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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
SI Staff
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Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FIRST!


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And now I can make a real post.

Sadtoo, you're in my thoughts today. There are many people here holding you up in their hearts. Stay strong and be encouraged that even with everything he's saying, you have truth and evidence speaking for you. He may lie all he wants. He's ignoring the realities. He's trying to form a new reality, and it just isn't going to work.

Warm hugs for you today, dear one. Please let us know how you are faring when you get the chance.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<Threnody tripped me and I couldn't get here as fast as her and its not fair and I want some candy or something>


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo))): I am thinking about you today. I am sending you warm hugs and good wishes.

(((dd123))): What a nightmare! Trapped for 6 hours in the ER with a nutjob -- maybe next time, you should call for some Xanax, stat!

(((threnody))): I am so glad that you told Mr. Threnody what was going on. That had me worried. Mr. Threnody proved his fabulousness, and hopefully, will now be able to offer succor and support. I am also reporting for the record that I am not a saint; just very, very used to this. I worry about me actually shutting down and if I will get too used to having those shields up. For so long, my only reaction was crying and tears. Then when I found out that his behavior with other women was pretty much everything short of him whipping Mr. Happy out, I responded with anger. Which was met with violence. Since it hurts to cry, and it hurts to be physically knocked around, those shields stay up.

I also found out that the group home is an ICF/MR. I still can't believe that he's dating a resident; I'll have to hold on to some hope that she's in housekeeping or something. I used to work with the MR population several years ago, and while many are self-sufficient, we still used to worry about predators. We had to walk that fine line and take a step back on a lot of things.

(((itsa))): Just hugs.

(((bluberry))): You believed it because that's what he wanted you to believe, that's how he programmed you to believe. And when it all became too much, you stepped away. That takes intelligence and courage. You rock, girlfriend!

dreamlife: Yeeouch! Hope you're feeling better today.

(((hugs))) to everybody else.

[This message edited by veritas at 12:28 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay. **HUGH sigh** I'm back.

I still have my protection order IN TACT.

He is such a liar. OMG. It literally makes me physically ill to see him.

The process was fairly simple. I had to swear that what I had said in my original affidavit was true and I added that the reason I requested the PO was because of past violence and vandalism to my house. I told that he has continued to harass me since our divorce and that I have had numerous protection orders against him, never had one denied and have never dropped one.

He lied. He said that he was only by my house ONE time. He said that he did not stop, he only drove by. He said that the president of his company DID testify about the GPS, but he was mistaken about it. There really wasn't even GPS on that particular car. He basically rambled on about how I was after him and jealous of him. He told how I was in reality harassing him. He said "Our divorce judge actually had to warn Ms. Sadtoo about this very thing and he even threatened her with jail time if she continued to bring bogus charges against me....She has tried to have me arrested....."

Then he went on to say that he WAS arrested and EMBARASSED in front of his fiance and his neighbors. (too fucking bad) But which is it? I'm trying to have him arrested or he WAS arrested??

Unbelievable.

He says all of this with much conviction and while standing saying lots of "yes sirs and no sirs" and "your honor, sir" type stuff.

He sits up there with his attorney and shuffles papers like he's the attorney.

The president of the company was there. We didn't use him. He has been duped by XNPDH and he knows it. He was totally expecting to see OW#1 and when he saw ME and realized that this was a serious CRIMINAL matter, he became very concerned. He told my attorney that he brought the WRONG GPS report and he had given it to XNPDH and it had been in XBPDH's posesssion all weekend. Nice. We didn't even use it. The judge didn't miss that either.

My attorney asked if I had called him, invited him to my home or anything like that and I said, "NO." He was shaking his head and saying under his breath that I was lying.

I've never seen anything like it. He is totally psycho.

My attorney asked me what I have done besides getting the PO to protect myself. I ran down the list.

1. Bigger better locks
2. Huge guard dog.
3. Video surveillance system

I told her about the upgrade to the surveillance system. She asked why I did that.

I said, "Because he lies and says he hasn't been here and we needed something that can get his picture to PROVE that he's lying.

The judge ruled in my favor. Now, I go back on the 30th for the criminal part.

Interesting to note, he didn't have his usual cheering section. No fiance, no mommy, daddy, sisters or anyone. Just him and his attorney. I wonder what that means?

[This message edited by sadtoo at 12:13 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sad))) It means he's a fucktard. But you knew that already.
I'm SO relieved that's over for now. Hang in there.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo))) Even though he's a fu&ker, you did AWESOME, girlfriend! And I am so glad that the judge saw fit to keep the restraining order intact. Thank goodness! Now you only have to wait for the criminal trial.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo)))
That's one more ordeal out of the way! Hope you can relax and forget about him for a little while!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
isurvived
♀ Member
Member # 12359
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo,

I am so glad things went your way-it is so refreshing to hear when things go the way they should-it is so hard to deal with a liar-I have been there and continue to deal with an Xh that lies every single day about every single thing!

