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User Topic: Men only- Timeline for gaining respect to fww ?
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm doing ok and getting weaned off the meds. I got hooked on pain pills when I had my finger cut off from punching the other mans fucking lights outs. I'm working with a pain management and having my dose reduced every month.

I never thought I'd get hooked on something like this but Hydrocodone is a mother fucker. I guess I just liked being high all the time while I was dealing with all this bullshit that my wife dumped on me. The doctor kept prescribing and I kept gobbling them up. I'm not in any physical pain at all. I'm just about kicked off of them. How have you been buddy?

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 416 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timeline Check-in: 1 year, 2 months since DDAY.

I still go from feeling ambivalent to loving with regards to my wife. It's not quite a "roller coaster" anymore. It's more like the plain of lethal flatness...but not quite. I don't feel 'flat', per se...well, not all of the time, anyway. I feel flat, punctuated by brief moments of getting my ass out of the mud long enough to gaze at the stars.

It's helped that she has not, even once, tried to pin the affair on me since about 2 days since DDAY.

Also, that she became proactive in fixing her shit. She has been doing IC since about a month out, but I feel like she's really been making some serious progress in the last few months. She comes home eager to talk about it.

As far as the 'proper' subject of this thread, respect?

I don't know. It's still compartmentalized to the different aspects of my wife's personality. The longer I'm involved with, and thinking about, the topic of Wayward Wives and infidelity, I don't know that respect is something that can or should exist as it relates to fidelity. I think that within our relationships we expect fidelity.

What I mean to say is that we don't give awards or kudos to people who don't cheat, KWIM? That's the bare minimum expectation, and so the needle can only move in one direction, or perhaps the needle just snaps off in exasperation of being yanked downward so violently post-DDAY.

I think what I'm meaning to say is that thinking about my wife in terms of respecting her for being faithful feels like an absurd concept to me, because I would have never, in a billion years, said to myself prior to the affair, "Oh, I've got one of the good ones, she keeps her pants on."

The fallback position for me has always been to assume that wives and husbands keep their pants on until proven otherwise.

Fidelity is a given in marriage. Perhaps it shouldn't have been?

“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
♂ Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that in my case, the level of respect that I had for my wife will never be the equal to what it was. The affair changed all that. I see her differently than I did.
Much love has been regained for each other however.

Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
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Member # 38303
Exclaimation  Posted: 3:35 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timeline Check-in: 1 year, 4 1/2 months since DDAY

So, my wife is becoming a new person before my eyes. It's happening slowly, and unexpectedly in some ways.

What do I mean?

Unexpected answers to questions I think I already know the answers to. Newfound sense of confidence. A drive to do healthy things and be involved in healthy ways that wasn't there before. Being involved with our son more than ever.

My wife is honestly excited about the Chicago G2G coming up, because she wants to expand our social circle, and because it's something I really want to do. She's spoken of running for public office. She is, completely uncoerced, behaving in healthy, independent ways in a manner I would never have dreamed of.

In some ways it's a little scary, but those are just my dying-a-slow-death KISA/codepedent tendencies sneaking up on me. It's the prospect of my wife not 'needing' me that is a little scary, but I know it's the healthiest way to live, even while there's a tiny voice in the back of my head saying "...but if she doesn't need you, why keep you around?".

I am proud as hell of my wife for the work she's doing...the longer she works, the less she resembles the monster who cheated on me. I'll never respect that monster, but my new wife has a fighting chance.

“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
♂ Member
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's awesome, Ascendant... happy for you, man!

I'm 3 months out from DDay, and it feels like day one, loss of respect-wise. WW is not like Ascendant's. Rug sweeping and escapism. Sigh.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
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