I have been popping in and out of SI since I found out about the serial cheating of my ExBF 6 months ago. I seem to always find what I need here... And all that time ago I remember reading about NPD and thinking "well my ex is a sex addict but at least not NPD." How bloody blind I was!
Now bruised and in the middle of trying to sort out the house we bought together (something he has dragged out for 5 months) I was expecting him to sign this week, but no! It is not to be, he has a sudden disaster that is someone elses fault, so he couldn't possibly sign. I am the end, I want the creep out of my life, after reading other posts I am so glad we didn;t have children - although being 38 now looks like it is another thing he has stolen from me.
Going to the doctor's and a kick ass lawyer - moving from a property lawyer to a family lawyer now I can no longer deny he is nutso. How could I have lived with a nut for so long and not noticed, how could I have let him get away with so much? I thought I was intelligent. I don't think I will be such a nice person again, that person seems to have left. Sad tonight, thought I was getting over it, but now facing the fact that I loved a psycho. Arrggh.
[This message edited by bobelina at 6:08 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]
How could I have lived with a nut for so long and not noticed, how could I have let him get away with so much?
Because you loved him--or who he pretended to be, who he could have been if he weren't broken.
I thought I was intelligent. I don't think I will be such a nice person again, that person seems to have left.
Friend, you ARE intelligent. That fact is writ in neon in this post. And that nice person? She's still there. She's going to be more guarded from now on. The boundaries will be firmer from now on. The radar for bizarre will be on at all times. But these are not bad things. You won't let them overrule your heart; you'll just let them guide you.
Sad tonight, thought I was getting over it, but now facing the fact that I loved a psycho.
It is sad, but I don't think there is any final getting over it because relationships with Ns assault us on so many levels. We can get over the relationship, but the damage takes a long, long time to heal, and it leaves scars. But, as I've said before, life shapes us and gives us texture. We have some say in the final shape we take, though. You are doing the only healthy thing you can do
now. You are FACING it. It's hard as hell, but the only way out is through! You are already on the way out.
it is another thing he has stolen from me.
What you said...really...sounds a lot like my N psycho freak.
How you feel...about not *seeing it for so long* & being so grateful about not having had children with him...I really identified with it, too.
Oh, and not being so NICE in future.
And, I hope you will continue to "pop in" here more *often*.
BoB~ yeah, that N song...especially the last line.
[This message edited by dreamlife at 7:57 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]
Okay... I have posted in gerneral and D/S before about this stuff but I will repost here because this is obviously where I need to post !! I have read so much in this thread, and Kelly is right. ((((KELLY))) It is a lot digest. Now that I have a name for it, does it make it easier, not really, not right now. What really burns me is right now EX w/ NPD is being nice.
But I know,, in a few days time that will all change. I have to tell you all before I repost my fights that I am weary, very weary... I am trying to move on from this ASSHOLE and he keeps slappin me in the face with bullshit left and right. I only managed to get about 50 miles from him, and he still trys to controll EVERYTHING...
So here I go reposting my posts..
I am all over the place today, but I have not been able to post for a few days.
GOOD GRIEF... I finally got the documents regarding healthcare from the Doctor's office. EX has been passing off his OW as "STEP MOM" .. has not taken them ONCE not one freaking time, but talks as if he has... FOR SHAME FOR SHAME ! Docuements do not lie RETARD ( his words for me in a previous phone call)
Well now that I have taken the Decree to this particular Doctor's office, and told them OW is not "Step Mom" and has no right to the children's medical history blah blah blah, I told them she is under no circumstance allowed to bring the children in for medical treatment.
Now this is not to be a bitch!! Trust me on this. EX needs to take his own children to the doctor to hear it from the horses mouth that not giving the medication prescribed by new doctor is WRONG WRONG WRONG, that's why he is not going... well that and he never accepted responsability for them before why would he now.
