NC~ do speak to your atty.
lied2~ what a shit of a father.
I have a bad head cold & am struggling to get out of bed today.
Bob: I think you've hit it. So many times I hit my head up against that stone wall because I didn't think he knew what he was doing. At this point, I have come to realize that it DOESN'T MATTER if he knows what he's doing or not; he's doing it regardless, and will continue to do so.
lied2: Hey, my tree is up. No lights, no decorations, but it's up. Last year, I got to the lights stage, and that was it. If I can make it, so can you. I believe in you!
dreamlife: sending some virtual chicken soup
Hugs to everybody else. I lost two pounds last week on the Kookus Diet, so I plan on eating like a pig for Christmas! Y'all have a happy holiday, while I sit around waiting for my STD panel results.
Thnx 4 the virtual chicken soup, its yummy, Veritas!
We CAN do X'mas despite these N freaks.
Something for us all to contemplate...?
NC - take the clothes back or put them on ebay.
I heard today that the ex is beginning to tell lies to the ow already!!! He is still trying to maintain the illusion until he gets a ring on her finger I guess!! It was an issue about money - the first of many issues I am sure!!
My tree is up Lied and I even sent cards this year! Get your tinsel out girl!
I'm just getting my cards out tonight!
The holiday season runs through New Years, right?
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
My therapist suggested that my WH has NPD -- where does a newbie start gathering information?
WH and I are currently separated, and getting divorced very soon.
What is he doing?
You might want to start reading at the beginning of threads 1, 2, 3, & 4...lots of good info there.
Sorry you have to join our N freaks Tribe though...
I guess my classic example is a recent conversation with WH: One of his main reasons for asking me for the D was that I spent too much time with my family, friends, and activities. I told him that I was always like that (same family, friends, and activities from the day we met). Then he told me, that he had "hoped" that I would choose him over those things. Whatever.
He would also belittle me (in a joking manner), and he definitely exaggerates his abilities (especially with money -- we are severely in debt).
I'm not sure to what extremes he will go to, but I do know that he always has to be right.
I'm glad I'm getting out of this M now!
I'll definitely read the beginning threads.
For me it is finacial stability, treatment for my Aspy son, and Extra activites for my youngest son...
Sure I want some happiness for myself, but getting away from the NPD freak is the first step in my happiness.
Sure each battle tests me, sometimes to the point that I feel it would be easier to just give up...especially as of late, however.... hearing everyones stories, knowing that "I am not the only one", well for me, that is a gift. A gift that could not have come at a better time in my life. I found a picture that speaks volumes to me,
Facing Giants is what I have tagged it... We are facing our own giants everyday. Only now, we have an army of support behind us...
Thank you all for my wonderful gift this season, new friends and new voices all fighting the same giant as I am.
I haven't posted much since then because I have been really depressed. I am not looking forward to Christmas. I have an anger and emptiness and dullness inside that I've never had before in my life.
I've been walking around the past couple of weeks thinking "so THIS is what it's like to be in his world. Where nothing is really special. No holiday is special, they are just kind of a bother. No REAL loving, caring emotions." This is the dull, gray, flat world inside his head and now it's in mine.
But I don't feel as if I am completely lost in it. I know there are small pieces of me still left. I am fighting to find the joy and emotion and consideration I've always had.
I just wish he hadn't stayed here. I wish I was not living with him in my home. He is sucking me in. I can feel it happening.
It's only been a little over a couple of weeks since WH last lied to me last. The past 6 months, he's been lying - not about infidelity but about smoking pot and where he's been going to get it.
I wanted him to move out a couple of months ago after he dropped down his bipolar meds and thought he could drink sometimes with them also. He went manic and nasty again. I really wanted him to leave, but I am not working and we didn't have enough money for him to leave for a while. Of course, he won't borrow money from his parents. I am looking for a job.
Anyway, I find myself hoping to catch him in another lie. He has told me he is laying low, just trying to stay here with me, hoping I will give him another chance to work things out. I feel he's manipulative, he says he is just trying to "save" our marriage. He talks about things we will do in the future, places we will travel, things to fix in the house, etc. I just look at him like he's nuts.
I feel as if him being here and being nice is going to suck me in again. Does this make sense? I am too soft hearted in general and especially when it comes to this man. I guess I am just so used to his behavior. I know he's being nice now, but I don't know if I could ever really trust him again.
It is SO hard living with someone who is NPD and bipolar to the extent he is. I just with he had left when he was being really horrible, when it would have been easier for me. I think he knew this though. Now, I find myself wishing his bipolar, nasty, shithead side would kick in again. Because I think it always will, someday, at some time.
Why, oh why, wouldn't he just give me the respect and space I needed? He could have borrowed money from his parents and stayed out of the house for a month or so to let me breath and think. I guess it didn't serve HIS wants. But why does he want to stay so badly? I have not been treating him nicely. I think he thinks he can ride out the storm once more.
[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 10:49 PM, December 20th (Thursday)]
Then get up and kick his ass !!! (I'm kidding about kicking his ass).
This little exercise may help you reground yourself to continue your valiant fight. It may calm your spirit and help you find and continue on your way thru the N-scape.
When you are free of him, at least not in the same space, it will really start to get better. Then NC. It will take time. Keep doing your babie steps. Little by little the funk will start to subside, and you'll be back. The job will help your peace of mine, give you your own thang, your accomplishment.
He will be an ass again. But you will be better prepared to see it for what it is, to take it less personal, to keep moving beyond it. We are here for you. You deserve better.
Like BoB says, you start small. (But it's really MAJOR!) Grab some quiet space, like BoB suggests. I also find that a nice 30-minute walk is wonderful for helping me to calm my mind and get focused again.
Please try this. It might not seem to help at first, but most people, if they walk 3 or 4 times a week, find that it really helps.
While you are walking, you might find that the inner you is able to communicate better. You might start to understand that you do ALWAYS have choices. You might start making the plans you need to make to start making your life your own again.
One foot in front of the other! It's old, but it works!
There really is hope even in the darkest season. Find it!! It's in you!
My way of *coping* is simply this:
"One Day at a Time"...knowing there IS light at the end of the N tunnel (*Lurker Alert, sorry, Tribe!)...& I refuse to let the rotten bastard ruin yet another holiday of MINE.
Basically, having already lost my son, I am a Survivor, & an Optimist.
Hugs to everyone...Life is short...throw some tinsel up on the tree n pour some egg nog; and have a few of BoB's delicious cookies.
[This message edited by dreamlife at 8:52 AM, December 21st (Friday)]
Dragon - it is wonderful to hear some real strength from you. That is a great picture!
BoB - giggles that "y" is great. I've found the same to be true regarding the poor people skills. Try to remember that they have heard it all and sometimes several hundred times over. I believe most of them just get numb.
IDB - this is gonna sound wrong but your at a good point! Now is where you decide to not make the same mistakes he did. I remember thinking and feeling exactly how you stated with "now I'm in his world" type association. The only difference is you are NOT him. You are stronger, you are capable, you can do this! It will turn around. Stick with the small positive steps. Validate yourself, do things that improve your self-esteem, look for the simple beauty in the world and remember your a part of it. Prioritize and put yourself first (or second after the kids).
For myself, I had a long talk with my boy last night. He had some issues yesterday typical to the age. *I* was able to speak with him. Not his mother, not his father's wife, but me. It was one of those talks that furthered a bond never to be broken. He is learning I can be his friend and his parent. These small moments. They are what life is about. I love that boy so much my heart wants to explode with it, and some day he will be a wonderful man. It makes everything worthwhile.
Many positive thoughts to all.
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles