I'm leaving CA a day earlier -- cuz I'm pining away for the fur n feathery kids.
His "cheering section" is probably worn out...or, he's messed them over, too.
Remember, N's are: Equal Opportunity Assholes!
veritas~ you are a SAINT in my book! Hang in there, sweetie (though I don't know HOW you do it).
Things are getting frantic as I wrap things up, baking fruitcakes, & admittedly have not read everyone's postings to date.
cj~ For your heroic attempt, here's a box of 100 proof Hungarian chocolate cherries or a tin of Belgian chocolates from Trader Joe's so pass 'em around over here!
I don't know what fate awaits me, but am certain my N is fuming mad at how I REVERSE Gaslighted him regarding the attorney!
Huge hugs, everyone...miss you all, & stay SAFE!
So she can wait in the car and play a game of hide and go fuck herself.
I love this. Just LOVE it!
At the time, I felt a little strange. No criticisms, no arguments. Just calm. I kept waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. We just rowed/floated around, and finally we went home.
I distinctly remember thinking "this is the perfect place for a murder. No witnesses, and no one would ever think to look for a body out here."
Surely he wasn't thinking about killing me! Surely he isn't that much of a monster! And if he was thinking about it, why didn't he do it?
OK. Anyone out there who doesn't HAVE to communicate with your NPDX, DON'T DO IT!!! I was sane for 20 years, then I write a stupid letter to BizarroX and now I'm imagining murder plots. But, y'know. . . . It really WAS a perfect setting. I shoulda whacked him with an oar while I had a chance!
Purely a mental exercise, mind you. Purely.
To all you guys who tried to help me out with not making myself kookus over this, thanks. He came at me last night with another lie: the girl has supposedly been calling for one of his friends, and he was usually always at his friend's house, and that's why the phone call the other night was so long. First of all, there were NO long calls on the bill, and this chick has been calling every. Single. Night. Supposedly she "knows" that he's always over there. HOW does she know this? If she's calling all the time, when would she have the opportunity to be over there to KNOW this? Her phone number never showed up on the bill before, so apparently, she "knew" my husband was there all this time, but didn't start calling for his friend until after he quit spending so much time over there. That makes a whole lot of sense (sarcasm). He also tried to tell me that that was her calling last night, and that it was for his friend. Guess what? I just checked out the phone bill -- IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME PHONE NUMBER! He has got to be f'n kidding me!
"Why, sure, Alex, I'll take Altered States of Reality for $1000..."
It was lame. I just felt so sad, and have further resolved not to say a damned thing. About anything. Not worth it.
Today is a NEW DAY! Hugs to everyone and hope you all are doing well!
[This message edited by veritas at 3:25 PM, November 7th (Wednesday)]
Veritas, sweetie, I just *hurt* for you! I hope you are doing OK.
Along the lines of the reverse murder plot thing...I have envisioned many times shoving a double barrel shotgut up Trail of Tears' ass and pulling the trigger. Crazy how they can push us to homicidal fantasies! Now I think I'll just bide my time until he's dead, then show up at the funeral in a red dress and pee on his grave. But I'm not bitter or anything Sorry you all get my angry ramblings this morning. Guess I needed to vent. I'm much better now
As I've said before (and have to keep reminding myself): HE JUST AIN'T WORTH THE BLEEDIN' TROUBLE!!!!
It really is a battle we can't win no matter how hard we try.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
I also had images and thoughts of doing him in and to a certain extent it is still something I think about. It is a way of processing the insanity. My ex was definitely trying to do me in but his method of choice was trying to persuade me to commit suicide. How hideous is that?!
The court case is today. One the one hand it is a cause for celebration as I will be divorced and on the other hand I could be homeless. We shall see.
I will feel strength in the courtroom today knowing that you are all behind me.
Question them? Ha! You are such a bitch! Prove them untruthful? Ha! You are a double-dog dare bitch!
No matter *what* you do, you are WRONG. *You* are the problem, *they* have no issues.
Although I've not had any homicidal dreams or thoughts, I *do* have visions of living happily ever after...at a different address.. I cannot WAIT to be on my own. I cannot WAIT!!
veritas...I think you most closely match my situation. Living with a cold-hearted and cruel "husband" (term is used VERY loosely here) is the absolutely WORST situation ever. Mine feels compelled to take out ALL frustrations on *me*, spewing horrible, mean, crappy, nasty and uncalled-for GARBAGE at any given moment.
He is "King of his own World" and I shall not DARE to invade it...
