CHEYENNE KIMBALL LYRICS
Take everything out just put it back, right where we found it,
you, your hands in your jeans,
were you waiting for me?
cause that's how I found you.
Every word seemed to roll off your tounge,
like honey on my lips,
I never thought I could get enough.
You took me around the block,
but I couldn't stop,
I thought it was real.
the rush, so intoxicated,
I look back and I hated,
that I couldn't tell.
I'm lying alone on the floor,
just laughing at myself.
how could I ever go back for more?
Put, everything back,
that you took out, right when it started.
When we started... [x2]
How can I get back what you can't give out again?...
How can I face my mother, how can I face my friends?...
How can I look in the mirror and try to love again?
Take my deepest breath,
I just let it out,
I will be stonger.
You took everything out,
I put it back, just where you found it
[This message edited by downfall at 9:18 PM, November 26th (Monday)]
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles
I wish I could share what is going on in my life right now, it is so horrible. But my stupid NPD that I am in the middle of divorcing always figures out who I am and reads my posts!
I don't even have this as a safe place anymore....
He even sent me a note today that said "D" instead of divorce... he is a lurker here.
Just want to let everyone know I am here and think about each one of you even though I have to be careful what I post!
Good luck to you ALL! Wish me some luck in the upcoming weeks. I didn't know a person can be so cruel... you'd think he could be decent in D after everything he did to our family...
Message to my STBXH - I know you are reading this. Just know that you have been the biggest disappointment in my life. You continue to be a huge disappointment to your kids. Your personal happiness continues to be more important than our kids. But you are not going to bring us down, even though you try!!!
"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"
(((nocontrol))) and (((dd123))) and a special greeting to mr. dd.
[This message edited by veritas at 4:31 PM, November 27th (Tuesday)]
(((DD))) PM me if you need to talk without worrying if he's reading it
Veritas- how *DO* you keep your sanity, woman!?! You are one tough little cookie!
I wonder how Bess is doing...it's been so long! I picture her hanging curtains, humming and smiling! At least I *hope* that's how it's going! Anyone hear anything?
I'm sorry that you can't feel safe with us. I don't know how much help I can be, but please PM me if you want to.
I'm sorry that your NPD is haunting you, but I think that the dreams are a good sign. I think that it means we are actually starting to work their barbs out of our system. That doesn't make it any more fun to live through, though! For YEARS after I was happily remarried, I used to dream that Bizarro had somehow gotten possession of me again and that I couldn't find Mr. Longlost. I would dial his number again and again and get no answer, or I would get a machine and leave a woeful message. Yeeeeessshhhh!!!! I DO NOT HAVE THOSE DREAMS ANYMORE!!!!!!
You've been so quiet, BoB. You OK?
((((ALL of YOU))))
I care about all of you, and, although I'm sorry that you are here, I'm so grateful to have the excellent company. I'm not feeling nearly as lost as I once did.
STBXPDW has started in to the "rages" and name calling stuff, etc. via email and continuing and intensifying it to and through the kids. At this point, with being edumacated as to how these people operate (the and the "apparently" Personaility Disordered), it's kinda comical reading the things they say and/or do and/or hearing what comes out of their mouths, etc. Seems once you get a break from it, such as NC (the best), and learn about projection, blaming, etc. etc. etc. you start to see it pretty clearly for what is. Manipulation, abuse, etc.......
The more the PD try to turn things against you, the deeper the hole they dig it seems. If your looking for help, the PD turn it into you've got "problems". Nope. Your just dealing with the problem of the PD. When you need to set a boundary, they turn it into you being "selfish" or "unreasonable". Nope. Your protecting yourself and your children from the problem of the PD. Etc. Etc. Etc...
As much as the PD like to turn this into "us" being the problem, at the end of the day, every action that we've taken, whether counseling, AD, STD and health testing, counseling, posting on SI and other support sites, etc. etc. etc. all stems from one place and one place only............
************!!!!!!!!!!!!!~THEIR FUCKING BEHAVIORS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!************
So remember friends, it's not about "you". It's about "them". Same as it's always ever been.........
.........IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM !!!!!!!!!!!! (ROTFLMAO).
So, when the authorities, counselors, lawyers, etc. whomever ask why you do what you do, you can let them know that it's a response to dealing with the PD's behaviors.
Hope this helps.
ETA: Lame Spelling. (Again. LOL).
