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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DD123)))
PM on way.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
kiwialice
♀ New Member
Member # 15308
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

I have been popping in and out of SI since I found out about the serial cheating of my ExBF 6 months ago. I seem to always find what I need here... And all that time ago I remember reading about NPD and thinking "well my ex is a sex addict but at least not NPD." How bloody blind I was!

Now bruised and in the middle of trying to sort out the house we bought together (something he has dragged out for 5 months) I was expecting him to sign this week, but no! It is not to be, he has a sudden disaster that is someone elses fault, so he couldn't possibly sign. I am the end, I want the creep out of my life, after reading other posts I am so glad we didn;t have children - although being 38 now looks like it is another thing he has stolen from me.

Going to the doctor's and a kick ass lawyer - moving from a property lawyer to a family lawyer now I can no longer deny he is nutso. How could I have lived with a nut for so long and not noticed, how could I have let him get away with so much? I thought I was intelligent. I don't think I will be such a nice person again, that person seems to have left. Sad tonight, thought I was getting over it, but now facing the fact that I loved a psycho. Arrggh.


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Auckland, New Zealand
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kiwialice)))
Sorry your here at the club from and of Hell. It is hard to have lived in a "crazy" making situation. If it helps, it is said that the N tagets their "victim". The only thing that you did "wrong" was being a human being. And there is nothing wrong with that !!! You were duped and victimized. I'm sorry to herar that he is being so difficult.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters,
Check out these lyrics. Maybe written from an N perspective? Hmmmmm...
(Check out the Johnny Cash version. It is haunting !!!) Also see:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurt_(song)
--------------------------------
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
--------------------------------

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 6:08 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((KiwiA)))

How could I have lived with a nut for so long and not noticed, how could I have let him get away with so much?

Because you loved him--or who he pretended to be, who he could have been if he weren't broken.

I thought I was intelligent. I don't think I will be such a nice person again, that person seems to have left.

Friend, you ARE intelligent. That fact is writ in neon in this post. And that nice person? She's still there. She's going to be more guarded from now on. The boundaries will be firmer from now on. The radar for bizarre will be on at all times. But these are not bad things. You won't let them overrule your heart; you'll just let them guide you.

Sad tonight, thought I was getting over it, but now facing the fact that I loved a psycho.

It is sad, but I don't think there is any final getting over it because relationships with Ns assault us on so many levels. We can get over the relationship, but the damage takes a long, long time to heal, and it leaves scars. But, as I've said before, life shapes us and gives us texture. We have some say in the final shape we take, though. You are doing the only healthy thing you can do
now. You are FACING it. It's hard as hell, but the only way out is through! You are already on the way out.

it is another thing he has stolen from me.

It does feel that way, doesn't it? Did yours lie the way mine did, and SAY he wanted kids but keep putting it off? Most of the time now, I am grateful that I didn't have children with him. I will NEVER be grateful that he didn't just say "I don't want to have children."

(((KiwiAlice)))

Longlost


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi kiwialice, & thanks for popping in here & contributing.

What you said...really...sounds a lot like my N psycho freak.

How you feel...about not *seeing it for so long* & being so grateful about not having had children with him...I really identified with it, too.
Oh, and not being so NICE in future.

And, I hope you will continue to "pop in" here more *often*.

((((hugs)))

BoB~ yeah, that N song...especially the last line.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 7:57 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess I should fill everyone in.

Okay... I have posted in gerneral and D/S before about this stuff but I will repost here because this is obviously where I need to post !! I have read so much in this thread, and Kelly is right. ((((KELLY))) It is a lot digest. Now that I have a name for it, does it make it easier, not really, not right now. What really burns me is right now EX w/ NPD is being nice.
But I know,, in a few days time that will all change. I have to tell you all before I repost my fights that I am weary, very weary... I am trying to move on from this ASSHOLE and he keeps slappin me in the face with bullshit left and right. I only managed to get about 50 miles from him, and he still trys to controll EVERYTHING...

So here I go reposting my posts..


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My oldest son has Asperger's syndrome, a form of Autism. I found out when he was 4 years old. He is now 8 years old. I found a PhD to treat him at the age of 4. At the time asshole was barely involved, would not recognize the disability, REFUSED to believe there was anything wrong with his son.... So for 3 years I took my son to see this PhD alone. I cannot recall asshole ever attending a session with me because of this, that or the other. Once the D was final, asshole got involved. ON OVERKILL..