Am I going to confront him with these documents at this time and say, GOT CHA AGAIN... no, I am going to sit idle, wait for him to schedule another appointment, which he does almost every other week, and sit back and wait for the call.... "oh she can't take them to see the doctor" Oh YOU have to do it now, OH, I am so sorry! NOT.
This man has been spoon feed since birth, and I am not in the least bit being dramatic. He has NEVER accepted responsability for his actions or his children for that matter, it's always been OW or Mother or ME! Well I will be damned if I let him lie to me about this crap any longer.
November 11th, Me to EX
According to the boys, you did not give them the medication I provided this weekend as well as the previous weekend. If the boys do not take this medication they will continue to get sick. This is unacceptable.
It has also been brought to my attention that Jennifer is telling Caleb his not allowed to kiss me. It is not her place to tell Caleb what he can and cannot do in regard to his own mother. Knowing that autistic children have difficulty expressing emotion, she should know better.
In the future, if the boys require any medical treatment it is your duty to take them to the doctor, not Jennifer's. They will not release any information to her because she is of no relation to the boys. Until you are married, it is your responsibility to take the children to all appointments for any type of medical treatment.
You need to stick to a schedule regarding your Friday visits instead of Wednesdays. Caleb becomes upset if he is not sure when you will be picking him up. If you are unable to make it to the school in time, you may pick them up at day care, it closes at 6pm. If you are unable to make it to the daycare by 6pm, we will meet at the McDonald's off of Hwy 77. This will be the neutral drop off/pick up spot from this point on.
Response for EX Nov 18th
1- Allergies: Dr. Stephens, remember him? He's cared for the boys for their entire lives and he has addressed the allergy issue repeatedly. This is diagnosis: THE BOYS DO NOT HAVE ALLERGIES. Now, that being said, they are always sick at your house. They are always well at mine. You are always sick. What do you think the boys are allergic to? you? the filth in your house? something your men friends smoke or drag in? The more scientifically and medically
likely possibility is that you keep reinfecting them with your own viruses. As I have neither viruses nor filth nor other issues which cause the boys to be sick, I am not going to dump bogus meds into their systems for something that is not the problem. Clean house, get well, the boys will stay well.
2- Kissing: Knowing that autistic children have difficulty in expressing emotion or explaining events, perhaps whatever he said came across differently than intended. I have no idea. We do not speak disparagingly of you to the kids nor discourage them from any relationship with you. If your kids don't want to kiss you, then look to your own behavior on that for the cause. Big hint - you've always had a propensity for yelling and that is generally not received as a warm fuzzy.
3- Day care: The boys called and asked me to come get them. I said I would. I heard you in the background tell them no. Don't EVER presume to tell my kids when I will or will not see them. I am their Dad and I will come whenever they want. I don't give a flip about day care, it is not a reason to deny me the right to see my kids, nor is it acceptable for you to force them to go there over the chance to see me. It is not, however, an alternative to being with me.
That will not happen again.
4- Doctor appointments: I see to it that the boys have proper medical care with people who have a complete history of their physical needs, which is all you need to worry about. I repeat, they are not sick when they are with me, nor when they are with Jennifer-- they are always sick when they are with you. The issue is - get yourself to the bloody doctor, get yourself well, clean up your environment and quit making the kids sick. Worry more about that than about who takes them to the doctor and we'll all be better off.
5- Schedule: We have estabished a general schedule for mutual convenience. I may add to that schedule at any time to meet the needs of my boys. If you had not selected the backside of the metro area, it would have facilitated a more convenient exchange of responsibilities and times. I will not let your insensitivity in this matter rule when or how I get to see my kids. Period.
6- McDonalds: Depending on the day, the traffic or whatever, I will pick the kids up at school or at your house. I appreciate the offer of bringing them part of the way, but it is not far enough to make a material difference in the commute. If, however, you want to pick a location like that in Moore or Norman, that would be significantly helpful. Let me know, and I will scout out something
they would like that is easy to reach next to ...
