turn a blind eye and pretend not to know while keeping your eyes open for signs of something happening. Can you be happy doing this?

When I found out, I immediately confronted WH... it was just a few mins time... I found msgs too, confirming the A..... (but I had ZERO suspicion...) I was in complete shock!

Looking back, I wish I would have waited until I calmed down alil to confront WS... maybe just a few days... or asked him if there's anything he needs to tell me... I wish I would have allowed him a chance to come clean.....

But no, I could not have turned a blind eye.. I think that would have made matters worse... waiting for something to happen just would have caused me more stress....

DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 968
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.