I continued to see this PhD with my son, but was unable to keep regular visits because of visitation...money..blah-flickity-blah.. PhD played a huge role in educational issues at school for my son.. IEP meetings out the ass during the 1st grade. By the end of the year my son had so many limitation and "special" instructions he stuck out like a sore thumb, all the while PhD said the goal of therapy was "Main streaming". The school was literally scared of Asshole and PhD. All the while I expressed that I did not agree with their "course of action"

Last year I fought in court to relocate approximately 250 miles away. Asshole contested, of course.. Control freak BIG TIME... PhD was brought in as an expert for the hearing and did a total back flip on my ass. "It is not in the child's best interest if he is relocated or moved outside of the "community". PhD never NEVER stated this to me... PhD also said that I was not as involved with treatment as Asshole. PhD's facts were not correct, as there are no actual "records" just scribbles on paper during sessions. My attorney failed to get any REAL records form PhD, just the scribbles. Based on PhD's testimony, I lost and am required to stay within 75 miles of Asshole. I did move out of the "community" to which PhD referred to, just not further than 75 miles.

Needless to say, I felt as though I had been stabbed in the back. I found this PhD, I took my son to see her for 3 years, but I was not as involved as Asshole, okay. Well PhD was obviously BRAINWASHED by Asshole who went from no involvement to Father of the Year according to Phd's testimony.

Based on PhD's bullshit, I found another PhD to see my son... Only because the previous PhD was still seeing my son with Asshole, I had to be the 'patient'... Asshole tried to get involved with new PhD as well, but this one would not allow it cause I was the patient. Eventually new PhD said I needed to put my backstabbing feelings aside and return to previous PhD because no information was being exchanged between the two of them cause of previous PhD's scribblings for records.

So for the best interests of my son I tried this, I tried to swallow my discontent for former PhD and attempted to resume sessions but all attempt failed. Email, phone calls. Finally I cornered former PhD after IEP for new school, asked if I would be allowed to be seen with my son. I was told by PhD "Not currently scheduling ANY appointments" even with Asshole because of a busy schedule blah blah blah. This is confirmed by my son who states he has not seen PhD in a long long time.

So okay back to the New PhD I go right.... BUT WAIT...According to Asshole he has an appointment with former PhD this weekend. ARRRRGGGGG.

If former PhD is still in fact seeing my son, I need to STOP IT NOW. Not because I am a bitch either. I am the custodial parent. I have the boys 90% of the time...so if PhD refuses to involve me in therapy, HOW THE HELL can PhD know what is going on during that time. What PhD hears is what asshole says... and 99% of the time asshole is full of shit... Not to mention I don't agree with former PhD's treatment anymore.. it is not mainstreaming....it is OVERKILL.

My Asperger's boy said to me when we relocated to new "community" ...."Nobody knows mama, Nobody knows I am different" This is the cause of my fight.... To keep it this way....

How do I go about stopping this PhD from seeing my son????


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This another repost, but first let me explain. Since I moved I have found a new Doctor for my children. They both have a past history of upper resp. allergies and in the past have been on medication this time of year to prevent secondary infections. OBVIOUSLY I know this to be true...
So, EH is pissed that I moved and is taking it out me in full NPD fashion. He has sent MANY hellacious emails telling me that he will in no way pay for any of the medicl services that I try to obtain for the boys as he does not agree with anyone outside of the "community" the boys were born in. ( I am the custodial parent, but we have a shared parenting clause in the decree)...

I am all over the place today, but I have not been able to post for a few days.

GOOD GRIEF... I finally got the documents regarding healthcare from the Doctor's office. EX has been passing off his OW as "STEP MOM" .. has not taken them ONCE not one freaking time, but talks as if he has... FOR SHAME FOR SHAME ! Docuements do not lie RETARD ( his words for me in a previous phone call)
Well now that I have taken the Decree to this particular Doctor's office, and told them OW is not "Step Mom" and has no right to the children's medical history blah blah blah, I told them she is under no circumstance allowed to bring the children in for medical treatment.

Now this is not to be a bitch!! Trust me on this. EX needs to take his own children to the doctor to hear it from the horses mouth that not giving the medication prescribed by new doctor is WRONG WRONG WRONG, that's why he is not going... well that and he never accepted responsability for them before why would he now.

Am I going to confront him with these documents at this time and say, GOT CHA AGAIN... no, I am going to sit idle, wait for him to schedule another appointment, which he does almost every other week, and sit back and wait for the call.... "oh she can't take them to see the doctor" Oh YOU have to do it now, OH, I am so sorry! NOT.