So this is the beginning of it, it goes in circls from then on. I stay on the point and have provied him with a note from the New Doc regarding the need for the medication. Still as of this weekend he refuses to give it to them.
(((BoB)))- why does that song sound so much better when Johnny Cash sings it? But hell yes- that's dripping with N!
I hope everyone is well- I've been gone for a few days with the flu. It's good to be back in the land of the living!
Dragonfly, I'm so sorry you are going through this with that N Asshole!
He filed for D in October, he says he's not dating the last OW but it sure looks like it, and now he's decided he wants to R. He's texting, emailing, calling, interrogating the kids, and driving us all insane.
What's with the sense of entitlement these people have? Why does it all have to be about them? How do you handle it?
NC used to work, but now it seems to fuel him. I'm at a loss on how to deal with it. I really hate to throw down an RO, but I'm really starting to think it's the only way he'll ever leave me alone.
Thanks for listening.
Dear Weaselly Fucker:
I am well aware of Dr. X's credentials. However, Dr. Y is also a state-licensed physician who has stated that our children are sick and in need of medication. Regardless of the source of their illness, this medicine is necessary for them to become well. I appreciate your concern for prevention, but this does not change the fact that they need medication now. They are exposed to bacteria everywhere, as are most carbon-based life forms and the incubation period is not instantaneous. Furthermore, unless you have the appropriate credentials, I would be hard-pressed to accept your opinion on the source of our children's illness, since unlike either X or Y, you are not a doctor.
I have every right to concern myself with who is taking our children to the doctor. She has no legal right to authorize any medical services. If something were to happen during the children's appointment that required more attention, she would be powerless to attain any further help for them. In the eyes of the law, she is no more no more qualified to take responsibility for medical services for our children than a bag lady on the street.
I am also not presuming to tell you when you can or cannot see your children. The court has already done that, and it would be advisable for you to stick to the schedule that was agreed to. This is especially important because, as I stated before, Caleb's autism is aggravated by your refusal to adhere to any degree of normalcy. I further am speechless at your attempts to use his autism to mask your own malevolence. Your brain cells must be having a slow week; surely you can come up with a more believable excuse than to use your own child's disability against him.
So far, you have thumbed your nose at the opinion of a qualified medical doctor, a court of law, and the mental and medical needs of your own children. Your refusal to listen to people whose job it is to make those decisions makes me wonder how much of this is motivated by any real interest in our childrens' welfarer. A pox on you and all your houses.
The woman who wants to light a fire under your trifling ass
[This message edited by veritas at 4:46 PM, December 13th (Thursday)]
NoControl: Hey, girl! So good to see you back and up and around!
Longlost you are so right. I would never have been with someone at this stage in my life that did not want to have kids, it was a condition on us being together. He did say he wanted them, but then actions were quite different. I started to doubt whether I wanted them!! The day I found out about the affairs, the first thing I screamed at him was "you F*wit now I may never be able to have children" and he looked at me and said wow you really did want kids. I mean doh! I had spelled it out to him. He totally played me. Like you I wish he had just been honest. Was yours the same?
I feel like I am moving on from the relationship, that I feel fine about, but you are right, I feel damaged and in no way am I anywhere near fixed. I think my "bizarre-o-metre" will be going on hyperdrive! I was a really nice person, I feel like I was naive before.
But yeah, a bit of texture, or the word ball breaker comes to mind LOL! Had an ex who was very nice but a bit useless come into my life recently saying he had changed, so I thought, well I never usually take them back, maybe we should give it a little spin... first sign of his uselessness ie "I don't really know what I want..."behaviour, I kicked him into touch (oh sorry that is a rugby idiom - means got rid of him). Before I might have given him the benefit of the doubt for a few months. Not now, so there are some up sides
Thanks again, and think I will hang out here a bit. You all seem to understand!
[This message edited by kiwialice at 3:05 PM, December 13th (Thursday)]
cj, lied2, 32, et al ...(((hugs)))