He simply CANNOT be the same person from one day to the next. An entire YEAR of getting nothing but HATE and looks of DISGUST tend to wear on you.
BUT..I'm so hot and I know it..waaayyy hotter than he deserves to even *know*
<okay, that felt awesome to say>
I've decided that I am no longer married to him. Is this an emotional divorce? What *ever* it is, it seems to work for me.
I am polite, in the same way I am to salesclerks. I do what I need to do around the house, and avoid the HELL out of him.
Its not real difficult as I mostly stay downstairs in the apartment. ESPECIALLY after he brought his teenaged son back here and kicked me out of the guest room!!
I am looking forward to being happy again. Happy all the time. Living my life, without a bunch of CRAP constantly stressing me out.
Having to live with a "husband" who doesn't even CARE if I live or die is not real conducive to a rewarding life.
I'd rather live alone than live like this. As soon as the house sells (which could take MANY months), I am SO out of here. He has proven that he is the coldest SOB on the planet (except for the ones all of you know), and I just plain old deserve BETTER.
Nobody should be treated like this. NOBODY. He has punished me for a YEAR now, and apparently forgot about EVERYTHING that he has done.
He can HAVE his electronic girlfriends ~ they will believe his lies and false front. Of course, I don't know WHAT he'll do if he actually has to MEET one of them in person!!
He decided LONG ago that he will need to "start over" with someone who will believe his bullshit lies and fantastic stories. Someone who will think he's truthful, full of integrity, and "never lies."
N's leave a path of destruction in their wake, but I will NEVER, EVER allow him to destroy me! I will not even donate a PORTION of my soul to him!!! I am a good friend, a good mom, and a good employee. I *am* honest and never had to SAY it (like he insisted to me). I don't CARE about all kinds of "stuff" and the latest toys, because having those things DOESN'T make me better than the person who can't afford them.
The measures N's use for their 'life worth' is really really skewed. I will never, ever understand how a person can 'unlove' someone. Because even through all of his cruel-ass words and actions towards me, I still feel compassion for that broken little boy wayyy down inside of him.
NOT enough to sacrifice MYSELF .... but its still compassion.
N's will never be happy. They will always search for *more* or *better* in their supply, while leaving people like 'us' behind, feeling like we were somehow *less* or *not enough*...
Thats SUCH bullshit..
Thanks for the chocolates, dreamlife...
NoControl...he cannot be anything OTHER than 'mean'. He *hates* everything about me. Its extremely obvious, especially since he makes no secret about it!
sadtoo...I'm still giving you a big "V" for victory and am feeling a bit of relief that this first 'thing' went well for you...
itsa..I'm hoping this week brings you peace ((hugs))
veritas...you know whats pathetic? I am actually *aware* now of his extreme HATE of my voice.. You should've seen the absolute *hate* in his eyes when he said "I fucking can't STAND hearing your voice"...geez, I didn't know that people treated others that way. WOW..learn something new every day.
Longlost....keep that freak in the past. No contact. Don't reply, etc.. You know the drill
lied2...you're right, its a battle we can never, ever win. The rules change hourly, and the bar is continually raised so that there is no possible way to 'measure up.' The thing is, NOBODY will ever 'measure up.' Ever.
I prefer not to be married to a person who finds me inferior. Especially when it manifests itself in hate, vengence, jealousy, and above all, cowardice.
This SO sucks ass and blows dogs for quarters...
[This message edited by cjonesjag at 8:57 PM, November 7th (Wednesday)]
Take care of yourself, CJ!
I can't see how CJ can live in the same house. I would have to be committed. I am serious. Either that or heavy ADs mixed in with a Xanax or two.
My saving grace was going NC. No phone calls, no face-to-face. Only emails. And as people heard me vent, emails have been a problem for me. I don't know when to quit! I can't seem to let the crap slide. None of it makes sense.
But with my NPD (STBXH) if I am "nice" to him, he assumes that I want him back. If I "yell" at him he assumes I want him back. If I "email" him, he thinks I want him back. We are talking a TRUE NPD here... I DON'T WANT HIM BACK!
But it makes him nuts when I go about my daily life with absolutely no contact with him. Now he is asking me to give him "one more chance". The only possible answer for my mental health.... is... (drum roll please).... no.
"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"
You see, all of this time, I have been accusing my NPD of taking off of work early and spending all of his time at the crackhouse, but I obviously have been mistaken.