This man has been spoon feed since birth, and I am not in the least bit being dramatic. He has NEVER accepted responsability for his actions or his children for that matter, it's always been OW or Mother or ME! Well I will be damned if I let him lie to me about this crap any longer.


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And Now the emails ENJOY

November 11th, Me to EX
According to the boys, you did not give them the medication I provided this weekend as well as the previous weekend. If the boys do not take this medication they will continue to get sick. This is unacceptable.

It has also been brought to my attention that Jennifer is telling Caleb his not allowed to kiss me. It is not her place to tell Caleb what he can and cannot do in regard to his own mother. Knowing that autistic children have difficulty expressing emotion, she should know better.

In the future, if the boys require any medical treatment it is your duty to take them to the doctor, not Jennifer's. They will not release any information to her because she is of no relation to the boys. Until you are married, it is your responsibility to take the children to all appointments for any type of medical treatment.

You need to stick to a schedule regarding your Friday visits instead of Wednesdays. Caleb becomes upset if he is not sure when you will be picking him up. If you are unable to make it to the school in time, you may pick them up at day care, it closes at 6pm. If you are unable to make it to the daycare by 6pm, we will meet at the McDonald's off of Hwy 77. This will be the neutral drop off/pick up spot from this point on.

Response for EX Nov 18th
1- Allergies: Dr. Stephens, remember him? He's cared for the boys for their entire lives and he has addressed the allergy issue repeatedly. This is diagnosis: THE BOYS DO NOT HAVE ALLERGIES. Now, that being said, they are always sick at your house. They are always well at mine. You are always sick. What do you think the boys are allergic to? you? the filth in your house? something your men friends smoke or drag in? The more scientifically and medically

likely possibility is that you keep reinfecting them with your own viruses. As I have neither viruses nor filth nor other issues which cause the boys to be sick, I am not going to dump bogus meds into their systems for something that is not the problem. Clean house, get well, the boys will stay well.

2- Kissing: Knowing that autistic children have difficulty in expressing emotion or explaining events, perhaps whatever he said came across differently than intended. I have no idea. We do not speak disparagingly of you to the kids nor discourage them from any relationship with you. If your kids don't want to kiss you, then look to your own behavior on that for the cause. Big hint - you've always had a propensity for yelling and that is generally not received as a warm fuzzy.


3- Day care: The boys called and asked me to come get them. I said I would. I heard you in the background tell them no. Don't EVER presume to tell my kids when I will or will not see them. I am their Dad and I will come whenever they want. I don't give a flip about day care, it is not a reason to deny me the right to see my kids, nor is it acceptable for you to force them to go there over the chance to see me. It is not, however, an alternative to being with me.

That will not happen again.

4- Doctor appointments: I see to it that the boys have proper medical care with people who have a complete history of their physical needs, which is all you need to worry about. I repeat, they are not sick when they are with me, nor when they are with Jennifer-- they are always sick when they are with you. The issue is - get yourself to the bloody doctor, get yourself well, clean up your environment and quit making the kids sick. Worry more about that than about who takes them to the doctor and we'll all be better off.

5- Schedule: We have estabished a general schedule for mutual convenience. I may add to that schedule at any time to meet the needs of my boys. If you had not selected the backside of the metro area, it would have facilitated a more convenient exchange of responsibilities and times. I will not let your insensitivity in this matter rule when or how I get to see my kids. Period.

6- McDonalds: Depending on the day, the traffic or whatever, I will pick the kids up at school or at your house. I appreciate the offer of bringing them part of the way, but it is not far enough to make a material difference in the commute. If, however, you want to pick a location like that in Moore or Norman, that would be significantly helpful. Let me know, and I will scout out something

they would like that is easy to reach next to ...

So this is the beginning of it, it goes in circls from then on. I stay on the point and have provied him with a note from the New Doc regarding the need for the medication. Still as of this weekend he refuses to give it to them.


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my, my, my...Dragonfly, you must be EXHAUSTED dealing with this stuff. I am not sure what to say otherwise, just know i'm here if you need to vent.

(((BoB)))- why does that song sound so much better when Johnny Cash sings it? But hell yes- that's dripping with N!

I hope everyone is well- I've been gone for a few days with the flu. It's good to be back in the land of the living!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NoC~ Sorry you've been ill w/ flu! Sending you a PM.

