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Newest Member: losttrust1231 (44270)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Iwilltranscend
♀ New Member
Member # 42631
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((futurehoper))) Things will get better just hold on. Near D-day, I remember thinking that my life was over, and that was partly true since life as I knew it was over. I no longer live in a fairy-tale, perfect, safe world. Oh, I was insanely happy until D-day! Totally blind-sided... Today, I'm still hurt, I'm still angry but I can also recognize the silver lining in the whole mess. I am growing personally in ways that would not have happened if my WH was faithful.

Your WH is still in the fog, as SI would call it. Give it (and him) some time. I hope he doesn't get demoted but maybe a local move will be good for him, no? Could his boss talk to the hospital commander and suggest leniency for the kids sake?

I am very thankful I started an antidepressant before I felt depressed.

I love your sense of humor! That gave me a chuckle.


BW: me (41)
WH: 43
DD#1: Feb 4, 2013
DD#2: May 6, 2014
Married 2010

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
futurehoper
♀ New Member
Member # 42565
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

update to my story: WH met with hospital commander this morning. All he is getting is a little slap on the wrist. He was offered an administrative position in the hospital and will continue his patient care duties part time (so still around his AP nurse). Local file will have a signed statement that he understands appropriate behavior. If anything further happens, then he will have formal reprimand. So, I imagine they will take the affair underground, be more discrete? I actually was looking forward to having him move away, just to have some peace, though I know it would be hard on the kids.


Me: BS, 44
Him: WH, 43
DS, 16
DD, 12
Married 18 years, together 25
separated; filed for divorce
AP: coworker (his nurse-also married, 2 small kids, was her husband's mistress during his previous marriage)

Posts: 30 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: San Antonio, Texas
foggydays
♀ New Member
Member # 42933
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Although we are not military, we are government, and my WH is always gone half of each year, in smaller bursts. I am here because during his last long deployment, he decided that he would finally lose all resolve and cheat after 12 GOOD years of marriage. Now we are facing another deployment, and I can feel myself going into shut-down mode. He doesn't live for a few weeks yet, but I am already going into that dark place where I don't want to talk to him, see him, have him physically touch me, all that. Any others here who deal with the "deployment detach"? As much as I thought the HB would have brought us out of this phase and funk, I am there again, and life at home is so tense.
I would love to know what others do to combat this?

Posts: 17 | Registered: Mar 2014
foggydays
♀ New Member
Member # 42933
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

justinpaintoday- I got a confirmation that you replied, but am unable to see the post here?
I just wanted to say thank you for your encouragement, and YES, I know that everything he is doing and being IS a sign of hope for us. I am just in a really bad place right now and feel like there is no way out, you know? I, too, am a Christian and know the power of forgiveness in healing, but I am struggling right now. The whole hardening of the heart thing has ALWAYS been an issue for me because I can run cold just as quickly as I run hot....bordering on indifferent and apathetic. NOT a great trait, I know.
Just wanted to thank you for your support and I am sorry to hear of your WW...praying for a softening there!

Posts: 17 | Registered: Mar 2014
Afwife4201
♀ New Member
Member # 43167
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H just left a few days ago for Afghanistan again. He has deployed 7 times now in his 9.5 years in the Air Force. He had a physical affair back in 2010 while TDY in SC for 3 weeks. I thought it was a drunken one night stand until 6 months ago. He told me he had sex with her that night (while drunk) and again the next morning, which so happened to be the same morning he flew home. We of course had sex that night and I didn't know at the time. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

Last year (2013) while in Afghanistan, my H found some time to spend with another young female reserve airman. I caught him looking her up on Facebook and I knew that meant trouble. I asked, he denied.

I was pregnant during this deployment. I started to have complications from stressing out too much. In the end, all was fine. My WH returned home the day before I gave birth. He let me know two weeks later about his EA with this airman. He TT down to what I know now, which is they "held hands". I don't believe that's all that happened. We aren't in the 4th grade.

During that deployment, she invited him to drink alcohol, which is obviously not allowed in Afghanistan. He said he refused. She also turned in 3 other men for sexual harassment: An officer, who is not allowed to reenlist, A SSgt, who was sent home, and a civilian who had to be moved to another section. Never did the command think about HER being the problem.

So, here I sit with him gone again and my nerves shot to hell. He's already lied to me since he left a few days ago. He is training right now before the deployment starts in 6 days. So, he's not home and training with the Army. However, there are females there (can't avoid it). He lies about them being there and was hanging out with one the other night when I tried to call and he ignored my call.

At this point, I feel like I am only staying married to keep my kids from having to live in poverty. I am finishing school so I can work, but I gave up my career to follow my WH and have kids. We agreed I would stay home since he is gone all of the time and now I am stuck. I HATE this!

When people say there is no time to cheat when they are deployed, they are LYING! It doesn't take much time and it's happened over and over again. Everyone thinks my WH is the most amazing man ever. They would be surprised to know he is a liar and a cheater! ugh.


Together: 5 Years
BW: Me
WH: Him

DD 1: 9/30/2010 --PA
DD 2: 10/31/2013 --EA (Unconfirmed PA. He said the "Held hands" I think it was more.)


Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014
muddled
♀ New Member
Member # 42887
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is an USAF officer who had an affair with a civilian ho-worker. While I was reading his g-chats, on his phone, he demanded I hand over his phone; I refused and ended up with bruises up/down both forearms. I reported the affair to his Commanding Officer (CO) along with the assault. My WH’s CO wrote the information down told me to see Victim Advocacy (VA) immediately. VA provided me with the most outstanding support!! I had photos taken of my arms and gave a police report. WH was charged with assault.
In order for the AF to file Adultery Charges there must be undeniable proof, such as pictures, videos, (actually in the act) or a confession. Some of the chats that I read; “I Love you”, “Can’t wait to sleep with you”, and WH asking for her apartment key. FWH lawyered-up and so did AP, no adultry charges.

[This message edited by muddled at 6:23 AM, April 21st (Monday)]


Me: 46 WH: 42 Married 18 years
MOW: 27
Dday: Aug 12,2013, TT-still??
DS 16, DD 14

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: where the nightmares came to stay
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought at one time there was a support thread for those who have BS/WS that are civil servants, cops, fireman, ect.

I have just been having a really hard time dealing with my feelings concerning a partner of DH's.

I know that there is a level of intimacy that comes with basically trusting someone day in and day out with your life....as well as being burdened with also knowing you would be protecting someone with your life if needed.

As far as I can tell, they have not crossed any hard lines. I am sure that they talk about there days, what they like don't like. The texts that I have read are friendly and if they were between two men i wouldn't bat an eye.

He does not talk about our issues with her, and as far as I can tell, there is no blatant sexual innuendo's, again, if it was between men I wouldn't bat an eye.

The thing that gets me is the sheer amount of texting they do...on work time and off work time. The other thing that gets me is that they actually talk to each other via texts....all i usually ever get are yeahs, fines, oks, and stuff like that.

My gut says that they are closer then they should be, but I honestly don't think that they are in any kind of physical affair. I can't tell if this is normal with partners.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1684 | Registered: Sep 2012
HateLove
♀ New Member
Member # 43497
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may have posted in the wrong place.

[This message edited by HateLove at 7:57 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2014
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