[This message edited by bobelina at 8:38 PM, November 27th (Tuesday)]
And where the heck is Bessie???
bob: So the beast comes out, eh? Glad to see him!
[This message edited by veritas at 9:26 PM, November 27th (Tuesday)]
Its funny, too, that they (N's) all feel like they're so SPESHUL...they're not ~ they're just like the 'next one.' Sure there's minor tweaks of differences, but the 'reactions' seem to be amazingly consistent.
downfall..nice lyrics, nice message, thanks.
NoControl...hows the baby? Did ANYONE get to see any PICTURES? I think not....hmmm....
"What a year" indeed! I think all who have survived this should get some sort of Purple Heart or something..
DD123...((hugs)) so sorry you've been 'invaded.' Maybe a "group PM" would suffice? We could ALL respond to you with thoughts..
Mr. DD123.....you should feel shame that the person you once proclaimed to be the love of your life has found herself here "with us." Was it really worth it? Did she really deserve it? I think not. Go forth, live your life the way you've chosen, and allow her to live hers as well. We are here together for *her*, not you, as you feel no shame for the way you've treated others.
Longlost...glad to hear that you're moving *forward*, for there really is no other way is there?!
Dreamlife...that was SO MUCH FUN!! ..
veritas...Hi. How's it hangin? Thanksgiving was yet *another* of those "lovely" holidays, huh? Are you looking forward to Christmas? OMG..I wish I could figure out a way to make him LEAVE! I *love* Christmas..I *love* the kids, I *love* my family...and he ruins it EVERY time!! GAWD...I know that *you know* what I mean!!!
Its like you can't breathe in your own home. I cannot WAIT to breathe! I cannot WAIT until I have my own place with no *punisher* waiting around every corner.
(P.S. ~ PM re: Bessie)
Hugs to ALL of you at the Holiday!! I *love* the Holidays and NOBODY (not even the whack-job) will ruin ANOTHER Christmas for me!!
P.S. At Thanksgiving, when we all said what we are "thankful for", I said a silent thought to all of *you* ~ for knowing, for understanding, and for being supportive. Most of all? For *surviving* ~ those of you who are FREE, give the rest of us something to work towards!!
How true. That is why I believe this thread has so much value. You see, learn, discuss, share, cry, emote, validate, etc. and identify what you've been thru and have been dealing with. You get your inner fredom back again. You can start to breathe again. To be validated as a human being again. To have a future again. To know that you have the rest of your life to look forward to again. To learn that you no longer have to be defeated, devalued, degraded, etc. anymore. To truly be alive and live again.
Knowledge is power.
Mr DD123 - we know what you are and you disgust us. You are not welcome here so just go.
Have a good day everyone.
Your kids are so lucky to have you as their Dad!
Itsa, I know just what you mean about having the NPD in your mind. One of the things that I've told my IC I want to work on is getting Bizarro outta there. Even before my PTSD flashback (or whatever the hell it was), Bizarro was my internal critic. He has been given an eviction notice!
veritas, if I were a rich woman, you would be OUT of that jerk's orbit. You are a good, strong woman, but I can almost feel you bracing yourself for the next onslaught of craziness. You don't deserve to live that way. The day you walk out, we should all have a bottle of champagne ready and waiting! Meanwhile, keep up the bellydancing. It's soooo therapeutic!
NoC You are so spicy and feisty and clever. I know that it isn't always easy to see, but you have already moved so far ahead of your poor little NPD dude! You still have sad times, but they don't last for long!
Thren whatchabenupto? Get your butt back in here, girl.
Mr. DD123, you are sick. Your brain is broken. Your emotions are super fucked up. Face the fact that YOU screwed up, and MOVE IT ON ALONG, Buster. DD deserves a better life, and that means YOU ARE OUT! Why don't you just take a chance and try to get some real help so that you have a chance of finding some real happiness in this life instead of continuing to injure other people while trying to fill in the gaps in your own psyche? Seriously, ask yourself what the hell you're doing here. It certainly is NOT for any good purpose.
Everyone (even you, Mr. DD123) take two steps back, find something to smile a nice BENEVOLENT smile about, take a deep breath, and DECIDE to have a good day.
And guess who is thinking about moving here? Mommy Dearest, of course! Now that she no longer dares to stick her nose in my business, I can deal with her. I may even be able to finally go out on the town, as PIC does not have the patience to watch Lola for more than an hour at a time.