Glad to hear your news-I hope the judge ruling in your favor gives you the motivation to be positive!


Me-BS-38
XH-36
2 beautiful daughters 8 & 10
Married 11 years-together 13
Divorced-6/06

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Misouri
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am very relieved. I so much appreciate all of the support you all have offerd. Thank you again.

I had a restless weekend. My SO said that I kept crying out in my sleep, "Call the police!"

It's terrible how the nightmares just pick up right where they left off.

I'll be okay. The first part is done and out of the way. It's so good that I am keeping the PO. That will help VERY much in the criminal trial. We can use that against him.

I don't have long to wait. I think it's the 30th.

I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks again for the hugs, the support and all of the good thoughts. They really helped.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, sadtoo. Thank you for giving us an update. I'm so glad the PO is being upheld. I can't say I'm surprised he was acting mental. If it walks like a duck, and all that.

Some of you may remember that I talked to xF's current wife to advise her that her husband has been attempting to contact me. It was a short but friendly and oddly affectionate discussion. I provided her with information that she is going to hang on to in case their divorce gets ugly. He was to be served at some point in November, she said, probably within the first two weeks or thereabouts.

He was served Saturday. She wasn't screwing around. Attagirl! I've been preparing mentally for this, and now that Mr. Threnody is caught up on the facts I know things are going to be fine. But... damn. Just damn. He's probably going to reel for a bit then try contacting everyone he knows to see what kind of N "hit" he can get. He's probably acting like a druggie whose dealer just got sent to jail. Panicking to find his next score.

You want to know what's really sick? I feel badly for him. He messed up a huge part of my psyche for a while, he has messed up his wife and children's lives, and I still feel pity and sadness for him. What a broken person. I think it's horrible that an individual can do what he's done. That is balanced by how strongly I feel that every person, no matter how broken, can be redeemed.

Ugh. UGH! I'm making myself feel pukey. I should like nothing better sometimes than to have him sitting before me where I can chew his ass out and cause him pain. And yet here he is, probably in some good amount of pain this very moment, and I want to hug the broken little boy.

I swear, NPD survivors end up with Stockholm Syndrome. There is just no other explanation for it.


ETA: OMG! I just realized he was served the same day that I told Mr. Threnody about it all. I'm not feeling so sorry for him now. That was a goddamned uncomfortable discussion for me and I was pissed to have to be in that position.

[This message edited by Threnody at 4:09 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo))) OMG, I can't believe you were actually saying call the police in your sleep Those must have been some heavy dreams. Maybe now you can have some peace and quiet - and pleasant dreams.

threnody: Just keep your sense of humor about it all, like you seem to be doing.

And you can all break out the 2x4's. After months of being most excellently detached, I actually alerted NPD to something before I got the chance to check it. Although... I think he has been deleting his messages to her as he goes. I can't believe I just thought of text messages today!

*it has given me a new obsession -- tracking those deleted messages and seeing who initiated and who stopped -- i'm betting he sent first and last messages in most exchanges*
*why yes, he sure did*
*and i can tell because they also charge us because he was sloppy and sent them to her work number, too*

[This message edited by veritas at 4:40 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas you have to try and leave that mess all alone. ((((HUGS))))

Sadtoo I am so pleased that they upheld the PO. I hope that the records of the GPS don't somehow go missing. Maybe the President is not seeing that this is serious and criminal and he really is mental. I doubt it will help the NDP nutcases career any. LOL

((((everyone))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel that every person, no matter how broken, can be redeemed.
(((Threnody)))- only Jesus can save THAT ass I'm not laughing at your feelings, just myself. I have long wondered if there will ever be any justice...and decided I have to leave it to God. But I don't want to offend any atheist or agnostic sisters/brothers here...

(((Sad))) You did great today!

CJ- do you need a bandaid from that little trip. Let NoC kiss it better!

Thank God you're all here. You guys keep me sane.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad - I am very pleased for you. At last it is a move in the right direction.

Blu - I could of written your post word for word. Hang in there...it will get better.

Thren - it is amazing that you still feel compassion. It just shows what a good person you are.

I hope everyone is finding their way forward through the mess the npd freaks leave behind.

I had my second counselling session yesterday. It was hard but I think I will see its usefullness in time.
This is a tough week for me - two counselling sessions/a one-year anniversary of the end of my marriage/I went to a wedding(you know what I am saying )/my court case on Thursday...
I am hoping that I am getting it all out of the way so that I can start finding some peace as from next week. That's all I want - a bit of peace!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NoControl..nah, I'm okay, I had my big girl panties on...but, damn! that Threnody is *quick*!!

How's *our* little bambino doing??

Sadtoo...I'm so very relieved that things went well for you today. Its so weird how involved we all become in each others' stressful lives ~ I SWEAR I was thinking about your court appointment when I woke up this morning!!