Dragonfly, I'm so sorry you are going through this with that N Asshole!

(((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Dream. It's good to be back. I've missed everybody.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been away from the NPD threads for awhile because STBX seemed to be settling down, but he's back in full force.

He filed for D in October, he says he's not dating the last OW but it sure looks like it, and now he's decided he wants to R. He's texting, emailing, calling, interrogating the kids, and driving us all insane.

What's with the sense of entitlement these people have? Why does it all have to be about them? How do you handle it?

NC used to work, but now it seems to fuel him. I'm at a loss on how to deal with it. I really hate to throw down an RO, but I'm really starting to think it's the only way he'll ever leave me alone.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs,

WB


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15278 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Flame  Posted: 2:36 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dragonfly32: You probably should not send what I am going to say, but here goes:

Dear Weaselly Fucker:

I am well aware of Dr. X's credentials. However, Dr. Y is also a state-licensed physician who has stated that our children are sick and in need of medication. Regardless of the source of their illness, this medicine is necessary for them to become well. I appreciate your concern for prevention, but this does not change the fact that they need medication now. They are exposed to bacteria everywhere, as are most carbon-based life forms and the incubation period is not instantaneous. Furthermore, unless you have the appropriate credentials, I would be hard-pressed to accept your opinion on the source of our children's illness, since unlike either X or Y, you are not a doctor.

I have every right to concern myself with who is taking our children to the doctor. She has no legal right to authorize any medical services. If something were to happen during the children's appointment that required more attention, she would be powerless to attain any further help for them. In the eyes of the law, she is no more no more qualified to take responsibility for medical services for our children than a bag lady on the street.

I am also not presuming to tell you when you can or cannot see your children. The court has already done that, and it would be advisable for you to stick to the schedule that was agreed to. This is especially important because, as I stated before, Caleb's autism is aggravated by your refusal to adhere to any degree of normalcy. I further am speechless at your attempts to use his autism to mask your own malevolence. Your brain cells must be having a slow week; surely you can come up with a more believable excuse than to use your own child's disability against him.

So far, you have thumbed your nose at the opinion of a qualified medical doctor, a court of law, and the mental and medical needs of your own children. Your refusal to listen to people whose job it is to make those decisions makes me wonder how much of this is motivated by any real interest in our childrens' welfarer. A pox on you and all your houses.

Sincerely,
The woman who wants to light a fire under your trifling ass

[This message edited by veritas at 4:46 PM, December 13th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wildbananas))): It sounds like he's escalating, so you may have to pull that RO out. I hope it does not come to that.

NoControl: Hey, girl! So good to see you back and up and around!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
kiwialice
♀ New Member
Member # 15308
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all for making me feel so welcome. That song Bob is great - might go find that Johnny Cash version.

Longlost you are so right. I would never have been with someone at this stage in my life that did not want to have kids, it was a condition on us being together. He did say he wanted them, but then actions were quite different. I started to doubt whether I wanted them!! The day I found out about the affairs, the first thing I screamed at him was "you F*wit now I may never be able to have children" and he looked at me and said wow you really did want kids. I mean doh! I had spelled it out to him. He totally played me. Like you I wish he had just been honest. Was yours the same?

I feel like I am moving on from the relationship, that I feel fine about, but you are right, I feel damaged and in no way am I anywhere near fixed. I think my "bizarre-o-metre" will be going on hyperdrive! I was a really nice person, I feel like I was naive before.

But yeah, a bit of texture, or the word ball breaker comes to mind LOL! Had an ex who was very nice but a bit useless come into my life recently saying he had changed, so I thought, well I never usually take them back, maybe we should give it a little spin... first sign of his uselessness ie "I don't really know what I want..."behaviour, I kicked him into touch (oh sorry that is a rugby idiom - means got rid of him). Before I might have given him the benefit of the doubt for a few months. Not now, so there are some up sides

Thanks again, and think I will hang out here a bit. You all seem to understand!

[This message edited by kiwialice at 3:05 PM, December 13th (Thursday)]


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Auckland, New Zealand
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nannerz~ Do what you HAVE to DO in order to keep everyone *safe!*
(((((huge hugs, sweetie)))))

veritas~ excellent!


cj, lied2, 32, et al ...(((hugs)))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
kiwialice
♀ New Member
Member # 15308
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas, can I ask you to write all my correspondence in the future - you have style!

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Auckland, New Zealand
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why, I'll *second* that one, kiwi!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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