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User
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Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
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bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 |  Posted: 9:12 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2007 |     |
(((downfall)))
Do you mean that she didn't use her name but literally "your mother-in-law".
I don't understand (as I can be stoopid like that).
More hugs for you:
(((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall))) (((downfall)))...
BoB 
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... |
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430 | | Posted: 9:31 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2007 | |
 Thank for all the hugs.
She put her name after.
It used to be Love Mom her name.
Now I can understand not using that anymore. But how about just "her name"? I mean does she think I won't know who she is?  Last year it was a to me and the kids signed Love Grandma her name.
I am probably *thinking* too much. I have a problem with that. I called and asked my mom what she thought it meant. She said she just thought MIL was being sentimental. Wanted to show a relationship there still.
<<sits back down mumbling under breath; will it always be something?
Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles
Posts: 3047 | Registered: Jun 2005 |
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177 | | Posted: 9:56 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2007 | |
(((Downfall))), I don't know. If there were no NPD involved, I would be inclined to agree with your mother. Maybe your MIL is just trying to reinforce that she still feels related to you. But where there's NPD in a family, even if your MIL isn't an N herself, there seems to be strange behavior.
I know it's easier said than done, but, I would try to just smile and shrug it off. Assume the best. In the great scheme of things, even if she did intend it as a low blow, it's really kind of a sad excuse for a low blow! After living with her son, you can deal with this!
Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide
Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World |
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430 | | Posted: 10:19 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2007 | |
See this is normal victim behavior though. I can't stop thinking about what it means. Will I ask? Nope. Just suffer. I do believe she misses me and is not happy with her son's behavior. She showed a ton of support for me during the *black* time. She called him so many names.... I didn't have to.
Sigh I know let it go. I will send something nice for her with the kids. I'll include a card just from me. But I won't sign it "your daughter-in-law" lol.
I just noticed your tag LL - - Love It!
ETA: I showed your tag quote to a good friend and this is what she had to say.
DID YOU COLLECT THE INSURANCE FOR THE BARN TO BE ABLE TO BUY THE MOUNTAIN YER SITTING ON SO THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN BUILD A BARN AND OBSTRUCT THE MOON AGAIN?
Damn I love my internet friends! [This message edited by downfall at 10:23 PM, December 19th (Wednesday)]
Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles
Posts: 3047 | Registered: Jun 2005 |
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 11:42 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2007 | |
(((Tribe)))
I'm baking mint chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies. Would you like milk with that, warmed or cold?
BoB
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... |
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 5:56 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Oh, BoB, you really *spoil* us!
downfall, agree with the *strange behavior* found in den's of N's...my, that just came out!
I think its all part & parcel of twisted logic at play.
(((((hugs))))
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 |
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027 | | Posted: 8:27 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Downfall,
Since she has been supportive of you through this, I would think she's making a statement that she is still your MIL. Like she's proud to say that she is.
I think the fact that she has continued to show you support and show her disappointment in her son speaks volumes.
It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Posts: 7496 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Nebraska |
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807 | | Posted: 8:35 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Hi all. Hope everyone is well.
Holidays suck. I am trying to motivate myself to put up the tree. I have not done this since before he left 4 years ago. I gave him a whole pile of decorations because I could not face the whole thing. I have started to hate christmas because it feels like a reminder of all the loss the last number of years has brought into our lives.
On top of it all my little one had his first army Cadet dinner dance last night. He won one of the door prizes and he put it in his coat like the commander told him to. Someone stole it out of his pocket. He is so upset. I am going to see if I can find him something similar to give him. He was beside himself. He has a really hard time accepting losses like that and he was taking it out on me. Some people need a good knock up side the head. I guess there are people with issues everywhere, even in army cadets.
Bob I could use a stiff drink with that plate of cookies. Make mine a double.
Take care everyone.
The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Posts: 8195 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada |
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961 | | Posted: 9:36 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
I am summoning the best minds of the NPD council because I had something happen last night that has me feeling very nervous (terrified actually) and very sick. I need your advice and opinions badly!
Sorry to t/j but I am hoping you guys can help me...
Last night about 8, someone was banging on my door and when I answered it there was a man from a private delivery service with 2 HUGE boxes addressed to my daughter. I got sick immediately, because it had trail of tears' stink all over it. The boxes were STUFFED with Christmas presents: To:DD, Love Dad.
I haven't heard from him since last month when he threatened to take me to court. And I've NEVER received CS or spousal support either (except one check for 600 a couple of months ago- and his CS is over 1000 and spousal 500 per month so I'm not sure exactly WHAT that amount was for...) He can't do what he's ordered to do, and he can't be bothered to come and visit her, but he can spend at least 1000 on Christmas presents. I spoke to an SI friend last night about this situation, and the suggestion was to donate them, ruin then and send them back, or just take them since she's too young to realize. But I can't even stomach putting her in the clothes he and his whore sent. It makes me so nervous for what's to come. What do you think he's up to? HOw should I proceed?
PLEASE HELP! Thanks, and (((((BIG HUGS))))) to all.
"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007 |
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177 | | Posted: 11:04 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
NoC, do they have tags? Can you return them and get the cash? If there's any way you can do that, it would be ideal. Then you could write him a very nice thank you note and politely request that in future, he just send the child support the easy way--via cash, check, or money order.