(((hugs and thanks))) to all of you!
And yes, cjones, all I do want for Christmas is him to take his crap and go. Right now, he's got 50 boxes of crap in the dining room, so there is no place to put the Christmas tree. Some of this stuff was molding in his closet, and now it's just molding in the dining room because he can't bear to part with it. I'll have to get a teensy tree and make do with that. Our Bunny is the only one who still believes in Santa, and she won't know the difference anyway.
STBXPDW threatened, through the kids, that she would come into my house and take the kids and their belongings when she picked them up for school. I try not to take this stuff to seriously, like her saying that she thought about killing me, but who knows.
The kids have said that she makes fun of me, calls me stupid, deaf, blind, tells them that I'm mean, a bad Dad, etc. She used to call me dyslexic, bipolar, deaf, stupid, manipulative, condescending, etc. etc. etc., all kinds of stuff when we were together. The sad thing, as all of us know or have done, I believed her. Uuuuuggghhhhhhh... Even got my hearing checked, counseling, etc. When the kids and I lived there, the kids would do it to me too. I wondered why my daughter gave me grief the other day by calling me deaf, as I'd not heard that since we lived there. Then a couple days later (yesterday) she was telling me about the comments STBXPDW makes and or continues to make regarding me. Poor kids. They don't even realize that their doing it too.
The "apparently" disordered really do disrupt everything and everyone around them. Their insidiousness is just so horrible. Evil. Evil. Evil.
It just sux that sometimes when they come home from a visit with STBXPDW that they are kinda nasty and negative and cop an attitude. Lots of STBXPDW influences it seems. After they're with me after they've been to STBXPDW's it takes about a day for them to "decompress" and get back to "normal". They get reminded when they are not mindful, although gently, and their behavior modifys. They've said that they are afraid they'll turn out like their mom. Uuuggghhhhh.... The "disordered" so suck.
She doesn't know that the kids don't want to stay with her. So I'm taking the hits. Hopefully the courts can help soon, as I'm not sure how to dodge her wrath sometimes. Kids are afraid of her and that's why I've not told STBXPDW that they are in counseling nor their issues with her.
Just more fun in the
Rock On Tribe, Rock On.
ETA: To add a bunch more stuff and to clarify. And as always, Lame Spelling, really lame spelling today.
[This message edited by bobelina at 4:36 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]
Seems "The Holidays" bring out the *worst* in our *Loose Cannon* N's.
I have to be careful because my N might be lurking here as well & its a very sensitive time for me, too.
(Ditto, @ cj. )
BoB, I would report those threats to your local PD!
Make copies of the e-mails sent & include them in your report.
The day I kicked out my N, I called and an officer made a report about everything that happened. This is ON File.
Notify their doctors/shrinks, your attys, cops...in writing.
I just wanted to add that the knowledge only works if it helps you to detach. If you want to confront every time you find out something new, or you think that your NPD will see the error of his/her ways once you point it out to them, or you want to let them know that you are hip to what's going on and they can feel comfortable because you're giving them a safe place to be honest -- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! You're not dealing with Normal; Normal is nowhere on this train. Forewarned is forearmed is the best advantage that you will get.
Mr. DD go back and play with some Homewrecking Ho and leave DD alone.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
How did the rest of you meet your crazies? Were there warning signs from the beginning for you too?
[This message edited by NoControl at 4:40 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]
I have had a grotty day today and I have had to work hard to re-arrange my thoughts using my cognitive behaviour stuff. The kids were talking about how dad is going to put up the Christmas decorations early. He never ever did this with me. It just got me thinking that he had totally changed his identity for the ow (apparantly she likes the decorations up early!) and it really upset me. I have to slave my guts out to survive the bastard and he is waltzing around playing super-dad/wonderful partner etc. He is so false but appears to be so happy. I bet he even gives her an "afterglow" cuddle!!
The injustice really makes me mad. I know the example is really lame but it just proves what a shallow piece of dirt he is.
I would like to know when will my life become easy with someone to love and be loved by. It seems if I am on a treadmill of never-ending hard work combined with the after-effects of living like a patient in a lunatic asylum! Whilst he has someone attending to his every need.
When do I get the benefit of "what goes around comes around". If there is any truth in this statement I should be living the high-life with no money worries and Tom Cruise attending to my every need!! Along with my friends on the npd thread!
I am a cross old bag today!