[This message edited by NoControl at 5:32 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]
Similar fate awaits HER...he will change back to his old *real* self, just not YET, not THIS Xmas because its too soon.
As NoC said, its Universal Law.
Yup, throw an apple up in the air & watch it fall down due to gravity.
That is THEM.
All in a tidy ball of wax.
throw an apple up in the air & watch it fall down due to gravity
LOVE this, (((DL)))! That pretty much says it all!
(((Its))) How are you feeling today?
(((LongLost)))- if you'll meet us for a drink, I'll buy!
I hope everyone is doing well...come out, come out wherever you are!
And I'd still *love* to compare stories on how you met your N's, and whether there were immediate red flags that were "glossed over".
(((BIG HUGS))) Tribe! And as BoB says, Rock ON! hee hee hee...
I hadn't really thought about the meeting aspect, but I was shocked to find a common thread when you asked about it.
I was dating my N's best friend when we met. Now it was just a casual dating thing and ended appropriately but still. The link is OW was the wife of another one of N's supposed friends. During false R, N spoke of winning her over others.
Can you say "ah *uck me" moment? So I was just a thing that was won from his friend.
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles
[This message edited by veritas at 11:09 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]
Veritas - I caught it before you edited but didn't have time to respond then.
That is just plain rude and inconsiderate; and typically N. Many positive thoughts for you.
downfall~ yes, NoC is right; we are all "prizes" that an N covets.
Even when I met my N online, he said he was galvanized by my photo & prayed to God...'please, please make her MINE!'
I was just having FUN online, not looking for a "relationship", NoC, and I noticed his profile also said FUN as being his *goal* on udate.
I used to change my location daily so I could meet different people internationally & my N persued me like crazy! And, he kept asking me 'where are you REALLY?' (& I would not tell him!) because I had a NEW country down each day.
This threw him "off balance" & I guess he wasn't too sure how to proceed, if I was right next door to him in the midwest or was I really in Iceland or perhaps Portugal, Ireland, Samoa, etc?
In a way, I was Mind Fucking him (*lightly*) by not being pinned down/available, but I felt that this was My Perogative, at the time.
Well, he started writing to me there & I was impressed at how WELL he wrote, how NICE & well-mannered he seemed, how much we seemed to have in common, so I would write back but with the understanding that I was not giving out my e-addy or home phone number...this personal info of HIS which he readily gave to me right away without me even asking or caring to know.
He was showing me that he was not only *interested*, but TRUSTWORTHY, all really a false front now that I know WHO he *really* is.
He was trying too hard!
He was getting TOO SERIOUS, too FAST!
There were days when I saw his handle (no pic displayed, though ) blinking, trying to converse with me, & I just ignored him.
The Red Flag was...out of the blue...I received a Very Salacious & Inappropriate letter from him in my mail box there which almost caused me to hit the BLOCK button!
It was full of things he would like to DO sexually, etc.
It pissed me off!
This strange & highly offensive mail was so *out of character* when compared to his previous mails!
Well, O idiot me, I decided to write him & tell him off, instead. I told him that I was giving him One LAST Chance...that if he ever wrote me in this unsavory manner again-- I would BLOCK him! ("blocks" are *permanent* there).
He contritely wrote me back, full of apologies, telling me he didn't know that I would be 'so offended' , that some women actually LIKE these sorts of *hot* mails
(Maybe they do? I don't know...)
He never wrote me like that, again.
I told him it would take many months before I trusted enough to even give out my e-addy/ph. #, etc., & he would have to be The World's Most Patient Man...or, Move On.
He *assured* me he WAS this PATIENT MAN...that he would WAIT...he would be WILLING TO WAIT till I decided it was okay, it felt comfortable, that it was now time to proceed to the next step...& he was *True* to his word there because it took me months to put him through more *hoops* (most guys would have indeed, Moved On, by then!).
I guess I was using this as a sort of guage...to see IF he really WAS this nice, patient, gentle man.
Unfortunately, in retrospect when I gave him this "chance"...it revealed that he was probably hypersexual/MANIC & HAD a major PD when he wrote me so inappropriately & as jmashmun would say: 'like a six year old...'
However, the rest of that year, he was FINE...I "tested" him...& he PASSED.
So, that is how we "met"...& a year later, physically, he was like the *sun shining* when he smiled, very charismatic, gentle, and being consistent, & like an Open Book!
ETA: Even though I thought it was laudable that he was getting a 2nd Master's degree in Theology , another major Red Flag was this RELIGION thingie.