What a broken person. I think it's horrible that an individual can do what he's done. That is balanced by how strongly I feel that every person, no matter how broken, can be redeemed.

Ugh. UGH! I'm making myself feel pukey. I should like nothing better sometimes than to have him sitting before me where I can chew his ass out and cause him pain. And yet here he is, probably in some good amount of pain this very moment, and I want to hug the broken little boy.

Threnody..I feel almost exactly the same way. Maybe its what draws them to us in the first place? Our enormous capacity for compassion, caring, and empathy?

I sometimes believe that my WTFNH is nothing more than a broken little boy, hurting soo terribly badly, and is still seeking that unconditional love he was never given from *either* of his parents.

Once you're a parent YOURSELF, you cannot imagine being THAT type of 'parent', and can IMAGINE the damage that piss-poor parenting does to children. The life-long effects of attachment disorders, crushed self-esteem, NPD and the like.

The thought I ALWAYS come back to is: "He didn't get this way by himself."

And he didn't. But *I* didn't do it TO him, and if he doesn't WANT help, then he will never, ever get it. Its easy to fall into the 'caretaker' mode, while ALMOST losing yourself in the process.

WTFH said to me yesterday: "I can't STAND to hear your fucking voice, I can't STAND to hear your fucking 'La La La' singing in the house. You just walk around, going on your merry little fucking life."

(?) Okay...so, um, kill me I guess? WTF am I SUPPOSED to do?

What *kind* of a man speaks to ANYONE like that, let alone a woman? What *kind* of man thinks this is okay?

<rhetorical question, I already know the answer ~ an abusive one>

"Not all abusers are Narcissists, but ALL Narcissists are abusers."

yep.

[This message edited by cjonesjag at 7:37 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Flame  Posted: 10:51 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied2: you should have hit me with that 2x4 sooner.

I have ZERO shame about spying on the mofo, but I actually found that he didn't erase his messages. He was just that confident that I would not be checking him out. However, Our Bunny took his phone and he left it there.

Needless to say, I read them and found out that on the night that he was moaning and groaning about being 'forced' to go out on the town with a friend, he actually solicited Cum Dumpster #1 to go out with them.

And I was subjected to quite a bit of gaslighting. When I talked to him about the number of messages he was getting (I noticed that since he wasn't on a plan, that the amount spent was more than the plan), he actually had the nerve to say that he really didn't know how he had sent so many messages. And possibly that he had sent so many because he really didn't know which of the phone numbers was their cell. That was brilliant of him, that he came up with that on the spur of the moment instead of just confiding that he was a lazy mofo. Because he didn't have any problems calling her a dozen times.

And THEN he told someone that his latest pop-tart was calling from her mother's house. He had to have known that it was a group home because he CALLED THERE!

So it was just a total waste of negative energy.

Because I handed the phone back to him with the message of him telling her that he was out on the town and would she like to come.

[This message edited by veritas at 10:52 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, November 6th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((veritas))) Cum Dumpster? I am so sorry! It is SO tough to live with that!

(((CJ))) SO WTF is up to his old tricks, huh...what a mean vile "man" he is. I'd like to harpoon his fat ass for being so mean to you. Of course you're right- they didn't do this to themselves. But I *still* believe that they are NOT powerless against this disease or phenomenon or whatever it is. They are still smart enough to KNOW they are making choices that hurt others. Clearly he's trying to hurt you by saying those things and re-victimize himself in the process... (your merry fucking life?) whatever dude! In other news...bambino is doing great. Getting big. Trail of Tears has resurfaced this week YET AGAIN to exercise those lovely parental rights. Whatever. As long as he doesn't bring OW #57 (or whatever # she was) over to visit also we're cool. If he does, he'll be told that he's welcome because I HAVE to give him visitation. But I DON'T have to give HER visitation. So she can wait in the car and play a game of hide and go fuck herself.

(((Its))) I have no doubt you will find your peace. I think it's very brave of you to finally talk to an IC because I know you've been holding this in for so long. I hope your boss was understanding as well. You are so kind and wonderful- of course the tables will turn.

((Threnody))) kudos on speaking to your H. And for the way you've handled this entire sitch. You have a heart of gold.

I hope Bessie's doing OK! And everyone else.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, November 6th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas it sounds like you are wading through the same pile of cow crap that I did a few years ago. Mine would make hundreds of dollars of calls in a month to the MOW while he was not working. Some of it under the disguise of job hunting . It is complete crap that they make such a mess of their lives and keep us involved. Being single and poor is better than that. Really.

Please tell me he doesn't get any "comfort" during this time. He is not with risking your life for.

NC I am glad that you are holding down your boundaries. "hide and ...." That sounds about right.


I so have to get out of this funk and find a job. I have this growing list of items in my house that are broken. I just can't keep up with it all. Sometimes being a single parent, having a house and trying to live a sane life is more that I have the strength to do.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
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