Because he has been spending time at YOUR house, instead! My NPD told me the exact same thing: he hates the sound of my voice, and all I have to do is really blog about things I want him to know, and he will be happy.
I have been pretty much walking in and out of rooms when he comes in, so he got really peeved about that. Now he complains that I blog about stuff and I don't talk to him.
Ever watch Dave Chappelle? He's got a bit about Rick James, where he says that "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."
Well, pot must be a hell of a drug, too, because guess who was saving some pot for Cum Dumpster to give -- I mean, sell, to her and FORGOT WHERE HE PUT IT??? And is now sick because this was his chance to meet with her, and he'll have to buy some more pot to give -- er, I mean, sell, to her???
So needless to say, I have been all evening.
How are you taking responsiblity for your children?
I pay my child support
You lie about your income to keep your child support lower than the normal amount
I pick them up on Wednesdays and every other weekend..
You are late every week and you have joint custody remember you faught for joint custody because you wanted your child support lowered (again) 8 days a month does not consitute 50% of the time. You haven't showed up to your daughters heart appointments, you don't do her homework, you are late, you want to change your weekends all the time.
<here it comes>
Have Kyle (my bf) take care of you and the kids.
WHAT THIS STUPID MINDFUCK JUST TOLD ME TO HAVE MY BOYFRIEND TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS???
I said "he would love to, why don't you sign off on your rights your doing a half assed job anyhow.
He says "You and Kyle can suck my <bleep> as soon as I get my crap together I am taking custody of the kids.
I said okay SOOOPER dad..you can't even pick them up on time..I would love to see you take care of them full-time.
If I could do it, I would pack them up and send them to live there..you think you want custoday asshole..come and get them..I'll pay you the minimal amount of child support and in two weeks you'll be begging me to take them back...
Girls (and boys) my friend actually took this approach when threatened by her ex husband she packed the kids dropped them off and didn't respond to him for two weeks he was begging her to take the kids back and never once for the rest of thier lives complained about paying child support
Commonly Forgotten by Victims of Domestic Violence
You have the right
to a life without any abuse
to make your own decisions about your future
to be human and to make mistakes
to change your mind, plans, and goals
to sleep the whole night through
to eat what you want when you want
to visit with family and friends
to be treated with respect
to not hide the actions of another (the guilt doesn't belong to you)
to go where you need and want to go
to do what you want (and accept responsibility for that)
to be healthy
to feel hurt and to cry
to be angry and to say so
to say "no" without feeling selfish or guilty
to not need another's permission to do things
to share your thoughts and emotions
to a life without shame
to be complimented without sarcasm
to live without the fear of abuse
to assistance from the police
to financial independence
to work in your choice of jobs
to not be patronized or put–down
to develop your own identity and talents
to be safe
to be loved
to be with a partner that you love and like
to ask questions
to change yourself in the ways you want to
to control your own appearance
to not be humiliated
to not be threatened or intimidated
to protect yourself and your children
to your personal beliefs
to the truth
to help yourself
to choose your own friends
to be at least as angry at or fearful of a lover as you would at a stranger who did the same things to you
to share plans and decisions that affect you both
to not be interrupted
to have your thoughts and opinions listened to and seriously considered
to feel how you feel — not necessarily how you've been told to feel
to be right without being made to feel guilty
to be comforted by your partner
to your sexual interests, desires, and fulfillment being as important as your partner's
to not be harassed by a partner "checking on you"
to come and go without having to "report in" with details about where you went or what you did or who you saw
to have friends of both sexes without accusations of unfaithfulness
to fulfilled promises
and to live!
DON'T GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS!!!
Its, dying to know how court went. I wish I could buy you a drink!
I remember the first time post-X that I went to an upscale hotel. I sat in an armchair in the suite with my hands folded in my lap. Mr Threnody was running around like a kid, jumping on the extra-fluffy bed, opening something up from the bar/fridge, order room service, turning on the multi-head shower and splashing around. He was having a blast. And I was afraid to move.
It struck me then how my sense of joy had been internalized. I could take pleasure in work well done, but I couldn't have that childlike enjoyment of things outside of my own head.
Mr. Threnody went downstairs to do something or other and I climbed up on the bed and gave a little bounce. I felt frightened and stupid and weak.
By the time he came back into the room, I'd kicked the pillows off for him to come up and bounce with me.
You won't believe how beautiful the world looks. It'll happen slowly, like watching a flowerbed finally come to bloom. First one flower. Then another. Then another. Soon you'll have the most amazing garden.
It really is true.
And my reply was always, "Precisely."