Call me suspicious, perhaps even a bit paranoid, but although we were of the same Catholic faith & I was NOT into "religion" as he was...I have always found this to be rather suspect, that he would have an MBA, then be that INTO religion.
(And, in the end, I was RIGHT).
[This message edited by dreamlife at 12:36 PM, November 29th (Thursday)]
Let's see... when I first met him, it was in the computer lab, and he took the time to go through the entire list of girl names to find out who I was. He gave me a bracelet after he had known me for a week. And one day, another girl walked into the computer lab, saw the two of us hugging, and walked right back out. He explained that she was a friend who thought she had something more with him, and he just needed to talk to her. Set her straight. Well, he was a friendly guy, and I was the most naive heifer on the planet, so I believed him. 4 times. It should have been a red flag to me then, but I didn't figure it out until much later.
Dream- that is so WEIRD that he patiently waited and jumped thru hoops without getting the "supply" he needed...do you ever wonder if he was getting it from somewhere else at the time, while baiting you to be his next victim? I ask because my x was patient with others while he had me at home...once we were over he turned up the heat on them. Just curious. That's an odd one- but then again, everything ABOUT him has been odd, hasn't it?!?
Downfall- whether or not you meant anything to him doesn't change the fact that you were the best thing he will ever have
Sad- where are you?
Of course he was getting never ending *supply*...it was coming from his right hand & his new high speed Internet!
Sorry I haven't been much help to anyone lately. I've been stressed about my situation.
Tomorrow was suppose to be the court date for the stalking charges that were filed against my XNPDH. Because of his arrest and him continuing to sit out in front of my house, I requested and obtained a protection order. He (of course) fought this and insisted he'd done nothing wrong. He lost and I kept my PO.
The case tomorrow has been tough for the DA. The problem is that DURING the times that he has been sitting outside my house, I did NOT have an active PO. The two that I have had before have long since expired. The other problem is the way the law is written. He really has to do more than sit in his car on a public street in order to be "breaking the law." He has not. This is a problem because sitting on a public street in front of someone's house who doesn't have a PO, isn't illegal. He's skating right on the legal line as always.
Anyway, the DA and I talked about this and she is concerned that she will not win. So, we had to decide if it would be better to drop the charges (right before the trial so he still has to pay his attorney) or go through with the trial and risk losing. I couldn't bear watching him smirk and carry on if he "won" so I opted to have her drop the charges.
She told his attorney that he is on the DA's "radar" and that she and the other 4 attorneys in that office have him on their "list." She also told him, "If your client even drives down the adjoining street to her's and looks in her direction, I will file charges again. Remind your client that another conviction will be a FELONY."
I'm okay with this.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
((((veritas)))) That rant rocked !!!
((((All of the Tribe))))
Oh, NoC, yes! My N had additional N *supply* in the form of his adoring M Admin Asst. whom he called 'babe' a few times on the phone in front of me.
He was her "teacher"...it was some *inside joke* I never quite "got".
They were very chummy for years on the job.
Hey, BoB, glad to see you posting.
[This message edited by dreamlife at 7:35 PM, November 29th (Thursday)]
Let's drink to us!! Mine's a large glass of wine! What you all having?
Thanks for your kind words yesterday NC, LL and Dream. I know you are all right that it is just an act for the ow but it really annoyed me the other day. The fact is I think I would like a light-hearted relationship now - you know the type when someone thinks you are fabulous and worships the ground you walk on. I would like an ego boost! I feel like I deserve to be having fun as well. We shall see...I am sure if a man as much as says hello to me I will be running 100 mph in the opposite direction!
As for meeting the slime ball...I was working in a bar after travelling around the world and he used to stay at the hotel on business. I fell for the suave and sophisticated businessman with all of those expenses-paid romantic meals etc He lied to me about the nature of the relationship with the mother of his children and before I knew it I had fallen in love with him Unbeknown to me he was still married. I still feel enormous guilt at any harm I may have unintentionally caused his previous wife. Saying that, she is enourmously happy now and I look at how she has turned herself around and I hope to be like her someday. Ironic eh? I was twenty-three and totally niave...what a fool! When someone tells you they arn't married you do tend to believe them. So disgusting!
Anyway that is my horrible little tale...not the best chapter of my life by any means.
Another day taking us closer to a wonderful life...
[This message edited by bobelina at 7:46 PM, November 29th (Thursday)]