Breathe! Right now!
LongLost
Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide
Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World |
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027 | | Posted: 11:04 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
(((NC & Luna)))
I wouldn't send them back. I fear he would read this as hostile and then the whole thing could escallate.
How about take them back to the store and get the money?
I wouldn't say anything to him. If he mentions it, say, "Oh yeah. Thanks" and leave it at that.
Who knows. Maybe the girlfriend is "normal" and doesn't know the facts and hasn't seen the "real him" yet and she is the one who bought the gifts.
I'd take them back and get the money. Do it before Christams though, otherwise you will get the "after Christmas" discount price refund.
*edited because I can't SPELL* [This message edited by sadtoo at 11:07 AM, December 20th (Thursday)]
It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Posts: 7496 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Nebraska |
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027 | | Posted: 11:05 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Longlost,
Great minds think alike.
It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Posts: 7496 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Nebraska |
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177 | | Posted: 11:06 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
High five, Sad! 
Great minds, eh?
NoC. Get the money! If you can't do it any other way, SELL the stuff.
(((NoC)))
Auntie Longlsot
Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide
Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World |
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177 | | Posted: 11:06 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide
Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World |
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961 | | Posted: 11:10 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Thanks guys. Such a stressor! And wasn't it just a couple days ago I was saying how blessed I felt that he wasn't around...
(((Sad))) his "normal" girlfriend is the one who I ran into with him at the fair, when I was a week away from delivery. She knows what she did and she's a snake too. But she's just one of his many...it is just scaring the crap out of me!
A judge would see right thru this, wouldn't they?
"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007 |
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807 | | Posted: 11:18 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Maybe you can take them some of the clothes back to the store and get some items YOU like for her. I would be inclined to use the clothes and such if you can since it will save you money and make things easier since he is not sending you money to help. I think of the stuff my ex does for the kids and good for the kids and try and let go of my feelings about it. I figure if he helps them out it gives me a little more funds to help them in ways he won't which benefits them as well.
((((((hugs)))))
Sorry he is such a waste of skin. maybe you can exchange some of it for diapers so that you can put him to good use, as the crap collector.
The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Posts: 8195 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada |
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 11:31 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Hmmmmmm...
I might be the wet rag on the fire here...
I would talk to your attorney. Part of NC is to not except any gifts, but then again they are for (((Babie Luna))). I would not contact him in any way shape or form. Let the attorney know that this has made you very uncomfortable. And mention that your confused as he has not met his court ordered obligations but sent these gifts.
Just my 3 2/3 cents.
BoB
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... |
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027 | | Posted: 11:36 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Oh I remember the hag now. I just assumed he'd moved on already. They go through women/men like most people go through.....you fill in the blank.
It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Posts: 7496 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Nebraska |
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961 | | Posted: 11:40 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
Sad- I thought he'd moved on too. Truth is, he needs her right now (from what I can gather) because she runs the paper end of his business and gives him a place to stay. I also think this last DUI left him in need of a ride
What a pretty pair. A walking dick and a walking flatulent vagina. Seriously.
(((BoB))) I'll take your advice and call my old attorney. Unfortunately, he's not exactly stellar, but he'll have to do.
"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007 |
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 12:23 PM, December 20th (Thursday), 2007 | |
(((NoControl)))
I'm sorry that he's pulling this gift crap when he can't meet his obligations.
(((Tribe)))
As I'm finding out with dealing with STBXPDW, everything can be a problem for you. Everything. The sun rising. The sun setting. Peace in the Middle East. Milk expiration dates. Cycles of the moon. Their breathe. The cats food dish. Their inappropriate behaviors. Everything and anything becomes your problem. And they can convince others of this too. I really don't think that the Ns are conscience of this. It just is the way they are and operate.
I'm so understanding the depths of and need for NC. Any contact in any way shape or form can and probably will become a problem for you of some sort.
The disordered are absoulute masters at this. As above, I'm starting to think that they are not neccesarily aware of what they are doing as much as this is the way they are. That's the Catch-22. Can you get mad at the N? I don't think so, so much any more. It's like getting mad at a kid for spilling or dropping something. Or a baby cat pooping on the floor. Or a tree growing leaves. The N just simply have no f**cking clue in any way, shape, matter or form as to what their doing and how it affects others.
That's why this is all so hard. They really don't get it. Life that is. Or anything that "real" humans do or feel. They are so far out in La-La land that it's insane. No sane person can remotely wrap their head around it. Insidious. All pervasive. It's disordered.
And for us non-Ns, it is a futile endeavor to be involved with them, at all. It is an absolute no-win situation. You will never be able to please them, to live up to there (constantly changing) standards, etc. It's not about resolution nor is it about satisfaction. You cannot fill a bottomless pit, a void. A black hole, that sucks everything around it, into it. You didn't break them, and you can't fix them. It's kinda about nothing.
It's always about them as it ever has been. They have no ability to accept responsibility, have empathy or exhibit conscience. They are disordered. You just can't win. Or even reach a truce, an understanding, or a compromise. They must always win.
It's really sad. Really, really, sad. They still suck though !!! LOL.    
BoB ;) [This message edited by bobelina at 12:38 PM, December 20th (Thursday)]
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... |
| Topic Posts: 1000 | |
